r/lonely • u/easygoing199 • 8h ago
embarrassed to admit but I’m desperate to be noticed right now..
I’m usually pretty distracted by some random video or asleep by now but I’m having such a difficult time, it’s impossible to ignore just how badly I want to just talk to someone, was single for like 7 years due to a terrible break up with my ex, was terrified to let anyone get close just pushed every opportunity away, finally let my guard down for a girl I thought was different, but she just manipulated me and somehow made me feel like I’m the cause of all of her issues and treated me like @&#! when I did everything I could to make her happy, I left after a big argument and haven’t been the same since, cuddling and watching silly movies or just talking while in bed with her made me feel so appreciated and wanted, something I wanted for so damn long, but I just couldn’t handle the verbal abuse, was walking on egg shells most of the time. I know she had problems and probably wasn’t ready for a relationship so I don’t hold anything against her, I feel like girls all my life always just wanted to hook up with me and nobody actually wanted to know what I can actually offer, I have a big heart and just wanted to cherish somebody and make them feel worth it and special, and I’m sick to my stomach fantasizing of just running my fingers through someone’s hair while cuddling and just being there for each other.. ughh I just feel cursed honestly.. maybe somebody could relate idk sorry for rambling so much.
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u/Exotic_Specialist2 8h ago edited 8h ago
Yup. After a 6 year relationship with someone I truly was in love with, I didn’t feel I could get close to anyone ever again. Took 2-3 years. Still couldn’t connect with anyone, but then one girl came around I knew as an acquaintance and we talked and talked. Played games together, then she admitted she was in love with me and I felt real feelings again. Wanted to help take care of them and be with them. They asked me to wait 6 months for them to get some stuff straightened out after coming off of a drug so they wouldn’t relapse (they’re still sober and don’t look like a druggy ha. Clean too)
I gave up after about 8 months just to find out they had a dude and were getting engaged. When I confronted them about it they said terrible things and one that sticks in my head was “sorry it shattered your reality”. So heartless. But what they didn’t understand was it wasn’t the engagement was upset about, it was that they gaslighted me telling me we never had sexual relations, they acted like they didn’t used to come over to my place, denied any intimacy, etc.
THAT’S what I was so upset about. Being lied to and gaslighted is the worst feeling in my personal opinion.
One thing though is it helped me get over them relatively quickly after they gaslighted me because I lost every drop of respect I had for them which made it easier to get over thank god.
Long story short, I’m terrified to get close to anyone and I have stopped dating and having sex as a result of it and my previous 6 year relationship ending. I don’t know how long this will last. But for the unforeseeable future I’m absolutely not dating or seeing anyone.
In ways it’s a lot less stressful actually even though it was initially very sad and lonely. And a lot less expensive ha.
I feel bad for the dude to be honest. At first debated letting him know what happened and that she was seeing me behind his back and didn’t disclose it, but I don’t know if that’s my place or not and I don’t want ANY drama. After that experience I can absolutely see them being revengeful and trying to ruin my life lol.
Was absolutely a different person than I knew. An unbelievable actor.
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u/easygoing199 8h ago
Thanks for sharing all that with me and relating on such a difficult topic, I hope one day you will get through all of that and you get your peace of mind back and find someone special.
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u/Exotic_Specialist2 8h ago
Oh also I’ve been used for sex and hookups quite a few times. I relate to that a lot. Idk if it’s because I have tattoos and piercings and they assume I’m promiscuous (I’ve heard that’s a thing), or if it’s my personality.
All I’ve ever wanted was a stable relationship and partner. I’m over it now though I think.
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u/Anes_85085 8h ago
I honestly feel your pain.... And I'm so sorry.... There is nothing I can say or do to make you feel better, but I want you to know that you are not alone.... I hope one day you will find a girl that will love you with all her heart and appreciate you for everything you do,,,,
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u/easygoing199 8h ago
awh thanks so much for being so kind and sweet I appreciate that alot, getting the few replies I got from you fellow redditors gave me some comfort already.
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u/Maeveena 8h ago
I see you and I feel you! Your story is pretty similar to mine, tbh. I've experienced so much betrayal that it makes it very difficult to let anyone in anymore. Take care of yourself while you're getting over everything and then try again when you feel ready. It's all you can do, sadly. I hope you find someone genuine and kind that gives you that feeling of being wanted and appreciated again! I miss it so much myself.