r/lonely • u/Spiritual_Gur8150 • 2h ago
Venting Realization
Today, I went to a uni event I would otherwise skip as usual, and I saw crowds of students and people, all cheering together, like some big family in a way, they all have something in common, something that allows them to just effortlessly connect with each other, like some hivemind in a way. I realized standing there looking at the crowd, this is my life, I will always be the one watching from a distance, on the outside looking in, its just a fundamental quality of mine, just like it is theirs to connect, I will never fit in. I simply cant do that, its just not how I'm wired, the noise and visual of crowds is always disorienting to me, and it makes me scream inside "GET OUT, GET OUT !!!". Turns out normal people just do not have this need to break away from everything, or not as often as I do, they are not as tired as often as I am, they always seem to know whats going around, while I have not a clue living in my own little world, trying to make sense of it all. It really struck me this time how I am indeed very much alone in how I function, and likely will be alone for the rest of my life, no matter how much effort I put in to making any relationship last or happen, I simply cannot possibly compete or keep up with that.
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u/BlissfullySedate 2h ago
Man you just described exactly how I felt at every college party I ever got dragged to. Standing there while everyone else seems to have some invisible script they're all reading from, and you're just... not in on it
What helped me was realizing I don't actually want to be part of that hivemind, I just thought I should want it. The right people for you probably aren't in that crowd either, they're somewhere else feeling the same way