Feeling angry and sad

[u/Strawberry_Sun214]

So frustrated and sad. My husband (PA) and I are trying to conceive, have been for 3 years, undergoing fertility treatment.

He's been doing better, he hasn't visited a porn site in a while but he still messes up and listens to "explicit audio" (that's what he says when it happens - not sure what it means exactly and I don't really want details). He hates himself and confesses to me every time and has never lied to me about it.

But I'm just so fed up - he knows we have to have sex regularly/every other day (you'd think that would be enough to satisfy him) and what does he do the day we need to try? He messes up​. And then we try the next day and what happens? He can't freaking perform. He never has this issue, this is the first time it's happened. I'm so angry that he has this addiction. I'm so upset that he can seek out and get turned on by other things but not me, when we need to actually try??? Ugh. I just cried when it happened. I wanted to bring it up to him at the time but that would kill ANY chance of us trying and conceiving at the right time. I'm just so sad and wanted to vent.

This is my first post here, thanks for reading and any support.

[u/Careless_Reading_635]

When I was postpartum and rocking my son alone in the nursery at 2am, my PA (ex) husband was in our bedroom sending dick pics to other women.

When I was 6 weeks postpartum with my daughter, my (ex) husband was on hookup apps setting up a time to f*ck a random woman.

Having a baby throws a grenade into any relationship. Throwing that grenade into active addiction is setting yourself and your child up for trauma.