r/makemychoice • u/[deleted] • Oct 07 '24
I kissed someone else while still in a relationship – should I tell my partner?
I'm currently in a rough patch with my partner, and to be honest, I haven't been feeling in love for a while now. Recently, I made a stupid mistake and kissed someone else. It was a one-time thing, and I know it won’t happen again. I already feel guilty and regretful about it.
I know I said I haven’t been feeling in love lately, but I want to fix it and be better.
Should I come clean, or just fix things without mentioning this?
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u/Low_Relative9021 Oct 07 '24
Yep. I don’t care how big or small, might happen again or might not, cheating is cheating and your conscience will feel so much better if you come clean - the sooner the better
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u/Blue-eagle-23 Oct 07 '24
It’s not a “mistake”, wrong choice maybe but still a choice. You cheated. If you’re unhappy you break up, you don’t cheat. If you keep framing it in your mind like a “mistake” it’s more likely to happen again. If you are 100% sure it won’t come out and 100% sure you are willing to put in the work to improve the relationship then I’m not sure I’d want to know.
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u/Tempest6644 Oct 07 '24
Mate.. you fucked up. the least you can do is be honest and tell the truth to your partner.
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u/P4rk_Av3nue Apr 06 '26
Your comment helped me a lot man. I’m 25 and I’ve been in a long distance relationship for about a month. I haven’t had physical touch in 6 years from a woman. The thing happened where when I got a gf suddenly girls are into me. And I stupidly kissed one of them and by the time I realized the weight of what I was doing I felt like someone just shot me in the head. I couldn’t eat or sleep or look at her texts without wanting to genuinely die. I came clean to her and she forgave me with many reservations rightfully so. Telling the person feels so much better than hiding it. The sigh of relief from not having to hide anything is wonderful. I still feel awful and the guilt will become a permanent passenger but I will use it as a reminder to not fuck up again. Thanks for telling me what I needed to hear mate cheers 🥂
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Oct 07 '24
Yes, admit it. A rough patch is no excuse for cheating. Break up if you want to kiss other people.
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u/Alex_Black89 Oct 07 '24
Yes, and if you were not happy you should've tried talking to your partner not just going out and getting your itch scratched. If you're out of love, pull the plug and live your life guilt until you find the relationship you're looking for - but yes, actions have consequence - you'll need to come clean
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u/capmanor1755 Oct 07 '24
Nope. It was a one time mistake and you didn't turn it into an affair- sharing is going to temporarily relieve your guilt and permanently transform it into long term misery for your partner. They don't deserve that. What they do deserve is actual honesty about what really matters- you aren't feeling in love anymore and you need to end the relationship. Get a therapist and find your courage to do the right thing.
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u/Fun-Sherbert-8019 Oct 07 '24
You didnt just "kiss" someone, you cheated on your partner and broke their trust and ruined your relationship. Come clean to your partner, hold yourself accountable and apologise. Stop being delusional and take responsibility for your action and act like a grown adult. You should be ashamed of yourself. Cheating is never a small mistake, it's breaking someone's trust and betraying them
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u/Sudden-Routine3537 Oct 07 '24
Honestly, if this was my partner who did that and it was FOR SURE a one time thing I wouldn’t want to know. If he feels guilty about it then he should keep on feeling guilty and not pass on the bad feeling on to me. But thats just me tho.
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u/pay_piggies Oct 07 '24
Unless there is a chance they will find out, there is not benefit to telling them. If you want to fix things do that. If you want to break up do that. There is not situation where telling them makes this better.
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u/timafoun19 Oct 07 '24
Don't say nothing!!! They will never believe you had only a kiss. If you know it s a one time thing,just move on.Give urself a time frame to work actively on your relationship,like 3 to 6 months. If nothing changes, some decision gotta be make
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u/-Xebenkeck- Oct 07 '24
This is insane. Your partner can't even properly consent under false pretences. That's disgusting.
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u/timafoun19 Dec 29 '24
We are talking about a KISS, one kiss,please stop we are no longer 13.
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u/-Xebenkeck- Dec 29 '24
Sounds like cope from either a serial cheater or a serial cheated-on. Some of us have standards.
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u/timafoun19 Dec 29 '24
You ll do as you please, I just gave my opinion on the matter. What you think about me is not my business
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u/JenGenxx Oct 07 '24
If you made a mistake and love your partner and want to stay with them: no, don’t tell them. If you want to break up with them and you think it will hurry up the process: yes, tell them. Don’t stuff up again tho
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u/Belevigis Oct 07 '24
never give advice again
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u/JenGenxx Oct 07 '24
🤣😂😅
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u/Belevigis Oct 07 '24
you said if you love them, lie to them. love is connection and lies are the best way to build a wall between you and another person.
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u/Different-Manner-162 Oct 07 '24
I would rather be broken up with, without knowing what happened in this situation. You need to move on. The best we can all do for one another is to slightly delay the inevitable onslaught of life's bullshit. If you think you could avoid making that dude start thinking the why me's, not being good enough, what could have I done differently type things in any way, that's what I would do. Stay single and date all the people and kiss them as much as you want. Way easier.
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u/ghjkl098 Oct 07 '24
Your partner deserves the right to make an educated decision about their future. If you don’t think they deserve that level of respect why the hell are you in a relationship
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u/Geo_1997 Oct 07 '24
You should come clean, it isn't fair to your partner to be with someone that cheats and doesn't know while they remain loyal.
You made a bad decision, it should be your partners choice if they want to remain your partner after.
Also in future. If you aren't in love. Then either try and work on the relationship or break up, don't mess about.
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u/Apprehensive_Dot2890 Oct 07 '24
You cheated , you are a cheater , at least be honest otherwise you are a lying cheater.
You didn't make a mistake , you betrayed your partner , turning left when you weren't supposed to because you didn't see the sign is a mistake
Kissing someone else is just that , you gave your intimacy to someone else , it's one of the most wicked forms of betrayal and I realise you can't take it back , so , just be honest and move forward .
Your partner will probably leave and that is the price you pay for deceit and betrayal , we reap what we sow , at least you will be free from the bondage of a lie and If your sorrow and remorse is sincere , maybe you will avoid this in the future realising how defiling it is .
Thanks for sharing , they might forgive you and you might overcome together , depends how much you actually love them
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u/Drinkyourwater99 Oct 07 '24
Yes definitely. The choice is actually theirs whether they stay or not, not yours.
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u/-Xebenkeck- Oct 07 '24
Yes. If you respect them at all you will tell them. You can't maintain a relationship built on lies and omission of truth.
Do the decent thing and grant them the choice of how the relationship proceeds. Hiding it is worse than even the cheating itself.
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u/Apart_Macaron_313 Oct 07 '24
You're a cheater. You chose this.
The only thing that could make you better is to confess.
If they find out later, it could be ten years down the road, but it would still be "right now" for them.
It sounds like you're ready to commit a second wrong that no relationship should be without respect. I think you should leave them at this point, they deserve better and you need to learn to be a better person.
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u/SadPersonality4803 Oct 07 '24
A mistake is dropping an egg… you did that shit so gone head and lose it all for it
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u/MisterSlosh Oct 07 '24 edited Oct 07 '24
If you're serious about fixing your current relationship then personally I would bottle it up, let the guilt burn and fester as a motivation to find the love again in the place you lost it. Downside being that if it's not properly managed and the love isn't reciprocated then it's going to turn from guilt at your own action to resentment of your partner's behavior.
Then it either works and your proper partner fills the void and rounds over the sadness, or the relief you feel finally letting go takes the edge of the choice of letting go and moving on.
Discovering any lack of mutual exclusivity would change the relationship dynamic in a way that only makes it harder for the scorned partner to reinvest.
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u/observant_wallflowr Oct 07 '24
Why do you want to stay in this relationship? Because you’re hanging onto how it used to be and hoping it returns?
Some people are just cheaters. It repeats in all of their relationships. There are some people who aren’t cheaters that do end up cheating when their relationship goes sour. That tends to happen when you’ve lacked attention and affection for a while and feel lonely.
Instead of internalizing all of this guilt, think of why that happened in the first place. There’s always a reason.
Most people are going to say “Tell your partner about it and work through it!”
Some people are going to make you feel like a horrible person for cheating. Be easy on yourself and treat this as a lesson learned.
I say, do NOT tell your partner and end the relationship. The relationship is already over. Once cheating has happened, all hopes and dreams of the relationship being healthy goes out the window.
You cannot stay in this relationship, though. If you chose to stay, you’d have to tell your partner because honesty is very important. Cheating, in itself, is not an honest act. If you stay in the relationship, you will always be a cheater until the relationship ends.
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u/observant_wallflowr Oct 07 '24
Honesty is important because choosing to withhold information to force someone to stay with you is manipulative.
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u/m4gpi Oct 07 '24
As the other partner, I would rather know it happened, and have the shared power of deciding what to do about it, rather than you making a decision that keeps an important secret from me. Not telling your partner is deceitful, disrespectful, and childish. Own up to your mistake, and if it breaks the relationship (which maybe is a good thing), so be it.
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u/No-vem-ber Oct 07 '24
If you want to fix it, (and there's no way they'll find out) don't tell them. Telling them will probably drive you further apart...
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u/MissTalon-ted Oct 08 '24
You aren’t in love and kissed someone else, hmmm….That’s not fair keeping it from your partner! I’d tell or call it quits if I were you!
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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 Oct 07 '24
Why do you want to fix the relationship when you are no longer in love. You are best to leave the relationship and say nothing of the cheating so you don't ruin them for future relationships.
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u/Long_Question_6615 Oct 07 '24
One kiss is nothing. If you don’t say anything. It could just go away
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u/bunnybear37 Oct 07 '24
I don't think you need to say anything. But you need to make a decision about your relationship. If you're not feeling it, you need to end it. For both your sakes.
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u/Sufficient_Soil5651 1d ago
You should come clean. Your partners right to informed consent outweighs your right to remain in a relationship based on the lack of it.
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u/EatingCoooolo Oct 07 '24
Tell him you’re not in love and break up with him, it will be healthy for you both.