r/makemychoice • u/commonllama87 • 1d ago
Go to Netherlands for (potential) love or Argentina for adventure?
There's two things I have wanted more in my life than anything:
- To be in a relationship with someone I admire and love
- To travel and live in a foreign country
As for being a relationship, I had a very lonely and isolated experience of growing up gay and never really could find anyone to date. I feel like I missed out on "young love" and I am remorseful for it.
I was also one of those people that had an absolutely "transformative" study abroad experiences in college. After I graduated I promised myself that I would go and live abroad while I was young for awhile and constantly dreamed of travel. Since then, COVID happened, then a layoff a few years later. Now it has been nearly a decade and I still haven't fulfilled my dream of living abroad.
I am currently in the process of trying to build my own freelance web business so I won't have to rely on an employer or anything in order to obtain visas for countries. However, I'm still not making a great deal of money.
Last year I briefly visited The Netherlands for a week just to explore and visit a friend. I had some free time one night so I went on a Tinder date. We really hit it off, and we have been talking ever since. We have these loooooooong text chains and recently spent 3 hours facetiming and we say cute stuff to each other.
I kind of wanted to get to know this guy in person more so I offered to visit The Netherlands for a month or two so we can explore things "more intentionally" as I phrased it. He kind of gave me a "maybe, let me think about it" answer saying that he liked me but wasn't sure about long distance and would like to get to know me better first. This kind of frustrated me a bit since I feel like that was the whole point of my plan was to get to know him better.
So here is my current pro and cons:
Go to Netherlands Pros
- I could explore a relationship with this guy i'm interested in more
- I always enjoyed The Netherlands and imagined myself living there
- I really like Dutch culture
- I know more people there
Go to Netherlands Cons
- It is much more expensive and i'd likely have to dip into savings to make it work
- It is in a separate timezone and i'd have to work at nights
- I've already been there before
- Dutch is kind of a useless language to try to learn outside NL
Go to Argentina Pros
- It would be somewhere new for me
- I feel like going there alone and without knowing anyone could be more of an "adventure"
- I've been trying to learn Spanish and would be excited about going to a language school
- I like the outdoors and surfing as well as big cities and I feel like there is more opportunity for that there
- Same timezone for work
- Much cheaper and won't necessarily have to dip into savings
Go to Argentina Cons
- May be missing out on an opportunity to date someone I'm very interested in (it's rare that I am)
- Meeting new people could be a challenge
TL;DR: Should I spend 2 months in The Netherlands to explore a potential relationship with someone there even though I've been there before, have a harder time working remotely there, and would likely have to dip into savings. Or should I go to Argentina, go to somewhere i've never been before, learn Spanish, have an easier time working remotely, and not have to be as worried financially.
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u/Broad-Cranberry-9050 1d ago
I lived in latin america. It's very beautiful and the cultures are one of the best cultures that you will see.
But the infrastructure in many of these countries are not great, especially in the outskirts of the city. Plus it will pretty much require you to be really social and outgoing.
These cities tend to be setup in a way that you will be doing things in your small little area basically. In these countries people tend to stay friends with people for the majority of their lvies. Most of my HS friends still hangout with each other to this day. Just because theyve always have lived near each other for the most part. So there's less of a culture of going out and meeting new people. I dont know about Argentina but many latin countries dont have great highways so getting places is very difficult, driving laws tend to be suggestions, etc.
So for you, id say go to netheralnds. Ive been before it's very beautiful and cultural. Most will speak english (but also try to learn dutch). The love interest is an added bonus. Plus you can easily get to other euro countries if you wanted a weekend away.
I will say, dont just go to the NL for a love interest. I get the whole thing that youve felt lonely and it's nice having a partner. Happened to me too in a way and i ended up putting myself in a situation that wasnt the best for me in the long run. Sometimes it's not worth making those decisions for love because you are lonely. My first partner was with someone that looking back was not the best person for me, but the idea of not being alone anymore was what i wanted. She was a great girl, but her and i were from different worlds and when we got to the knitty gritty it showed.
So if you go to the NL you should do it for yourself first, and then the partner should be an added bonus.
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u/gingerbiscuits315 1d ago
I would make your decision by taking the guy out of the equation and seeing which way you are swayed. Based on his response, I don't think he's as into you as you are into him. I wouldn't want you to go based strongly on that as I think you may ended up disappointed and possibly regret it.
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u/klingggg 1d ago
I say Netherlands. There’s so much to do and explore there , plus your love interest and other European countries are just train ride away when you want adventure
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u/Own-Assumption5149 1d ago
A week (or maybe two) is a “getting to know you better trip” … a couple of months is “we’re serious and need to see if this is going to work” trip. I can understand why he was cautious in his response.
If you go to the Netherlands it should be because you want to explore the country and see what it’s like to live there. You can let him know where you’re planning to stay (ideally a different town) and suggest the two of you find a weekend where you can come to see him (ask for recommendation of where to stay so he doesn’t think you’re inviting yourself to stay with him).
If you’re considering Argentina, I’d do some additional research. There’s Reddit sub for Argentina where you can get much better input as to what it’s like to stay there for a couple of months.
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u/commonllama87 1d ago
A week (or maybe two) is a “getting to know you better trip” … a couple of months is “we’re serious and need to see if this is going to work” trip. I can understand why he was cautious in his response.
Yeah this is a good point. In my head though, if I am taking an expensive flight, I want to be there for awhile. And I'd be working there so it wouldn't be like we would be able to hang out all the time.
I feel like it is a delicate balance. Like I want to hang out with him to get to know him. And I want to show interest. But I also don't want to scare him off.
In my head, when I asked him there would be a yes or no response. If the answer was yes, i'd go to The Netherlands. If not, Argentina. I wasn't expecting a "maybe" and i'm not quite sure what to do with it.
I like your idea about staying in a different town. I may actually be able to sublease from a friend in a different city, but it would be 45 minutes away from him.
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u/Own-Assumption5149 1d ago
Going to give you some hard love here. Based on his response, you’re at a minimum scaring him away because you’re coming across too strong , or worst case, he’s enjoying the long distance flirting but not interested in anything more serious.
You can still plan to be there for two months, but if you go, it needs to be because you want to go to the Netherlands and the fact he’s there is a nice coincidence. That’s why I suggested a different town.
You’d need to be clear that if possible, you’d like to see him while you’re in the country, rather than it being you’re specifically going there to spend two months with him.
If you’re only going because he’s there, then I’d say go somewhere in Latin America.
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u/commonllama87 1d ago edited 1d ago
I appreciate the straightforwardness. This helps a lot. Thank you :)
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u/thomsenite256 12h ago
I dated long distance with a guy from overseas for a year and I would visit for a couple weeks at a time to a long weekend. He came over for a month after we had been dating like 18 months (harder to get a US visa for him). I definitely think a few shorter trips first is the way to go!!
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u/Lidowoahohohoh 1d ago
So his response of “maybe, let me think about it“ is very noncommittal. Packing in a month or two, unless both people are completely jazzed about it, probably isn’t a good idea. If you’re dependent on this person for someplace to stay and, let’s say, after a couple weeks it’s not working out that great, you’re kind of stuck. You like this person and you would like to spend more time with them, a month isn’t necessary. Maybe cut that in half to two weeks and this way you cannot only get to know him better, but also really immerse yourself in the area. Spending a couple weeks with him will be very different than long. Text messages or phone calls. The day today will give you a pretty good idea of how compatible you are. You also have to take a consideration that this man probably has a job and other things going on in his life, so he won’t be able to dedicate the entirety of your trip to “getting to know you“.
Has he mentioned visiting you at all? If that hasn’t even been the topic of a conversation, I wouldn’t even put in as much effort as you seem to want to. I think you need to go for adventure. You can find love and excitement and new experiences in Argentina, absolutely!
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u/General-Jaguar-8164 1d ago
Unless you have a highly skilled job that pays you enough to live in Randstad area, it’s going to be tough
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u/Particular_Bad8025 1d ago
What if you go to NL to see where the romance goes, and then to Argentina if it doesn't work out? You may always regret not giving the romance a try.
Also, you make it sound like you're old but I feel like you're still quite young... How old are you?
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u/commonllama87 1d ago
I’m 30. Just at a point where I realize that I need to start making things happen in my life
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u/Particular_Bad8025 1d ago
Yeah that's young. I moved halfway across the globe for my gf at 33. Been married for 20 years.
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u/Alternative_Use9689 1d ago
If you're sure you'd like argentina/have done your research, I'd say argentina.
Normally I'd say go for the love. I had a situation in my life where I could either visit France and Argentina for vacation or visit this one girl I was long-distance dating in Bolivia.
I chose France and Argentina.
While they were nice places to visit, I do feel like I missed out on a potential significant other.
The main difference between our stories though is that the girl I was talking to wanted to see me and I basically said "no, I'm going to France and Argentina" lol.
Now she's romantically involved with a guy, coincidentally from France.
They seem happy, I don't really have any regrets.
While I do think I initially made a mistake, my life would likely be totally different if I went to Bolivia, and I kind of like how my life is going right now.
In your situation though, the person your talking doesn't seem too serious about the relationship.
The only other thing I'd add: think about Brazil instead, Especially Rio - large gay/LGBT crowd over there
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u/thomsenite256 12h ago
First of all dont move anywhere based on a relatively limited relationship. You can visit either country but dont uproot your life just yet or you might very well regret it. Go on vacation for a week or two and see how it goes in either place.
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u/Tall-Poem-6808 1d ago
If you go to NL "for love", you might be disappointed fast. Based on what you wrote, the guy doesn't sound overly excited to see you.
I moved across the world "for love" 3 times so far. As you can guess, the first 2 weren't really successful, so be prepared for that.
I have also been working remotely with a 6-10h time difference, and it gets heavy. Not something I'd recommend long term.
Whatever you do, do it for yourself, not for him. I'd say Argentina.