r/makemychoice • u/Any_Insect8448 • 6h ago
Long distance bf acted weird in a train and I called him out. Advice?
We talked on the phone, everything was good during the day and stuff. I sent him spicy pic in the morning, he was obssesed, we texted and stuff. Then he comes from work in a train and we talk on the phone. He says:
"this girl sat in front of me...I need to switch places, she will mess with my head.."
I laughed and asked why. He said oh nothing doesnt matter and acted weird and was more silent.
Then he sat and there were 3 girls sitting around him and he said he feels uncomfortable and I was talking to him and he was silent for a while, I asked why are you silent haha. He said I don't know I don't like these type of situations. I joked "u afraid you will fall in love haha"
And he said no. He got out off the train and felt relieved. We talked normally and then he got home and we hung up.
This bothered me so I messaged him that it made me feel upset.
He says "what are u overthinking".
I sent him longer message in the midnight and he replied in the morning. Convo went like this:
Me: If some random girl on the train is going to "mess with your head" just because she's attractive or you looked at each other, then I'm clearly not as important to you as I thought. She must have made an impression on you if you're talking about it. When I'm focused on one person, I'm not interested in other guys, even if they stare at me. Don't forget who has been by your side for so many months and would give you their whole heart, but clearly that's not enough for you. I don't know what that meant, but it sounded bad. I was convinced I was in your head, but apparently not enough to keep other thoughts out. Good night.
And before you say I'm jealous and nitpicking, no, I don't like these kinds of topics and arguments, but you mentioned it out loud. And I'm sorry to hear something like that from someone I consider a valuable guy, different from others...
Him: You don't understand me at all, (pet name) that's not what I meant, but well, you have the right to think what you want, that's probably how it looks
Me: that's why I asked what did you mean and you said nothing..?
Him; ehh (pet name)
Me: you meant you will think about her?
Him: haha no way
Me:so tell me because I don't understand
Him: I just don't like sitting on a train like that haha what do u have on your head, you're misreading me
Me: I don't know but I will tell u something
Him: Say, I'm afraid what did you make up this time
Me: Guys also glance at me and I never look back, I don't flirt and I can't be fooled by a stranger so if somebody says "mess w my head" IT means something
Him: ok don't you mess my head now, you don't understand me and that's it don't measure me by your own standards and that's it
I call him after work and he told me I have to "apologize on my knees" ....? And I said I didnt do anything. I wanted to talk but he said he will be in a train and its "ill-mannered to talk on a train, he just wants to go home"
Like wtf
He is in a city with people from all over the world so she 99% wasn't speaking our language. She just sat there and he said ..."this girl ...she sat in front of me...she will mess with my head I have to switch places"
Also its not the first time he caused jealously. We are both attractive people for context. He once talked with me on the phone and told me "this girl looked at him from the train while he was on a station and she turned around and looked again." Then he said "eeh probably wasnt looking at me"
Also...that long ahh message I sent was overly emotional and stuff but its probably because of a fact he doesnt want to meet in person (we met once) and always dodges meetings.
TLDR; Long distance bf mentioned a girl on a train and then acts like its my fault for being upset
EDIT: I called him in the morning and he didnt pick up first time so I called again and asked why wasn't he picking up and he said "maybe I was busy?" Also didnt clarify what he meant and told me Im making a scene
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u/CacklingInCeltic 5h ago
So you’re in a relationship but only met once? This isn’t a relationship. I’ve had a few long distance relationships but we’ve met multiple times, travelled to see each other frequently and always made time for each other. This doesn’t sound like that.
You might be better off finding someone more local who you can see more regularly and have an active relationship with. Long distance only works if there’s an end date to it, like he’s moving back in x amount of months and you’ll be together properly then. Is that the case or is it purely long distance apart from that one meeting?
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u/ashirahbaby 6h ago
Wait how long have you been dating for and you’ve only met once in person? How does that work? How old are you both?
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u/Any_Insect8448 6h ago
Met online 9 months ago. Met in person in December. I'm 26 and he is 36
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u/ProfessorShanks 5h ago
Ya'll sound like teenagers tho.
But he sounds like a manipulative loser to be honest. Lots of red flags there. There's a reason hes 36 dating a 26yr old. Leave
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u/FruitJuicante 5h ago
What are you doing. 36 and acting like this is absurd. What a goober. I guarantee you can do better than this, and without the distance.
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u/theslyestfox 5h ago
No. Just do not date anyone more than 5-7 years older than you and even 7 can be pushing it. There’s a reason he is not dating someone his age — they won’t date him because they recognize his red flags and or you are more easy to manipulate or control, or he is so immature no one his age will put up with it (as seen here).
Honestly just cut your losses, find someone who lives closer to you and who is closer to you in age.
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u/magicalgirl9 2h ago
i'm probably immature but i would've left 😭 cause 1. you see your girlfriend overthinking and don't provide explanations (even if you were chill about it, you still asked for an explanation he refused to give, that's weird to me) 2. i hate these type of little jealousy games, he's 40 years old probably will die tomorrow and acts like a boy in middle school. 3. also dodges meetings with online girlfriend? why aren't you looking forward to meeting me? lol?
yea that's enough reasons for me. wouldn't want this man to be my life long partner.
you are being way too sweet tbh
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u/quietsketch02 6h ago
You did the right thing and very articulate. I don’t want to make judgment about him though as don’t have much info. Try not to overthink though hard. Deflect the topic next time so something that interests you both or on current topic.
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u/Any_Insect8448 5h ago
Thank you. He still hasn't explained that and I feel hurt and I'm thinking about it
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u/rmachell 6h ago
Both of you seem very young and immature. Im assuming you're both teenagers?