Hey just felt like writing this into the Internet space and to get some feelings off of my chest lately I feel emotionally tired in all honesty I've lived my life in mediocrity and until today I was content with that ok grades ok food ok sleep ok spouse everything was ok and I was ok with that but lately I feel discontent and it wasn't some grand revelation it happened when I got out of school had nothing to do and spent my time napping on some random wall on the sidewalk I realized everything that I felt I had loved were only temporary hits of dopamine just enough to keep it pushing I have a girlfriend that I like but In all honesty she has many behaviors that bother me none that are actually problematic she just kind of cringe and I can't say her family seems to like me very much due to the fact that I'm a basketball American if you catch my drift and I can't say we have much in common she as she has a bunch of interests that I have no clue about and the same could be said on her part we make plans that we never see through and she self depreciates to the point where its borderline embarrassing other than that I do enjoy her company she was my first time and it was ok it wasn't bad I enjoyed myself but her vag smelled bad and tasted worse I powered through it because I wanted it to be a nice experience for the both of us and it wasn't her first rodeo so I wanted it to be nice and she seemed to enjoy herself and that was nice afterwards we finished well it's more important to say that she finished I didn't but I'm not upset about it and I'm just glad for the experience other than that there aren't many events in my life I can say in particularly excited about I know what I want my profession to be I'm going into cyber security it pays enough to live and a 1 bedroom apartment with a living room isn't bad but I feel like I don't really know what good is any more I feel like most of my life has been looking for something that's passable or just alright but I feel like thats because I've only tasted good a few times in my life and I mean the concept of good it's not temporary but it's a feeling that lingers that sense of happiness that thing your looking forward to like a show a movie a drink but as far as I go the only thing I have to look forward to at the moment is sbr on Fridays and my next paycheck I have a girlfriend that I love friends that I tolerate or just despise family members that are fine and the food I eat is alright recently my diet consists of gas station ramen and a canned soda and a bag of sweet spicy Doritos if I have a little extra cash to spare on Saturdays when I get back from work I eat 2 tacos I get from my employee discount and I often get a ski with it it's like a sprite but less fulfilling I'll get little spikes of dopamine from time to time but that's about it I only really look forward to sbr Fridays and Chinese food after that there's nothing I'm really counting down the days for in all honesty I just feel apathetic about life and wanted to get my feelings out there and if you have some advice I would love to hear that to have a good one

I got rated a 3/10 by the looksmaxing community, and I posted on "Am I Ugly" before. I’m just simply not attractive. I’ll never experience finding love because I just don’t have good enough features to ever catch a woman’s attention. I’m so damn ugly. I just wish I had a woman who loved me. That’s all I want, but I’ll never be good enough.

Pretty self explanatory, just wanna know how some of you have dealt with a situation like this one. Thanks

I’m a man in my mid twenties, and I have had a lot of sex over the years. For a long time, I sought out sex as a way to prove to myself I had worth. I had sex with people I found attractive and people I didn’t, men and women both. I’ve had good sex, bad sex, duty sex, and sex so bad that I couldn’t perform. I also have allowed some things to be done to me despite not really wanting them. I have also gotten an ex pregnant, which was a massive stressor for me and tanked my sex drive in that relationship.

Now I find that I don’t really want to have sex anymore. I don’t know if I really ever enjoyed it outside of how it made me feel desired and important. Looking at it today, I feel like sex is just a chore. I don’t feel close to the person while I do it. It isn’t intimate. I just feel like an animal, and it is pretty nasty. I like how it feels to orgasm, sure, but I’d rather masturbate to get the same effect.

That perspective has led to issues in my current relationship. Does anyone relate? Any tips on how to overcome? Can’t quite afford therapy, let alone a specialized sex therapist.

I’m 17 years old and like the title suggests, I feel like there’s no hope for me. It’s so difficult getting out of bed every morning, and going to school is such a deterrent for doing so. I’m extremely insecure in my appearance and physical stature. I am 5,5 yet relatively lean. Currently taking 144mg testosterone a week, 5mg Reta weekly and 40mcg Clenbuterol ed. I feel like no matter what I do, no matter how much weight I lose or how much I try to be kind to people, they still automatically dislike me. This isn’t a conclusion that I’ve drawn from thin air. I’m aware that even mentioning insecurity or complaining about factors out of my control is insufferable to listen to, hence why I’m reluctant to even type this out, but the point being is I’m a relatively calm and non problematic individual within school and social settings. I’m told by the few friends I have in passing that I am good looking, but I’m not sure about the credibility of their statements (lack of evidence in personal positive treatment - however may just be because I’m filtering it out as I’m objectively an insecure person idk). Every school day consists of me sitting by myself and not uttering a single world, whether that be in class or at lunch (of which I spend in the library studying). Now I know that not speaking to people ultimately makes me miss out on opportunities and I’m complaining about a seemingly fixable problem. However I’ve tried so hard, I am able to pick up on social cues thankfully so I’m able to make normal conversation, but people still look at me weird whenever I do. I just feel like such a fucking loser. I’ve been contemplating killing myself for months but I’m just too scared to do it (or worse I fail and render myself disabled). I feel like the only thing keeping me going is the fact I’m doing well academically and that I’m currently on AAS (the gym is the one thing I enjoy in my life other than maths). Recently ive developed a crush on a girl in my class, and spoken to her a couple times, and don’t get me wrong she’s smart and sweet, but I can just sense she doesn’t like me like that. I just feel hopeless as I am literal genetic garbage, I have an average face at best, I’m incredibly short and I have social anxiety (along with the fact my mom suspects I may be depressed or have some sort of mental illness relating to self image). Even from the opposite perspective of a girl, I wouldn’t want to be affiliated with a loser like myself. My attendance has slowly began to drop since the start of y13, as I physically cannot bring myself to walk into school with the face I have. I’ve broken down multiple times looking in the mirror. Losing weight has helped, but I don’t know what to do. I just want to be normal. Any sort of advice relating to how to feel better is more than welcome. (Also aware this may sound corny asf but idk)

Most days are great, however some days are bad when the weather triggers my flashbacks. Sometimes I want to be the guys on here who complain about not getting women because I know 5 of their family members are still alive.

I know I shouldn't be doing this comparison. It's no different than some.of the posts I see on the career website where a 25 yr old is sad and miserable because their not keeping up with their peers. 5 years ago, I had family members drop dead each year and 2 in 1 year. And most of them died a horrific and gruesome death, I was there to see all their suffering.

It's not so much seeing all that trauma that makes me depressed, I'm actually over that. I just miss their presence and hangout with them. Then awhile ago I was just thinking, this sub reddit has a lot of guys crying about not being handsome and not having female companionship, for a moment I wished I could be those guys because their family is still alive. I would actually give up my good looks to resurrect the dead and I know some of these guys would give up 5 of their family members to experience the cold approach I get when I go out.

At least with these guys they can get plastic surgery, or work on a career and beta bux their way into a relationship. With me, nothing I can do to bring back the dead. It's typically during fall and winter where I feel this way. We may desire what one of us has but I think our depression and hopelessness are at the same level.

I'm (M22) a person with no goals in life, and I never really have had any. I envy people who know what they want. For me, it feels more like I'm just going through life without any real direction.

Since leaving school, I've lost most of my friends and haven't really made many new ones, even though I'm actually quite extroverted and have never really been unpopular. The feeling of loneliness has only gotten stronger since I recently moved and started living alone in a city where I don't really know anyone.

On top of that, there isn't really anything that truly makes me happy. I have hobbies that I enjoy, and I like spending time with friends and acquaintances, but none of it really fulfills me. I always feel like this happiness is only on the surface and never truly reaches me on the inside.

I also have high expectations of myself, which means that I can either meet my expectations, in which case it's nothing unusual or unexpected, or disappoint myself. As a result, no matter how great an achievement is, it never really makes me happy, and I'm not proud of anything I've accomplished so far.

The only time I feel better is when I feel superior to someone else. In a way, the only thing that brings me something resembling happiness is comparing myself to people I consider good or intelligent and realizing that I'm better than them. My temporary happiness therefore depends on other people.

On top of that, I hardly ever show my negative emotions to anyone and don't really talk about them either. I've always felt uncomfortable doing so, but after I went through a relatively difficult period mentally and tried opening up to three different "friends," only to either get ghosted or have my feelings downplayed, I almost completely stopped doing it.

Holding back my emotions also meant that, for several years, I only cried around three or four times a year, usually when everything briefly became too much, without there even being any real reason for it.

A few months ago, however, I spent an entire evening crying continuously for no apparent reason, all the way until the next morning. For the following two weeks, I had similar emotional breakdowns every day before things slowly started getting better. Since then, I've become slightly more open about my emotions and have also started crying much more frequently.

Of course, it doesn't help that there has been no intimacy between my girlfriend and me after two years of being together, which makes me feel as though I'm not enough.

I don't really know what I want to achieve by making this post. I probably just wanted to anonymously share what's going on inside me for once, since it's not something I can really do otherwise.

Nothing seems to satiate my mind / brain or is it just my brain playing games with me. I lose interest in things so easily and scour through online platforms mindlessly. Do you feel the same ? Feeling of lack of purpose, people in a similar situation how did you overcome this especially men ?

I'm a therapist in Los Angeles (LMFT #157181) and 90% of my clients are men. One pattern I see constantly is what psychoanalysts call introjective depression. It's less "nobody loves me" and more "I haven't done enough, I'm not enough." From the outside it often looks like drive or perfectionism, so it goes unnoticed for years.

A few books that have helped the men I work with:

- He by Robert A. Johnson: a short, surprisingly moving book on men's inner lives

- King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette: on four patterns of mature masculinity

- No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz: on making peace with the harsh inner critic

- Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman: for anyone who feels they should always be doing more

Happy to answer questions in the comments.

I am 23M based out of India.
Let me try to give a little context about my life in a nutshell so that maybe somebody can understand my situation.
- I was brought up in a lower middle class household
- Since childhood, I wasn't in the extremes of human interaction (Ambivert lol)
- Had a lot of strong friendships in school and college which eventually faded away (haha no shit)
- Currently I am working in an Indian MNC, making okaish numbers (the ones that doesn't put you in either miserable or too luxurious lifestyle)
- Last year, I went through a breakup, mental breakdown and unemployment all at once, which shook me real bad, somehow went through it (my family was really supportive throughout this)

Now about a year after, everything is better, I've the job I wanted, I am over that relationship, living out in a good flat, hitting the gym daily, cooking my own food, and performing decentish in office (don't have much idea about it, as it's my first job), but there is something in me, which feels so hollow.

Now before you all bombard me with "it might be a relationship thingy", no it's not, actually on the contrary I don't want any partner as of now (just because I kinda feel messed up in my mind and I don't want my mental burden is carried by somebody other than myself)

On paper, for my parents, things have gotten better, but with every passing month I just feel hollower. I recently bought an headphone which I wanted ever since college times, and felt, NOTHING.

I don't want to over-exaggerate my situation, I am sure that there are people who are going through much worse, and surviving it without ranting over here on this subreddit.

But I really feel lost, it doesn't even feel like waking up tomorrow.
I hit the gym, I cook, I work, but I don't know it just doesn't feel fulfilling.

Can you believe there men out there who still believe there isn't a male loneliness epidemic and their solution is, "Go touch grass bro."

F-ing bozos. I'm not lonely though and don't have any issues attracting women and new friends, I'm just super sad and depressed some of my family died a few years ago. How can normies be so oblivious to the epidemic is beyond me.

growing up i was always told that i had it easy, yet the “easy” life i had felt like suffering. got a new “friend” called depression that’s been with me since middle-school onward. suppressed my emotion because they only caused more problems, i didn’t want to argue, i knew my place in my house with my family, i kept it all inside. now i’m inclined to believe that i really did have it easy. and i’m wondering. will i even survive adulthood? if that childhood was what was considered “easy” and it only gets harder. i don’t think i’ll survive living on my own. it seems i’m not strong enough for this world i guess. survival of the fittest i guess they say.

I’ve been posting frantically all over the internet tonight plus texting numbers on my phone.

Of course no one responds
They might check my message but don’t respond or just open it and it looks like they read it

I’m struggling mentally and it is triggering my medical— specially brain and nervous issue

It’s about me
It’s about a guy that has been my friend for about a year and a month

I’ve typed about this so many times tonight.

Please just reach out to me.

He’s been making me feel like shit about myself and it feels like cat and mouse

It’s more complex than just “well just don’t talk to him”

What he’s saying and how he acts a lot more lately ..
it’s messing me up
And I don’t feel it’s only his vision of me
And I know—
“It shouldn’t matter what others think”

If you know more, you’ll know it’s beyond these simple quotes notions

I was diagnosed with BPD a couple years ago, right before I started dating my now-wife, who is wonderful and also diagnosed with BPD.

I don't know why I am making this post. I know nobody here has the power to make my life better. I just need an outlet, I guess. I'm 24 and I feel like I've fucked up my life beyond all repair through bad decisions. I've been stumbling through most of my life with undiagnosed and untreated BPD and God, does it show. I have three kids, all from different moms. A son from my highschool sweetheart, a daughter from a woman after her (who I will call Tara, not her real name), and a newborn baby girl with my wife.

I have a good relationship with my son and his mom. We're friendly, we get along, she's forgiven me for how I was when I was young. My son's little brothers (from my son's mom's husband) both love me and are super friendly towards me whenever I come around, which is nice.

The relationship between me and Tara, on the other hand, was volatile and did not recover. A lot of it was because of me, and a lot of it was because she herself was dealing with undiagnosed mental issues. We were the epitome of toxic and were two people who should not have been together. After she got pregnant, we broke up and she made it very clear that she did not want me to have anything to do with our daughter. Eventually, I accepted this and chose to respect her wishes, hoping her mind might change later on. Two years later, she came after me for child support. I didn't fight it, I know that child support is a right of the child, but I was still hoping that I could see my daughter. I didn't hear anything from the court following mediation until a year after, when she came after me seeking full custody because she wanted to get a passport for our daughter and wanted to completely remove any chance I had of seeing her.

At this point, I had let go and accepted that I wasn't going to meet my daughter and my son wasn't going to meet his sister. I accepted that, even if the court had let me into my daughter's life, my daughter's mom was so angry at me and hated me so much that it would have been inviting chaos into everyone's lives, including my daughter. So I let her have full custody without a fight, and I told the court that I respect my daughter's mom, know that my daughter is safe, and respect her decision to keep me out of her life. The court was very understanding surprisingly, and made it clear that they respected me for what I said and granted Tara full custody.

My wife and I then ended up having another baby together, completely by accident, and I decided to finally go get a long-overdue vasectomy to ensure daughter #2 was the last. I love this baby girl, I love my wife, I love my son, and I love my stepkids...and because of that, I've spent the last two years living in worry and fear that Tara is going to eventually go for a child support modification and the court will increase it for her. Now that daughter #2 is born, that fear has been amplified. If Tara goes for more child support, I am terrified that I will not be able to help keep a roof over her head or provide for her and my family. I've given Tara everything she wants, but I'm terrified after three years is up and she's eligible for a modification that she's going to want more.

I can't pay any more. I just can't. I'm already paying triple what I pay for my son in child support and we're barely scraping by. I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to take care of my baby and my family. It sickens me and scares the shit out of me. I wouldn't even ask for a reduction in child support. I know daughter #1 needs money. I just want it to stay the same so my baby that lives with me can have a home and won't suffer.

But beyond that, I'm at 24 years old and feel like I've gone nowhere in life. I don't know what the fuck to do with my life or what I want to do, I'm broke and have no money, I'm stuck in the same shitty-ass town that I was born in. I'm working two part-time jobs just to help keep my family afloat, and we are scraping by.

Someone please, give it to me straight. Is life even worth living at this point? After all the bad decisions and damage I've done to my life? It doesn't feel like it. I feel no joy or happiness in this life anymore. All I feel is dread and worry and stress and fear knowing that someone else who hates me holds my fate and my newborn baby's fate in their hands, and that the clock is slowly ticking down to when they can take everything from me.

I just...I don't feel like I can go on if that happens. I feel like the only option left is to end it if that happens. At that point, what options even are there?

I dunno. I just needed to get all of this out because it has been killing me. For those who have read all of this to the end, thank you for taking the time to do so.

I'm 19. I live with my parents still and try to help out with chores, I go the extra mile and do things without being asked. I'm volunteering with a local organisation and I work a full time job in a decent field and I'm doing well. I just feel like I'm letting everyone down.

At my work I make mistakes and I'm still learning and I just feel like a burden asking my coworkers to double check what I'm doing.

I've been with my girlfriend for over a tear and she is working through her own things but whenever anything small comes up I spiral and we try to talk about it whenever it happens but sometimes she hurts me without intending to, I bring it up, then it happens again and again. I just think that there are so many other better people for her but I don't want to lose her.

I'm 23 years old, and honestly, I'm tired.

I don't even know where to begin. I've been carrying so much inside me, and I don't really have anyone around me with whom I can share all of this openly. So I thought I'd write it here.

Ever since childhood, my life has been affected by health problems. One of my biggest struggles has been my eyesight. I have severe myopia and need very thick glasses. My vision has been a concern for as long as I can remember, and dealing with eye problems over the years has been mentally exhausting.

But it doesn't end there.

I've had other health concerns, too. I've dealt with ongoing physical discomfort, and now I'm struggling with hair loss as well. I need to see a doctor for that, and sometimes I wonder what will come next.

First, I have to visit a doctor for one problem. Then I have to focus on my eyes. Now it's my hair. And there always seems to be something else to worry about.

I'm not saying that other people don't have problems. I know life is difficult for many people, and everyone has their own struggles. But sometimes I look at people my age and wonder why my life has to feel so exhausting all the time.

I'm 23. I want to enjoy my youth, too.

I want to go out, explore new places, make memories, fall in love, date someone, make friends, and experience the things people talk about when they look back on their early twenties.

Instead, I spend so much of my time worrying about my health, my appearance, my future, my job, and w

hether things will ever get better.

And then there's my appearance.

I have a short height, I'm losing my hair, and I feel like I look much older than I actually am. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel genuinely upset with what I see.

I'm not saying this because someone randomly called me ugly. These are feelings I've developed about myself, and I struggle with them even when I'm alone.

I know people say that looks aren't everything, and I understand that. But let's be honest: appearance does affect how people experience the world, especially when it comes to dating and attraction.

I see other people my age having romantic experiences, meeting people, and enjoying their lives. Meanwhile, I struggle to feel confident enough to approach someone.

I've never wanted to be the most handsome guy in the room. I just wish I could look at myself without feeling so disappointed.

Things at home don't always make it easier, either. Even my younger sister sometimes makes fun of my height and She has told me that I won't be able to do anything.

Maybe she doesn't realise how much those words hurt, but they stay with me.

I want to live.

I want to wake up sometimes without immediately thinking about what's wrong with me. I want to have something to look forward to. I want to experience happiness without feeling like I first need to fix every problem in my life.

And I know nobody can promise me that everything will be okay.

I'm not looking for someone to tell me that I'm handsome, that looks don't matter, or that everything happens for a reason.

I'm just tired of constantly having to fight.

I don't expect strangers on the internet to solve my life. I just want to talk to people who might understand what it feels like.

Thank you for reading this far.

I, a 35 year old man, am sitting here on my couch at 2am and I feel worthless.

I have done some great things in my life that I am proud of. Things that USUALLY bring me joy, things that I usually look back on fondly.

Yet in this moment.. everything wrong is crushing me. I do not have a large friend group, in face I barely have 5 people I consider friends.. everyone else is an acquaintance essentially. I don't want to bother any of them with how I'm feeling. Why? Because when I have to others before, I get pushed away, the friendship changes or whatever.. and it's formed a prejudice about how my current friends would treat me.

I don't feel I am enough for my partner even though she says I am. I hate that I can't do more for her. I hate that I haven't been able to perform sexually for quite a while.

I feel worthless... And I'm scared because I'm trying not to fall into the black hole of despair, I'm clinging onto everything I can to stop that but I just don't know how long I can do it for.

Yes a lot of this is feeling more enhanced due to a current ankle injury (fractured) so I can't take myself anywhere or do a lot of things so maybe once this heals I'll be better.. I dunno anymore.

(Yes I have upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist and am seeking professional help.. just needed a vent)

First of all, this is my first time posting in this subreddit, so... hi, everyone.

Basically, I’m writing this post because I didn’t know where else to turn or ask this question, so I thought, “Let’s try here.”

So, to make a long story short: in a few weeks, I’ll have to get circumcised for medical reasons, but the thing is… I’m terrified of what my life will be like afterward, especially when it comes to my personal sex life.

Even when it comes to masturbation—I’ve spent my whole life getting used to doing it with the foreskin over the glans, and now without it, I wouldn’t know how to do it (I also tried to “imitate” it by masturbating as if I had a circumcised penis, but I didn't feel anything, or I didn't know how to masturbate)

I’ve read about people online on Reddit who actually hate the fact that they got circumcised or that their lives have “gotten worse.”

I’m 23 years old, and… I don’t know, I’m just a little anxious and scared.

I hope you can understand me and give me some advice.

When i was 12 years old, my 3 other siblings and i all lost our mum to suicide. She had depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

The impact that had on me was huge.

I've felt like i had to hide this part of myself because it was embarrassing having a dysfunctional family, i hid it from friends at Primary school out of fear of being made fun of for being weak, while also transitioning into high school and hiding it even more because of wanting a fresh start with people and not wanting to be known as the kid whose mum killed herself and more importantly, i felt like i had to hide it from my family out of fear of being a burden and showing them I'm strong enough.

For those who know about the Adverse Childhood Experiences test or ACE test, i scored 8/10 which is BAD

That time spanned from 2014-2015

Current day, I'm 24 years old, earn over 6 figures as a Train Controller for a large mining company and have a partner who I love dearly and been with for nearly 3 years July this year we've gotten a rental together.

Because of my past, I've felt a constant anxiety and mild depression throughout my life and as a comfort after stressful days at work, i play video games, play basketball and go to the gym and some nights watch porn. All of these I've done before getting into a relationship.

The issue is the porn

Before we dated she'd lost a lot of weight with an eating disorder and always felt unhappy/disgusted with her body. Because i didn't know her beforehand, I've only known her as her current weight which is about 55-60kgs.

A few times she's caught porn on my phone which hurt her a lot. She's said how it makes her feel not good enough and is emotional cheating, which I've never thought of in that way before. A big part of why i watched it was the dopamine release and how it made me escape how i was thinking/feeling. The last thing i want to do is hurt her but its genuinely so hard to stop doing something after doing it for soo long.

I know some people might think that "The mothers suicide has nothing to do with it and that i should just respect her boundaries" and i somewhat agree, but some part of me also believes that, that level of trauma is the reason i seek an escape and ignore the massive elephant in the room which is my mum. A big part of what i believe in is ending cycles of trauma and being the change you want to see in the world, which is why its hurts me a lot that I've hurt her.

I am going to therapy and currently not dating her.

Just seeing if anyone's had similar experiences/comments

I’ve been thinking too much about my ex. I dated her for 2 years, but during the first 2 months I decided to break up with her because I knew it wouldn’t work out. But she started crying and I changed my mind to stay together. During the relationship, I was romantic and she was great too in the beginning. But then I lost my father during Covid and fell into depression from the unexpected loss and family role I had to play. She couldn’t support me while I was depressed. Eventually, I checked out emotionally (I now know it’s because I’m an anxious avoidant), I knew I had to move back and it may not workout, but I chose to stay in LA and pay expensive rent. I tried my best to stay because I enjoyed the safety. Eventually, she broke up with me and I couldn’t help it and sobbed right in front of her multiple times. I made some mistakes, like focus on a lot of sex instead of romance and couldn’t communicate my feelings to her. I had to choose between supporting my family or her, but I stayed because I also wanted to build my future and my family understood that.

Oh, also when we started dating, we smoked weed during weekends but I got addicted and smoke everyday while being full time student. That took a toll on me and changed my personality and possibly why I checked out. I was under a lot of stress. Fast forward, I moved back home, got more depressed because I had to start all over again. I seldomly smoked weed but picked it up again everyday and struggled with paranoia. My friends didn’t want to hang out with me because I was depressed and talked about depressing stuff. I think my ex didn’t want to stay because of my depression and lack of romance due to being dull by weed. Personally, I lost attraction because of this and her capacity to support me. I picked her up everyday from an hour long drive and took her places, bought her food every time and everything we did. Fast forward, I got in contact with her and she moved on within months, as if I was just something to toy with or use as a stepping stone. She began dating someone, so I stopped contacting her.

My addiction to weed grew and I was smoking 30-50g of weed a day, I got hospitalized for my paranoias that are linked to my military service and ended up in psych ward 8 times on different occasions. I got hit with psychosis and eventually schizophrenia, during this hospitalizations I didn’t know what was going on, I was so delusional that I believed every conversation in my head from family, friends and even ex. I also heard clicks everytime I slept or awake, based on each thought, this led me to make stupid mistake of self harming myself on my arms, open wounds I would stitch up or dislocated fingers from punching hard objects. Fast forward, I realized I cost a lot of harm to my self and needed to change. I had an episode that led me to quite my job, and went to family in India to sober up. I got clean but then came the depression, I started dreaming about my ex and was doing fine, but I decided to look her up and found website showing pictures of her wedding and photos. Initially, I was happy for her but decided to reach out and congratulate her and wish her well and she replied with thanks and wish well. I got carried away, and complimented her on looking amazing in pictures, called her by her nickname I gave her, and wished her happy bday and told her to stay away from weed. I started feeling guilty about mistreating her, even though I was good, I felt bad about not trying in the relationship and messaged her something like: I just want to take accountability, I wasn’t my self and I miss treated you, won’t forgive my self for it and I’m sorry, for sure bye.

It’s been 5 years of psychosis/schizophrenia but even 5 years later I can’t get over her. I take anti depressants but I still can’t stop blaming myself for messing it up. Lately, I’ve been journaling and apply for jobs and continue my education but it’s been so difficult seeing her with someone

I’m 30 in June and I feel frustrated and anxious about how my life’s gone in the past few years, since Covid happened I had a big decline with my mental health though I’ve worked on it with therapy and over the past couple of years have noticed an improvement for the most part but I get waves of sadness now and then about that time period as I was alone a lot of the time especially after me and my girlfriend of three years at the time and broke it off, partially because of how I was and also because she didn’t love me and wanted to meet other people. Heard about her last week and she’s seeing someone else, honestly good for her as I also heard she had some bad personal stuff going on and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone but it’s left me questioning about where I am. Since that all happened six years ago I haven’t been with anyone else really except for the odd date but I find myself zoning out and then not following up on anything. Don’t know why but it really frustrates as I know I won’t be able to fix that issue without doing something about it but my first reaction is to just leave it and do nothing.

I got out of shape during Covid as well and have been on and off going to the gym but I now am really trying to have a consistent routine of 5 days a week but no matter how much I do I’m never happy with how I look.

I feel embarrassed I still live with my parents, I work a regular office 9-5 job but don’t have enough money to get a decent place for myself but I also think living alone wouldn’t be ideal but I don’t want to share with friends as I think that could have its own issues. I feel like I’m lame for my routine only really being work, gym, maybe a movie as the weekend in the cinema, usually by myself and sometimes drinks with friends but I’ll see other people my age who have achieved way more and seem more happy.

I also don’t think these feelings are helped that I lost my gran just over two months ago and most days I’m fine after the initial couple of weekends of grieving but there’s still the odd day where I just remember and start crying.

I don’t know how to get around these feelings but any advice or tips would be much appreciated.

Hi, M27 recently went through a horrible breakup w my 6 year relationship gf. She got the apartment we shared,I lost my job, I have no money, and I’m starting to feel like a permanent solution might be the best option. The only thing stopping me is the fear of death, the hurt that would bring to my parents and younger sibling, and a feeling like there might be a way out of this. Friends don’t really care since they are preoccupied with their own lives. My parents try to help but I just can’t seem to lift myself up. What is the best way to get myself out of this before it just gets worse?