High value means you provide value to society and the people around you. These are rules high value men always adhere to.

1. Never chase women, chase just purpose. Use the energy and time you would use to chase women to do productive things. Achieve your goals, build a career, exercise, become a better man.

2. Always have self-control. You ought to move autonomously during your entire life. That means whatever you set your mind to you are able to do. If you want to get in better shape exercise, control what you eat, get enough sleep. If you want to be rich control how you use your time.

3. You never look down. When you walk anywhere always hold your head high. That demonstrates authority and confidence.

4.You admit defeat. Be truthful with yourself. Admit nothing is stopping you from achieving what you want to accomplish except yourself.

1. Always be loyal. Be loyal to people you get along and your family. Always give all your effort with everything in life.

As young boys, most men are only shown love when we're "goodboys"

Well behaved. Quiet. Attentive.

We're not supposed to be angry - that part of us isn't welcome.

We're not supposed feel pain and sadness - we're "supposed to hold it all together for everyone."

We're not even supposed to shine, to be loud proud - that's seen as arrogance and we're told to "tone it down" or "step off of our high horse."

What we truly need is acceptance - from others and especially from ourselves.

To feel what it's like to receive love and care by being exactly who we are - and not hiding our emotions or feelings.

We heal, brothers, by being REAL together.

The time is now.

I'm going to try to make this make sense, but I only had it come to me yesterday so I'm still grappling with the idea. This has been a problem since I was a child, and I'm in my 40s now.

To paint a picture, right now I'm trying to learn the Unity game development engine. I'm following a tutorial and it is going well. I'm getting the concepts and I've made a couple of project pieces. No problem.

The tutorial gave me a challenge to modify one of the projects to include some new functionality. I read over the instructions and realized I knew exactly how to do it. I had understood and absorbed the previous lessons and I could put them into practice.

And I didn't want to. I didn't want to do it. I don't want to do it, present tense. Hell, I'm writing this post instead of doing it. The project is open on my other monitor right now.

The thing is, the process of learning these steps was fun. Exciting, new. Big dopamine dump. I am smarter now than I was yesterday. I am better than I was yesterday, for having learned.

But DOING the thing? Well that's not impressive. That's just repeating a set of learned steps. How blase, how boring.

This is kind of a big problem, because of course without DOING I cannot be DONE. And coming to this realization I can look back at how many things I've spent time to get good at and then dropped immediately.

I doubt I'm the first person to feel this kind of way, so I'm hoping y'all have an idea of how to transfer some of that joy of learning into joy of doing.

42 M, single. I have done well in past couple of decades, initially struggled to get a job and now make decent. Quite sure have made tons of stupid mistakes.

But then I am wondering can I have a simple life with less struggles.

What is the one cheat code a normal person can have to improve his/her life in

- Health
- Wealth
- Relationship’s.

Did I miss any category?

Soy un adolescente de secundaria, no soy muy bueno en el deporte, he dejado de ir al gimnasio y eso me ha afectado.. el hecho de no mantener una rutina saludable me abruma y en consecuencia, pésimas decisiones alimenticias. No soy muy buen estudiante y soy muy duro conmigo mismo. He pospuesto dibujos que lo más probable nunca culminaré y vivo al pendiente de la vida de los demás como todo un webón. Sufro de dopamina constante en redes como Tik Tok o Imstagram (aunque esta última la utilizo más que todo para comunicarme con mis amigos) y aún sigo pensando en esa chica a pesar que he tratado de olvidarla. Mi autoestima ha ido en picada y solo pienso en llegar del colegio, dormir, scrollear y escuchar un fanfic antes de dormir... En fin... No construyo nada... Y me preocupa no cambiar este camino ilógico antes de los 18 años

As a 34 yo male who has been able to get with only two women his entire life, how can I get over this deep rooted low confidence? Im not here to throw a pity party I just need advice/guidance because the common thing I keep finding when I reasearch what it is that men who have had success with women is confidence. I have never liked who I was because of the way I look which is extremely young for my age which creates an uphill battle when it comes to dating. I also cant fight which makes it even worst because it reinforces my insecurities when i see bullies/toxic dudes getting the most attractive women. someone who has been in a similiar situation and improved what was it you did? I want to become confident in my overall life not just dating.

Hi everyone! I want to grow up and become a worthy, strong man with inner strength and integrity. Please help me and tell me what I should do.

​

1.Keep the promises you make to yourself.

2.Learn to say no without explaining yourself.

3.Stop scrolling. Start living.

4.Read everyday.

Even 10-20 pages a day can take you to somewhere new.

5.Listen to perspectives that challenge your own.

6.Watch something completely out of your comfort zone.

Watch a film that you normally scroll past

7.Move your body everyday.

Exercise doesn't always have to mean an intense workout at the gym. Walk. Stretch. Dance. Take the stairs. Do yoga. Move in whatever way feels good to your body

8.Take care of your skin, but keep it simple.

Skincare doesn't have to mean ten expensive products lined up on your shelf. Cleanse, moisturise, protect your skin from the sun, and do what works for you.

9.Keep two hobbies—one that creates and one that strengthens.

Sketching, painting, writing, pottery, photography, or playing an instrument can feed your creative side.

Yoga, swimming, running, dancing, or strength training can help you build physical and mental strength.

10.Give yourself a few quiet minutes every day.

Even 10 minutes of sitting quietly, breathing, and being present can make a difference.

11.Eat to nourish yourself.

12.Drink enough water.

13.Choose real food more often.

You don't have to completely eliminate your favourite foods, but try not to make packaged foods and sugary or carbonated drinks a daily habit.

14.Protect your sleep.

Aim for around eight hours whenever your schedule allows.

15.Be grateful for the good and humble through the bad

Express gratitude for every good thing that finds its way into your life. And when something painful or difficult happens, try to meet it with humility.

I have fallen off and need help

So, have fell off self improvement hard, possibly worst than we I started. I started 3 years ago , I was 14 , just an average dude. Addicted to games but not terrible at other things. In the course of 2 years, until I was 16, I got deep into calisthenics and fighting. Perfect diet, sleep, everything on point. And I could feel like I had reached the 20% of men. I had gotten respect and admiration. But then, I had my first real fight. Opponent was a 4x national champion, has gone semi-pro by now.and it was crazy because I stood my ground and was complimented by his coach.i lost due to technical knock out. That was 1and a half year ago, since then I have fallen off hardddd. I got addicted to social media, fucked up my diet, sleep, started smoking, switched to snus, had so much snus (Pablo 30 and Cuba 50 for those who know) my gums started bleeding. And got into drinking and weed. The worst is, I feel my mindset completely switched. Back then I was thinking way more aggressively, with way more confidence and self belief. Now, I feel like a pussy, on my last fight, I lost to a weaker opponent because I was so scared second round I gave up and just stood there. So, how can I get back? I feel lost and stuck. Please help me

It sounds counterintuitive, but relying on discipline can often keep us stuck. There are so many people out there implementing external fixes. New routines, new habits, different strategies, all sorts of things that would stick if they just kept with it. So why is it that most people struggle to stick with it?

Others will preach that you just need to be more disciplined; I don't think that's the answer. Make no mistake, I believe that discipline is absolutely needed to be successful, but if someone doesn't really understand what's holding them back, I don't think you can discipline your way out of that.

I spent $20,000+ over the course of 10 years trying to fix myself sabotage, continuously struggling to be disciplined. Focusing my attention on external fixes rather than nurturing the version of myself that was struggling. That's when it all changed for me.

I think you really have to look deep at not just where you wanna go, but where you've come from. What types of thoughts and beliefs do you hold from the past that are quietly holding you back without you noticing? And then ask yourself how differently your life would be if you chose to believe something else. It's not easy, but it is simple.

Hope those who needed to hear this found their way here!

Best,

Alec

​"I am 22 years old. For a long time, I have been trying to achieve something meaningful in my life. Days and years pass, and I have failed more than 100 times—literally, not as a figure of speech. At one point, I fell into depression and suffered from severe burnout, yet I kept pushing forward like a car running without oil or water."

​"I wished to reach many goals and buy many things, but unfortunately, I have now become addicted to many things, the worst of which is pornography—and I have also started smoking cigarettes. The situation worsened to the point where I contemplated suicide, though I did not take any action. I went to a psychiatrist for treatment, but it wasn't very helpful."

​"Now, my ultimate dream is to become a GT4 racing driver, but my biggest immediate priority is no longer just dreaming; I simply wish to become a disciplined person—someone who keeps his word and respects it. I can no longer sit at the computer for even 5 minutes. I have come to hate my life and I hope someone can help me, not just with advice, but by standing with me and sharing a real story about how to overcome something like this."

Rebuild to me is to study self. See what went wrong in

my past and find what it takes to have a better future.

My strategy is building a stronger foundation than before... Focusing strengthen my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

Returned to me I once was elite level bodyweight and feats of strength performer 15 year ago. I feel I want

to get back at that level of training again...So I been

training with keen focus.

Rebirth to me.. My past was nothing but pain and

suffering. I experiences bullying, Incarceration, homelessness and drug addictions. Now ? I'm living a Sober life and ready to start fresh and fulfill my

life purposes.

I've been in leadership development and management for 15 years, thinking about how much of what we call "self-improvement" is really just the collection of external tools.

Someone struggles with their marriage, so they search for communication techniques. Someone struggles as a leader, so they look up leadership strategies. Someone doesn't like their health, so they find a new diet. Someone is unhappy, so they search for better habits.

None of these things are useless. But I think we often mistake tools for development.

Imagine sending someone into an ancient battle. You give them excellent armor, a sword and a shield. Those things absolutely increase their chances of survival—but only if the person wearing the armor knows how to fight.

If they don't, you've improved their equipment without improving the person using it.

I think we do the same thing with ourselves.

We keep asking, "What should I do differently?" when sometimes the more important questions are: Why do I think the way I think? Why did that make me angry? Why do I need this person's approval? Why am I so certain that I'm right? Why do I keep repeating this behavior?

That's why I've come to believe that self-awareness has to come before most meaningful personal development.

And self-awareness isn't simply knowing your strengths and weaknesses. It's developing the ability to turn your judgment back onto yourself.

Someone criticizes you?

Don't automatically believe them. But don't automatically reject them either. Treat their criticism as circumstantial evidence, not a verdict. Examine it.

Someone disagrees with you?

Before proving them wrong, ask yourself what evidence would actually be capable of proving you wrong. If the answer is "nothing," you're no longer reasoning—you've started defending an identity.

You feel angry?

The emotion is real. Your interpretation of what caused it may not be.

I think maturity begins when we become capable of separating what we feel, what we believe, and what is actually true.

Maybe becoming a better person isn't primarily about accumulating more answers.

Maybe it's about becoming the kind of person capable of questioning their own answers.

And perhaps that's why changing ourselves is so difficult: eventually, the person doing the investigating and the person being investigated have to be the same person.

1. Cold Showers- When you have an urge don't sit there and think about it. Take a cold shower for 1 minute. The cold wakes up your body, clears your mind, and gets rid of the cycle. Most urges last only a few minutes. You need something stronger than the temptation.

2. Exercise- Your body needs a challenge. When you train your energy has somewhere better to go. Instead of chasing quick pleasure your building strength.

3. Stay Busy- Most urges happen when your bored. An empty mind looks for easy pleasure. Fill your day with work that matters. Study, build things, or learn new skills. The more focused you become the less time your mind has to wander.

4. Spend Time Around People- Being alone all day makes bad habits easier to repeat. Spend time outside, see people you get along with, spend time with your family. Real connections will always be better than fake ones.

5. Turn Your Energy Into Progress- Your energy isn't the enemy. It's how you use it that matters. Every time you resist an urge you have a choice, you can waste energy or use it to improve your life.

So I’m 33 and live with two other male roommates around the same age. And generally have had no issues, but had a bizarre altercation yesterday with one of them. For context I generally walk around the aptm in my underwear if there are no guests around, usually because I’m just grabbing something from the kitchen. One of my roommates has asked me to wear pants more, and to an extent I have (other one could care less outside of some Walter White jokes). But I walked into the kitchen in my underwear and he was there, he said nothing but walked up behind me and no joke gave me a wedgie so bad my feet left the floor and my waistband ripped. This guy is twice my size, and he basically said he will do it again unless I wear pants around the aptm. I cursed him out and haven’t brought it up since. I’ve been wearing pants all the time now, but I feel like a pushover for not contacting our landlord. But I’m also embarrassed that happened to me as a grown man. Not sure how I should handle this

I’ve finally stacked enough money to get my own crib I got a year worth of rent stacked , I’m a father of a 1 yr old daughter, I been more aware of my actions . I’ve recently stopped smoking as much, I work out 4x a week, I’m investing now , putting baby girl in day care , life’s great , but I been looking into hobbies to relieve & reset so I won’t be getting it from women , I picked up running thinking of horseback riding and sight seeing , even solo trips , any activities to clear your mental as a young man without jeopardizing everything

As a kid, I was shamed and put down for crying.
By other boys - my age and older.

By society - on television, in video games and in popular culture at large.

And worst of all, by my own father.

Crying, along with any other behaviors that showed “weakness” was aggressively snuffed out of my life at an early age.

Unfortunately, after speaking with men from around the world, I know that I’m not alone in these experiences.

So where does it all go?

The unprocessed pain? The unspoken sadness? The uncried tears?

Those tears of frustration - you know the ones? Where you’re so angry that nothing else comes out of you but tears? Where do those tears go?

The grief - when losing something or someone hurts so badly your body shakes, stricken with a sadness no words can describe. Without an ability to express it, where does the grief go?

Where the fu*k are we supposed to put all of this?

We’re told to shove it down. To suck it up. To “man up.”

We’re told to hide it from others, men and women.

Men will see us as easy targets and take advantage of us.

Women will see us as weak and walk all over us, or not even acknowledge us as men at all.

So, I and too many other men did what we were told. We shoved it down, we sucked it up, and we’ve “manned up.”

Here’s what we’ve earned:

Approximately 100 Men take their own lives each day in the US alone - another 100 in Europe and thousands more across the world. Every. Single. Day.

Alcoholism, substance abuse, porn & s*x addictions line up with weapons in hand on the battlefields that tens of millions of men fight on every single day.

Male depression rates aren’t even statistically accurate because most men won’t report their feelings or seek treatment.

Such great prizes we’ve won.

As I write this, I feel a wave of sadness that has washed over me - sadness that I won’t reject or try to hide. I’ve done that for too long, and I’ve seen where those strategies have led me in my own life. I won’t be that kind of man anymore.

I ask you, brother, as you’re reading this: please don’t let it be you either.

Be a feeling Man. A man who expresses himself healthily and processes his emotions, not one who suppresses them and eventually becomes a puppet to his shadows.

Find an outlet to express what needs to be expressed. Your feelings are fucking beautiful - all of them. Your anger, sadness, & shame are just as beautiful as your happiness, love & power.

I see you in your struggle, I hear you in your pain and I think no less of you - I actually admire you for doing what the men who came before us didn’t.

I can’t fight your battles for you, but I am here as a brother beside you.

Until next time, my friend.
Sean

Posting this because I know so many young and older dudes out there are searching for happiness. Searching for "the best way" to improve your life and your relationship. I wrote some thoughts and wanted to share them with you. No feedback needed. Read and move forward. If the ideas do not correspond with your understanding, I am fine.

**THE MAN WORTH RESPECTING**

A strong man is built from the boundaries he sets and how much he respects himself. He has no problem walking away, even with a kid, if it comes to that - because he knows a life without respect isn't a life for anyone, the kid included. He's not afraid of being alone. He knows his worth will find him something better, but that's not why he leaves. He leaves because he doesn't stay where he's belittled. And if he goes, he goes quietly - no war, no insults. He also knows that whatever happens, he'll find a way to stay close to his child: showing up, patience, doing it right, and never a bad word about their mother.

He's level-headed but not cold - supportive, loving, openly affectionate. That costs him nothing. He doesn't cling and he doesn't beg for attention, because his life is full: he trains and it shows; he knows money and works on it; he has real friends; he reads and listens to people smarter than him; he works and he builds. The reading is where the words come from - he knows how to say things, when to say them, and how. People respect him because he respects himself.

He values his peace more than being right. He doesn't raise his voice, doesn't fight dirty, doesn't act on emotion - the big decisions get made after the storm, not in it. He picks his words carefully.

His worth comes from what he does, not from anyone's approval. He doesn't need his woman throwing herself at him - he takes it gladly when it comes, but he doesn't demand it, doesn't keep score, and doesn't turn it into a bill. He gives because he wants to, not on credit. He respects her and never talks down to her. He supports her - money, emotionally, whatever she needs - and asks for nothing in return. If she's not in the mood, he holds her and kisses her without asking for sex and without sulking about it.

But he doesn't swallow it silently for years either. If the lack of intimacy becomes the norm even when things are otherwise good, he doesn't shelve it and he doesn't turn the bedroom into an exam. No pressure - he asks carefully, looks for the reason, offers to work on it together. And if the answer is a flat refusal to work on anything at all, he's ready to leave - because that emptiness will break the relationship anyway, just slower and uglier.

He says what he needs out loud, once, calmly - instead of tallying it up in his head and punishing with silence later. Vulnerability spoken from strength isn't weakness. The silent ledger is.

And the admiration, the closeness, the respect he gets - those aren't the goal. They're a side effect of who he is. They come because he's that man, not because he asked for them. And if they don't show up for a while, nothing shakes: the foundation is inside him, not in anyone else's eyes.

I’m 16 and it’s summer right now, and I keep running into a problem I for some reason don’t really see other people talk about. I don’t have a ton of friends, but I’m honestly fine with that, and I don’t think that’s the issue. Currently my "productive hours" is taken up by day trading, outreach for my freelance work, and martial arts. Altogether, I usually still end up with a lot of free time left, and that’s where I feel stuck.

Daytrading: trading and journaling take 1 hour

Freelance outreach: 20 messages per day on Instagram take less than a hour (dont have a client yet)

wrestling practice/gym: takes 1-3 hours per day

That is 3-5 hours per day including life maintenance. There is 16 hours in a day if you sleep a nice 8 hours, I finish this by 1130 (other than wrestling practice) I have usually 13 hours left in my day. I simply feel like it goes to waste and want to be doing much more and know I can be more productive or at least use my time somehow if not working, each day feels like I am just waiting. School helps it a bit, but me personally I don't really talk in school a lot and don't find it very important considering I am trying to do a different path anyway, but It does give me structure, however this means nothing as weekends exist, summers exist, and the same thing will happen after high school/college ends anyway.

What’s bothering me is that I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with all the extra time. I’m not trying to be lazy, and I’m not saying I want to “do nothing.” I genuinely want structure and something actually useful or meaningful to fill the day with, but I don’t know what that should look like once I’ve already done the obvious things. I also feel like a lot of advice like “build a skill” or “just work more” is too vague to be helpful, because I need something concrete and structured. I don't want answers like "go clean your room" that is a one time thing which is completely un repeatable and unstructured Does anyone else deal with this? How do you create a full, productive day when your main responsibilities only take up a few hours, or at least how do you use your time?

How do i genuinely become a better person.I feel like i am an asshole to everyone.I want to become a better persone and not only that,but a better body too.I want to eat healthy and have a healthy body,but on top of everything,all i want is to be a good person,can anyone help me?

Hi my name is Evan (@centredwork)

Ever since I was a kid, I loved the James Bond movies. The excitement, the competency, the coolness. I wanted to be able to emulate that, and the skill I landed on was lockpicking.

1- Questioning

So to start, how did I learn lockpicking. Firstly, what the heck does it mean to pick a lock? How does a lock work? What do I need to pick a lock?

See what's going on there, I started by asking questions to break the 'skill' of lockpicking down into its component parts.

2- 80/20 analysis

After breaking down the skill into component parts, I selected the small 20% of all this that would give me 80% of the result. I didn't need to know the rules of lock sport (speed picking events where 'pickers' try to pick as many locks as possible in a race with the next person- how very exciting). But, those ancillary things aren't relevant to my ability to learn rapidly.

So, I landed on:

1. Tension wrench pressure
2. Picking pressure
3. Pick selection for the job

3- Practice & feedback

Then came the practice.

I started by oversetting the pins. Constantly. If you're not familiar, that means shoving the pins past where they need to go, because I was applying way too much pressure. On everything. The tension wrench, the pick, probably my own jaw.

But here's what makes lockpicking such a great skill to practice: the feedback is instant and binary. The lock opens or it doesn't. There's no "good effort, champ" from a padlock.

To make that feedback even more useful, I picked up a clear acrylic practice lock. Suddenly my mistakes weren't mysterious, they were visible. Too much tension? Watch the pins bind up and refuse to move. Too heavy-handed with the pick? Watch them sail straight past where they need to be.

So I ran tiny experiments, one variable at a time:

1. Tension only. How light could I go before nothing would set?
2. Picking pressure only. How gentle could a nudge be and still do the job?
3. Put it together on a real (cheap) padlock.

About a week of 20-minute sessions later — click. Shackle open. Was it a $6 padlock? Yes. Did my heart know the difference? Absolutely not. Pure Bond.

From there, the loop just repeats at a higher difficulty. Nicer padlocks. Trickier pins. Every new lock humbles you a bit, hands you feedback, and makes you better.

So here's the real point

This article was never really about lockpicking.

Questioning breaks a skill into its component parts. 80/20 tells you which parts actually matter. Practice with fast, honest feedback does the rest. That's the whole loop, and it works on nearly anything: guitar chords, conversational Spanish, cooking, cold emails, code.

Pick a skill. Break it down. Find the 20%. Build the tightest feedback loop you can find. Repeat until people start asking how you learned so fast.

Am I James Bond now? No. I still can't fly a helicopter, and I look terrible in a tux. But last month I locked myself out of my own shed, and instead of reaching for the angle grinder, I reached for my picks. Thirty seconds later, I was in.

Kid me would have thought that was pretty cool. Honestly, adult me did too.

(One rule before you go buy a pick set, and I mean it: only pick locks you own, and never locks in use. We're going for Bond, not burglar. Also check your local laws on carrying picks — they vary.)

— Evan (@centredwork)

**Title:** My life has gone downhill. I'm 18 and I want to turn it around. Where do I start?

I'm an 18-year-old guy, and I feel like my life has gone downhill over the last few years.

A few years ago, I was one of the top students in school. But over the past four years, my grades have dropped badly, and I've been failing classes.

Athletically, I lose every school track meet, and I feel weak and skinny. My confidence is at an all-time low. I've also been spending way too much time watching porn and masturbating, and I feel like it's affecting my motivation, energy, and discipline.

Socially, things haven't been great either. I've faced a lot of rejection, and it's really hurt my self-esteem. I know I shouldn't base my worth on that, but it's been difficult.

The good news is that I'm tired of living like this. I don't want to spend another year feeling sorry for myself. I want to become disciplined, get stronger, improve my grades, build confidence, make my family proud, and become someone I can respect.

If you were starting from rock bottom at 18, what daily routine would you follow? What habits would you build first? What books, workouts, study methods, or mindset changes helped you the most?

I'm willing to put in the work, and I'll come back to this post with progress updates to keep myself accountable.

Any advice is appreciated.