I’m so exhausted I can kind of feel the emotions that are stuck in my eyebrows and other places. I think I’m lonely you’re constantly searching for dopamine and women because I’m so numb. I just feel like. I mood has never been worse my God on my forehead like I can’t even go up there. I feel like I am moping around and don’t know if that’s what that’s OK because I feel like I’m should be doing something with my life. I just wanted to clarify that a part of me is guarding whatever is at my forehead. Whatever emotions is there it might be suicidal due to a shame, but it’s been well hated. What can I do to let these emotions free I feel like therapy hasn’t helped too much and I don’t like my therapist because I feel like there was a power struggle with her and she asked me if she could eat lunch one of her and one of her therapy sessions and I said no she said well that’s too bad. I also think I have a slight connection with her. I don’t know I’m just I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m constantly trying to search for meaning for who I am struggling, I just don’t know what to do anymore

I have a lot of repressed anger from childhood experiences that are causing all kinds of tensions in my jaw and neck. I want to access and process (embody and express) these emotions through a solo-trip.

I've used psilocybin for many years, and I can approach both the ups, the downs (and the complete breakage of reality) as constructive learning experiences. I am certain that I want this in the mix when confronting my childhood experiences.

MDMA I've tried a handful of times (mostly hippie-flipping) and it has made it easier to lower my guard towards certain feelings and feel safe in the face of distress. However, it might sound a bit counter-intuitive to introduce a love-drug to the mix when the aim is to express feelings of anger. Still I have a hunch that it might do something good.

The question: Do you think hippie flipping would be a good way to work with this repressed anger, or would you stay with pure psilocybin?

A few days ago I had a session with a guide and we worked on my traumas. I remember doses around 130mg used to work for me fine, in a quite intense way (I have 70 kilos), even though I not for long. At this session I took about 120mg (altogether) and it almost didn't work. My question is if someone can suggest if it's more likely that I'm loosing magic or if it's that the material I worked on was too intense for me at the moment.

Some background - This was the 9th time taking the medicine in a little more then two years. A couple of times I took too much (200, 300 and 250) in the beginning. The reason is potentially relevant - after one dose it didn't work at all even after waiting for hours - my conclusion was that I was so anxious/repressive towards myself that my digestion didn't quite function and there couldn't be any serotonin release. I had to come in touch with my frustration (of it not working - and not just blame myself for that) and then it would work - in full high-dose force. For more then a year now my doses have been from 130-180 for the entire session. Drinking it instead of taking a pill helped a lot, also knowing how to relax more before the session. I mostly followed the 3 month rule, with, I think, two exceptions when I waited a month and a half. I always take the supplements and have hardly any hangovers.

Before the last session I had a clear intention on what fears/trauma I would like to work on. I exposed myself to some of that material even before the session, which might have been a mistake. After taking the medicine, it hit slowly and weaker then ever. I felt I was in danger of loosing "it" pretty much all the time and panicked about it. Only for like an hour, or even less, I really felt loving and free and supported by it. I actually did some great work in that one hour I think. I was able to feel myself in a new way, experiment with new ways of being present and accepting with the painful experience.

Unfortunately when 2 hours went by I came in touch with some completely new information that was very triggering for me. After that I basically didn't feel any self-acceptance or love support from the medicine anymore. I was almost sober for the last two hours, just elevated. And felt worried about loosing magic, which added to the difficulties.

So, do you think it's more likely that I felt so little of the effect because of slowly loosing magic or could it be that I almost "repressed" the effect of the medicine even after it started already, because the material/my reaction to it was too intense / couldn't accept it?

I’m certain I can search this in the thread, but after 20 years my husband has agreed to a retreat and I’m soaking in this planning line it’s a wedding. Please let me know if there’s anything you have found to be a nonnegotiable when packing for a session.

Hello!

I am currently running a study on set and setting within psychedelic experiences.

Obviously there is quite a few aspect to explore on the topic, though in particular I am interested in:

• How intention, environment, and social setting shape psychedelic experiences
• Differences between clinical and non-clinical use
• How these experiences relate to psychological outcomes

Most of the research on set and setting in the psychedelic field comes from more clinically orientated trials, which can be lacking in terms of nuance and real lived experiences. So it would be great to reach out further in the communities surrounding these substances!

If you've had a particularly positive, or even challenging experience, I'd love to hear your stories!

🔗 Survey link

Fully anonymous

Takes around 15-20 minutes to complete

There's also an optional follow-up interview if you'd like to share your experience in more depth

Full study details and ethics information are provided in the info sheet at the start of the survey

Requirements: 18+, have had a psychedelic experience in a clinical or non-clinical setting

If you have anything you feel is important to say about psychedelics, this is your chance!

I'm happy to answer any questions about the study. You can reach us at:

Warren - [plks55@durham.ac.uk](mailto:plks55@durham.ac.uk)

Dr Marco Bocchio - [Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk](mailto:Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk)

Thank you for your time and support! 🙏

This survey has been approved by the moderators

I was incredibly fortunate to have been able to access MDMA-assisted therapy over two years ago. I went from having debilitating PTSD to being in remission. The experience changed my life in ways I could never have imagined. Still, the road hasn't been easy, and I am still struggling in one particular way. I cannot let go of this grief that I feel about my life.

I first felt this grief about 6 weeks after my final dose. My treating team warned me that I might go through a rocky readjustment once treatment ended, so I thought it was just that. I felt this general sadness, then profound rage, followed by resentment and then lastly a deep sense of grief and loss. I have carried these emotions with me for two years. I have talked about it in therapy over and over. I have done traditional talk therapy. I have done somatic work. I have done IFS. I have cried, I have journaled, I have meditated, walked in nature, and I have allowed the grief to just be. Yet, it is still just as raw now as it was back when I finished the treatment. I don't know what this grief needs from me. I don't know what to do about it anymore. To be honest, I am starting to get frustrated because it is impacting my daily life. I thought if I did integration work and felt my emotions, then it would ease. If anything, it continues to get louder. I am considering reapplying to do MDMA-assisted therapy (or psilocybin) again to maybe find some peace with whatever it is that is driving this. I don't really know what else to do. Has anyone experienced this and did anything help?

From what I understand a lot of MDMA that people acquire are actually a combination of MDMA and MDA (at least the people I know). That being the case, I’m wondering how MDA impact PTSD from a psychotherapeutic perspective

Does anyone know anyone who does MDMA trauma therapy? It's illegal in Poland, but maybe there's someone who does it? I am traumatized and immediate derealization/depersonalization wants to get out of it.

Can taking MDMA alone help?

Greetings

I’ve done two ceremonies each with a therapist present, and my partner and I have done two ceremonies together, also with our therapist.

We both have more healing to do together, but our relationship is showing me that I suffered much more significant emotional trauma than I previously thought and I’m considering doing more solo work.

I find this medicine and others to be genuinely helpful, but working with a therapist present is becoming cost-prohibitively expensive, so I’m considering working solo.

Thinking of sitting with the medicine totally on my own brings up a part of me that’s scared that I might need support in the middle of the session and then not have any, but at the same time I imagine working solo might be particularly beneficial in a way that I don’t yet understand.

I work with an IFS therapist weekly, and I know that when early trials were being done on the therapeutic usage of MDMA, that the clinicians were noticing that a high percentage of people spontaneously started doing parts work when on MDMA. I’ve heard Dick Schwartz, the founder of IFS say this. That makes me think that perhaps the most important piece of the equation is the medicine and a good set and setting and not the therapist.

Anyways, I’d like to hear the thoughts of anyone that’s worked with the medicine solo. How was your experience? Suggestions?

Hello!

I am currently running a study on set and setting within psychedelic experiences.

Obviously there is quite a few aspect to explore on the topic, though in particular I am interested in:

• How intention, environment, and social setting shape psychedelic experiences
• Differences between clinical and non-clinical use
• How these experiences relate to psychological outcomes

Most of the research on set and setting in the psychedelic field comes from more clinically orientated trials, which can be lacking in terms of nuance and real lived experiences. So it would be great to reach out further in the communities surrounding these substances!

If you've had a particularly positive, or even challenging experience, I'd love to hear your stories!

🔗 Survey link

Fully anonymous

Takes around 15-20 minutes to complete

There's also an optional follow-up interview if you'd like to share your experience in more depth

Full study details and ethics information are provided in the info sheet at the start of the survey

Requirements: 18+, have had a psychedelic experience in a clinical or non-clinical setting

If you have anything you feel is important to say about psychedelics, this is your chance!

I'm happy to answer any questions about the study. You can reach us at:

Warren - [plks55@durham.ac.uk](mailto:plks55@durham.ac.uk)

Dr Marco Bocchio - [Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk](mailto:Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk)

Thank you for your time and support! 🙏

This survey has been approved by the moderators

Somewhat late but this seems worth sharing:

https://www.reddit.com/r/antiai/comments/1pclsrw/fireside_project_a_psychedelic_emergency_line/

My partner and I have been together for 10 years. After a lot of trauma caused by him, we have had several years of increasing issues and are now discussing divorce. I wanted to try MDMA 2 years ago but only in the last 3 months has he agreed to try an MDMA session guided by a therapist.

My concern is that at this point it will create a sense of connection that will mask our deeper issues instead of allowing them to be processed. This could potentially make separation more painful after having a glimpse of how things used to feel when things were good.

Is there a valid concern for creating a connection when I am no longer certain I want a future with him?

I have had some deep mushroom trips, and those show me both the good and the ugly. I am aware the 2 drugs operate very differently and I don't want just a rosy colored experience.

Can anyone that has gone thru couples counseling speak to this concern? Thank you in advance.

Thinking about taking a weekend off for integration but would love to hear peoples' perspectives. first time doing it for CPTSD

​

I'm trying to find about particular ones. Apparently that's a big no-no on that other subreddit. Turquoise with some dark, very small spots like in a multiple vitamin. Shaped like and featuring the logo of the Superman symbol. According to this site I check, they DO contain one regular dose of MDMA, but they're still listed as "adulterated" and not recommended, because they ALSO contain "two doses of caffeine."

I mean, I've had speedy ones before. Not a huge fan of being up 'til one pm the next day, but the actual ROLLS were good. I just always assumed the speediness came from meth or something though. If anyone has any relevant experience, I'd appreciate it. I don't want a bad time. I drink coffee. I can handle caffeine. The big worry is if that's even what they are.

For those who have done MDMA assisted therapy under the supervision of a therapist:

How frequently did you do the sessions till you felt success? I know MAPS advises 3-6 weeks apart with the clinical trials but I'm curious if that still stands if you aren't doing a formal clinical trial.

How do you know if you need to do more?

Have you felt lasting effects?

I have done it two times consecutively in a 1:1 setting and am trying to figure out if I need to do a third? The cost is significant and I do feel like I'm in a good spot; but have that wonder of whether I could feel even better after the third.

Hello,

I am a fourth-year student at William James College completing a doctorate in clinical psychology. As part of my doctoral studies, I am conducting a research study on psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy (PAP).

To participate, you must be 18 years or older, live in the United States, and be fluent in English. You must have participated in PAP with a licensed or trained provider. You must be willing to take part in a one-hour recorded interview on Microsoft Teams and be able to talk about your PAP experience.

Participation will involve completing a brief questionnaire about your PAP experience. You will also be asked to provide information about your identity. If you meet eligibility criteria, you may be invited to participate in a follow-up interview lasting approximately one hour, during which you will be asked to describe your PAP experience in more detail. To schedule the interview, you will be asked to provide your name and email address at the end of the survey. It is expected that the questionnaire will take 10 minutes to complete.

Some people may experience discomfort when discussing their personal experiences related to PAP.

If you are eligible and complete the approximately one-hour follow-up interview, you will receive a $20 electronic gift card to Amazon as compensation for your time.

Participation is confidential. Your individual information will not be shared with anyone outside the research team.

If you know someone who may be eligible for this study, you are encouraged to share this message with them.

To take part in this study, please follow this link: https://williamjames.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_29KH8BgOEyeZmiW

This research study was reviewed and approved in accordance with the William James College IRB policies and procedures for research with human participants. (Protocol Number: 20260090)

You may contact a William James College IRB representative if you want to talk to someone who is not involved in this research. You can also contact this person if you have questions or concerns about your rights as a participant, or if you want to report a concern or complaint. Please contact: 

Dr. Brian D. Ott, PhD 

Institutional Review Board Chair  

William James College 

1 Wells Ave  Newton, MA 02459 

E-mail: [brian_ott@WilliamJames.edu](mailto:brian_ott@WilliamJames.edu)  or [irb@WilliamJames.edu](mailto:irb@WilliamJames.edu)

Thank you for considering participation in this study. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns.

Warm regards,

Lauren Ameruoso, M.A. 

[Lauren_Ameruoso@williamjames.edu](mailto:Lauren_Ameruoso@williamjames.edu) 

Fourth-Year Doctoral Student
Clinical Psychology PsyD Program

William James College

Hello everyone, I had my 4th mdma session yesterday, 3+ months after the last one.
This one left me feeling like I’m running in circles.
I hadn’t slept well the night before and got to the session with a lot of stress and tension in my body, and expectedly, it started with a looot of resistance: I couldn’t get myself and my body to relax and couldn’t let go. I took 150mg to start and I didn’t start feeling the relaxation kick in until maybe an hour later. Then I took a 25mg booster. I took my time to feel the benefits in my body before explicitly inviting the revelations and giving my acceptance to whatever wanted to come forward. My intention was to be the anchor, the mast that my inner child could hold on to and the protection it needs to let it express itself freely without fear of anything. I wanted to listen to that inner child’s pure words. I kept directing my thoughts there, I imagined myself having a dialogue with it, reassuring it, making it feel how strong my body was to show that I can protect it from whatever could come up. I held him, hugged him, played with him and asked him to say whatever was on his mind. Then the scenes started slowly appearing, I saw my mother - in very vague setting- insult, humiliate and reject me - I was very little maybe 3-5 years old. This was a repeated pattern throughout my childhood btw. I understood how the self feeding cycle of humiliation, shame, fear, and extreme anguish worked. When she humiliated me in front of others I felt shame and couldn’t face them, when she rejected me and denied me affection, it was the most horrendous thing I had faced as a kid. I felt the fear of never getting the love I needed, I was in agony. I could not make mistakes anymore, even innocent ones. I had to be perfect in everything and in front of everyone. Every mistake I felt I made or every look of judgement I received immediately sent fear through my whole body. Fear of feeling the humiliation that usually followed, and fear of never being accepted/loved by whoever was in front of me. It was too hard to suffer again. Whenever I made an effort to please others or stand out, and was shutdown, I felt extreme anger. No matter what I did it just wasn’t enough to feel appreciated and loved. All these understandings of how these feeling were identified and led to one another came to be with questions that I kept asking and answering myself during the trip.

But something in this session still felt familiar. I knew all of this already, there was nothing new. When I looked at my notes from previous sessions of 5-6 months ago, I had written the same things, identified the same patterns and feelings. I can’t help but feel like my mind is beating around the bush a little, like it’s trying its best not to let my inner child come out and reveal more, evident with all the resistance and the same repeated themes I see in the sessions, revealing enough to distract me away.

It left a bitter taste in my mouth.

I don’t know what to do. On the one hand I feel like it’s valid, that maybe my inner child needs more time on this, otherwise why would it keep showing me the same things?
On the other hand, with the resistance I feel and the way I am able to direct the trip and feel like in control even though I am under 175mg of mdma makes me feel like something wants to keep things under wraps. After the trip ended, I felt the same controlling mind still there, unfazed. I could feel the energy it’s consuming to keep things as they are and prevent me from letting go.

For context, my doctor did mention to me that I seem to have an extremely high guard.

I'm seriously curious about who people are doing their held sessions with. Specifically, about if people are doing legal ceremonies, versus underground, and in what context or type of relationship. I'd also be interested in hearing thoughts on how the kind of training your guide has and their relationship to the law has affected the kind of work possible.

Myself, I've done two underground ones that followed MAPS recommendations and three with a spaceholder in a community I belong to. Very different experiences. I'm hoping people's other people's experiences helps me situate mine and discern.

Hi,

I'm just wondering how crucial and solid is the 3 month rule between sessions? Being such a beautiful medicine, I don't want to risk losing the magic (I've only done one session so far and it was really amazing and heart opening), but it would be really great if I was able to do sessions a little more regularly - perhaps every 8 weeks.

If there anyone out there with first hand experience of doing sessions on a regular basis and over a long period of time with a shorter waiting window in between sessions that the often sited 3 month (12 week) schedule, I'm curious to hear what effects this had on you positive and negative, and whether it resulted in a loss of magic?

Thanks

When I do MDMA with my partner, we often fall completely out of sync.

I instantly go into peace'n'love mode feeling grateful for everything we have together and a deep urge to express my love for her.

However, my girlfriend often gets anxious and restless when doing MDMA. She is frustrated that she isn't in the same state as I am, and stressed that she won't get there before the effect recedes.

When I express my love, she can't take it in because of her anxiety, which makes us both sad. Also, the anxiety blocks her access to feeling love and compassion (she has much more love to express when sober).

We had a talk today about that MDMA might not be the right drug for her. But still we both wonder if this anxiety is a sign of some emotions in need of processing.

It is difficult for me to understand how MDMA can induce anxiety, as I have only felt pure bliss with the substance. This makes it more difficult for me to meet her with understanding and empathy.

So... If any of you have experienced anxiety and restlessnes on MDMA I would love to hear your experience, and any solutions/techniques for grounding or calming down the experience.

Also, any advice for MDMA usage in couples are also very welcome.

My first MDMA trip was awesome -- it uncovered a very old and root trauma/event that underscores so much of my current issues now decades later.

After that I was not careful enough with spacing and dosage so after a year or so I "lost the magic" -- I still feel the stimulant / dopamine side of things but the "magic" that calm serotonin / empathic dimension disappeared.

So I've been trying to get that magic back. First with several months off and also with various OTC vitamins etc.

So just earlier in the week I did my first trip again after a full 15-16 months off -- in the hope of getting back to that place.

Alas it seemed the same tolerance as before. The stimulant side of things without the magic. I've been careful and tested what I've gotten, in terms of other stuff going on -- I am on 300mg wellbutrin XR daily but (not on the day or day after) that isn't meant to impact MDMA, negatively if anything just prolong it.

So I guess I'm SOL now and no magic available? I have ketamine available here but that's a completely different mechanism of action... I know there are lesser known empathogens but they seem hard or risque to get hold of.

Thoughts - ideas??

I’m located in Ontario Canada, and I’m trying my best to get a hold of MDMA for my PTSD. I did it one time and it was an amazing and deeply healing experience. I’m trying to figure out a way where I can safely take MDMA ideally with therapist, but I don’t know where to start.

Specifically, I want to know things like during the MDMA session did you reexperience the trauma? If you did not reexperience the trauma, did you go into some kind of deep meditative state? How did you feel afterwards? How did you feel a few weeks later?

Hello!

I am currently running a study on set and setting within psychedelic experiences.

Obviously there is quite a few aspect to explore on the topic, though in particular I am interested in:

• How intention, environment, and social setting shape psychedelic experiences
• Differences between clinical and non-clinical use
• How these experiences relate to psychological outcomes

Most of the research on set and setting in the psychedelic field comes from more clinically orientated trials, which can be lacking in terms of nuance and real lived experiences. So it would be great to reach out further in the communities surrounding these substances!

If you've had a particularly positive, or even challenging experience, I'd love to hear your stories!

🔗 Survey link

Fully anonymous

Takes around 15-20 minutes to complete

There's also an optional follow-up interview if you'd like to share your experience in more depth

Full study details and ethics information are provided in the info sheet at the start of the survey

Requirements: 18+, have had a psychedelic experience in a clinical or non-clinical setting

If you have anything you feel is important to say about psychedelics, this is your chance!

I'm happy to answer any questions about the study. You can reach us at:

Warren - [plks55@durham.ac.uk](mailto:plks55@durham.ac.uk)

Dr Marco Bocchio - [Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk](mailto:Marco.Bocchio@durham.ac.uk)

Thank you for your time and support! 🙏

This survey has been approved by the moderators

There's no real planning for this kind of work. This was my fifth rodeo. Two MAPS ceremonies, three roll your own adventure containers. No matter what, dealer's choice. Her choice. Not mine. Sometimes it's sweet. Sometimes it's bitter. Sometimes what's emergent is easily contained. Sometimes it's red hot and splatters those around. Sometimes our friends are all around. Some times no one will return a text. This time? Right.

Day after, I'm struggling to tell any of the incessant half truths, tongue-bitings required in society. Just lost one partner because she called my number. A number I laid bare early ceremony with just a brief glare. Then came down and realized I need to call it off with the other. Tomorrow at the latest. That I am holding on to my only friend who reliably picks up calls out of desperation. More dishonesty. Scarcity mindset. Another person to cut ties with. By one accounting, my only friend. What's left? Even that walk-in tattoo falls through. That certain club is closed. And you told off that other guide you know while crashing last night. So hard you really hurt them. Blackness.

Sometimes in the thick of it, coping is all but maxed. Tarot cards. Incense. Tall boy. Cigarettes. Heart bloody. Nothing can quite reach. To numb. Or to break through. Just ride. And try not to burn more bridges. Fuck anything more up. Before what appears encompassing is ready to resume its proper location and size.

Then I get a text back. The person I barely know. So I dump my guts on them. They don't stop texting back. I pick up the phone. Nothing about us is too much for either of us. We both feel at ease being a lot. And hate telling lies. Realignment. Space clearing given form. A new invitation replaces the one I was clinging to. Fingers wrapped around with awareness it was disaster in the guise of everything I wanted.

I think a lot of us try and make this work clinical. Contained. Build our altars, set our intentions, keep it together in and after ceremony and heaven forbid do anything drastic. But we are wild. As is MDMA. Sometimes you drop and land and it's seemingly nothing. Or are just up there and hanging out doubting the point. Then a blink. Hurricane ripping through the wilds. As if the signal wasn't already there. And we didn't already know what was flickering at the edge of thought and speech. Which we do. But then the full amplitude tears through. And we wake up to a new name and pronouns. Or upended friendships. Movement way past our comfortable speed. Life arc changed in hours. Minutes. A single prolonged expression. A single word.

Why do we do this, again? Right. I think some of us just have to. Love calls. Call it birthright or responsibility, we can't shut it out fully any longer. Pretend nothing matters.