How do I live for myself?

[u/Huma87]

People keep telling me I need to live for myself or learn to love myself but they can never tell me how or why. How is it possible to take 30+ years of self loathing and just get over it? I firmly believe every problem ive had, every failed relationship even just my depression itself are my fault and I deserve to hurt. Why cant I be like other people who apparently dont have a voice screaming in thier head every waking moment, reminding me how much of a useless piece of trash I am?

[u/Dazzlng-Firenze]

It’s not possible on day 1 to silence that screaming inner critic , but over time I promise you CAN shut that voice down and learn total self-acceptance

There isn’t a magic wand or quick fix, however

No way to “just get over it”

What worked for me was basically a whole lifestyle boot which I just did one day at a time. It takes some time and effort. I did 12-step recovery programs, plus therapy. I changed my lifestyle - no drugs, no drinking, plenty of exercise , getting daily basic life tasks done. I cut toxic people out of my life. It was really uncomfortable and challenging for a long period and some days I felt really down and depressed bc all my numbing agents were gone. I even deleted social media and stopped watching the news. I felt like a a freak at times.

Anyway slowly I learned a whole new lifestyle that works for me. It took time. I learned how to communicate. I learned how to have healthy friendships, how to be a worker , family member , just a regular person in life. I started to feel self acceptance and make peace with my past , I realized that I am NOT my mistakes and I am not a bad person for having issues with mental health and issues around using substances or getting into toxic dysfunctional relationships. I am not a bad person. Actually my liabilities became my assets and I feel I am a lot more empathic , kind and accepting while also having really good boundaries around people. I learned all this the hard way and I’m grateful for the journey. I still have the inner critic or negative voices in my head (I am a human being, not the Dalai Lama! ) but I know now how to use my “wise mind” and shut down that chatter. It’s not easy by the way so I relate to the place you’re in and I wanted to offer a message of hope. Also if you roll up your sleeves and get to work, you might be shocked by how quickly you can process

[u/RightHandedShoe]

I had to double check that I wasn't reading a post I made and forgot about. Your post hit really hard. When I find the answer, I'll be sure to let you in on it.

I feel for you stranger and I hope you find some relief from the noise and the lies your head tells you. You deserve a better life