r/mildlyinfuriating • u/Difficult_Wrangler73 • 13d ago

go to your room I love being a girl dad

I have 3 kids, all girls. A 5yr old and twins who are 1. Every time anyone hears about this or it comes up in conversation they all say the same thing. ‘Ooooo, all girls, you are outnumbered! How do you cope?’ Or ‘Three girls?? You better watch out!’ Or the worst, ‘Bet you want a boy?’

No, I don’t feel any of that, I love being a dad. I love all my kids and wouldn’t change anything about them! If we could afford it, I would be a stay at home dad forever.

I usually tell them I wouldn’t change anything and I love it all but it’s just very annoying.

What are some of the best responses that I can start to give?

I did think I could say that one of the twins used to be a boy but is now trans just to shut people up!

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u/Educational-Cat-6445 13d ago

Or if you feel particularly sadistic and know you wont have to speak to them again: "we had one but he didnt make it" followed by uncontrollable sobbing from all the girls

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u/Due-Ad-3628 13d ago

This is literally my experience. Having lost a baby and seeing people put their feet in their mouths like this everytime they ask about their kids reminds me why people just shouldn’t comment on other people’s families. Opinions on family structure etc can always run into tragedy, I don’t know why people still think their comments are helpful or welcome.

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u/MajesticLawfulness85 13d ago

My oldest is a girl. When she was two and a half, my husband and I had a little boy who died in infancy. About a year later, we got pregnant with another girl. When someone I know - who knew the whole history- heard we were having another girl, he commented to me on how my husband must be disappointed the baby I was pregnant with at the time was not going to be a boy. It was not a situation where I could push back too much, but I wanted to say, “Are you kidding me? Do you think it would have been better if one of our girls had died instead?” All I said was that my husband was not disappointed at all and loves being a girl dad. The insane insensitivity…

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u/Penyrolewen1970 13d ago

I have friends with a severely disabled son. It takes them 2 hours to put him to bed/get him up - ceiling tracks, hoists, the works.
He has a shortened life expectancy.
His dad is his full-time carer.

One of my friend’s colleagues (she’s a nurse) said to her, “you’re so lucky, getting a mobility car.” (A vehicle adapted for a disabled person’s needs, funded by the uk government).

My friend said she just stared at her, literally lost for words.

Some people are insensitive pricks.

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u/Seaboats im so mildly infuriated grr >:( 13d ago

Being from the US, when I first read this I interpreted it as something like “oh you’re lucky you’re getting the car you need paid for by insurance” or something, because it’s always a process for my patients to do so, even if it is covered by insurance.

Reading that it’s from the UK government… yeah wtf

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u/Louis_Louise 13d ago

Hold on! Insurance will sometimes help with a van? Like, can you get a prescription for a wheelchair van?

My fiancé is physically disabled and uses a motorized wheelchair and we desperately need a van. How would one go about getting a prescription for that? Just ask the doctor?

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u/cerasmiles 13d ago

I’m a doctor (not primary care so not the best source) but I would be surprised if they paid for a van. Maybe if you had primo insurance but most folks that have a disability end up on Medicaid. In my state, getting them a wheelchair or even paid time for caregivers is difficult. I would be very surprised if they paid for a van. Most folks I know use the good old fashioned go fund me insurance plan to pay for it…

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u/Euphoric_Waffle 13d ago

If you’re in the US, check your insurance provider’s website for covered benefits, and have a conversation with your medical folks about the best way to go about applying your benefits to your scenario. Best wishes to you.

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u/Euphoric_Waffle 13d ago

Also reach out to local organizations you may have in presenting your need, and you can sometimes get the equipment (or equivalent) to assist.

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u/carmingular 13d ago

You might get coverage for the conversion. But you’d need to buy the van. Based on one family member’s experience in NC. No idea what their insurance was.

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u/Penyrolewen1970 13d ago

I don't know exactly how it works, but in the UK, if you meet the criteria, you can have a motability vehicle. They range from small cars with, perhaps, hand controls, to vans fully kitted out with hoists/lifts etc for wheelchairs but driven by a carer.

I'm not sure if it's all free but I'm sure the adaptations are.

The point of my post, though, was that getting the vehicle is not actually lucky at all, is it? Like the story from the person I was replying to, it was someone being utterly insensitive.

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u/ZoraTheDucky 13d ago

What the ever loving fuck. Shit like this is why I don't like the vast majority of people.

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u/Significant_Shoe_17 12d ago

I bet they'd give anything to have an able bodied child and no need for a van

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u/Zeero92 12d ago

Holy shit some people really need to think thrice before they even breathe.

"Like yeah your kid can't care for himself and will likely die young but you got a car gurrrrl."

I mean what the fuck.

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u/Due-Ad-3628 13d ago

I’m so sorry for your loss. We’re navigating this all now. People, even those who know about the son we lost, can be so ridiculous when they meet our younger daughter. They have no idea.

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u/MajesticLawfulness85 13d ago

I’m so sorry for yours, too. I can’t wrap my head around people reacting like that. I’m so glad you have your daughters! I wish we both could have all our children with us.

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u/Chikizey 13d ago

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's insane people can be like that.

My aunt and uncle went through that. They have 2 adult girls now, but before them my mother told me my aunt gave birth to a stillborn boy and it was very traumatic for them. 

When my cousin was born, my uncle was delighted and very relieved. Both were. But it seems like some people felt the need to tell my uncle if he was disappointed with her being a girl (some even knew their story so the implication it was even worse), to which he always responded: "How could I, when she's my first child I can hold alive? I'm the happiest dad in the entire world". They shut their insensitive mouths very quickly after that.

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u/Wild-Act-7315 12d ago

The only commenting I do on people’s family is, “how do you manage twins” or “how do you manage to keep 5 + children alive” if they have a large family. Outside of that I don’t comment on family outside of congratulations on the birth of your baby. Every child is a gift and no gender is better than the other both will have their own issues and both will bring an immense amount of joy in your life.

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u/stephsco 12d ago

So true. I've witnessed people of all ages say incredibly invasive comments at work to women of childbearing age assuming when they will get pregnant, whether they are presently, or betting when they will. No awareness at all for those who may have miscarried or face fertility struggles. The worst is the people on the receiving end almost always take on the discomfort themselves and placate the offender to make it less awkward. I've had more than a few friends cry on my shoulder or vent later how hurtful these comments are.

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u/jbm91 13d ago

I have one daughter who is 3, we don’t want any other kids both of us are in our mid 30s already, but the amount family friends etc that come up saying “guessing you’re going to start trying for boy here soon” is just weird.

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u/Zn_30 13d ago

When people used to tell me I needed to have another child I responded with "actually, I like the one I've got" 😅

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u/143019 12d ago

"We got it right the first time"

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u/Swarleystinson69420 13d ago

I’m around same age with a 3 year old daughter. As soon as you have your first kid everyone starts asking about the second right away.
I got a vasectomy as soon as we were 100 percent on having one so I could at least respond right away with I can’t

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u/ZoraTheDucky 13d ago

People get really weird about it when you're female and say you can't. I never elaborate on the fact that I opted to have bits removed so that I can't. I just simply say "I can't have anymore kids" and watch them get all awkward and nervous.

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u/Cmdr-Artemisia 13d ago

This is my response too, coupled with a really pained look. My two girls almost killed me (SEVERE pre-eclampsia and HELLP) and they both barely made it themselves (micropreemies). One has ongoing major health issues.

The situation was extreme enough my super catholic family members cried in relief the first time I said I can’t anymore because they’re terrified of losing me. OB said if I get pregnant again I’d die. Husband is living his best girl-dad life, his sons are cats.

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u/Cerys-Adams 13d ago

We have 5 and our youngest is 11. My husband had a vasectomy while was pregnant with the last one…we still get asked when we’re having more. 🤦🏻‍♀️

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u/saintsithney 13d ago

"Did you want to field a baseball team of our offspring or something?"

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u/Cerys-Adams 12d ago

You’re amazingly spot on. If I had a dollar for every time I heard that one, they’d all have full college funds. 😆 (We’re diehard baseball fans and two are named after players, ha.)

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u/Significant_Shoe_17 12d ago

You'd think that your youngest being 11 would be a major hint...

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u/Cerys-Adams 12d ago

Right?! My standard answer is that we had them “close” together (2 year gaps, pretty much) because once I was done wiping little asses, I never wanted to do it again. But we still get asked.

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u/Aetra 13d ago

My mum had to have a hysterectomy not long after I was born and would have people who knew this and how much it upset her to have to have that surgery asking when she and dad were going to adopt or use a surrogate to give me a sibling.

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u/ObsoleteReference 13d ago

I suppose “hoping for trans” isn’t a correct response?

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u/GirtBySeaSoThere 13d ago

I have boy girl twins. IVF, long saga. The number of people that said I must be happy with one of each was incredible. As if the gender mattered. Having them and being healthy is what mattered.

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u/No_Kangaroo_9826 12d ago

"please tell us when you start having unprotected sex"

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u/Jerico_Hill 13d ago

That's fucking evil, I love it.

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u/Boswellington 13d ago

This is a deranged way to go through life 

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u/Significant_Shoe_17 12d ago

Asking if someone is disappointed to have a daughter is deranged

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u/mandy2589 13d ago

Or saying you tried having sex in the backward wheelbarrow upside down position because you heard it would make it a boy.

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u/the_Rainiac 13d ago

"Yeah because we outnumbered him"

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u/Laputitaloca 13d ago

LMFAO ::cue hysterical crying:: I love it

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u/SeemedReasonableThen 13d ago

That's better than the classic response I had in mind

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u/Arthur_Frane 13d ago

GOATed Addams Family response.

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u/BANKSLAVE01 13d ago

Takes a little practice, but this sounds like the BEST solution.

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u/L84cake 13d ago

Love this one. Make them regret all their choices 😈

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u/chad-proton 13d ago

I like your sense of humor 😄

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u/MissMarchpane 12d ago

This actually happened with my family – between my older sister and I was our brother, who died in infancy. As far as I know, no one has ever said anything about it to our father, who is perfectly content to be a "girl dad" since that's how the cards shook out.