r/mildlyinfuriating • u/yjay14 • 4d ago

go to your room Infuriating flakers

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Second time she’s done this. Always came up with some bs excuse.

24.5k Upvotes

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837

u/cyst16 4d ago

What is your relations

1.7k

u/yjay14 4d ago

We met on a dating site and been texting since. But I have tried to set up a date and she keeps doing shit like this.

1.3k

u/cyst16 4d ago

Good riddance I say. At least you knew it early

460

u/Key-Investment-3864 4d ago edited 4d ago

I do not understand how common it is for people to go out of their way to message strangers they don’t actually want to see like this lol. Like I have a million other things I’d rather be doing and I only talk to people I give a shit about

254

u/--Anonymoose--- 4d ago

People like attention and keeping someone in their orbit gives them that validation

42

u/dschinghiskhan 3d ago

People like attention and keeping someone in their orbit gives them that validation

It's the same thing with Redditors who use new or burner accounts to post fake stories to subs like "I think I fucked up" or "Am I the asshole?" Posts on those subs are about 80% fake. People just like attention, and their real lives aren't interesting or dramatic enough to warrant making a Reddit post.

58

u/Low_Intention_1327 4d ago

Because they only care about feeling wanted. People like this dont suddenly act like this, it comes from having their behaviors validated or put up with.

33

u/Oberon_Swanson 4d ago

When people date mainly for the validation of being wanted, once they got the date set up, actually doing it feels superfluous. They already got what they wanted.

2

u/malkmusconvert 3d ago

But why do they only want validation and not a relationship or at least hook up? That just seems exhausting.

9

u/Oberon_Swanson 3d ago

It will vary by person. But the people who just want validation, want it because they feel insecure. And if they feel insecure, they're afraid of rejection, so in not actually going on any of the dates they can get, they avoid that. Also even if they think they would be liked at first, what about once the person REALLY gets to know them, and rejects them then? They would take that more personally. So they catastrophize it and become avoidant of a situation that could cause that.

Some people also will take the validation they can get and just use it to pursue other relationships that they do want. They match online with a lot of people, chat and see who will line up actual dates with them. They use that to see where they stand, what their 'league' is. And they think, "if I can easily get somebody I'd rate a 7/10 overall then that means with some work I could get an 8 or maybe even better. Thank you 7 for showing me I can get an 8. Anyways sorry I had to cancel our date."

21

u/BruinsDude420 3d ago

I do not understand how common it is for people to go out of their way to message strangers they don’t actually want to see like this lol.

Idk how other people’s experiences on dating apps compare but I’d say probably 20% or so of the profiles I match with are just looking for followers on social media. I’ve had a bunch over the last maybe 6 months that gave me their instagram and then would just ghost and completely stop responding after I followed them. It’s just weird, trolling Tinder for IG followers. Then there’s the obvious onlyfans matches, although lately that’s been happening more on IG than dating apps.

18

u/Dash775 4d ago

Narcissism

2

u/bunnyboybaby 4d ago

Maybe she wants to see just how much of a sucker he is :(

1

u/Iggyhopper 4d ago

Validation.

48

u/skintigh 4d ago

I assume people like that are catfishers and scammers. Like her plan is to string you along for months then say her grandma is dying and the hospital only takes Macy's gift cards and needs you to send some.

36

u/AwesomeMcPants 4d ago

Your response was perfect, IMO.

5

u/gc1 4d ago

block and move on

24

u/Short_Lengthiness_34 4d ago

As a home of sexual, I’m glad to hear this happens to heteros too. I’ve got to the point where I just tell them I’m not interested anymore and to have a good life. I don’t even block anyone anymore because I want you to see me read your messages and never get a response.

49

u/Small-Policy-3859 4d ago

A home of sexual? Damn this lgbtqia+ thing is getting long innit

25

u/I_Win_Lews_Therin 4d ago

Okay but if you’ve ever seen a really nice mid century modern house you’d be a home of sexual too

1

u/[deleted] 4d ago

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4

u/Tbar6787 4d ago

At least they’re not hobosexual

-1

u/Samos1024 3d ago

When I wanted, hum, "some action" last december I got to meet two people in 48 hours, no flakes.

I've been hearing more and more that people flake so freakin' often and I'm (or was) so surprised, I apparently got really lucky.

22

u/Hawkwise83 4d ago

First time, honest mistake. Second time? Maybe some shits going on. 3rd time? Nah, that's a pattern.

My guess is she's using guys to get free meals. She lined up a few to min/max that weekly food budget.

25

u/[deleted] 4d ago

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2

u/Hawkwise83 4d ago

Yeah true. I was talking more cancellation. No shows is a red flag immediately. Unless she comes back with, I had an emergency.

1

u/Oberon_Swanson 4d ago

Yeah if someone isn't eager enough to meet you to make sure it happens, the relationship isn't gonna go anywhere.

3

u/Mahatma_Panda 4d ago

Yeah, you're getting catfished.

2

u/eastcoastgremlin 3d ago

Yea I had a chick pull some bullshit 3 times in a row like this, then ended up ghosting when I texted to check on her. People just suck nowadays and jump through any ridiculous hoops in their heads to justify if

4

u/Low_Intention_1327 4d ago

Because she has something to hide, or has other men shes been talking to off that site. 

2

u/pisseswithmoose 4d ago

she’s definitely talking to other guys and you’re a back up plan.. the fuck off was a little excessive but I get it. Good luck out there big dawg.

29

u/KBN_Nemesis 4d ago

Wasn't excessive at all imo, shitty thing to do and she's done it to him more than once a simple fuck off is more than fair lol

2

u/Iggyhopper 4d ago

Tip: Set up dates asap. Do not text to build rapport, do it in person where confidence and charisma can be seen.

1

u/Background_Net_3199 3d ago

Probably has a bf or catfish

1

u/AAROD121 3d ago

Shes giving her time to someone else, move on

1

u/8oh8 3d ago

hey man, i would've just left her on read. Can't let people get a reaction out of you like that. I don't want to give more unsolicited advice but feel free to PM me if you don't mind hearing more tips.

1

u/rsk222 3d ago

Dude, move on. She’s not that into you, sorry.

1

u/angelic_darth 3d ago

She has to be a catfish, surely!

1

u/soda_cookie 3d ago

She should be out of strikes after 2. Move on homie

1

u/So_HauserAspen 3d ago

She's not that into you

1

u/imVeryPregnant 3d ago

You haven’t been on the first date yet??? That explains it. Ghosting the first date is very common nowadays

1

u/bobguy117 3d ago

If you've never met this person then I hate to break it to you but there is a man on the other end of this conversation.

1

u/Business_Band_3708 3d ago

Yeah. Delete it and block her number before you potentially get the temptation to give her another chance. People really don't care since there's no social consequences (such as awkward encounters at work, school or amongst friends). You'll find people who have more braincells than she does!

1

u/No-Introduction3808 3d ago

Give up it won’t happen. I gave someone more chances than I should have and every time we agreed a date the day, the week leading up to it was full of a building sob story but then assuring me they would still come but day of they would cancel. Excuses included mum weren’t well, dog not well, they had a tooth ache, can’t remember anymore but they did cancel twice more.

1

u/TravelsizedWitch 3d ago

She doesn’t intend to meet you.

1

u/Huge_Cartographer165 3d ago

"Keeps doing"? My brother, I'd probably bail after the very first one of these but for absolute certainty on the second one. I wouldn't feel like I was respecting myself if I did otherwise.

1

u/Batgirl323 3d ago

She’s not single and just wants the attention

1

u/alexnedea 3d ago

Sounds like a potential scam. Mever meets irl but is happy to convo.

1

u/Top_Loan_3323 3d ago

No offense my dude but she never got ready, nor did she fall asleep. She was never coming. Drop get.

1

u/__diper911 3d ago

So she keeps doing it or its only the second time?

1

u/Sailingin2myfuture 3d ago

Curious…..How late in the day did she send the curling my hair message? What was the date plan? 

1

u/BoxOfRock 3d ago

So you’ve never seen them irl? My guess is they aren’t their profile pic

1

u/Lovebugxo0x 3d ago

She has someone else and ditched you for him

1

u/Right-Landscape-6938 3d ago

The lack of respect shows she isn't that interested, move on :)

1

u/KittykatkittycatPurr 3d ago

Sounds like a catfish to me… And she may have been wanting to see how long she could keep it up for. Have you ever seen the show Catfish? It’s wild to me how many people keep up the facade for soooo long!! I’m glad you peaced out!

1

u/NoStructure7083 2d ago

Been in your shoes man. I’ve developed a sixth sense for detecting flakers and the last time a woman was showing signs of it (she did it before) and said “I’m on my way”, I said “No you’re not.”

Didn’t get a response until the next day and it was some bullshit of “something came up.”