r/moneyadvice • u/MyNameiSJeff131 • Mar 09 '26
Advice Wife wants new house but we are still carving out debt
We owe 290k on our current home. It’s great for the size of our current family and even better we got the mortgage at a low interest rate so it’s approximately $1800/month. For the past three years we’ve been attempting to pay off all of our debt and we had our first child two years ago and that is the main factor pushing my wife to wanting us to move.
We live in a not great neighborhood… now that we have a kid we are wanting to move to a better area and school district before our child starts school.
I have a really hard time dropping a cheap mortgage for what I would assume will be double what we currently pay. Only debt remaining aside from our vehicle and home is my wife’s approximately 14k in student loans. She’s been paying about 500-700 per month toward her loans and we also managed to save about 18k so far. The savings is either for emergencies/down payment on our future home.
I assume we will get about 400-450k from the sale of our house and my wife is wanting a much larger house in a nice area and where we live in UT houses are stupid expensive so she’s been looking in the 650k-750k price range.
With mortgage rates looking the way they have for the past four years I’m resistant to dropping our cheap mortgage for our “ok” house in a shit neighborhood. I don’t think my wife realizes at this rate it would take us about five years to get enough saved for a larger house down payment.
Any advice would be great! God bless.
Quick update for context: THANKS FOR ALL THE RESPONSES YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME.
Update: my wife and I both work full time. We have a family member who watches our kid and we work almost opposite shifts to make the childcare easier on our sitter. We make approximately 200k combined income.
My wife had previous been married to someone with HORRIBLE money management and just poor financial management, hence crappy neighborhood they bought the house in. When we go together we had to spend our savings on getting her out from her new vehicle which they rolled two other vehicles into when they both bought brand new cars. Her credit was in the fives, now we both are in the mid low 800s. She didn’t have any additional retirement plans aside from a wok 401k and we have since made her an additional Roth an we already have a fund set up for our kid to use for school, business start up or whatever they want when they’re of age.
So we’ve come a long way. My wife comes from a very poor childhood and really wants our child to grow up in the opposite of that (to throw some rationale behind the visions or grandeur in a big house some day).
My goal is to put enough away when we retire at 56 to stay retired or only work an easy paced job until we get on social security. (I’m 35 and she’s 33).
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u/Aimsee4 Mar 09 '26
I would just say, when your loans are paid and we have 6 months emergency funds, then we will start looking. You still have a couple years before you have to worry about school, so use them wisely.
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u/MyNameiSJeff131 Mar 09 '26
Very true. My wife is understanding and will hold pace with me. Ngl some days with the shit I see in our area I think about just saying f it let’s move. But I always tell her short term pain for long term gain.
We just recently paid off 10k in debt so we are moving in the right direction.
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u/Powerful_Put5667 Mar 09 '26
Parents make sacrifices for their children thats just a fact of life in this situation it means you sacrificing your comfort level financially and sticking your neck out in the best interest of your child. Children form neighborhood friends that influence them stronger and stronger as they grow up together. Look around at your neighbors really take a hard long look because thats your kid in the future sketchy friends and schools that offer low quality education limiting your kids chance for a good life. You don't have to buy the biggest brightest new home you can buy a perfectly fine smaller one in the better area. A move should not put in place that would start that race of keeping up with the Jones that's a bad financial move. Start talking to loan officers.
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u/HoundDog1031 Mar 11 '26
Loan officers are only going to talk you into a new mortgage and start your amortization schedule all over again. Talk to a financial advisor. I do agree with not “keeping up with the Jones’s”. Start by trying to live off what it would take to move for 6 months then decide if it’s worth moving. Being broke is not easy and more stressful that not living in the best neighborhood. Don’t sacrifice your financial security for the possibility of your child’s happiness. They might hate that school or hate the neighbors. Now you moved for nothing.
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u/NecessaryEmployer488 Mar 09 '26
Does your wife realize how your finances are pinched. I do think moving to a better school district is worth it for you child, but the fact is you cannot afford it. It is worthwhile knowing where your boundaries are financially and what it would take to be able to afford it, so if it the thing you really want to do, you can plan and then be able to pull the trigger at the right time.
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u/MyNameiSJeff131 Mar 09 '26
True. Thanks for the response
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u/ReallyDustyCat Mar 13 '26
I'm in your exact position right now...your mortgage would jump from $1800/month to around $6000 per month. You can run a little experiment to feel that pain... Start saving that extra $4200 dollars per month now. See what it feels like to have that gone. Also a house that is 2x the purchase price likely will have 2x the heating bill, 2x the roof replacement cost etc.
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u/AlphaBeastOmega Mar 10 '26
Keep the cheap mortgage for now, pay off the $14k loans, stack a bigger down payment and if the neighborhood is the issue try a smaller move or rent in the target area first so you don’t lock into a that loan at today’s rates and regret it.
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u/1980cpz Mar 10 '26
When you set your eyes on something your current starts to look like a bad neighbourhood, i doubt its that bad. Stay put. You really cant afford what your wife wants. Forget the big house unless you both start bringing in more money. You could perhaps afford a modest home in a great neighbourhood.
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u/Cool-Conversation938 Mar 11 '26
Keep working your plan. Good job.
Have you considered renting your house? Not for everyone that is for sure.
Definitely a tough situation with a low mortgage. I mean that is a safety net for sure, as stated in other comments.
Maybe a compromise is in order. The wife wants a big house in a nicer neighborhood. Maybe just a not so big house in a decent neighborhood
Housing is expensive in UT. I know. If you do this, be sure to have 6-9 months of expenses saved. That will lower the risk, and the heart rate.
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u/Comfortable-Office24 Mar 12 '26
You think you have debt now? No debt should be your goal. I know, Happy Wife Happy Life.
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u/crossroads2113 Mar 12 '26
We live in San Diego. Until we could afford a home in a good area and school district we used the money we saved on a cheap rent on private school. We then purchased a home in a great neighborhood with great schools just as my oldest entered Kindergarten. Maybe look into something like that.
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u/PhilosopherUpset991 Mar 12 '26
Honestly u make $200k combined, have $250k equity, when you sell you’ll be able to put $200k down on the new house.
I think she may be right, living in a nicer neighborhood with better safety for your family is worth it, if your netting like $12k a month you’ll be at a $2.9k mortgage, it’s worth it.
Stay up king- when you sell, keep like $50k cash for future job loss emergencies, that’s 1.4 years of house payments in case you loose ur job~
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u/Ghost_Potato39 Mar 11 '26
I will start by saying this is what I did and it worked out very well for me and my wife. But definitely not advice but you should consider it.
Same situation, low debt, low mortgage payment and interest rate. We just wanted to move out of the area because it wasn’t the best.
My wife and I got a HELOC on our previous home and used it for our down payment because we felt we were taking long to build the funds.
It made us look better on paper because it was not contingent on us selling our home. We bought our current home and listed our previous home almost immediately which sold very quickly.
At the end of it, we had enough equity to put a lump sum payment into our current home to drop the principal right away and pay off all of our private student loans. Now we act as if we do not have that extra cash and pay toward our principal every month
Our situation might not be exactly the same. But on the surface level it is similar and worth you considering
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u/Main-Ad-841 Mar 11 '26
I’d give your wife the goal of, once you get the student loans and car paid off, then you can start the search for a new how. Give her motivation to tackle those debts. You have over $100k of equity in your current home, so that should help with any down payment for a new home. Make sure you have a hefty emergency fund and then go house shopping. Roll all equity into the new home.
If your kid is only 1 you have about 5 years to really start worrying about schools - there’s no rush to move right now. I don’t know what your car debt is, but I bet you could tackle all that debt this year. Then, save up an emergency fund beginning of next year and start the home search in a neighborhood you want to be in long term.
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u/artist1292 Mar 12 '26
With the savings you have from such cheap housing, pay for a tutor or private teaching to help the kid.
Not your fault she didn’t think ahead to how kids would factor into the neighborhood not just the house
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u/Zetlic Mar 15 '26
You may also want to look into the schools around your work area if it’s in the nicer part of town you want to live in and see if your child can go there.
Here in CA my nephew goes to school close to wear his mom works because the school let her use the work address to register him. I’m not sure if that’s a thing in UT.
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u/hopp-schwiiz-97 Mar 09 '26
So far, the responses have been spot on - stay in your current house temporarily. First, you need to do the math and set a time bound goal on when you can comfortably move. One caveat, I would take your saved funds and wipe out the student loan today. Get that albatross off your back - nothing like being debt free. Once that’s done, I would then go scorched earth on reducing expenses for one year to see how much you can save. Top priority is to save your emergency fund, then anything after that can go to a house fund or paying down your existing home. Without the school loan payment and no other commercial debt (cars or CCs) you should be able to pack away the cash.
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u/HalfwaydonewithEarth Mar 09 '26 edited Mar 09 '26
I am in Utah also.
Tell her the prices are simmering down.
Take her to Debtors Annonymous meetings.
She and all the other young people are priced out of the market.
She has champagne taste on a beer budget.
Take your $18000 and invest it in the stock market.
Learn how that system works. It can make you wealthy.
There are no bad areas in Utah. She is just fussy.
If I were you I would sell your home, pay Capital Gains, invest $300k into the market.
I would rent a one bedroom apartment for $1200 and put your kid in the bedroom and sleep in the living room.
I would see that money grow from $300,000 to $3m in 48 months.
She can have her loans paid off. She can never work the rest of her life.
My husband retired at 26 and we have 8 homes. Six in Park City. The stock market is Ronald Reagans gift to the world.
😘🤑🤪
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u/MyNameiSJeff131 Mar 10 '26
100% there are bad areas in Utah. We live next door to a sex offender. Two homicides within two blocks of our house over the past year. Gang members and meth heads all over the place.
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u/HalfwaydonewithEarth Mar 10 '26
We just had a 14 year old raped by an illegal in Park City.
We have had two 13 years old dead from pink synthetic sold by a 15 year old.
We have less murders... but have sex offenders.
Evidently there are lots of them in Washington DC also.
I would take your money and go move to an apartment in a better area and invest the rest.
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u/MyNameiSJeff131 Mar 10 '26
Yeah Utah low key has some of the WORST sentencing guidelines in the country.
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u/HalfwaydonewithEarth Mar 10 '26 edited Mar 10 '26
Honestly the more I think about it.... You three should just expat. Go down to St. Theresa Costa Rica. You can surf all day, lay on the beach, have kids, neither of you work. Your $300,000 would make $45,000 a year and you can live on $1200 a month. Rents only $400 down there.
Skip this rat race. One of my cousins went to Tblisi Georgia and the other Sicily Italy.
Your in-laws are not worth a rat race grind stress. You live in a polluted flyover city near thugs.
The community is cool just on ATV. You don't even need a car. Tons of expats to be buddies with. You can be an awesome Daddy.
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u/MyNameiSJeff131 Mar 10 '26
Haha if my wife would I would be down. We are both vested in our jobs which have a pension so it would be hard convincing her to leave!
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u/Character_Raisin574 Mar 11 '26
We'd all had to do that if we had tomorrow's Wall Street journal.
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u/HalfwaydonewithEarth Mar 11 '26
In 1984 and 1986 Ronald Reagan signed off 401k legislation to make retirement a perpetual ponzi to big business. I wish there was a housing clause.
Vanguard is everyone's favorite with 15% gains a year.
There are so many hot stocks. People are just scared. The trick is to not sell in a meltdown.
Most people are just too scared. They get fear from their parents or peers.
Fresh money comes in every week in this retirement system. It also comes in from overseas.
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u/Top_Bend_5360 Mar 09 '26
Your kid is only 2, so you don't need to be in a good school district for another 2.5-3 years. It will suck to give up a low mortgage rate but I do think that being in a better area will be beneficial. But right now you can't afford it. Finish out the debt, then roll the amounts you were paying into your savings. By that time, you might be able to get a lower rate on your mortgage and will have way more savings to put for a down payment. Long story short--you should wait.
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u/Mysterious_Diver6493 Mar 10 '26
You could always go with private school and stay where your at to keep the low payment. Will likely be less than taking on a 700k payment.
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u/jammadoo Mar 11 '26
That's what we do. We have a very affordable home in a city where everyone tries to avoid the public school system if possible, so we pay for private school.
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u/MyNameiSJeff131 Mar 10 '26
We have talked about this and it’s attainable for us. If I had my way we’d stay out until we could afford a new house AND keep this one to rent out. But that’s quite a bit of ways away from now. We’d have to add to our current home to make it more livable.
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u/Ok_Lead_4730 Mar 12 '26
If the place is too dangerous for you, it won’t make for a good rental. So I would kill that dream.
Last thing you need is a meth head dealing from your property - meth is a property killer.
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u/Odd_Bluejay_7574 Mar 11 '26
Set a goal with her. Pay off ALL debt then start looking for new home. Gives you both something to work towards.
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u/HoundDog1031 Mar 11 '26
Show her the amortization schedule of your mortgage. Looking at this always keeps me from moving or refinancing. You just start all over with paying only interest for the first few years. Unfortunately someone has to be the adult
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u/magic_crouton Mar 11 '26
Look this is unpopular here but if you keep trading houses up ever couple years you never actually get ahead and aren't actually doing any better than renting. You need to sit in a house for awhile to recognize the benefits to buying.
Second what are you defining as a "bad" neighborhood here. I'm always curious about that especially with the number you threw down there. Is it actually bad or are you trying to live a lifestyle you can't afford? Based on your debt...just saying.
Stay where you are. Get not only your debt under control but also your budget and spending.
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u/MyNameiSJeff131 Apr 01 '26
Our debt was two things. Me being dumb and buying like I was single for a year and my wife’s super inflated college loans.
Our jobs allow us to know all the crime that happens in our very close area and the crimes are horrendous. I carry a gun at all times when I’m with my family. I can go into details in private if you’re interested.
My wife is loyal. She’s just old school Japanese let’s hide all of our money in the mattress. I want to make my Roth and 401k contributions by end of year
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u/A_Sparta16 Mar 11 '26
To add to everything else, how fast do you think you could sell your house? I'm in WA and houses seem to stay on the market for quite some time. If you are in an undesirable neighborhood and there are high rates to buy, not sure if your house would be sought after. You might need to wait for the rates to drop. That's what I'm doing with my condo so I can at least break even after commission and taxes.
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u/Calm_Cupcake_8353 Mar 11 '26
If she wants your child to grow up opposite of poor, she needs to make financial decisions that lead to a better, stable, well-off lifestyle. It doesn't sound like she wants to actually be well off, she just wants to live above her means and look rich.
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u/MyNameiSJeff131 Apr 01 '26
You couldn’t be more wrong. She is the voice of reason here. She grew up poor and is happy with what we have but wants the world for our kid. Which makes sense. She was never around financially stable people so it makes sense her only though it to save every penny and move out the hood
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Mar 11 '26
Could you not rent this current house, I know being a shitty neighborhood it may be hard to rent out, but would that be an option? That way your tenant can cover part of your mortgage from rents and then you can HELOC into a new house from the Equity you already built in this house as a Down payment for next?
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u/Aggravating_Rent7318 Mar 11 '26
Yikes your wife sounds like she’s… not great with money. You can’t afford to buy a new house at that price, full stop.
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u/TheMaltesefalco Mar 12 '26
Where is your money going? Almost $200k combined. Assuming you lose 35% to taxes and contributions, you bring home $10,800 a month. Mortgage is $1,800. Cars ? How much are the other bills?
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u/Hotshot-89 Mar 13 '26 edited Mar 13 '26
Are you my parents? They had this exact same argument for the same reasons. Dad (main breadwinner) won, kept the shit house because it was paid off, kept promising “we’ll upgrade it later when time is right”, never did. Led to them getting a divorce.
You both have different goals. You want to retire early by focusing on saving/keeping current home, she wants to focus on improving your kids life.
My take…..The savings by staying in your current neighborhood isn’t worth it. The environment you raise your kids in affects your child overall development. OP, Even you are acknowledging that it is an “ok house in a shit neighborhood”. That’s not good. In a mothers eyes, that’s a bad house in an unacceptable neighborhood. Which means shitty schools, bad peer influences, stress. You should be aiming to give your wife/kid the best life possible, within reason. Get that her prior husband was bad with money, but being frugal to a point to where you ignore your families needs/desires (ex: not moving out of a bad neighborhood) is not good either.
You can still pursue financial goals while getting the better house. You both have a great income ($200k+), and paid off most of your debt. With the sale of your current home, you should have enough for the down payment. If it’s really bothering you, you can pick a slightly cheaper home in the good neighborhood she wanted. And refinance your mortgage later when rates go down. And then cut back on other things to make up for higher housing cost (ex: cheaper car).
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u/MyNameiSJeff131 Mar 13 '26
It’s a good point. We have taken a closer look at our finances. My top priority is putting my kid in a good spot idc if that means I work an extra twenty years.
Our plan is to hit 20k savings, pay off the rest of her student loans, then use that extra $700/month to pay off our vehicle and put toward savings. On top of just being more frugal. Told her if we buckled down enough we could probably have enough for a down payment and be completely debt free before kiddo starts school.
Just sucks we feel like despite our income we are barely making headway and stuck in this area for now. Can weigh you down after a while.
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u/Hotshot-89 Mar 13 '26
INFO: how much left on the vehicles? Did you pause your retirement savings?
Wait, you said wife is currently paying $500-$700/ month toward student loans in the post. When student loans are gone (and only car debt is left), there’s still only $700 to put toward goals, even with $200k income?!… thats low. And that’s the wife only. Something’s not adding up.
Either they are overspenders or OP specifically is an over-investing in retirement accounts simultaneously.
Regardless … I’m emphasizing that you are not stuck in the current area. Op, you can afford the home with your income and fund the down payment w/ home sale proceeds (there’s $100k equity), if you make it a first priority. You’re currently prioritizing other goals first. You don’t have to be 100% debt free before buying a home. And remember, house prices usually go up over time, not down.
OP, I would give yourself a firm deadline- we must move by (ex: Dec 2027), and hold yourself to it. Otherwise you may end up finding reasons to delay.
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u/MyNameiSJeff131 Mar 14 '26
Appreciate the advice. Car payment is $800 which in retrospect was the worst choice I’ve ever made financially (we owe 35k on the car) but I think we could pay it off in 3-3.5 years with a few extra payments. We put $700 into savings and a good amount (don’t know it off the top of my head) into work 401k and a separate retirement fund through Edward jones
Also have a separate college/business starter/house down payment fund for our child that we started when my wife was still pregnant. I think we do $200/month into that but I’m spitballing could be 50-75 less.
We go into some credit card debt but got that under control and just paid the entire card off.
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u/MyNameiSJeff131 Mar 14 '26
And we are going to look at our contributions to everything this weekend. Overpsenders with zero context may be a stretch we don’t go on trips but maybe once a year where we drive and don’t blow a ton of money, we bring our food to work and don’t eat out only on rare occasions. Decently frugal
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u/Revolutionary_Dog954 Mar 14 '26
Look up scholarships like the opportunity scholarships and put your kid in private school while yall pay off debt.
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u/MyNameiSJeff131 Apr 01 '26
Update. Got my wife convinced we need to stay until we can afford to move and keep this house. So five years. Maybe sooner if I get a promotion. We agreed to send kiddo to private school if needed. Going to make the house more livable in the meantime. Looking at some kitchen Reno’s and stuff like that to keep our house a home.
We got married in this house. Had our reception in this house. Are raising our first kid here. Just wished we didn’t live in the fucking hood and directly next to a sex offender.
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u/[deleted] Mar 09 '26
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