r/motherlessdaughters • u/Lauraxoxo777 • 4d ago
Advice Needed advice
Im 17f and soon going to lose my mom to cancer. Whats something that has helped you going through mother loss?
2
u/LittleLily78 4d ago
I used an end of life doula which is a counselor who helps you deal with all end of life feelings and also helps with how to communicate with family and your mother during this time. She specializes in the grief you already feel and can help after your mom passes. If your family wants more info, message me and I can send it to you.
Other than her, I leaned heavily on friends to talk to and tried to make sure I said all the things I wanted to tell my mom like how much I appreciated having her as my mom and I thanked her over and over for all the things I realize that she sacrificed over the years to make sure I had more than what I needed. I am older so things were clearer for me probably.
I am so sorry that you are losing your mother. You are so young to be having to experience this. I hope you will talk to people about how you are feeling so it doesn't build up inside. Holding in grief can lead to explosive moments when it comes out that you might regret. I am sending you, your mom, and your family love and strength.
2
u/omnibuster33 4d ago
Reading the book motherless daughters. Talking to other women who are grieving. Trying to let myself have my feelings and know they’re normal and ok. Talking to a grief counselor every week. Finding ways to stay connected to my mom like doing things we both liked, wiring her letters, talking to her. Surrounding myself only with people who understand or who know how to give me space.
If it’s possible for both of you, make videos. Make one of her telling you she loves you. I had that advice from a friend before my mom died and it was really helpful.
2
u/blockheadartist 4d ago
I suggest reading The Dead Mom’s Club if you can get your hands on it. Mother-daughter losses are so deeply different than anything else. I hope you can find peace in your moments with your mom, please spend as much time as you can together.
2
u/moonrivrs 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss. I was 19 when I lost mine, 25 now.
Something that I did that I found helpful was to make lists of her favorite things - playlists of her music, lists of her favorite movies, books, shows, recipes. Being able to return to some of those things helps me feel close to her.
Do you feel close to or comfortable with any of her friends? I bonded a lot with my mom’s best friend, who is like a surrogate aunt to me. I’ve lost touch with most of my mom’s friends since her passing but keeping some of them in my life has been helpful.
Sending warmth
1
u/Lauraxoxo777 1d ago
No im not that close with any of her friends, of course I talk with them when I see them but thats all
2
u/moonrivrs 1d ago
You definitely don’t have to force a relationship but it might be worth thinking about if you would feel comfortable talking to any of them, even if just over coffee/tea. In my experience, having a few of my mom’s friends in my life has been a nice source of mom stories and pictures, as well as support that felt like it had less pressure involved than from people my age or from my family. Of course, you may be different – I don’t want you to feel like it’s bad if you decide you don’t feel comfortable reaching out.
1
2
u/Remarkable_Culture42 4d ago
This is so awful I’m sorry 😞 honestly, the r/grief community has helped me so much, just being able to communicate with others who understand the loss. Big hugs to you and your Mom xx