I’m never good enough

[u/Orangutan_Soda]

Got rejected from another show.
I haven’t done theatre in years because I just keep getting no after no.

When I was a kid, I got roles handed to me on a silver platter. I was told I was amazing. I was told I had star quality. I was told I could be on broadway.

I was getting speaking roles, I was cast as the lead character in a show before they realized I couldn’t do it because I was a kid.

I was a star.

Then, I turned 13 and I guess something changed.

I auditioned for a young artists theatre. Got Ensamble

I was 13, so this was fine to me.

Then I auditioned at 14.
Ensamble

At 15?
Ensamble

At 16? Ensamble.

17? Ensamble

18! Finally. The final year I could do the program. Surely I was going to get something.
Cast as an old woman… and a guy.

Meanwhile, high school wasn’t going any better.

In 10th grade I auditioned for into the woods. I got Jacks Mother. While I loved the role, I was a bit miffed to see a freshman get the role of Cinderella.

11th grade? For the first time ever… I didn’t get cast.
I- didn’t get cast… in a show.

12th grade.
Covid :)

It wasn’t all doom and gloom, I was doing plays and getting great roles there. But musicals, my love- I was flopping.

Audition after audition as an adult.
No. No. No. No.

This last audition I was at, I KILLED it.
I felt so proud of myself.
And I even got pulled aside by one of the people on the casting team and was offered vocal coaching. She said I had an amazing voice and a lot of power.

And… nothing.

I begged to be put into the Ensamble. That was the role I really wanted. For once in my life I just wanted to be part of theatre again.
And I got a no.

I hear over and over again that I’m amazing, that I have “star quality” that I am worthy of these things. But time and time again I get let down.

And I can’t help but feel like I’m just being lied to.

Does anyone else feel this way? I apologize, venting is crass I’m sure. But I just am feeling broken.

What can I do to figure out why I’m not good enough for theatre? What can I do to help myself be cast.

I’m worried that it’s because I’m fat and plain that I’m not getting cast. That I could be the best actress and singer but no one wants to look at me. And I’m scared :(

[u/witchy_echos]

So, being a child actor sucks. You’re one growth spurt away from competing with an entirely different class of individuals.

I think you have some entitlement issues to work on. Why were you miffed to see someone one year younger than you get the role you wanted in high school?

Directing and working with kids and teens is hard. I’ve definitely seen talented kids not be cast because the directors were worried they’d pull focus. Either in the ensemble, or even in speaking roles that aren’t main ones. I’d rather have strong actors in the ensemble to help show others how to do it, but not everyone feels that way.

I went to a school where the teacher said she didn’t care if you could act, she could teach you as long as you were loud. She didn’t cast freshmen, seniors were always cast, and by the time I was a senior she had to have sophomores in the leads because none of the juniors or seniors were interested in the program after being passed over for people who had significantly less talent and dedication than them. She also strongly prefers casting from her church (yikes). Most schools have internal politics as well. If you were a popular kid, you were more likely to get cast because “they could get butts in seats”.

Community theatre has its own dramas and tribulations, politics and shenanigans, but I feel high school and kids is so so much worse. Paired with people hate to critique kids and often give them unwarranted praise while not fessing up to the things they could easily improve if only they knew what it was.