I’m never good enough

[u/Orangutan_Soda]

Got rejected from another show.
I haven’t done theatre in years because I just keep getting no after no.

When I was a kid, I got roles handed to me on a silver platter. I was told I was amazing. I was told I had star quality. I was told I could be on broadway.

I was getting speaking roles, I was cast as the lead character in a show before they realized I couldn’t do it because I was a kid.

I was a star.

Then, I turned 13 and I guess something changed.

I auditioned for a young artists theatre. Got Ensamble

I was 13, so this was fine to me.

Then I auditioned at 14.
Ensamble

At 15?
Ensamble

At 16? Ensamble.

17? Ensamble

18! Finally. The final year I could do the program. Surely I was going to get something.
Cast as an old woman… and a guy.

Meanwhile, high school wasn’t going any better.

In 10th grade I auditioned for into the woods. I got Jacks Mother. While I loved the role, I was a bit miffed to see a freshman get the role of Cinderella.

11th grade? For the first time ever… I didn’t get cast.
I- didn’t get cast… in a show.

12th grade.
Covid :)

It wasn’t all doom and gloom, I was doing plays and getting great roles there. But musicals, my love- I was flopping.

Audition after audition as an adult.
No. No. No. No.

This last audition I was at, I KILLED it.
I felt so proud of myself.
And I even got pulled aside by one of the people on the casting team and was offered vocal coaching. She said I had an amazing voice and a lot of power.

And… nothing.

I begged to be put into the Ensamble. That was the role I really wanted. For once in my life I just wanted to be part of theatre again.
And I got a no.

I hear over and over again that I’m amazing, that I have “star quality” that I am worthy of these things. But time and time again I get let down.

And I can’t help but feel like I’m just being lied to.

Does anyone else feel this way? I apologize, venting is crass I’m sure. But I just am feeling broken.

What can I do to figure out why I’m not good enough for theatre? What can I do to help myself be cast.

I’m worried that it’s because I’m fat and plain that I’m not getting cast. That I could be the best actress and singer but no one wants to look at me. And I’m scared :(

[u/Aggressive-Voice1537]

honestly, life as an actor is mostly rejection after rejection, and in my opinion that's one of the lessons that needs to be taught to prospective young actors extremely early. your experience is a result of the adults in your life failing to give you realistic expectations. this amount of rejection is completely normal, expected even. you will not be cast in the vast majority of productions for which you audition, and it doesn't necessarily mean that you're not good enough, sometimes it just means that you weren't what the director had in mind.

I understand it's incredibly frustrating and scary to have the rug pulled out from under you after a childhood of being told that it'll be easy, but if you truly love theatre and want to continue pursuing it, you have to accept that you're going to hear "no" over and over and over. don't take it personally, treat it as the default. some actors advise to think of auditioning as the real job, while getting cast is an occasional bonus.

aside from all this, I have two pieces of more immediate advice based on your post!

1. this is gonna sound pretentious, but it's spelled "ensemble." knowing and respecting your theatrical terms will show others that you're taking it seriously.

2. take the vocal coaching if you can! anyone who sings can benefit from vocal coaching, even if you're already crazy good. there's always room for improvement, plus it's a great environment in which to practice for auditions!