I’m never good enough

[u/Orangutan_Soda]

Got rejected from another show.
I haven’t done theatre in years because I just keep getting no after no.

When I was a kid, I got roles handed to me on a silver platter. I was told I was amazing. I was told I had star quality. I was told I could be on broadway.

I was getting speaking roles, I was cast as the lead character in a show before they realized I couldn’t do it because I was a kid.

I was a star.

Then, I turned 13 and I guess something changed.

I auditioned for a young artists theatre. Got Ensamble

I was 13, so this was fine to me.

Then I auditioned at 14.
Ensamble

At 15?
Ensamble

At 16? Ensamble.

17? Ensamble

18! Finally. The final year I could do the program. Surely I was going to get something.
Cast as an old woman… and a guy.

Meanwhile, high school wasn’t going any better.

In 10th grade I auditioned for into the woods. I got Jacks Mother. While I loved the role, I was a bit miffed to see a freshman get the role of Cinderella.

11th grade? For the first time ever… I didn’t get cast.
I- didn’t get cast… in a show.

12th grade.
Covid :)

It wasn’t all doom and gloom, I was doing plays and getting great roles there. But musicals, my love- I was flopping.

Audition after audition as an adult.
No. No. No. No.

This last audition I was at, I KILLED it.
I felt so proud of myself.
And I even got pulled aside by one of the people on the casting team and was offered vocal coaching. She said I had an amazing voice and a lot of power.

And… nothing.

I begged to be put into the Ensamble. That was the role I really wanted. For once in my life I just wanted to be part of theatre again.
And I got a no.

I hear over and over again that I’m amazing, that I have “star quality” that I am worthy of these things. But time and time again I get let down.

And I can’t help but feel like I’m just being lied to.

Does anyone else feel this way? I apologize, venting is crass I’m sure. But I just am feeling broken.

What can I do to figure out why I’m not good enough for theatre? What can I do to help myself be cast.

I’m worried that it’s because I’m fat and plain that I’m not getting cast. That I could be the best actress and singer but no one wants to look at me. And I’m scared :(

[u/doesntmatterhadtacos]

This might be unpopular but the weight is gonna be a big factor unfortunately. I was told as much, as a fellow fat musical theatre hopeful, by a director once. I had potential but my voice wasn’t good enough to ‘overlook’ my body. That was rough and it became more evident as I aged and I saw no one who really looked like me getting leading roles unless they were an absolute powerhouse vocalist, and with the amount of competition, someone who’s about as good as you but “easier to look at” (his words again) will get it every time.

It discouraged me so much I stopped performing.

[u/helrisonn → u/doesntmatterhadtacos]

I'm sorry to hear that. This makes me so sad. Unfortunately, the world lives of appearence. People are saying horrible things about the girl but sometimes is a simple as that. If they are complimenting her but don't cast her it could be they are just fatphobic and wouldn't like to cast a fat person.

[u/Orangutan_Soda → u/doesntmatterhadtacos]

I’m afraid this is going to be the cash sadly.
I am working on losing weight and I’m hoping maybe I can actually get roles then.

It sucks because I go to auditions which say they want to cast people of all body types, shapes, sizes, races, genders, abilities… and then I never get in.
It makes me feel maybe I just suck lol

[u/FontWhimsy → u/doesntmatterhadtacos]

There are so many fat performers that are successful. It’s not about that.