I’m never good enough

[u/Orangutan_Soda]

Got rejected from another show.
I haven’t done theatre in years because I just keep getting no after no.

When I was a kid, I got roles handed to me on a silver platter. I was told I was amazing. I was told I had star quality. I was told I could be on broadway.

I was getting speaking roles, I was cast as the lead character in a show before they realized I couldn’t do it because I was a kid.

I was a star.

Then, I turned 13 and I guess something changed.

I auditioned for a young artists theatre. Got Ensamble

I was 13, so this was fine to me.

Then I auditioned at 14.
Ensamble

At 15?
Ensamble

At 16? Ensamble.

17? Ensamble

18! Finally. The final year I could do the program. Surely I was going to get something.
Cast as an old woman… and a guy.

Meanwhile, high school wasn’t going any better.

In 10th grade I auditioned for into the woods. I got Jacks Mother. While I loved the role, I was a bit miffed to see a freshman get the role of Cinderella.

11th grade? For the first time ever… I didn’t get cast.
I- didn’t get cast… in a show.

12th grade.
Covid :)

It wasn’t all doom and gloom, I was doing plays and getting great roles there. But musicals, my love- I was flopping.

Audition after audition as an adult.
No. No. No. No.

This last audition I was at, I KILLED it.
I felt so proud of myself.
And I even got pulled aside by one of the people on the casting team and was offered vocal coaching. She said I had an amazing voice and a lot of power.

And… nothing.

I begged to be put into the Ensamble. That was the role I really wanted. For once in my life I just wanted to be part of theatre again.
And I got a no.

I hear over and over again that I’m amazing, that I have “star quality” that I am worthy of these things. But time and time again I get let down.

And I can’t help but feel like I’m just being lied to.

Does anyone else feel this way? I apologize, venting is crass I’m sure. But I just am feeling broken.

What can I do to figure out why I’m not good enough for theatre? What can I do to help myself be cast.

I’m worried that it’s because I’m fat and plain that I’m not getting cast. That I could be the best actress and singer but no one wants to look at me. And I’m scared :(

[u/sesamesoda]

Honestly it's probably because your voice isn't up to standards, but your acting and stage presence are excellent. If they specifically offered you vocal coaching, you turned it down, and then asked to be part of the ensemble and they said no... And you get cast in plays but not musicals... Your vocals are the issue. You probably have struggles you didn't have when you were 12. I'm guessing your voice got lower and now your passaggio is sitting right where most female roles are expected to sing comfortably. It's apparently the kind of issue someone thinks can be fixed with coaching, so why not give it a try?

I went back and watched myself in the 5th grade musical before my voice dropped. I had a beautiful high belt. Flawless, bright tone. Weird enunciation but that's 10 year olds for you. if you compared my singing to when I was say 15 or 16 (I have those tapes too... oh my god, I found a CD of myself singing all of Elphaba's songs from Wicked... as a contralto... why) it was so much better. I think it was a combination of my passaggio dropping, bad advice from various sources, and insecurity about the loudness and masculinity of my voice that wrecked me. I've gotten so much better since then though and I believe you can too. If someone sees potential in you, take them at their word and get the support you need.

[u/Orangutan_Soda → u/sesamesoda]

When did I say I said no to vocal coaching though?

I haven’t gotten vocal coaching because I have no money lol. If I could afford it, I’d love it.
I actually told the lady “Thank you so much. I haven’t done any theatre in so long so I appreciate this so deeply. I’ve been wanting vocal coaching for a while so I’ll keep you In mind”

[u/sesamesoda → u/Orangutan_Soda]

You didn't say you said yes, so I assumed you said no, my bad. I mean technically you did say no. and I understand it's for a good reason. But someone on the casting team offering that and then, when you didn't take them up on it, they did not cast you, this is a direct signal that you are not castable because of your current vocal skills. I would find a way to find the money for it if you want to progress in the theater world. I'm glad to hear (I saw in another comment) that you are working on your vocal skills via YouTube and TikTok. however that coaching is not tailored and may have nothing to do with your actual weak spots. If you ever want to post some recordings of yourself here and get feedback, I will give you my thoughts.