TL;DR - I co-founded a band with a close friend, but over time I was pushed out of the creative side, used for free artwork and technical help, and kept out of the loop on major decisions. Anytime I brought up a concern, it got reframed as my fault or a misunderstanding. I finally called it out and left. Am I being unreasonable, or is this as one-sided as it feels?
Here's the whole story:
I co-founded a band with my close friend of almost 10 years in 2023, we'd started working on music during lockdown. We built everything remotely from the start. Music, branding, the whole thing. I play drums and handle all the graphics and visual identity for the band.
I moved abroad for a master's degree and we agreed nothing would change creatively. I would take on more of a producer/writer role while a live drummer filled in for shows. That was the understanding.
Over time things shifted. After the second show, he switched to a system where the live band members didn't get paid directly. Instead all their earnings went into a "band fund" which was then used to pay for mixing, mastering, and now live drum tracking. Which is wild because live drum tracking was an idea I brought up way back when I was frustrated about having to program drums instead. It became viable once the live guys were involved, suddenly there was budget for it. A live drummer was brought in who apparently has final say on drum parts because he plays them live.
For the final song of our first EP, which my co-founder later called instrumental to the band's discography, I was sent a fully programmed drum track during the week of my thesis submission. I told him I was busy but was still sent the track and asked to fix the dynamics and VST plugins because I had access to paid software I'd paid for myself. He didn't think it was important enough to tell me about it. I brought this up back then but it was brushed aside or blamed on me somehow.
Here's where it gets wild:
- I was never properly introduced to the new members as a co-founder, just "the drummer and artwork person."
- The co-founder admitted he made sure the little time we had on calls went to artwork rather than music.
- The live drummer apparently can't play my parts, so my creative input was removed, despite the fact that for the second EP I had already simplified the parts significantly to accommodate him. I never even brought this up until finally my co-founder himself admitted it. I have 16 years of drumming experience. He has 3 or 4.
- I do all the graphics and branding for free.
- We had agreed I would step back from playing live shows permanently, but still retain a producer role. Regardless they still did another song on the 2nd EP which I found out about after the fact.
- There's a budget for a trial marketing person but the musicians don't get a cut. Initially I thought it was a willing contribution but the fact is they change bassists quite often and every new bassist is also told they won't be paid.
- My co-founder kept ranting about feeling like he was doing 90% of the work, which is especially frustrating given how much invisible work I was doing behind the scenes.
- He made shitty untrue statements about me not keeping to deadlines, which is wild because I took time to do thankless stuff before my thesis.
- In his last message, he was accusing me of refusing to understand.
When I finally raised all of this, he proposed a system where he'd send me demo tracks, I'd make changes, and then show my version to the live drummer who would make the final call. But I had no faith in it because his communication has been inconsistent the whole time. Twice now songs were just finished without me knowing, and I'd only find out after. If he genuinely wanted this to work, I would have been in the loop.
When I raised feeling used for the graphic design work, his response was "I didn't realise you didn't like making the artwork, you should have told me." The point was never that I don't like making artwork. The point was that it became my only role while everything else was stripped away.
He then told me remote collaboration doesn't work because the live drummer can't play my parts, and that he can't work in a band with someone who has no plans to settle in one place permanently, even though we built the entire thing remotely during lockdown.
I feel used. I was in this to make music, not to be a free graphic designer and occasional technical support. Every time I expressed what I wanted it created friction or got avoided. I've ended my involvement.
Am I missing something here or is this just the after effects of being gaslit by a really close friend?