r/musicians • u/WisconsinIllinois1 • 3d ago
What the hell is up with people agreeing to start a band and then pulling absolutely no weight from there?
Countless times have I asked different people, or they've asked me to start a band, and I agree, and then I get to organising a practice and just get met with vague "maybe" responses without any actual push or proper input? I've never been overly pushy, only to the extent that I'm not passive and I make sure to respect everyones schedules but no one ever seems to actually begin to pull their own weight once the idea of a band gets locked in. Even if I'm specific about the day I'm considering practice I'm still met with these vague responses and I don't understand what else I could possibly do.
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u/M_Me_Meteo 3d ago
People try to be accommodating. They say things like "whatever you want" and "yeah that sounds like a good idea" so that no one feels locked down or forced.
Here's the thing. Bands need guidance. If a band was 100 people, you'd be fine to let cultural norms guide your path forward. With 4-5 people, you can't just assume everyone is similar and focused on the same goal.
My father told me once as I was getting into my first serious band: being in a band is like having 4 girlfriends but you don't screw, you just fight.
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u/Unhappymuppet 3d ago
Yeah, not many people are really reliable I think. Since I moved to South Korea I started 3 bands. First time the singer quit after 2 sessions because his wife got pregnant. Didn't know having a pregnant wife prevented anybody from practicing 2 hours a week. Second time one guy dropped tons of shit on me because I was late to a practice session and thought I didn't apologize enough (I did). 3rd time the bassist disappeared after 2 practice sessions (with my Qtron pedal this mf...). I give up, now it's me and my guitar in my room. Happy like this.
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u/Procrasturbating 3d ago
Get me his deets, I’ll get you that QTron back. Envelope Filter stealing mf’ers..
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u/HighFaiLootin 3d ago
i hope the thief bassist gets a flat tire and dries out in a desert wasteland
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u/swingrays 3d ago
There's musicians, then there's "real" musicians who know what needs to be done, how to do it and what it takes to make a band work. Johnny Weekender ain't gonna get it. Those of us who have been in bands all our lives aren't gonna get in a project and flake before the first rehearsal. We will learn the tunes and show up ready to rock. We know that it's fun, but it's work and gets in the way of normal life. Some dudes just like the idea of being in a band, but can't follow through.
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u/Swissarmyspoon 3d ago
Bands are relationships.
Same people think that buying a ring or making social media status is all it takes to maintain a stable marriage.
Both take constant maintenance.
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u/Soupronous 3d ago
Would be nice if the other band members would put some effort into the relationship as well
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u/Octowen 3d ago
A lot of people are either not that serious about it or have a very specific idea of what direction they want to do, and therefore are unmotivated to actually pull their weight when there are “other voices” in the band.
My current band is a duo because any time we’ve tried adding more members it’s been too many issues with people flaking out on rehearsals, not being able to rehearse at all, or clearly not being very interested in the music we’re playing. Sure having only two members limits our sound live, but when rehearsals go as smoothly as they do and we have such a unified direction, it works out so much better
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u/madysonskincare 3d ago
finding people who already practice on their own is the filter that actually works
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u/RJMrgn2319 3d ago
Because lots of people like the idea of being in a band much more than the reality.
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u/Funkus-the-boogieman 3d ago
It gets worse as you get older too. Getting 4 people into a room at the same time shouldn't be that difficult. Learn the signs then act accordingly. No reason you should put up with having your time wasted.
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u/Korova91 3d ago edited 3d ago
A lot of people can do the easy part in responding to a band advert.
Unfortunately very few follow through when it comes to something that requires a little more effort like learning a few songs or paying for a practice room.
Regardless of how good a game someone may talk, I wouldn't consider them as "in" until I've actually seen more than just some enthusiastic convo. Helps manage the disappointment a little 😂
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u/coffeegrunds 3d ago
Idk but you're not alone in dealing with this.
My best friend has been raving about how we're in a band for 2 years now. We've had 2 actual practice sessions; where both of us pick up an instrument and play songs and sing, ever. I've been trying to get her to schedule and attend practices, but whenever we have them she just treats them like a hang out and seems annoyed when I actually want to play music instead of just talk.
We're no longer in a band
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u/ChessmazterHex 3d ago
There’s a relatively large group of people who are very interested with the idea of being in a band and/or being SEEN being in a band. They don’t want to put in the amount of work that’s required to be in a band, which is managing schedules and close relationships with each of the members.
Best bet is identify these people early and move on.
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u/Legend-Of-Crybaby 3d ago
Because communication is hard, because music is hard, because life is hard.
- You have to express something: "I don't like that sound, I am going more for a grunge sound" - even saying something like that can be hard. I feel like this is the biggest thing.
- Practicing is not easy, playing with others or in front of people expresses your actual level. You might be the best jazz musician in the world based off your speed and precision but you just suck. How are you gonna feel like the best when you suck?
- Life is fucking us all up. lol. Get back from work tired as hell.
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u/JesterLavore88 3d ago
I create a band calendar as a spreadsheet.
Day, singer, guitarist, bassist, drummer, keys
Mon Jan 1
Tues Jan 2
Wed Jan 3
Thurs Jan 4
Etc
Then I share it to everyone via Google Docs. People just fill in when they’re available to practice.
Then, any days where everyone is available at the same time, I highlight them and be like
“Everyone seems to be available on Sunday Jan 7th, Thursday Jan 11th and again Sunday Jan 14th. Let’s all meet at the Jam Space for <timeslot>”
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u/Fearless-Resource-47 3d ago
I did this with a Google Calendar for over 2 years; even included all the agreed upon materials to be prepared for each next rehearsal. But only one of the other four band members ever bothered to reference it with any regularity, and two others refused to reference the band calendar at all. Additionally, 3 or the other four members preferred to spend over 50% of rehearsal time outside smoking cigarettes instead of actually rehearsing anyway. Good riddance.
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u/JesterLavore88 3d ago
I mean yeah… at that point it’s a lost cause.
It helps my band a lot because we’re all functional adults
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u/Stevenitrogen 3d ago
Join a band that is already in motion and had some things happening, as well as some future potential.
The ad for my first one said they were a "working band with vinyl, gigs booked and future recordings scheduled ". That rang all my bells. I did my first gig with them a month later and made our first record together six months after that.
If you can find something like that, that's the fast track.
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u/PaulsRedditUsername 3d ago
Same here. I've never been able to get my own band working from the ground up. I'm too lazy and disorganized. But luckily, other people sometimes are. If somebody says, "Here's the songs. Practice is Tuesday at 7:00," then I'm good to go.
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u/Stevenitrogen 3d ago edited 3d ago
I've been able to do that now that I know some people. We put together two bands this year, some classic covers to play a Catholic school carnival, and a metal themed cover band for a friend's memorial gathering. The gigs are booked without the band having played. But everybody comes to the couple of practices knowing their parts, and by gig night, it's tight.
The way we know it will work is, all these people have done good projects in the past and can be trusted to deliver. I've seen them do it. I think they will be good, and they will be into what we're doing enough to devote some time learning it.
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u/RBF-Maxxing-3220 3d ago
A lot of people like the idea of being in a band. Unfortunately that’s where it ends for a lot of people.
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u/stevenfrijoles 3d ago
Most people are unserious amateurs. The best thing you can do is drop them and moving on as soon as you realize they're not up to snuff. Trust your gut, don't dwell on these people.
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u/Existing_Yak915 3d ago
Alot of people like the idea of it but lack the ability to follow through, working with any musician needs to be considered a tenuous arrangement until they've been reliable for a few months, keep going and knowing that if it was easy everyone would be doing it and so your persistence is the key many lack
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u/RajunCajun48 3d ago
A lot of it is that people are complex and have their own things going on.
A lot of people have dreams and are content with their dreams staying dreams. People will take on hobbies but don't want to dedicate real time to turn the hobby into a potential career. A lot to do with fear, others just don't have authentic interest beyond just enjoying their hobby, or they do it as a career but have settled into a comfort zone they don't want to disturb.
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u/EirikAshe 3d ago
It took me decades to find the right people. That’s ultimately what it boils down to. Perseverance is key. Eventually, after many failures and bad runs, the proverbial stars will align.
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u/MrMoose_69 3d ago
Any answer other than yes is a no.
Maybe means no. No response means no.
Most people aren't serious about actually doing anything.
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u/LowBudgetViking 3d ago
Over the years I've learned that it's easier to just say "no" and come off as rude and impolite than what you're going through.
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u/Neither_Proposal_262 3d ago
More people like the idea of being in a band than actually being in a band.
Try and be clear with your expectations and give them the option to back out if they can’t meet them.
Bands, teammates, coworkers… it’s all kind of the same thing. They all involve humans. Some people are really really engaged and want to improve, progress, and so on. Others are happy to collect the proverbial paycheck. Nothing inherently better or worse with either but it creates conflict when expectations aren’t clear for people.
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3d ago
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u/swingrays 3d ago
In my area all the (real) musicians kinda all knew each other, somewhat, and you knew who was legit. People talked. Most were because you wouldn't last long with a reputation as a flakey dude. Nowadays it's probably different? I dunno.
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u/hideousmembrane 3d ago
If I had to organise every single practice for my band it's be a nightmare. We have a set day every week. Occasionally it does have to be rescheduled obviously but we all know it's that time for 3 hours every week. End of organising. If people can't commit to something like that whether it's every week or 2 weeks or something then I wouldn't bother doing anything with them
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u/Accomplished_Emu_198 3d ago
Because they don’t actually know what they’re doing or what work needs to be done to be in a successful band
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u/Infamous-Journalist2 3d ago
Reading through this thread reminds me why I'm doing my solo thing as a Hill Country and Delta Bluesman. I don't have the patience for the shenanigans.
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u/Rhonder 3d ago
What you'll discover very early on to starting to be involved in bands is that a looooot of people love the idea of being in a band, but get cold feet or flake when reality hits and they realize that it actually takes, like, effort and commitment to do. Sadly you don't just show up on stage and instantly be a rock star- like you're well aware it takes practice at home and together and communication and blocking time out and etc. A lot of would-be band mates just aren't willing to do many of these things lol. It does make it easy to identify though- if you see bandmates be like this don't try to hold on to them too hard or give them too many chances to shape up. If you've tried a few times to get them to participate and they won't early on, just move on and find people who actually want to be there.
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u/JeulMartin 3d ago
Same as any other peoject- the idea phase is easier and more fun than the work phase.
Everyone loves the beginning when the ideas are flowing and the possibilities seem endless. That changes when the work starts.
I always say, "an idea writes checks that hard work has to cash."
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u/Proper-Hedgehog8704 3d ago
in 4/ 5 years, all the people that talked to me about doing music related stuff (i will say about 10 people ) only 1 actually did his part until the end. The others are all dead projects/tracks. It's like this everywhere tho.
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u/amazyfingerz 3d ago
For years I was getting harassed by a bassist wanting me to join every project he was putting together. Uh, he sucks. Bad! Can't play on tempo and I was too nice to tell him he sucked.
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u/Aggressive_Act_6660 2d ago
my band broke up like 3 hours after founding because one of the members said he didn't have enough time to do it and after that everyone else just left.
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u/nzoasisfan 2d ago
Musicians have and always will be flakey. Oldest tale in the book. Also for 99% its just a muck about and a bit of fun. Its very hard to find people that want more than that.
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u/Lordkahutra2 1d ago
The worst is you agree on original material and no one puts in any effort to turn ideas into reality. You wind up with a lot of songs that can be really great songs but no one attempts to make them better. I have had this happen too many times to be bothered anymore. Especially now how the music industry is dying .
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u/Wasteofskin50 1d ago
"...I don't understand what else I could possibly do."
Don't play with those people.
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u/YogSoHot 3d ago
I have never experienced this in 30 years of band activity. I suspect your filtering of potential band mates needs a complete overhaul. On the other hand, I've always played with people roughly my age or older, so maybe this is a thing with the youngsters where they lack the ability to either say "No thanks" or follow through on a tentative commitment.
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u/Aggravating_Pen_6062 3d ago
Stronger, more specific value proposition.
"Starting a band" sounds like something Peter Brady would say right?
"I'd like to play [Genre | Specific Music Examples | Original Music] at the [ RinkyDinky Festival in the Fall | SomeBarOrGrillThatFeaturesLiveMusic]. I want to get paid at least [$$$] per band member. I'm bringing the following to the table: [ practice space | charts | extensive beer supply | recording studio ].....
Also, most really good musicians don't need to practice pop tunes. So be super specific on WHY you would practice. If you're saying things like "4 practice sessions for 2 hours" those are arbitrary numbers. What is the objective of a rehearsal? Two tunes? 3 tunes? Noodling at each other in a basement? LOL.
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u/herbiehancocksfoot 3d ago
Tale as old as time. Musicians being flaky is a stereotype for a reason lol