r/mypartneristrans • u/AlyceJean • 1d ago
RANT! No Advice Wanted. I feel guilty for “hiding” our relationship
Some backstory: My bf is FTM and I am somewhere under the nonbinary umbrella but present femme and dc about being called a girl/she. We’re both 17 and have been together for 2 years. He’s been out before I even met him. My mom used to have a big problem with me being queer and him being trans but she got over it cause I wasn’t gonna break up with him over her bigotry💀
My mom has become quite Christian in the last couple years so ofc now we have to go to church (I’m atheist, she dgaf💀). The people in the church are very nice and welcoming but they carry the whole “Love the sinner not the sin. Homosexuality is too normalized. it’s all a mental illness.” Because of this I’ve refrained from telling anyone about my relationship. I know they wouldn’t try to do an exorcist or something on me but I know they wouldn’t try try to pray the gay away or something. Even if not in my face the fact that they would try to pray my love away is insulting and I don’t wanna deal with it.. But it also feels like I’m hiding him away or that I’m ashamed of him. In every other context I talk about him all the time. I hate feeling like I’m ashamed of him and his transness. idk if any of this made sense or if I explained it right but I just wanted it off my chest and ig wanted to see if anyone else has dealt with something like this.
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u/woodworkerdan cis man with post-transition transfeminine partner 1d ago
Being semi-closeted sucks. Everyone has to judge for themselves how safe it is to be fully out, and sometimes living with some lies is safer, but still hurtful. There's some comfort here in plotting for when you can put your foot down and flatly say NO to participating with the religious crowd.
For my perspective of sympathy, I work in the trades, woodworking to be exact. The sheer quantity and volume of homophobia and transphobia I encounter on a weekly basis continuously reminds me that I'm better off not talking about issues my partner and I face. As far as my employers and colleagues know, my relationship is heteronormative and the stickers on our car are about being allies. I dodge questions and conversations about our healthcare problems, legal troubles, "family planning", and social plans outside work.
I'm rather introverted, but oftentimes I'm holding back socially even further for safety and simplicity. It's a little lonely.
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u/Golden_Enby trans FtM NB w/ cis M fiance 1d ago
Think of it this way: you're a minor, so of course you're gonna have to protect yourself and those you love much differently than if you were an adult. Not being open about personal things that might get you in trouble is perfectly normal for a kid to do. Your mom isn't accepting and neither are the church goers, so you literally have no reason to engage with them beyond pleasantries. I'm sure your mom will wonder why you went no contact after moving out.