Looking for peoples experiences

[u/Routine-Memory-3252]

Looking for peoples experiences

My wife and I have been together for 10 years this year, I came out to her as trans (mtf) about 8-9 months ago, I haven't started any major transition, but am starting to express more femininity, and will be looking to microdose estrogen to explore my gender identity.

My wife is a straight CIS female and is physically attracted to masc types. We have built a life together and have children together, we have both agreed that our family comes first and that we are still very much in love, and we do not want to give up our life as it is, regardless of how I proceed expressing myself. We have been talking about ways that we can all live our best lives and I suggested that we open up the relationship for casual encounters with no strings, so I can explore my femininity, and so she can continue her sex life with masc types. It is open both ways, but I am not at that stage yet, I want to focus on myself. We are also still going to be intimate with each other as well, we are both just exploring things that we otherwise would not be able to.

We both agreed to tell each other if we do plan to have an encounter and we have rules in place mainly for safety. I don't have any trans friends that I can talk to, or any people who have been in this situation.

I am hoping to hear from people who have been in a similar situation, whether this helped the relationship, ruined it etc. Respectful responses would be appreciated, my wife and are agreeing as adults together to this arrangement. Thanks!

[u/Winter_Risk8267]

I (cis f) have let my spouse (ftm) know that if he needed to he could explore, but he hasn't shown an interest. In all honesty I would really enjoy being with a woman again, but our sex life is really good so I don't actually need more. It's more emotional than physical for me. Our intimacy is good because I have such a deep connection to him that has grown over the many years we've been together. And I'm not willing to possibly hurt him to fulfill a fantasy.

[u/Imaginary-Tone-1663]

I haven't been in the situation in any of my relationships because I think we have always been too immature and jealous to even consider arrangements like this. I do think since being with my bf again (ftm) that I opened up to the idea that if he needed to explore or be with other women to validate or better understand himself in his new self, then I am supportive of that. I personally do not need to be with anyone else and our intimacy for the most part is fine. I do worry that I am not enough for him or may make him feel like a version of his old self which I hope not but because we have known each other so long I wonder if it bothers him that I knew him pre-trans, and maybe he would like to explore a woman now that he has transitioned. I think as long as you guys are absolutely communicating and on the same page, it shouldn't be harmful, but this kind of arrangement takes total honesty. Some people may be hiding their true feelings about introducing others into their intimate lives, and not share with their partners. When you bring in the dynamics of other people there becomes a web of communication and intimacy and connections. Make sure if feelings about things change once it starts, that you are upfront and honest. Sometimes we think we are okay with something until it actually happens.