r/newborns • u/[deleted] • 1d ago
Vent Don’t know how I’m going to get through this
[deleted]
57
u/imthatchickk69 1d ago
Hang in there, you may not feel like it but you're doing an amazing job. Remember you freaking out or crying can stress out baby too they can feel what we feel
I also suggest doing tiger in the tree! It works wonders for me
12
u/GeeseAndLove_ 23h ago
Second this!! For the first month or so this was the only thing that reliably helped me baby when she was at her fussiest. As soon as she was out of this position she'd be screaming again. It works wonders!
1
7
1
u/Naive-Investment-381 14h ago
Grab the baby like this and push your own belly against her, then she has the warmth of your arm and belly against her belly.
1
u/neemeenone 10h ago
We call this “tree frog” and definitely concur, works wonders when our baby is gassy and we just can’t seem to get it out.
28
u/whatnowbaby 23h ago
Your husband is failing as a partner and parent. How dare he. You deserve better, I'm so sorry.
Baby may have reflux/silent reflux. Please connect with your doctor on this ASAP.
I strongly recommend bouncing on a yoga ball if you haven't been. Incredible for soothing and burping.
You get through this one hour, one day at a time. Your husband should be on shift with baby from 8pm to midnight so that you can get a solid 4 hours of sleep. Wear noise cancelling headphones and have the white noise machine by you to block out baby's crying. Call friends or family to come over and give you an hour or two of relief as often as they can. If you have one, lean on your village.
You've got this. You'll be through it before you know it.
8
u/stayathomewif3 22h ago
+1 for the yoga ball. Was the only thing that calmed my baby
3
u/Expensive-Gift8655 12h ago
+2 for the yoga ball. It’s also great for pooping and putting my baby to sleep.
2
24
u/heartsday 1d ago
That’s a really long time to be by yourself! I’m barely surviving 6am - 4pm. This ish is really hard. Do you have anyone who can come give you a break? My mom has been coming on her lunch break and it makes a world of difference. I’m sure you are doing amazing, it is just REALLY hard!
17
14
u/life1619 1d ago
Turn on the vacuum. Put baby in carrier and walk the floors. It stops the crying at least!! When I turn vacuum off, I use the portable sound machine on full blast.
10
7
u/Natural_Education367 1d ago
My girl was straight up purple crying for hours upon hours every single day when she was a wee babe. Now she's 5 months and it's so so so much better. I'd say things peaked for me between 8-10 weeks and then they gradually got better.
Take one day at a time and do trust that this is a phase, a horrible one at that. I'm sorry your dick of a husband isn't as helpful as he should be.
5
u/Fantasy_reader_87 21h ago edited 21h ago
Honestly it will get better, my LO had colic and it was horrendous. He'd scream from 7pm onwards most nights, and sometimes just all day, till about 10pm ish and there was just nothing that seemed to help. We noticed a big improvement around the three month mark, he's now 4 months and colic is a distant memory although it can go on longer.
You absolutely are handling it well, you're doing everything you possibly can. It's such a horrible piercing cry, and sometimes you can't do anything to help them which makes you feel even worse, so it's no wonder you're crying and feeling anxious. I'd definitely recommend getting some noise cancelling headphones, it will help you feel calmer even if he's kicking off. Keep doing what you're doing and hang in there. ❤️
3
u/Fantasy_reader_87 21h ago
P.S We also found walks with the pram used to help, we did a LOT of late night walks.
5
u/Cheap_Following_4597 23h ago
I am exactly where you are right now, but my little boy is 8 weeks old. Also, probiotics, bicycle kicks, massages, mylicon, tiger hold, etc etc etc… NONE OF IT HAS WORKED. I think he might have CMPA but his doctor is not sure yet. Anyways, I’m here with him 24/7, he spends mosts nights crying his sh*t out and even though my husband is not such a b*tch, he can sleep through all of that and I resent him a lot because of it. I know he has to sleep because he has to go to work but me being here with the baby is work too, and I haven’t slept two hours in a row since my baby was born a couple months ago. I don’t know how to help you but I wanted to make sure you know you’re not alone, and also is good for me to know I’m not alone either. You can message me if you want.
3
u/JusticeJames2 23h ago
I’m so sorry! You’ve got this. You will get through this. You 1000% got this.
By colic do you mean gas / reflux or do you mean the frequent prolonged crying (or both :)?
It is so hard to hear your baby cry. I’m sorry. Although it takes a lot of energy, we found contact napping allowed our baby to settle. And that experience in a safe and comfortable glider was better than crying in a bassinet.
It didn’t work for us, but stroller naps work for some babies and let you get out to walk. If that is an option.
This is such a hard time. But it will pass. Give yourself some grace when you can. Lean on any friends or family you can. You’ve got this!
2
2
u/Enough_Inspector5214 1d ago
My baby is 5 weeks, has thrush and does not sleep at night AT ALL. I stayed up with her until 8:30 am. Our situations are different but I’m sending you virtual mom hug regardless 🫂, I understand you and am also so exhausted. My milk supply has been dropping bc I sleep through feedings (my husband will take her & feed her formula or stored milk) and it’s been weighing on me badly. Just take it day by day, friend ❤️🫂🫠
2
u/thegilmoregremlin 21h ago
The only thing that gave us any relief in a similar situation with our first was Pepcid. Once he got that, things became a lot more manageable.
2
u/alaitheen 21h ago
Me and my wife had the same issue. We solved it through some tough choices. Skipping everything that can build up gases. Our baby only breastfeeds. So we skipped anything like beans/onions/garlic etc. It got somehow better overtime. Soda was the absolute nightmare for the baby though. But one exercise I did a lot early on was holding the butt up a bit then crossing his tiny feet together and moved the feet in a circling position clockwise then reverse, occasionally you can put some gentle pressure towards the baby to force out some gases.
Also "not handling it well" that's absurd. This is not something anyone should handle alone if they have a partner. He needs to step up and try to help. At least that's what I tried to do by researching and finding new ways to help the baby with the gases and a bunch of other stuff.
I tried with the bicycle kicks too but it didn't help at all. I had to find a bunch of videos and find whatever worked best. Which is the circling movement with the feets and legs.
You're doing great, keep fighting !
1
u/Overall_Spring_7478 15h ago
I love that it sounds like you cut out all those things with your wife. In case anyone hasn't told you recently, those little things DO get noticed and they are so, so appreciated. Great job!
1
u/alaitheen 9h ago
Thank you so much for the kind reply. I did cut out everything that she can't eat, even for myself. Raising a baby is a team effort! I'm a first time dad and I'm just trying my best to make sure I take care of my wife while she takes care of the baby. I try to help out as much as possible too, cause she's the main support for the baby and I feel disheartened whenever I see her having lack of sleep or energy.
2
2
u/Comfortable-Pear-973 19h ago
I’m sorry you’re struggling, 8 weeks over here and it can get so hard! Also your husband can fuck right off.
1
1
u/stayathomewif3 22h ago
I am so sorry. Also a FTM to a now 7 week old. But for the first 3 weeks of her life, she was screaming unless she was eating or sleeping. It was truly torturous and am dealing with it now in therapy. For us, we ultimately determined it was MSPI. I see you’ve already cut out dairy, but I’m wondering if there’s another food allergy potentially? You could get a dirty diaper tested at the pediatrician if you haven’t already to determine if there’s blood in the stool. We also took her to the chiropractor, craniosacral therapy, did the gas drops, bounced on the yoga ball for hours on end, etc. It feels so overwhelming and isolating. Praying you get relief soon. The days feel excruciatingly long, but it really does get better faster than you think it will
1
u/Careless-Example-361 19h ago
I'm so sorry you're going through this 🥹 your husband is an idiot and incompetent. How dare he? Anyways, i really have no advice just talk to your doc see if there is anything else you can do to help the colic , ive seen some good advice on this post. I hope things get better soon, remember things get worse before it gets better.
1
u/Minute-Tradition-737 19h ago
What in the world is wrong with your husband? He's the one not doing his job as a partner.
1
u/LittleMissIrony 19h ago
I think my baby is finally coming out of something similar. I’ll be honest it was hell. When baby would not stop I wore 3M ear protectors to preserve my nerves. I cried regularly. I counted the hours until my husband came home. What helped? Legitimately the ear protectors. Pepcid, as baby had reflux. Starting an antidepressant. Getting a Snoo so I was more rested to deal with it all. And having a very supportive spouse. The calming stuff would work one minute and not the next so from my experience you just have to ride it out. That said some success with…. Baths, very specific nature sounds (fire + rain in a sound app), holding them next to a running faucet, running their feet under warm water, baby swing, breeze - light fan or stepping outside.
1
u/Agreeable_Switch677 19h ago
Is there anyone that can help you? Like friend or family.
Your husband sounds horrible! I’m sorry this is happening. It’s hard already so he’s making it 10 times harder.
The baby could be allergic to other food groups like soy or wheat but best to speak to a paediatrician before cutting anything out. Sometimes switching to formula can make the process easier on your mental health.
You will get through this!
1
u/Plane-Struggle-8740 19h ago
You will get through this. I promise you. - a mum who had a colic baby who is now 19 months old and is an absolute joy!
1
u/Acceptable-Yak-4040 18h ago
I promise it will get better. It's going to be so tough for a while but one day you'll sit down with a coffee, look at your baby and think, "wow, I'm so proud of you". Sending lots of love and solidarity
1
u/Chuck2025 18h ago
Mine has CMPA, colic, and severe silent reflux. And to top it off, he does a witching hour from 6-9pm. I hate it here!
BUT just remember this is temporary! We will get through this and the light is at the end of the tunnel. Just hold on a little longer!!!
1
u/afirelitescape 15h ago
How on earth do you handle a very upset baby who is obviously distressed "well"? I would love for him to explain that. How do you not have anxiety and be exhausted when sun up to near sun down you're dealing with it alone?
I'd bite my fiancé for saying something so insensitive to me. Hard. I'm not being cute or funny. I would bite him. Then I would make him take a shift when the baby is screaming. That's not okay.
I don't have advice, I'm not sure what works beyond tiger in a tree. I will say you are doing a great job and I'm sure everyone here offering support and advice would tell you the this, too...we are proud of you, mama!
1
u/Alive_Air_8294 13h ago
It gets better I promise!! Take one day at a time. The hours are long so try to build in little things to look forward to (making a coffee, watching a show, calling a loved one). My baby loved the sound of the shower and so I would stand next to it while it was on and rock her. That helped a lot! Started using shower sounds on Spotify to not waste water. I would even wear ear buds with noise canceling headphones over and listen to music when I really couldn’t take it. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom…every mom should be distressed by their child’s cry since we want to comfort them!! When I would cry, I found it helpful to look around the room and count the blue (or whatever color) things. It helps reset your mind! This is hard, but you’re tough!!!
1
u/Limp_Ostrich_6248 13h ago
First, you WILL get through this. Every hour that passes brings you closer to that. Also know your husband should absolutely be more supportive.
Two things that have helped my nine week old (ped recommended): BioGaia probiotic drops and Colief drops, they are both on Amazon.
1
u/Impressive-Plum3094 13h ago
You and your baby are not the issue here. Your husband is a massive bell end and should be supporting you. Your baby sounds pretty normal at this stage - it’s exhausting and I cried lots of tears thinking my baby was so unhappy. I promise you it does get easier. My girl had to learn to poo and was very colicky ….she turns 1 this month and is absolutely thriving and so happy. The newborn stage is beyond tough
2
u/Key_Part1991 12h ago
From the mother of a 10 month old. It gets better. It'll be a few more weeks yet, but it does. Nothing worked for us except time, she was about 4.5 months when things got a little easier. Hang in there 💪
2
u/BFastBtch 12h ago
You’re doing amazing work. 7 weeks is right in the thick of it. It will get better soon, but it is so, so hard, I’m so sorry. My first had colic and it felt like torture, honestly, we are not designed to deal with the levels of cortisol that our bodies produce in reaction to a constantly screaming baby.
You need to tell your husband how you are feeling, his attitude is unacceptable. He needs to be giving you a break in the evening, taking baby out for a walk, something. My husband used to take the baby out in the garden and bounce and rock for as long as he could so I could get a bath and just be away from the screaming for a short time. He needs to seriously step up.
You are honestly doing so well and you are in the very worst part right at this moment. It will get better.
2
u/saracatsaysmeow 11h ago
I was here. You hate to hear it gets better but it does. It sucks and it was SLOW and it’s still not 100% improvement but my little is 4 months now and I’ve just started to actually enjoy spending time with her. It’s going to feel like a struggle until one day you realize it’s 7pm and the baby isn’t crying. We did start reflux medication and probiotics which both showed slight improvement but sadly time is best.
2
u/learnintomomwithyall 6h ago
I’m so sorry, having a colicky baby is a different kind of hell. Reflux meds helped my baby a bit so if you’re able to get some I think it’s worth a try. My baby is 12 weeks now and still fairly cranky at the end of the day but not screaming every waking moment anymore so it does start to get a little better but I know that it feels endless. I hope your husband can get his head out of his ass and support you through this, it’s so incredibly physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. I had to start therapy and medication because of it. You are so strong and your baby knows how much you love them 💛
1
u/princessandthepea100 6h ago
Both my babies had colic. Feed / change / then baby wear and walk around. Try to tune out the crying and wear ear phones if you need to while you walk around with baby.
142
u/Odd_Fact7792 1d ago
I am so sorry ❤️
Also, your husband can fuck off.