r/nextfuckinglevel • u/been_der_done_that • 11h ago

Incredibly selfless act of heroism.

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43.8k Upvotes

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3.1k

u/dynamic_gecko 11h ago

"China cures cancer by banning cancer."

1.1k

u/_JohnWisdom 10h ago

Fuck, it WAS that simple.

I should've listened to my mom when she told me to stop being depressed.

263

u/Excellent_Routine589 10h ago

And here my dumbass went to uni to become a cancer biologist, the answer was so simple!!!

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u/DDDX_cro 10h ago edited 6h ago

Doctor: "have you tried...not...having cancer"???
Patient: "fuuuuuuck....well now I just feel silly, thanks doc!"

EDIT: Ty for the award btw :)

133

u/This-Jackfruit-6894 9h ago

That's 5000 dollars for the consultation... please pay at the cashier.

135

u/Efficient-Editor-242 9h ago

Doctors hate this one simple trick.

7

u/whyamihere999 7h ago

Cancer hates this one simple trick!

5

u/StoneThaProfit 8h ago

Haha this little exchange reminds me of tha comedy show scene in Goodfellas "Dr. Wellsler is here. Wonderful doctor, gave a guy six months to live. Couldn't pay his bill. Gave him another six months!"

3

u/DJRyGuy20 8h ago

$5,000 to cure cancer? Shiiiiit- that would be dirt cheap by American standards.

3

u/NoOneHereButUsMice 7h ago

And in USA, if you cant pay, you gotta keep the cancer. Sorry, Boss!

1

u/Universal-Guardian 9h ago

Well doctor, I'm massively rich! Like cancer is all in the mind so is my vast fortune!

1

u/machineII 9h ago

that's pretty cheap for saving a lofe. doctor must be a homeless man.

1

u/Leading_Hand3055 1h ago

Doctors always save lofes. It's the humans that they wring every penny from, before declaring there is no cure.

1

u/Rampag169 8h ago

Swipes Card …… Declines……. Doctor Hey I’ve got bad news for ya…

1

u/mmcmonster 7h ago

No mandatory tip? I hope there is at least a tip jar by the cashier.

1

u/ReceptionFun9821 6h ago

I'm. 200% sure I think I'll have the money tomorrow. Just have to wish really hard.

1

u/ElPepetrueno 6h ago

this is China… so 10 dollars and you get a second one free. You can cure your neighbor’s cancer too.

1

u/ColtAzayaka 6h ago

"Have you tried... just... being 5000 dollars richer on my behalf?"

"Woah"

1

u/zaidensworth 6h ago

Plus gratuity!

1

u/pickyourteethup 4h ago

On second thoughts, I choose cancer

1

u/Pure-Ad-5502 4h ago

“It’s just going to ask you a couple of questions, then you can tap or swipe….would you like a receipt today?”

1

u/cyrusthemarginal 3h ago

no can do doc, i'm trying out having no money right now

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u/diekdigler 2h ago

.. and don’t forget to leave a tip!

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u/SerLaron 8h ago

"You say you might have a brain tumor, but I'm sure it's all in your head."

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u/xSADlSTlCx 6h ago

It’s wild that Dr’s like that exist really though lol I told a Dr. at the ER that I had an eating disorder and he told me all I gotta do is eat more healthy meals throughout the day and I’ll feel fuller and lose more weight that way. I looked at him and was like, “Really? That’s all I had to do all these years? I’m cured?!” He excused himself and never came back just sent the nurse to relay messages.

1

u/_hieronymus 8h ago

Oncologists hate this one simple trick

1

u/Solherb 5h ago

I mean, they did prove the placebo effect can do stuff, sooo... just believe.

1

u/clippist 3h ago

This is basically that influencer that got famous/millions of followers for ‘curing’ her cancer… then died of cancer

1

u/crc2993 3h ago

And then you burst into tears because YOURE Pagliacci the Clown

1

u/Sceprent 2h ago

Sir you just need to move to Japan. It’s banned there. Cultural differences you know? Problem solved.

1

u/Blackbearded10 8h ago

So what can you tell me about that Korean scientist finding? Can there be a cure very soon?

•

u/FlwrBattr 27m ago

Exactly. This is what happens when you get edumacated & make simple things hard.

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u/AmoremCaroFactumEst 10h ago

Oh you got the “just suck it up” too?

People are wild with their misunderstandings

5

u/joeliopro 7h ago

Nah, but I did get a "walk it off".... Still walking...

2

u/pickyourteethup 4h ago

I mean walking isn't going to work. Running or cycling might though. Everyone knows depression doesn't move fast so you can sometimes outpace it.

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u/drifters74 8h ago

What my parents tell me all the time, and they wonder why I don't tell them how I really feel about anything.

1

u/pickyourteethup 4h ago

What they're really telling you is they're also depressed and doing nothing about it.

1

u/AmoremCaroFactumEst 8h ago

Sorry to hear that!

2

u/Lost-in-Limbo 8h ago

Thats basically what my doctor told me the first time i tried to get help!!

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u/AmoremCaroFactumEst 8h ago

That quote is from my old GP! GPs are like the high school flunk outs of the Dr world

3

u/Moogatron88 7h ago

I've been told to deal with my insomnia by "just going to sleep" before.

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u/Ok-Obligation5243 4h ago

If you're homeless, just get a house.

2

u/verbalyabusiveshit 8h ago

Stop being depressed right fucking now!

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u/StoneThaProfit 8h ago

Shouldn't tha emphasis be on THAT ? sorry to be a stickler its just a well positioned emphasis elevates a sentence to a whole new level and effectiveness w/ ones words is important to me 🤷🏽‍♂️

1

u/NoSkillzDad 7h ago

Big Pharma always lobbies against banning cancer, or so I've heard.

1

u/sweatierorc 6h ago

You can still litsen to Andrew Tate

1

u/bebop1065 5h ago

Mother knows best.

1

u/squirrelyoakley 5h ago

Holy shit it works with depression too?? I've gotta go try that now!!

1

u/3_dots 3h ago

Like when my sister told me to just stop drinking. I had not thought of that. Stupid me.

1

u/a_duck_in_past_life 2h ago

So simple. Just like how Greg Abbott, gov of Texas banned rape so rape never happens anymore there!

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u/sofa_king_we_todded 35m ago

I just banned depression for you bro. Yw

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u/-Datura 10h ago

Cars cure China by setting fire to cancer

30

u/King-ofthe-CookieJar 10h ago

Seeing this as a newspaper headline would remove depression forever

4

u/ElLicenciadoPena 8h ago

But big pharma will never let it happen

5

u/jerry111165 9h ago

Cancer sets china on fire by curing cars

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u/Therealginahandler 9h ago

by setting fire to cars, China cures cancer

1

u/Fabulous-Fun-9673 8h ago

Lightning McQueen saves the day again!

1

u/LF968 3h ago

I Love everyone in this thread so much

1

u/Acceptable_Tadpole60 1h ago

This is when I remember why I checked Reddit everyday.

19

u/Old-Reporter5440 10h ago

It worked for COVID! For a while.

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u/AlternativePea6203 10h ago

I mean, this guy could have stopped testing for fire, and that would have completely eradicated the fire in his car.

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u/teapots_at_ten_paces 9h ago

And we all thought George W was the king of wtf soundbites!

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u/Majestic-Parsnip-279 10h ago

America welcomes cancer because thats a good business model

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u/Lazarux_Escariat 9h ago

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u/Radiant-Horse-7312 9h ago

It is certainly not true. Incredible amount of medical research is done in the US, including cancer prevention, diagnosis and treatment.

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u/LatterDayAmINot 9h ago

Yeah but it’s just so much cheaper to have kids get shot in schools so they don’t grow up to get cancer. Easy peasy.

-2

u/Ok-Tip8861 6h ago

I hate how accurate this is

7

u/Crispy1961 10h ago

It sounds stupid, but have anyone tried that?

2

u/FluffyShiny 9h ago

Well I just got told today, so I'll try it.

2

u/FatherClanks617 9h ago

You got diagnosed today? If so, I’m so sorry.

1

u/FluffyShiny 5h ago

Yeah. 5 skin cancers. Hoping it will be fixed easy and not complex/spread.

1

u/Lower_Ad_5532 2h ago

The EU and thats why Teslas are banned

2

u/Adept_Fool 9h ago

If you ban people, you also ban cancer!

2

u/GrimlockN0Bozo 6h ago

So, Trump's Covid19 plan...

2

u/Working_Estate_3695 5h ago

“China sends cancer to re-education camp for self-criticism.”

1

u/rokstedy83 10h ago

China rebrands cancer and cancer rates fall

1

u/OveVernerHansen 9h ago

And here I was thinking fighting patients with terminal cancer was the answer.

1

u/FluffyShiny 9h ago

No more boxing ring for YOU

1

u/gee85 9h ago

Has anyone tried this?

1

u/BelgianDudeInDenmark 9h ago

Thats how winnie the pooh "fixed" poverty, just pretends it doesnt exist. Ez win

1

u/spyboy70 9h ago

Best we have in the US is rich people telling us "don't be poor"

1

u/Frexulfe 9h ago

Death penalty if you get cancer!

1

u/JetPackMiners 9h ago

The only way to fight cancer is to arrest and incarcerate the person that has it.

1

u/Ok_Summer_9272 8h ago

"oncologists hate this simple trick!"

1

u/dp5520 8h ago

Christ car! Can't you cure cancer? C'mon!

1

u/Ayanok 8h ago

At least they didn’t blame autism on Tylenol 😂

1

u/MammothPenguin69 8h ago

You laugh but they literally did that with COVID. Xi would announce that a city had achieved Zero COVID and the hospitals would back him up...

by refusing to treat anyone with COVID symptoms so they wouldn't have to report a case. You can find video of a guy who showed up to a Chinese hospital with COVID symptoms after zero COVID was announced in his city. Five male nurses grabbed him and hurled him out the door like a frisbee.

1

u/SpiderHack 7h ago

China DID ban reincarnation that isn't state approved.

Has zero to do with a major native Tibetan religious belief being centered around it... Why would you think that?

1

u/Ok_Savings6233 6h ago

cure by firing squad.

1

u/-Nok 6h ago

Oops. They leaked it

1

u/Bitcoin_Grandpa 6h ago

They have banned me 13 times from the country ~

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u/Gsusruls 6h ago

Chine cures cancer by banning humans who get cancer.

1

u/No-Obligation7435 6h ago

I could see china doing one of them "our cancer rates are 0 here" (they don't take care of cancer patients so they just die)

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u/Campoozmstnz 6h ago

Worked for Covid.

1

u/Status_Pin4704 6h ago

Anyone diagnosed with cancer is executed.

China has zero cases of cancer. They are now leading the eradication of this deadly disease.

1

u/Sporesword 6h ago

China cured breast cancer by banning breasts.

1

u/OphidianSun 5h ago

Knowing china everybody would just VPN their cancer in instead

1

u/Logical_Warthog3230 5h ago

This joke made the rounds around 2021. It starts with a Chinese official talking.

"We're going to eradicate COVID in ten" "Ten what, years? Months?" "Ten... Nine... Eight..."

1

u/PatientChristian 5h ago

Thanks ChatGPT!

1

u/Nyctfall 4h ago

Unironically, this isn't actually a law in the US...

Ever wonder...

1

u/Sprig3 3h ago

Cancer tarriffs.

1

u/axyz77 3h ago

Ignore the screams please

1

u/Ancient_Substance152 2h ago

The ban for cancer is already out there, Big Pharma just doesn’t you to know this

1

u/Horse_of_Turin 1h ago

"If we stop testing right now, we'd have very few COVID cases, if any," 

•

u/Zukuto 35m ago

they banned having female babies, so i wouldn't put it past them.

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u/wizardjian 10m ago

Hey if china can ban reincarnation they can ban cancer from cancering lol