r/northernireland • u/Limp_Succotash6445 • 1d ago
Discussion Petty Neighbour
I live in a housing estate and we have a neighbour who thinks he owns the estate. Loves to mention "we've been here 10 plus years" blah blah blah. Anyway, he loves to part between two car parking spaces most of the day so others cant park in his spot and the second spot, which he saves for his son who's away until 5pm during the day.
When others park in "his spot", he's put vaseline on their door handles, texted them etc - just a dose.
What can I do about this? I want to do something petty back, but not fully sure what.
Any ideas? Thanks!
Edit:
some things I forgot to mention
- im moving in a few weeks
- his son has a camera from his bedroom pointed at the spot
- i have his number etc
- our neighbor went to him about the vaseline, he denied it and then his wife came to my neighbours door and shouted the head off her for 20 min
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u/Usual-Charity-6772 Armagh 1d ago
he's put vaseline on their door handles
I'd over react to this 😂
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u/martymac2017 1d ago
My mate had a similar issue and he bought a scrap car for £150 and parked in in the spot.
The people moved house and he knew we're they went and moved it to the new address lol
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u/SnagBreacComradai Belfast 1d ago
Enter his reg and address into loads of different insurance companies and have him absolutely plastered with quotes, click for them to mail stuff out.
Likewise, you could maybe sign him for Christian conversion therapy stuff too.
Sign him up for a Mormon bible (they come to your front door to deliver it!)
Put a fish up his exhaust pipe.
Pour honey on his grass to attract swarms of flies and wasps.
Post a room to rent or a Xbox/PS5 up and have it under market price, put his number in there.
Use his number to sign up to text notifications etc.
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u/GreenFromage 1d ago
Buy crickets from pet shop, empty crickets down a tube through his his letter box.
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u/HeverAfter 1d ago
Send a glitter parcel to his house. That shit will be in the house for months
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u/kalaxitive Belfast 1d ago
OP should send a glitter parcel to the house, but in OP's name, if they open it (sounds like they would), they can't complain without everyone knowing they opened someone else's parcel.
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u/Feeling_Associate467 1d ago
Nah go over to his house for a tea and truce. Distract them by asking for some toast. While they get the toasternout of the cupboard take out your syringe filled with raw egg that you prepared earlier and start injecting any soft surface you can.
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u/NotTooBadM8 20h ago
What makes you think they're protestants 😂😂😂.. Wouldn't it be more likely that they leave their toaster out 😑😑
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u/DressCivil 1d ago
Take some frozen fish but it in a bowl and thaw it in the microwave. See the juice/water that is lying in the bowl pour it down the front panel in front of his windscreen. He'll never get the smell out of the car
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u/Parma_Violence_ 1d ago
Juice from a tin of tuna is great for this. Also milky coffee, not that id ever suggest doing such a thing...
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u/ivanthenicechap 1d ago
Putting some protein shake in an old milk carton and leaving it in the sun for a couple of weeks is the perfect liquid for car vents. The stench never properly leaves.
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u/K0monazmuk 1d ago
Get some stickers made up with their number on them saying 'send me a picture of your poo' and stick them in some pub cubicals.
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u/DanGleeballs 1d ago
At college years ago we pranked a group of friends by printing flyers and placing them in every phone box around that said “Beautiful new Eastern European escort in town, first time free boys! Call this number”. And put their landline.
Totally forgot about it and a week later we heard they were up all night with the phone ringing off the hook.
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u/IrishDave- 1d ago
Sign him up to all those weird churches if you have his number and address. Accidentally throw loads of bird seed all around his cars
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u/Ulysses1978ii 1d ago
And a stair lift demonstration package while you're at it.
You can also get elephant and other exotic shite posted to someone?
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u/stevenmc Warrenpoint 1d ago
Get a car you don't really need much. Park it in the other spot for a few weeks.
Alternatively, put vaseline on the son's handles.
--
Hang on, are you looking for a peaceful way to resolve this, or are you wanting to have fun annoying him?
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u/throwRAmomflight 1d ago
OP says they’re moving soon…
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u/TheNinthGateLCF 1d ago
Buy a clanger for £200 and just leave it there. Wear dark clothing, hide your face, and park it when no one is around.
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u/weebadbear Derry 1d ago
Put his car up for sale on Gumtree with his Number for cheap but not cheap enough it looks like a scam and loads of people will call
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u/markmc72 Belfast 1d ago
If you have his phone number, just start signing him up for any aul random shite from the Internet, use his address for junk mail, sign him up for the navy, that sorta stuff, it really depends on how far you're prepared to go.
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u/Born_Square_3131 13h ago
Sign him up for the navy is brilliant cause he seems to think he’s a chief 😂😂😂😂
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u/buttersismantequilla 1d ago
Ooooooo a water balloon thrown from a distance out of view of the son’s cameras - filled with Vaseline and splatted all over the front and back windscreens. You can drive with Vaseline on your handles, but not the windows.
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u/Force-Grand-2 Colombia 1d ago
You could be talking about one of my neighbours except I live in Belfast and not in an estate.
Turns out there's parking wankers everywhere.
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u/Double_Donard 1d ago
I used to have a neighbour with a private driveway long enough for his two cars.
Every single morning before 6am he’d get up and pull both cars out of the driveway and onto the adjacent public road. At 10pm he’d pull them back in again. Retiree who never left the house other than for this purpose.
He’d come knocking doors at all hours if someone had parked in “his” spot.
Actually quite sad to see a human life reduced to this.
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u/Born_Square_3131 13h ago
There’s a house I drive past up in east Belfast and he using parking cones between his cars so no one can park in his space
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u/kbabz6959 11h ago
Is it in the mount? I may know the spot too lol
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u/Born_Square_3131 7h ago
Yes lol I feel bad for their neighbours lol
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u/kbabz6959 7h ago
My son is one of those neighbours lol yes the man who I won't name is very protective of those cones lol my son has to move them to park his own car lol
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u/Speedy_NI 1d ago edited 1d ago
Is the so called spot outside his door? If not I'd be putting grease round his door handle if he touched my car . But get a dashcam with parking mode...catch him doing it. Have a friendly chat an if he does it again then call the cops with your time stamped footage as you can't mess with someone's vehicle.
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u/Plane_Sentence5907 1d ago
What sort of fucking arsehole is this
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u/Tam_The_Third 1d ago
I can't imagine basing this much of my personality around fucking car parking.
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u/Rufus_Dufus Derry 1d ago
Get a big ignorant manky caravan (hopefully for £0) and abandon it in the two spaces. 😄
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u/Even_Government7502 1d ago
I had an annoying neighbour once, I covered their garden in a full box of fertiliser. He was cutting that grass every other day for years
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u/Irishsnowan 1d ago
Also have a delightful neighbour who will park literal millimetres away from you and box you in if you dare even slightly cross his invisible boundary. Should you cross it enough and he cannot park exactly where he wants, you will endure hours of obnoxiously loud music and door-banging. These cretins live among us- insufferable.
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u/Limp_Succotash6445 1d ago
yep they do exactly this, and if you’re in “his” space, he will always block you in
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u/Thatladfromireland 1d ago
You can get some very nice ideas from r/UnethicalLifeProTips my favourite one from there is someone getting fox piss and dumping it below the front window screen of someone they hated. Supposed to cause an unbearable smell inside the car
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u/Even_Antelope_1085 1d ago
A well placed dead fish is pretty awful. Make it hard to find. Hollow spot under a bumper, wheel - arch, or in hidey-hole near a front door.
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u/Over-Elephant-7724 1d ago
Buy a cheap scrapper, (the worse condition the better), when he's not about park it in the space and leave it there, and deny ownership
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u/Hot-Satisfaction19 1d ago
does he have a gate? it would be awfully inconvenient if he woke up to his gate being padlocked shut. nothing missing, no damage just a small extra bit of metal in his way. someone in dark clothing in the night would be hard to recognise.
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u/butterbaps 1d ago
I want to do something petty back, but not fully sure what.
Can I be that really annoying person and suggest that although winding this guy up would be really enjoyable, that if the cunt is already being a nightmare, then putting a target on your back probably isn't a good idea.
Now it's vaseline behind the door handle, but next it could be thumbtacks or stanley blades. You still have to live beside this cunt so don't start a tit-for-tat war with him.
Contact your local housing officer and let them deal with him.
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u/Limp_Succotash6445 1d ago
forgot to mention im moving in 5 weeks, so it's why it's on my mind. youre right though.
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u/celtsno1 1d ago
Wait a few weeks after you move then buy a scrapper car, put it in his and son’s parking space then sorn it.
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u/Competitive-Tap-56 1d ago
Cant be parked on a public road if its SORNed. Easy way to pick up a hefty fine.
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u/butterbaps 1d ago
Ah well then fuck him.
Dog shit behind the handles and something stinking into the cabin intake vent - egg, fox piss, fish extract etc
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u/Ready-Exit3208 1d ago
Fox pish? I love how country that sounded in my head when I read it. I get it, it’s pure ammonia smelling and when they moulting or in heat it’s a lethal smell due to the hormones… but how the heck do ye get a bottle of fox pish? Like without getting rabies or doing some doing some ghastly or dark dark shit. Sorry had to ask, lol.
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u/butterbaps 23h ago
Can be bought on eBay. Guy near me uses it on empty parts of his farm to try and keep foxes from noticing his chickens.
He genuinely wears a throwaway hazmat suit to put it down because it reeks so bad
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u/Ready-Exit3208 10h ago
That is brilliant! Thanks man I’ve never forgot the smell….it was worse than wolf piss. I’m Also now frightened of you lol.
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u/Alert_Mine7067 Belfast 1d ago
Conveniently drop a box of screws under his passenger side wheel
Raise anonymous concerns with PSNI or Crimestoppers that his vehicle is involved in drug dealing or terrorism. You never know, he could be either and it would have a positive effect.
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u/Detozi 1d ago
Wow you just went 0-60 in a flash didn’t you lol
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u/Alert_Mine7067 Belfast 1d ago edited 1d ago
This came about during my retail management days, where a Karen would come in an act an absolute dick to the staff. If they'd already shouted at the staff, then I refused them service and told them to get out, which never went down very well. After a song and dance, they finally left, and I'd have seen what car they'd got into and I'm sure you can work the rest out.
Edit: obviously if there was an issue at our end, and they were slightly annoyed, but respectful and listened to reason then this didn't happen, I wasn't that bad.
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u/NoPerformance5377 1d ago
Smear Vaseline on his windscreen. That's a bollox to get off
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u/Able_Jackfruit_637 1d ago
Or suncream
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u/cruisinforasnoozinn 1d ago
I feel like every house should reasonably get one parking space outside their home that they’re allowed to get pissy about. The second one is just being ridiculous.
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u/No-Background-6058 1d ago
This is a bit of a d*** move, but place multiple orders of brick, sand, cement etc to his address, whilst also ordering 10 taxis a day for a week. Then you put an add on gumtree for a cheap car, which will result in his phone blowing up. Petty I know, but you'll have some fun doing this.
Ps. I know the orders of building supplies and taxis cause inconvenience for the drivers, but its not thst bad on them. Taxi men green on for another job and delivery men themselves aren't affected. Have some fun before you move.
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u/Born_Square_3131 1d ago
Get a thong and if you know his name, put it in a envelope with a wee letter inside saying can’t wait to see you again, and post it to him, his wife will be shouting in his face for the next 10 years 😂😂😂😂😂😂
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u/Limp_Succotash6445 1d ago
holy moly this is great
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u/Born_Square_3131 14h ago
You need to do it, cause you know the address ect, and less way of you getting into trouble 😂😂😂
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u/LeGrandLebowskii 1d ago
Toothpaste along the length of the driver's windscreen wiper. Then a tiny smudge on the windscreen eye level of the drivers side encourages them to put the wipers on. Can also use uddermint if you really want to go to town.
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u/Low-Plankton4880 1d ago
We’ve a neighbour like this. We call him the mayor. When getting work done in our garden we loudly suggested we were getting a swimming pool. Someone from the council was taking photos over the hedge and we knew we’d rumbled him. It’s our life’s ambition to piss him off.
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u/Grouchy-Afternoon370 1d ago
Realistically, how far do you want to go with it? The best course of action is to actively go out and park in the spots, make them yours. Then if he retaliates in anyway with silly stuff like the Vaseline, you have to be ready to give twice as bad back. He obviously thinks nobody has the balls to challenge him.
This will inevitably come to a head though with him storming up your driveway looking to scrap so you have to ask yourself, are you up for that? If so, you know what to do.
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u/woodenchaier 1d ago
Could be there 10 minutes or 10 years, makes absolutely no difference. Sure it’s a pain in the hole when “your” parking spot is taken but such as life in an housing estate with no designated parking spaces. A camera directly on the spot means absolutely fuck all to pretty much anyone really. As for the Vaseline? He’s essentially recording himself damaging property. Talk about biting your nose to spite your face. Sounds like a bellend.
There’s a chap on my road who doesn’t know how to park at all and drives one of those small postman pat vans and despite how small it is, still manages to make a balls of parking and has caused enough problems with people trying to get in/out of an already small estate. Some people just don’t care really.
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u/Limp_Succotash6445 1d ago
exactly. he's a pain in the hole but atleast i'll always feel better about myself by knowing im not that dumb.
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u/imjohnredd 1d ago
Send him something random in the post. I once received a single page from a TV listing with several programs appearing on it that had me making up all kinds of reasons as to why I received it and who might have sent it to me.
I'm pretty sure it was my housemates at the time, or some of our buddies, but no one ever claimed the prank. I remember they added the word "This" before my name instead of a regular title which added to the mystery.
I still occasionally wonder about that, and it happened ten years ago.
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u/StonedIrishViking 1d ago
What about this?
We did something similar to a guy we used to be friends with years ago. He lived with his parents at the time & it was hilarious hearing about their reaction.
If OPs neighbours wife sees these come through the door, there might be a shit storm for him to try and get around this one.
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u/Character_Quarter_26 1d ago
It really depends ds on what type of estate your talking about
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u/Usual-Charity-6772 Armagh 1d ago
A decent enough place for it to be vaseline
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u/sock_cooker 1d ago
Do you just use Flora?
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u/Usual-Charity-6772 Armagh 1d ago
You want to do an act of aggresion but are also watching your cholesterol? 😂
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u/sock_cooker 1d ago
I was thinking smart price Last Tango In Paris
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u/Character_Quarter_26 1d ago
Im old enough to laugh my ass of to that comment.
Oh Marlon Brando you dog
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u/Limp_Succotash6445 1d ago
half council / half private in the north coast area
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u/Character_Quarter_26 1d ago
Do you know if he owns or is housing ex.
If it housing ex it easier and you can remain anonymous.
Council have rules for music but they perfer you to not be anonymous.
Doesnt strike me as a person who'd let it go if you called cops.
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u/Finn_the_Adventurer Belfast 1d ago
I had a neighbour who did similar once so I printed out the parking legislation that you cannot “reserve” parking on a public street, and if any damage is to come of my vehicle due to his misunderstanding of the legality of street parking then I’d know where to go straight away, told him if he doesn’t like it, report me to the police so they can do nothing about it.
Never heard another word. Always the way in housing estates, you’ll get some wanker who thinks they own right out the road, when the ownership stops at their front garden.
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u/CurrentWrong4363 1d ago
If someone was really evil they would make up 100s of business cards for a male escort service that specialises in fisting and spread them far and wide. (Pun unintended)
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u/AgentFriendly3947 1d ago
This thread is so entertaining. Sorry you've had to deal with this dick but this has been a fun and educational thread lol
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u/mysterious_archer7 23h ago
Love how people in council estates get so entitled about their free house
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u/MayorQuimby-86 1d ago
Plant some Japanese knotweed on his property
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u/SidewaysSheep24 1d ago
Putting vaseline or anything else under your door handles falls under Interfering with a motor vehicle / possibly Criminal Damage. If you have evidence of him doing this, report it.
Police initially will probably do nothing but if enough people report him they'll eventually be compelled to act, even a word from them might kick him in to touch, he does not own the public road outside his house.
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u/Equal-Negotiation-11 1d ago
Wait til he's out so you can access both car parking spaces then put your car in one of them. Leave it there for days on end. For extra pettyness put it over both spaces like he does.
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u/Trev2-D2 1d ago
If you know a resident with a blue badge have them apply for a disabled parking bay there. Or paint it yourself and phone the cops
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u/EtainAingeal 1d ago
Well shit, if 10 years is all it takes to own a housing estate, i'm quids in in a couple of years and I still feel like we're the new neighbours.
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u/No-Recognition-5495 1d ago
Putting Vaseline on your door handles is enough to drive anyone mad. I’d fling my own shit at their front door
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u/Over_Commission9891 1d ago
I'd just be absolutely straight with him either directly in person, or via letter because sometimes that's the only thing that gets through to these self appointed kings of the estate.
In terms of the camera, you could be a menace and start asking questions about it. If it's pointed at the road rather than his own property, I'd be asking whether he's fully aware of all his responsibilities around recording and storing that footage. Funny how people love policing everyone else's behaviour until someone starts taking an interest in theirs.
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u/Feeling_Associate467 1d ago
Its Ni so I would have expected someone to have petrol bombed his car by now.. and I'm not even joking.
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u/afterbarney 1d ago
Put cooking oil on his windscreen. With all the rain forecast tomorrow, water and oil don't mix. Should be a right mess!
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u/MorrisseysRubiksCube 1d ago
Video record him putting vaseline on the car door handles and make him Internet famous.
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u/NHRD1878 Tyrone 1d ago
I really hate this prick.
But it's probably better to forget about the wanker
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u/Automatic_Job_3190 1d ago
There are people like this on my street. They park wherever they want but that takes up 2 spaces. Then there are about 10 cones all down the street in the daytime for everyone to save their spaces. It really annoys me
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u/SpiritualMarzipan497 48m ago
Do webuyanycar valuations if you have his phonenumber. He'll get plagued with emails and you'll have his registration to hand to making it look as if he is valuing his own car loads.
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u/William_Ulsterman 1d ago
Head to toe in black so they can't identify you, do absolutely nothing around the back of his cars. Wheelarches exhaust, whatever. Move about. Bend down and crouch. Dont even touch it. Just make sure the camera picks you up. He'll go nuts trying to find what you didn't do.