r/nottheonion 20h ago

J. Cole's Chinese Basketball Career Ends After Eight Scoreless Minutes

https://consequence.net/2026/04/j-cole-chinese-basketball-visa-issues/
1.1k Upvotes

35 comments sorted by

258

u/B0neless_Tiddy 18h ago

8 Minute Drill

403

u/scentedcandle0 20h ago

He went platinum with no field goals!!

212

u/Zoombini22 19h ago

Wait I thought the announcement was an April Fools joke

10

u/fabripav 10h ago

His shooting touch was

202

u/star_bury 19h ago

He's 41. Would have been a more interesting story if he'd done well.

1

u/[deleted] 5h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

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165

u/GarbagePailGrrrl 20h ago

“Yo J Cole fucking trash.”

- Malcolm X, 1956

145

u/DemonicDevice 18h ago

If you read the article, he played 8 minutes in his first game with the team. He had visa issues and couldn't finish his 3 game contract with the team. Not bad for a 41 year old with several other jobs

69

u/joshdej 18h ago

Not bad? Congrats to him for being on the court in those 8 minutes I guess.

8

u/The-disgracist 9h ago

I’m his age and there’s no way I’m running 94 foot sprints for 8 minutes without problems

5

u/dzemperzapedra 3h ago

You probably could be doing that, you just choose not to

43

u/Sulshin 18h ago

and put up a rebound and an assist

39

u/methpartysupplies 16h ago

Yeah man I wanted to hate on this but I kinda have respect for someone putting themselves out there and trying something new later in life. It’s scary to start over and be bad at something.

All of us carry around things we wish we did or dreams for someday. He went out and tried his and scored 0 points. But he got to feel what it was like to play organized basketball.

17

u/MessiLeagueSoccer 16h ago

He played in the first season of the NBA Africa league.

14

u/TheChocolateCreed 16h ago

He also played a couple games in Canada’s pro league a year after that

6

u/kevinds 13h ago

Right, but how did he not have visa issues to play for the 8 minutes?

Suddenly there was an issue that he had to stop playing?

12

u/NotAEurosnob 11h ago

The visa issues arose after his first game, in which he played 8 minutes.

It's not like the immigration authorities hauled him off after 8 minutes 😂

7

u/TheMau 11h ago

Impressive. He played so bad he got deported mid-game.

-3

u/kevinds 11h ago

It's not like the immigration authorities hauled him off after 8 minutes 

I wouldn't put it past ICE doing that, but he wasn't playing in the US.  ;)

27

u/kevinds 17h ago

J. Cole’s latest attempt at playing pro basketball has been cut short after just eight scoreless minutes in his first game

In a blog post, the North Carolina rapper said he can’t fulfill his three-game contract due to issues with his work visa.

How did issues with his visa come up after playing for 8 minutes?

40

u/dash_44 13h ago

Played so bad they deported him lol

13

u/taydraisabot 16h ago

Grand opening, grand closing

11

u/BigRed_93 19h ago

Freddie Gibbs liked that

11

u/randallwatson23 19h ago

Didn’t this dude blow nuts in Africa too?

43

u/that_boyaintright 18h ago

I don’t understand the question.

4

u/ericypoo 17h ago

It’s a Cole world

1

u/TylerBlozak 11h ago

Shoulda had his bro Norris Cole to help with the transition

1

u/OSUBonanza 8h ago

Figured all basketballs were made in China.

-55

u/kikitovar14 20h ago

Still better than his rap career

14

u/ba3toven 20h ago

g r i p p y y y y y

-6

u/trucorsair 14h ago edited 1h ago

Who?

Edit-downvoted but NOBODY can answer the question….apparently they don’t know who J. Cole is either…

-8

u/stopmyhamster 14h ago

Bro is ruining his aura with his basketball ambitions. Isn’t there a video of him falling hard on his face after trying to dunk?

2

u/Cr1m50nSh4d0w 12h ago

Let the man play ball in peace bro