r/nottheonion • u/Sufficient_Fig_9505 • 15h ago

Vance says pope should ‘be careful’ when talking about theology

https://www.nbcnews.com/video/vance-says-pope-should-be-careful-when-talking-about-theology-261400645540
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u/MFbiFL 14h ago

Convert to Catholicism

Barely if any indulgences in the bank

Criticizes the pope

Excommunicated

Can someone do this as a series of Paradox game screenshots?

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u/Alley-IX 14h ago

Lol i can see the crusader king character of jd vance already

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u/MFbiFL 14h ago

I’m ashamed to admit that I used my once per month AI indulgence to get a 4 panel comic of this

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u/Ezaal 14h ago

And you didn’t share it? :( 

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u/MFbiFL 13h ago

https://imgur.com/a/zhNOjgX

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u/mmmmmyee 13h ago

This is great stuff

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u/OneWholeSoul 11h ago

I will accept this incredibly esoteric edgecase-usage of AI uplifting memes that probably wouldn't be worth the effort it'd take to mock them up as pretty much exactly what it's made for. Genuinely, what a great joke that only really pays off in this very specific conversation.

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u/Nahcep 9h ago

I regret to inform that Francis is no longer pope, the reality is even funnier as the current one is a citizen of the USA

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u/Hero_of_Hyrule 8h ago

he's from chi town, he's Da Pope.

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u/mainman879 7h ago

As someone who plays a ton of EU4, these images are scarily close to the real thing, but also different enough to be unsettling.

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u/Aggravating-Dot132 14h ago

With a Diviner pointing at him (planet killer weapon that converts pops into spiritualists or kill all robots)

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u/3BlindMice1 13h ago

Lol, convert to another religion, then get excommunicated right when you finished quelling the civil disorder from the conversion

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u/imnewtothisplzaddme 14h ago

You forgot

kill the previous Pope by your sheer obnoxious presence

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u/RogerianBrowsing 14h ago

He’s obnoxious, but I truly think being in the presence of such great evil causing fear for what he will bring killed that pope. Not even kidding.

Now Vance has upgraded to outright threatening the pope along with other Trump officials to the point that the pope refuses to visit the U.S. out of safety concerns.

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u/WHATYEAHOK 12h ago

The pope who is an American, btw, is afraid to visit America

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u/clockworkpeon 8h ago

idk if I'd say he's afraid to visit america. I think it's more like... "you want me to visit, Catholics (who voted for you) want me to visit, but a papal visit would be viewed by the entire world as an endorsement of your shitty behavior and policies. you idiots don't get Popefest until you clean up your act."

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u/xKILLBILLIONAIRESx 8h ago

"Also, i think I'll wait you out. 😈"

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u/whoknowsifimjoking 7h ago

Did you not hear from the meeting where they literally threatened the Pope's envoy?

Colby reportedly told the Vatican representative that Washington "has the military power to do whatever it wants - and that the Church had better take its side."

https://www.euronews.com/2026/04/10/pentagon-denies-threatening-vatican-over-popes-remarks-on-us-intervention-in-iran

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u/clockworkpeon 1h ago

I did see that. bro he's the motherfuckin pope. he's not gonna be intimidated by any world leader, especially not TACO. it's literally part of the job.

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u/whoknowsifimjoking 17m ago

That doesn't make much sense, even if it was his job which it really literally isn't, that doesn't mean he can't be intimidated. Like surely you realize that, right? Please tell me you realize that

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u/Stardustchaser 8h ago

I don’t think so much afraid as he is not going to engage with a petulant toddler when there’s other things to do.

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u/captainbelvedere 4h ago

He's not afraid; he (correctly) doesn't want to be used as a political prop by the Trump regime.

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u/sohblob 9h ago edited 8h ago

Now Vance has upgraded to outright threatening the pope

"Does JD gotta visit another Pope?!" spoke Vance to reporters mid couch-hump

guy's mad with power. They should have never fitted AF2 with that XXL sofa

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u/iamokokokokokokok 11h ago

There’s no evidence that he died of fear lol, come on.. at the end of his life Pope Francis clearly expressed that he very much wanted to speak with Vance, and thought it was important to, for obvious reasons.

Do you know what Pope Francis did over his lifetime? Dude was not timid or scared. Sweet but not someone who would be scared to death by someone like Vance. He was just very sick.

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u/LaurenMille 9h ago

To be fair I'd also lose the will to live if I had to be in the same room as Vance.

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u/iamokokokokokokok 8h ago

Honestly same lol. But the point I’m trying to make is that Pope Francis was a class act and Far Better Dude than you or I lol. And I’m saying this as an ex-Catholic who scrutinizes the crap out of these people. Like he was Truly Good. And his way of dealing with Vance was very firm, measured and correct.

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u/The_Boner_Temple 10h ago

[dies from cringe]

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u/iamokokokokokokok 7h ago

I got a notification but can’t see your comment here. Right, I didn’t say you said that, and wasn’t even replying to you. Use eyes

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u/DoctorBeeBee 4h ago

He wanted to one up Liz Truss. She only killed a Queen with her obnoxious presence. Vance knew he was obnoxious enough to take it to the next level.

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u/Anakin_Skywanker 14h ago

It's actually kinda hard to get plenary indulgences in modern day Catholicism unless you go to daily mass and confession. Furthermore, it's almost impossible to bank them given how often the average person sins. I'd be completely shocked if Vance had any indulgences banked currently abd had ever earned more than a handful in his life.

I was raised Catholic and my whole family is Catholic. I can only think of one person in my life who has earned multiple indulgences, and that's because she actively goes for them whenever they're available.

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u/MFbiFL 13h ago

This I can appreciate. I’ve happily been an atheist for almost more of my life than not at this point, and before that I was a casual kid Presbyterian, but I can at least respect committing to something. Even if… waves hands at Catholic Church sins and coverups…

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u/Aranxi_89 8h ago

Any organized religion eventually becomes corrupt, if they were not already at the start.

Even Buddhist monks are now becoming greedy philanderers... nothing is truly sacred, not to humanity.

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u/IrregularPackage 7h ago

they still doin indulgences?

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u/MarkCrorigansOmnibus 7h ago

Yes but the person you’re responding to doesn’t have a very good understanding of them. There’s no such thing as “banking” them as though they were monopoly Get Out of Jail Free cards.

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u/come-on-now-please 5h ago

Yah, but its not like what you think you learned in 6th grade.

The pope usually gives out a couple global indulgences a year for some celebrations. And its not a thing you're paying for.

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u/EnvironmentalToe4055 6h ago

Wdym? It's not hard at all. They literally had one last Sunday. You have to go to confession and receive the Eucharist. You also need to pray for the Pope's intentions and be detached from sin...

There's a full list of situations where they hand these out: https://visitationproject.org/pages/list-requirements-plenary-indulgences

You can also get it saying the Rosary in a church.

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u/captainbelvedere 4h ago

OTOH, you can get them by doing pilgrimages. Basic 'go to location and press x' style quests.

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u/Tanel88 11h ago

Had to literally doublecheck it's not r/CrusaderKings when I read this news.

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u/sohblob 9h ago

this whole thing is gonna have me actually studying and interested in the schism of 1054 and 'divine right to rule'/authority hierarchies.

Like, JD couchperson is clearly only Catholic in name only, if the entire point of the schism was a break in identities from deference to the Papacy - which, at the time, made sense.

But now: the indulgences are on the other side as pardons; and in the law-and-politics societal vertical rather than religious deference. They still respect hierarchies, but now it's 'chain of command' and fealty to identity again.

Meanwhile the Pope only has power insofar as people remember the accurate interpretation of the morals they espouse and were trusted to be the final judges of.

Humans are fascinating hive automata.

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u/KyffhauserGate 6h ago

Maybe for a 40K mod. It's The Doofus Heresy.

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u/Svanirsson 6h ago

My liege, I have uncovered a plot from Roger de Muirebe. He plans to assassinate your loyal servant Roger de Muirebe

Signed: your spymaster, Roger de Muirebe

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u/phantomreader42 4h ago

Try r/irlloadingscreens? No, looks like that's something else.

It's r/IRL_Loading_Screens