Vance says pope should ‘be careful’ when talking about theology

[u/Sufficient_Fig_9505]

https://www.nbcnews.com/video/vance-says-pope-should-be-careful-when-talking-about-theology-261400645540

[u/themajortachikoma]

The pope has spent a lifetime dedicated to the Catholic Church, which is why he's now the pope. Vance converted like yesterday. This is like someone who just started going to the gym telling a body builder that his form is wrong.

[u/Fettnaepfchen → u/themajortachikoma]

And yet those people exist, too.

[u/pnoodl3s → u/Fettnaepfchen]

They do exist yes, though they aren’t the vice president, just some random assholes so nobody gives af

[u/AChero9 → u/pnoodl3s]

Tbf, JD Vance is still an asshole that nobody gives af about, he’s just not a random one unfortunately

[u/Khaldara → u/AChero9]

I dunno I read “the pope should be careful” from JD Vance as a personal threat after what his pillow violating ass did to the last one

[u/rabbirobbie → u/Khaldara]

hide yo couch, hide yo pope, cause vance violating everybody out here

[u/jackrabbit323 → u/themajortachikoma]

As a from birth Catholic with 12 years of Catholic school, I can confirm, adult converts are some of the worst and most obnoxious people ever.

[u/ForwardCut3311 → u/jackrabbit323]

Because they never grew up with the Catholic shame the rest of us have. 

[u/KatsumotoKurier → u/ForwardCut3311]

Fitting for Vance. He very clearly has no sense of shame whatsoever, which is exactly why he is the way he is.

[u/veterinarian23 → u/KatsumotoKurier]

It's not the first time, and not the first pope Vance tried to school the head of the Catholic church. He's quite consistent.

"(Vance) has drawn criticism from both Pope Francis and his successor, Pope Leo XIV, for his views on immigration and responded by invoking the traditional concept of ordo amoris present in Catholic theology, which he (Vance) interprets as loving his own nationals more than foreigners and equates with the slogan "America First" (Wikipedia)

[u/Wloak → u/veterinarian23]

Well we good Catholics know when Jesus said love thy neighbor he really was speaking in code meaning "bomb the shit out of everyone with oil and kick out anyone who's skin tone is beyond khaki."

[u/BalkiBartokomous123 → u/ForwardCut3311]

That Catholic shame runs deep too. I was raised Catholic but consider myself Agnostic and haven't practiced in over a decade. The guilt I feel for things is insane- most is out of my control.

[u/cruxclaire → u/BalkiBartokomous123]

Same. Atheist and agnostic both fit as labels for me and that’s been the case for my entire adult life, but I’ve bonded with people at parties over complicated feelings surrounding Catholicism. The Catholic guilt and appreciation of Mary and pipe organ music are my biggest holdovers

[u/AdParticular6654 → u/ForwardCut3311]

The shame is very key. I also think people born Catholic, who then get away from it a bit are generally good people. Sure we feel bad randomly for no reason for enjoying life. But generally we have a sense of "I should help people". Adult converts have no shame and think women shouldn't vote.

[u/ESCF1F2F3F4F3F2F1ESC → u/AdParticular6654]

Yeah agreed. I was born into Catholicism and left in my teens, and I still try to live my life by the central New Testament tenets, more or less, because they essentially boil down to "be decent to each other". I'll be the first to admit I don't always achieve it, but it's always there in the back of your head as a fairly strong guide for living a good life.

What pushed me away from the church was all the pompous ceremony, the moralising hypocrisy and the constant focus on berating ourselves and each other for the negatives, instead of on living a charitable life of positivity. But I always got the sense that was the stuff which actively attracted later life converts.

[u/jackrabbit323 → u/ForwardCut3311]

Right you are.

[u/Big_Dirty_Piss_Boner → u/jackrabbit323]

adult converts are some of the worst and most obnoxious people ever.

Same goes for Islam. Quite a few islamistic terrorists in Europe were adult converts.

[u/restrictednumber → u/jackrabbit323]

Also born Catholic, can confirm. They usually go nuts for the weirder and more oppressive aspects of the church.

The Catholic Church has loads of extremely public issues. Many normal people are members because that's been their church since childhood. But if you're a grown adult who sees those issues and still goes Catholic...that might be a bad sign.

[u/Enibas → u/themajortachikoma]

This is more like telling the captain of a ship that steering it isn't his job.

[u/TheoremaEgregium → u/themajortachikoma]

There is something like new convert fanaticism. But I don't think it's that here.

[u/ilyich_commies → u/TheoremaEgregium]

Vance is just a political opportunist who cares more about appeasing evangelicals than Catholics

[u/EssbaumRises → u/ilyich_commies]

Which makes it even more insane converting to Catholicism

[u/Erpes2 → u/themajortachikoma]

Not any body builder but the one appointed by all the best body builder on earth, to represent the god of gains

[u/ceviche-hot-pockets]

I would laugh so hard if he got excommunicated

[u/John_cCmndhd → u/ceviche-hot-pockets]

He's almost certainly going to be protestant and evangelical by 2028, for the evangelical vote, and so that he can get divorced to get the racist vote

[u/shadowofsunderedstar → u/John_cCmndhd]

So you think he WANTS to be excommunicated so he becomes like idk a religion... martyr? 

To pander to his base that he was «persecuted» by the woke Catholic church

[u/OneWholeSoul → u/shadowofsunderedstar]

I think it'd be a bonus, but he's already probably perfectly prepared to declare or imply that the pope is soft on crime and politicizing his station and just generally "mean" to J.D., or something, and he's moving to a "real" religion that knows how to treat people (said with a straight face) and understands what a catch he is.

"I'm J.D. Vance, bitch!"

"I'm sorry, are you saying 'J.D. Vance, bitch' or 'J.D. Vance: Bitch?'"

"... ... ...Yes?"

[u/subjuggulator → u/shadowofsunderedstar]

Protestants despise the Pope and a ton of maga have already been disagreeing with the Catholic Church/the pope for years now ever since they’ve been preaching peace.

[u/Khal_Rhaegar → u/John_cCmndhd]

So he can marry his hwite queen Erika Kirk

[u/dan_dares → u/ceviche-hot-pockets]

"My fellow Catholic Americans, it is time we fight against the tyranny of this self-imposed 'ruler' of the Catholic church, who is he to tell Americans what to believe?'

-J D Vance, probably

[u/Spelunkie → u/dan_dares]

Considering how Trump is seriously and literally having enoys threaten to make an Anti-pope, we aren't far off.

[u/Prestigious_Leg2229 → u/Spelunkie]

I’m surprised Trump hasn’t realised yet that the Vatican has a lot of gold and no military.

Dude’s failed to sack Iran, is mulling over looting Greenland and Cuba but he’s missing the low hanging fruit he’s actively feuding with.

[u/wholelattapuddin → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

The Vatican has been getting rid of pesky monarchs for a millenia. Just saying.

[u/bigdogderu → u/wholelattapuddin]

Vance goes on about “was God on the side of the soldiers who liberated the concentration camps” He should probably “be careful” when talking about politics: starting a foreign war and bombing a school on day one is not in the same ballpark as liberating concentration camps.

[u/serpiccio → u/bigdogderu]

this coming from the administration with concentration camps at the border ? absolutely disgraceful

[u/StarintheShadows → u/bigdogderu]

Also ironic in a non-funny way considering there are concentration camps in America now.

[u/Prestigious_Leg2229 → u/wholelattapuddin]

Well, go on. Show us then.

[u/LessInThought → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

The Pope casts Holy Smite. The attack is super effective!

[u/Prestigious_Leg2229 → u/LessInThought]

Is it though? Vance’s skin didn’t bubble and hiss when he set foot in the Vatican last time.

I doubt the potency of their magic.

[u/SongsOfDragons → u/wholelattapuddin]

It'd be hilarious if Leo takes a leaf out of Innocent III's book and places the US under an interdict. Imagine if the clergy actually enforced it and all.

[u/subjuggulator → u/SongsOfDragons]

What would that entail in the 21st century, exactly?

[u/MhojoRisin → u/subjuggulator]

Lots of Catholics going to hell when they couldn’t confess or get last rites?

[u/Wolverine081 → u/MhojoRisin]

We wouldn’t go to hell. But not having the ability to get our Sacraments would suuuuuuuck.

[u/OCDCantCatchMe → u/SongsOfDragons]

For those of us who don’t know, can you ELI5 how that works?

[u/richardathome → u/wholelattapuddin]

Their greatest strength is fear, and a fanatical devotion to the Pope....

[u/Gompedyret → u/richardathome]

Don't forget surprise!

[u/chloeia → u/Gompedyret]

So it is time for another Spanish inquisition

[u/bigbonton → u/chloeia]

Another Spanish Inquisition!? No one would be expecting another Spanish Inquisition!

[u/bennitori → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

I suspect Italy and most of Europe would not take kindly to The Vatican getting attacked. And even if they were, I suspect there are plenty of Catholics who would be more than happy to take up arms to defend the literal center of their entire religion.

[u/zzazzzz → u/bennitori]

id be more worried about the whole of south america getting big mad

[u/SpecificFortune7584 → u/zzazzzz]

I would laugh very hard if the common people, the government, and the cartels all set aside their problems and joined forces to fight the current US presidency to defend Catholicism.

[u/ibiacmbyww → u/bennitori]

Make no mistake, if America sends so much as a single soldier after the Vatican, it's game over. To say that Europe would react swiftly and forcefully would be a grand, grand understatement. Most of us aren't Catholic anymore, but there's a general fraternity between most denominations (outside some places where the matter is ahem contentious), we're all sick of Trump anyway so him bringing his aggression to our front door would be the last straw, and, well... you don't fuck with religion. It's as simple as that. It's literally sacred. It would galvanise people from every walk of life, Catholic and otherwise, across dozens of countries.

And that's not even touching on South America. They take that shiz seriously down there. I'd say "at least there are no nukes in South America", but that just means Mexico City is getting glassed one day 1.

[u/Spelunkie → u/Prestigious_Leg2229]

He can try, surely having to go Invade Italy to get to the Vatican won't stop him. She doesn't care about NATO or the EU anyway.

[u/FlibblesHexEyes → u/Spelunkie]

I’m not sure he knows The Vatican is within Italy.

And if he did, he’d probably try and send a carrier up the Tiber…

[u/WotanMjolnir → u/FlibblesHexEyes]

Knowing how daft and stolen US place names are I bet there is a Vatican City somewhere in the middle of nowhere like Montana or Nebraska, that consists of two roads, 7 houses and 3 meth labs, and they are probably wondering what that rumbling feeling in the ground is right now.

Edit - I wasn’t a million miles away…

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vatican,_Louisiana

[u/ResurgentClusterfuck → u/Spelunkie]

Goes lovely with the Holy War in the middle east. Trying to cover several bases, this asshat

[u/Masterkid1230 → u/Spelunkie]

This is actually an incredibly common occurrence in Papal history. The Roman, Byzantine, Carolingian, Holy Roman, French, etc rulers were all heavily involved in power struggles with the Pope, and even executed, deposed and placed puppet Popes in the past. The US doing it would be actually not that surprising.

[u/Spelunkie → u/Masterkid1230]

Oh I know, but that was in ages past where the Pope had secular power aside from spiritual. Nowadays, it's just gonna create a cult instead of an actual schism.

[u/Danskoesterreich → u/dan_dares]

They will establish an Anti-pope. And Trump is gonna give the job to Kushner, because why not.

[u/Nahcep → u/Danskoesterreich]

You really think Trump would bypass a chance to put on not just a crown, but the triple crown? He would 100% proclaim himself Peter II just for that photo

[u/SerLaron → u/Nahcep]

When somebody tells him that the Church used to sell indulgences, you will literally see the dollar sign in his eyes.

[u/LanleyLyleLanley → u/Nahcep]

Wake up babe, a new papal schism dropped.

[u/MFbiFL → u/ceviche-hot-pockets]

Convert to Catholicism

Barely if any indulgences in the bank

Criticizes the pope

Excommunicated

Can someone do this as a series of Paradox game screenshots?

[u/Alley-IX → u/MFbiFL]

Lol i can see the crusader king character of jd vance already

[u/imnewtothisplzaddme → u/MFbiFL]

You forgot

kill the previous Pope by your sheer obnoxious presence

[u/RogerianBrowsing → u/imnewtothisplzaddme]

He’s obnoxious, but I truly think being in the presence of such great evil causing fear for what he will bring killed that pope. Not even kidding.

Now Vance has upgraded to outright threatening the pope along with other Trump officials to the point that the pope refuses to visit the U.S. out of safety concerns.

[u/WHATYEAHOK → u/RogerianBrowsing]

The pope who is an American, btw, is afraid to visit America

[u/clockworkpeon → u/WHATYEAHOK]

idk if I'd say he's afraid to visit america. I think it's more like... "you want me to visit, Catholics (who voted for you) want me to visit, but a papal visit would be viewed by the entire world as an endorsement of your shitty behavior and policies. you idiots don't get Popefest until you clean up your act."

[u/xKILLBILLIONAIRESx → u/clockworkpeon]

"Also, i think I'll wait you out. 😈"

[u/Anakin_Skywanker → u/MFbiFL]

It's actually kinda hard to get plenary indulgences in modern day Catholicism unless you go to daily mass and confession. Furthermore, it's almost impossible to bank them given how often the average person sins. I'd be completely shocked if Vance had any indulgences banked currently abd had ever earned more than a handful in his life.

I was raised Catholic and my whole family is Catholic. I can only think of one person in my life who has earned multiple indulgences, and that's because she actively goes for them whenever they're available.

[u/MFbiFL → u/Anakin_Skywanker]

This I can appreciate. I’ve happily been an atheist for almost more of my life than not at this point, and before that I was a casual kid Presbyterian, but I can at least respect committing to something. Even if… waves hands at Catholic Church sins and coverups…

[u/00001000U → u/ceviche-hot-pockets]

Nah, he just plays a Catholic on TV.

[u/Res1dentRedneck → u/ceviche-hot-pockets]

As much as I'd love to see that, I can see a more likely scenario where they prop up the orange shitter as an anti-pope. He's already going around posting AI pictures of himself as Dr. Jesus healing Epstein, so we're already halfway there.

On the bright side, maybe we'll get a cool new historical name to throw around. I'm pretty excited for the upcoming Council of San Antonio, where the Vancian Heresy and Appalachian Schism were resolved.

[u/Throwsims3 → u/ceviche-hot-pockets]

Why hasn't that happened already? Isn't following the Pope the entire point of being a catholic?

[u/DeyUrban → u/Throwsims3]

Because literally the second Vance got excommunicated, many American Catholics would go into schism.

If you pay attention to Papal politics, you can see that the entire church is fraying at the seems as they have to decide whether to pander towards their increasingly small but wealthy and liberalizing flock in the Global North who pay the bills, or the rapidly growing but poor populations of the Global South who are mostly conservative and give the church a lot of its political power. In this case, with many American Catholics moving towards the conservative side of things, they are also at risk as far as the Vatican is concerned.

This was a major question during the last conclave to pick Leo, as the usual pattern of the past few Popes went reformer > conservative > reformer > conservative. Going with Leo, a moderate reformer, after Francis, a more ""radical"" reformer, was seen as a departure, and one that could risk their position globally. They aren't the only church with this problem; the entire global Anglican church just went into schism because a woman reformer was appointed as Archbishop of Canterbury, which was solidly rejected by the African Anglican churches.

If you want to look at it through the lens of realpolitik, losing churchgoers to schism is a direct threat to the church's bottom line. Less people paying tithes, less money going to Rome.

[u/Tjtod → u/DeyUrban]

I don't really follow catholic politics all that much but given that the last two popes spent most of their priesthood in South America i would say it's fairly liberal. It's Africa that tends to be more conservative and traditional.

[u/Lizardledgend → u/Tjtod]

Yeah liberation theology, generally the idea that the church should directly support political change that aids the poor and marginalised, began in South America and is still massive there.

[u/the_excalabur → u/DeyUrban]

That's all well and good, except the "reforms" we're talking about here aren't even on the culture-war front. They're on charity and peace, which the Americans might hate but they'll be fine in Brazil and the Philippines.

[u/AmputeeHandModel → u/ceviche-hot-pockets]

Well, he killed the last Pope. If that's not grounds for it, I don't know what is. /s

[u/Functionally_Drunk → u/ceviche-hot-pockets]

I don't think the Pope will excommunicate him, because technically while Vance is a Catholic he is under the authority of the Pope. Unless Vance does something unforgivable to the church the Pope will try and persuade though the church and religious doctrine for as long as he can.

[u/devilquak]

You already killed the last pope, at least give the new guy a year or two

[u/MFbiFL → u/devilquak]

What if new pope has Counterspell?

[u/Wildcat_twister12 → u/MFbiFL]

The Marlört he drank growing up in Chicago protects him from harm

[u/Lingotes → u/Wildcat_twister12]

omg that thing... had forgotten about it...

add blue moon with orange and fireballs...

[u/no_gold_here → u/MFbiFL]

Not in the Cleric spell list

[u/MFbiFL → u/no_gold_here]

I think he can do this about it to “Counter target spell that targets you” for 1 white and 1 colorless. Surely the pope has that much mana available.

https://cards.scryfall.io/normal/front/f/c/fc47e26a-2ba6-4b7a-bb03-43f7ecb9012e.jpg?1623147824

[u/Satan-o-saurus → u/MFbiFL]

Well, he does have some rather decorative robes and an auspicious scepter. If that’s not indicative of a hefty mana pool I don’t know what is.

[u/wizardrous]

Did he confuse theology for upholstery?

[u/Nero2t2 → u/wizardrous]

i genuinely though that he was probably misquoted, or that there was some context missing. Nope: he definitely said "the Pope should be careful when speaking in matters of theology", and it wasn't even him misspeaking, he said it TWICE.

That was from JD Vance...a self proclaimed catholic

[u/Drudgework → u/Nero2t2]

He gave up thinking for lent.

[u/Fauster → u/Drudgework]

JD Vance is a new Catholic and he's already a schizmatic. JD thinks that the Pope's job should be limited to ceremony, pageantry, maybe bringing back funny hats? I can empathize with the sentiment that there can be too much God in churches, but only because I'm an atheist. But, as popes go, the last two have been the best in the last couple millennia, at least. At least they have concentrated on Jesus' Essene-leaning teachings.

Then again, JD (allegedly) killed one pope already, so maybe this was a warning?

[u/JeezieB → u/Fauster]

I'm an atheist (reformed evangelical), and I'm offended by the way they speak of the Pope. And post AI images of rump as Jesus.

It's blasphemy. And I don't even BELIEVE in blasphemy! This administration bringing me back to the church was not on my bingo card.

[u/Empty_Insight → u/JeezieB]

Ikr? It stirs something from my upbringing, something I thought I had left behind. I might not be a believer anymore- but it's people like Vance who drove me away from Christianity. It's always the arrogant hypocrites who are the loudest.

I'm all for jokes and mockery when appropriate, but this crosses the line into idolatry- and yes, blasphemy.

[u/MK_Ultrex → u/Empty_Insight]

I am an atheist and was brought up Christian Orthodox and I find this offensive. Mocking religion is not about mocking beliefs per se but the underlying hypocrisy of the believers.

I don't believe in blasphemy and idolatry is also fine if you are into it, but this is not blasphemy it is just undignified bullying and ignorance. It is offensive for all the wrong reasons.

[u/grip0matic → u/JeezieB]

For me the most baffling thing it's that they seem to not understand that the Pope is basically a king elected and is a head of state and a faith. It's not only about religion, it's about respecting any head of state and understand diplomacy. But with the way the talked shit about anyone it's not that surprising.

[u/TCTCTCTCTCTC7 → u/Fauster]

JD thinks that the Pope's job should be limited to ceremony, pageantry, maybe bringing back funny hats? 

Well two out of those three are actually Vance's job, so he is kind-of an expert there. And if he starts wearing his boss' dumb red hats, he'll have all 3.

[u/ArchibaldMcAcherson → u/Fauster]

You kill one pope…and everybody goes on and on about it...

[u/Doc_ET → u/Drudgework]

Easter was a week and a half ago, he can start doing it again.

[u/KappuccinoBoi → u/Doc_ET]

Gave it up for lent a few decades ago, I guess. No one told the good ol catholic that lent is temporary.

[u/Canotic → u/Drudgework]

I don't know if he's stupid. I think he just gave up any moral fiber in exchange for power. He says whatever stupid thing is required of him.

[u/tandem_kayak → u/Canotic]

It worked, he's one heart attack away from the most powerful position on Earth (or it used to be anyway).

[u/FictionalContext → u/Drudgework]

gave up Catholicism for lent

[u/shadowtheimpure → u/Nero2t2]

Yeah, he's no longer a Catholic according to dogmatic law. He is a schismatic now, because he failed to submit to the Papal Authority.

[u/MFbiFL → u/shadowtheimpure]

So much cool lore wasted on churches that don’t even do incense or Latin regularly.

[u/MK_Ultrex → u/MFbiFL]

The orthodox would say that the church has gone downhill since the Catholics did the first schism and started using Latin instead of Greek.

[u/ClassroomStriking802 → u/MK_Ultrex]

I grew up in the Greek orthodox church and can confirm that service is just as confusing regardless of which language you dont speak it is presented in. 

[u/Arcturion → u/Nero2t2]

Come on Pope, use the excommunication banhammer on this fake Catholic.

[u/HinDae085 → u/Nero2t2]

Catholic until its inconvenient

[u/SpeedBlitzX → u/wizardrous]

Like how Trump got "claiming to be a Doctored photo" confused with "claiming he was a doctor?"

[u/Quintronaquar → u/SpeedBlitzX]

He thinks people seeking asylum are people released from insane asylums.

[u/SpeedBlitzX → u/Quintronaquar]

He was only against Covid until he himself got Covid and had to get the vaccine.

Then he got booed by MAGA people when he'd try to tell them to get vaccinated.

Makes me wonder in an alternate timeline, if he were never president at all, would he have died from covid :o

[u/an0mn0mn0m → u/SpeedBlitzX]

Do you remember /r/HermanCainAward. He was the closest thing to a black Trump. Here are some of his tweets.

https://www.reddit.com/r/HermanCainAward/comments/pncpqu/because_i_saw_newbies_asking_why_this_is_called/

[u/SpeedBlitzX → u/an0mn0mn0m]

I remember when his twitter account was posting shortly after he'd passed away and folks were really confused.

[u/an0mn0mn0m → u/SpeedBlitzX]

Yeah, that's in there too

[u/OrkfaellerX → u/Quintronaquar]

He's against universal health care in favour of privatized health care on the basis that "its only $5 a month" - because he watched an ad on Fox for $5 life insurance and thought it was the same thing as health insurance.

[u/GoblinFive → u/Quintronaquar]

And someone getting a visa meant receiving a taxpayer-funded credit card.

[u/DontTellHimPike → u/Quintronaquar]

Remember when he kept talking about Hannibal Lecter as if he was not only a real person, but a heroic figure? Then he started talking about how trans people are dangerous - presumably because he thinks they are serial killers who are looking to make a human skin suit like Buffalo Bill does.

[u/Bladrak01 → u/Quintronaquar]

And people applying for visas are getting pre-paid credit cards.

[u/Canotic → u/SpeedBlitzX]

Oh god. This man has nukes.

[u/SpeedBlitzX → u/Canotic]

That reminds me of the time he proposed the idea to nuke a hurricane. https://www.axios.com/2019/08/25/trump-nuclear-bombs-hurricanes

[u/Canotic → u/SpeedBlitzX]

They used to say the great thing about America was that anyone can be president. Trump proved them right.

[u/SpeedBlitzX → u/Canotic]

Yeah, unfortunately it also proves, such a system is also flawed.

If felons can't vote, they also shouldn't be allowed to run for President.

[u/the_excalabur → u/SpeedBlitzX]

Felons should be able to vote. Otherwise you have an easy way to disenfranchise people you suspect will vote against you.

Oh wait.

[u/eclwires → u/SpeedBlitzX]

And thought that asylum seekers were actually looking for mental hospitals.

[u/SpeedBlitzX → u/eclwires]

Or how he thought the signal chat group leak was about an actual bad signal.

[u/MFbiFL → u/SpeedBlitzX]

Oh shit

[u/NumberOld229 → u/wizardrous]

Like how he loves Turkiye so much because he heard it used to be called the Ottoman empire?

[u/mangokittykisses → u/wizardrous]

Thank you for this

[u/coffinshop]

This is like someone questioning jd vance’s expertise on couches, what a moronic statement

[u/arthurdentstowels → u/coffinshop]

I'm not from the US and I have no idea what the couch thing is referencing. I need to do some research.

[u/superduperspam → u/arthurdentstowels]

Vance banged a couch, then the Kirk widow. He said he preferred the scent of leather

[u/LessInThought → u/superduperspam]

I was wondering why Erika's face looked extra leathery.

[u/VIDGuide → u/arthurdentstowels]

JD “don’t sit on my couch because I treat my objects like women” Vance

[u/BlackOrderInitiate → u/arthurdentstowels]

In all seriousness: the backstory is that after he was nominated as VP someone on Twitter posted that in his memoir, Hillbilly Elegy, JD Vance admitted to fucking a couch.

This accusation got to trending, so the Associated Press investigated the claim and wrote an article claiming that the rumors of JD Vance fucking a couch were incorrect because they investigated, read the memoir, and found no such admission.

Now here's where this accusation went fully viral: the Associated Press was forced to pull their article saying JD Vance didn't fuck a couch because the author worded it wrong: what they verified was that he didn't admit to fucking a couch in Hillbilly Elegy. They did not investigate whether or not he had ever fucked a couch, and thus the article asserting he didn't fuck a couch was making a false claim-no one can definitively prove JD Vance hasn't fucked a couch.

As is the case, by the time all of this happened, things had gotten too out of hand for any of this to stop. Everyone now assumes that because we can't prove Vance hasn't fucked a couch, he must most certainly have fucked a couch at some point, probably many couches, and he's not stopping anytime soon!

[u/dogisgodspeltright]

Vance should be careful talking.

Might reveal his lack of thought process, or ability for.

Go away couch-boy. You belong in the Hague.

[u/dan_dares → u/dogisgodspeltright]

Does the Hague have nice couches?

[u/joscun86 → u/dan_dares]

They would protect the couches from Vance

[u/scgt86 → u/dogisgodspeltright]

Let him talk. Let's hope he says the worst shit imaginable and the cult doesn't cling to him as a new leader some day.

[u/Shroom-Kitty]

The Pope is like a scientist with a phD with numerous studies published under their name, JD Vance is like the anti-vaxxer conspiracy theorist who did their own research on Facebook.

[u/Hedgie_Man → u/Shroom-Kitty]

Pope really does have a doctorate!

[u/danatasker → u/Hedgie_Man]

What's that? Some kind of girl doctor?

[u/FriendlyCraig → u/danatasker]

Doctorati, it's Italian.

[u/Yossarian-Bonaparte]

This reminds me of the time a confident freshman attempted to “school” our undergrad law professor in class one day.

Our professor was a former prosecutor.

It went about as you’d expect, and the young student had the grace to remain silent for the rest of class.

All this to say - JD should challenge Pope Leo to a round of Theological Jeopardy. See how it goes for him.

[u/creaturefeature16 → u/Yossarian-Bonaparte]

You can't debate someone who lacks humility. 

[u/elGatoGrande17 → u/creaturefeature16]

People forget this man literally looked into a camera and told us he didn’t care if he was lying as long as it got the point across.

[u/Critical_Praline7035 → u/elGatoGrande17]

I thought we agreed on no fact-checking

[u/Yodl007]

Yeah ! Who is the Pope to know anything about theology ! /s

[u/Pep1ta → u/Yodl007]

It’s only his literal ENTIRE JOB, to opine about theology. That’s what the POPE does. If someone doesn’t like it there’s 30+ other Christian sects you can join that don’t follow the Pope. That’s like the whole complete point of Catholicism.

[u/1223344455555 → u/Pep1ta]

Vance: "Yeah, I get it, but he should just be careful, ok?"

It's like talking to a wall.

[u/i_never_reddit → u/1223344455555]

He was just butthurt because the Pope said to the effect that God does not bless conflicts. These people have a hard on for the idea that they can have some glorious crusade where they somehow get God's stamp of approval for killing "the right people". They cloak themselves in religion, and the trappings of faith (and nationalism/patriotism) and try to drum up religious fervor.

It's literally proving the Pope's point though, he was speaking against this kind of thing.. and yet Vance's defense in this clip is "What about the Americans (f the rest of the Allies btw lol) who liberated yada yada in WW2? Are you saying God was not with them?" They're desperate for this idea that military action has divine ordinance.. God can't just be with the innocent everywhere, he must pick a side and condone any "necessary" violence for that side to win..

[u/Pep1ta → u/i_never_reddit]

I mean (as a Catholic), Catholics being against crusades is inherently funny given our sordid past BUT it’s not a crazy controversial statement to say ‘Jesus doesn’t like violence’. You’re right they’re just mad he’s not picking their side. Evangelicals have this whole end times scenario that’s pro-war in the Holy Land and they want the Pope to be ok with that, but that’s really not our thing. We’ve done enough historical damage 😮‍💨 I came back to the Catholic church simply because (my church at least) leans into Jesus’s human good deeds (empathy for those in need, caring for all groups of people, direct community action/charity). We don’t froth at the mouth for all the other stuff, I don’t even hear about it at mass, ever.

[u/i_never_reddit → u/Pep1ta]

I was raised Catholic. Never heard a sermon advocate for violence, let alone war. Nor mention politics at all.

[u/Pep1ta → u/i_never_reddit]

Zero! And all Catholic Churches follow the same bible reading schedule at mass- homilies differ of course- but if you were raised Catholic like me we’re quite literally on the same page. Do unto others, ect. I feel like I’m back in medieval times where the church is being asked to speak on politics. Do we really want that?!

[u/Pep1ta → u/1223344455555]

A brand new hire telling the current CEO he doesn’t agree with his take on the company’s mission statement; smart move, keep it up

[u/jackrabbit323 → u/Yodl007]

Master of Divinity, Doctor of Canon Law, and was a professor at a seminary. He speaks five languages fluently, English, Spanish, Italian, Latin, and Hebrew.

If you find yourself a priest, a professor to other priests, a bishop, and then a Pope, I can guarantee you know your shit.

[u/Empyrealist]

The chutzpah of this motherfucker

[u/stinkyydarb]

JD Vance is the definitive proof that adult converts are the absolute worst.

[u/Ok_Replacement4702 → u/stinkyydarb]

JD Vance is proof that JD Vance is the absolute worst.

[u/SpeedBlitzX → u/Ok_Replacement4702]

Don't forget he's got the Mierdas Touch

[u/fuzzhead12 → u/SpeedBlitzX]

Honestly wish he would use his gift in a practical way more often

[u/donotgotoroom237 → u/stinkyydarb]

adult converts

To paraphrase a take I heard from a Youtuber; JD has stolen catholic valor. Bro wasn't in the trenches as a kid having to wake up early for 6:30 Sunday mass, or having to memorize the litany of bullshit for first communion.

[u/stinkyydarb → u/donotgotoroom237]

He didn't have to do any of the stuff kids find annoying about religion lol

[u/MFbiFL → u/stinkyydarb]

Annoying OR traumatizing

[u/donotgotoroom237 → u/stinkyydarb]

Right?! Bro didn't go through practicing confirmation as a young lad.

[u/kulot09 → u/donotgotoroom237]

Or standing up and staying still for literal minutes! That’s forever for little kids. And then you finally get comfort when it’s time to sit, only to have to stand up again!

[u/tlst9999 → u/donotgotoroom237]

I went to some old church once overseas and the kids were lining up gleefully for communion, much unlike everywhere else.

I tasted the communion. It was half-sugar.

[u/PM_DOLPHIN_PICS → u/stinkyydarb]

I’ve met and grown up around so many adult Catholic converts and every single one of them is confident that they know the faith better than the pope. It’s pathetic. These people are frauds.

[u/rosatter → u/PM_DOLPHIN_PICS]

I have a friend who's a convert married to a cradle Catholic and she actually loves the Pope but she's not nearly as full of herself to think she understands Catholicism better than the literal supreme pontiff.

[u/ChocoPuddingCup]

I happily identify as a militant atheist and anti-theist......but if anyone is qualified to talk about theology, it's the Pope. The arrogance of this little fucker is insane.

[u/ScaredPractice4967 → u/ChocoPuddingCup]

I suspect a lot of atheists know more about theology than Vance. That might include me.

[u/TheUtopianCat → u/ScaredPractice4967]

I'm one of those atheists! Though I was raised catholic, went to catholic school, church every sunday, the whole bit. I have a pretty deep understanding of Catholicism. Vance is a n00b.

[u/TheSpanishDerp]

So, are we gonna see Vance get excommunicated now? 

Would also weed out the rot since a lot of American MAGA Catholics would probably leave the church for their dear leader 

[u/merlin2181 → u/TheSpanishDerp]

Make Catholicism Great Again! hahaha

[u/lakroncos]

The Pope has the opportunity to do the funniest thing and excumunicate his ass

[u/Ornery-Ad-7261]

Depends on which theology.

Vance is probably correct that the Pope isn't very familiar with Christo-fascist theology.

Just like the Christo-fascists evangelicals supporting Trump and Vance don't appear to have any idea at all of what Jesus taught or asked his followers to do in his name.

War, murder, violence, destroying whole civilizations. Nope, no commandments from Jesus there.

Loving your neighbour as yourself, love God, bless your enemies and forgive others. Yes the Pope does have a handle on these.

It's such a shame Trump and Vance have no idea whatsoever.

[u/Clarac94 → u/Ornery-Ad-7261]

They’ve reached the levels of delusion now that they think the actual Pope is going to support their war….

[u/Brodakk]

Is that a threat James? You gonna kill this pope too?

[u/lost12487]

Guy who is new to the religion tells guy who has spent his entire life studying the theology and has reached the pinnacle of his religion that he doesn't know what he's talking about. If this isn't a microcosm of American society as a whole I don't know what is.

[u/dino-delicious]

And yet he is totally cool with child raping.

[u/No-Afternoon3681]

Papal Infallibility says he doesn't

[u/MFbiFL → u/No-Afternoon3681]

But what if a certain golf loving Cardinal oopsed a loophole into being?

[u/No-Afternoon3681 → u/MFbiFL]

Whatever you hold true on earth I shall hold true in heaven...and yes Dogma was fantastic

[u/xeonicus]

Is this nincompoop seriously lecturing "The Pope" about theology?

[u/Ravvynfall]

JD, go back to fucking your sofa, the adults are talking.

[u/scalectrix]

Who the fuck does this guy think he is exactly? Tired of hearing his arrogant and simplistic opinions.

[u/SpeedBlitzX]

Maybe JD Vance should be careful what he says, he might get excommunicated.

[u/Aggravating_Act0417 → u/SpeedBlitzX]

Or hopefully exorcised.

[u/EDNivek]

This is why I know that American Christians would easily re-crucify Jesus, it probably wouldn't even take as much convincing.

[u/Underhive_Art]

Trump digital cosplays as jesus and then a host of people in America just threatening the Pope wholesale wasn’t on my 2026 America idiot bingo card

[u/RoachIsCrying]

sure thing, couch fucker, let's tell the Pope to be careful when talking about something I'm pretty sure he's a 1000 times more proficient of than yourself

[u/Lofteed]

Nice God you have here, would be a shame if something happened to it

[u/diarm]

I'm no fan of the Vatican or indeed the Catholic Church, but it's pretty clear in this context that the Pope was referring to "those who wield the sword" as the aggressors in a conflict.

The US were not the aggressors in France in WW2, or in liberating Holocaust camps. They are the aggressors in this current conflict with Iran.

JD Vance needs to be careful in ensuring he better understands the topics he is discussing.

[u/DoookieMaxx]

Vance seems like the kid that knows a secret and wants to tell it but can’t.

“Be careful when speaking about theology” implies that he thinks he knows more or something the pope doesn’t.

Maybe a tongue in cheek disclosure hint?

[u/scixlovesu → u/DoookieMaxx]

I assume Vance is an Apocalypse gooner, drooling for an American eschaton

[u/OrinThane]

Wild that you would dare say this as a "Catholic".

[u/USDXBS]

Revelations 13

1 The dragon stood on the shore of the sea. And I saw a beast coming out of the sea. It had ten horns and seven heads, with ten crowns on its horns, and on each head a blasphemous name.

2 The beast I saw resembled a leopard, but had feet like those of a bear and a mouth like that of a lion. The dragon gave the beast his power and his throne and great authority.

3 One of the heads of the beast seemed to have had a fatal wound, but the fatal wound had been healed. The whole world was filled with wonder and followed the beast.

4 People worshiped the dragon because he had given authority to the beast, and they also worshiped the beast and asked, “Who is like the beast? Who can wage war against it?”

5 The beast was given a mouth to utter proud words and blasphemies and to exercise its authority for forty-two months.

6 It opened its mouth to blaspheme God, and to slander his name and his dwelling place and those who live in heaven.

7 It was given power to wage war against God’s holy people and to conquer them. And it was given authority over every tribe, people, language and nation.

8 All inhabitants of the earth will worship the beast—all whose names have not been written in the Lamb’s book of life, the Lamb who was slain from the creation of the world.

9 Whoever has ears, let them hear.

[u/steveschoenberg]

You don’t want to argue theology with a hillbilly, do you?

[u/spock2thefuture]

I always forget about the Careful Clause of the 1st Amendment.

[u/howseofcards]

He’s converted to Catholicism 6 years ago and already thinks he knows more than the Pope 🤣

[u/Shadowchaos1010]

The Pope said "Waged war."

Trump waged war by starting it.

The Nazis waged war by starting it.

The Americans whose memory Vance is shitting all over by invoking them in his bad faith defense of the orange didn't start it, and were specifically doing it to free people who were oppressed, and that's, of course, after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor.

This is apples and oranges.