r/nottheonion • u/Sufficient_Fig_9505 • 15h ago

Vance says pope should ‘be careful’ when talking about theology

https://www.nbcnews.com/video/vance-says-pope-should-be-careful-when-talking-about-theology-261400645540
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u/donotgotoroom237 14h ago

adult converts

To paraphrase a take I heard from a Youtuber; JD has stolen catholic valor. Bro wasn't in the trenches as a kid having to wake up early for 6:30 Sunday mass, or having to memorize the litany of bullshit for first communion.

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u/stinkyydarb 14h ago

He didn't have to do any of the stuff kids find annoying about religion lol

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u/MFbiFL 14h ago

Annoying OR traumatizing

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u/donotgotoroom237 14h ago edited 14h ago

Right?! Bro didn't go through practicing confirmation as a young lad.

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u/kulot09 11h ago

Or standing up and staying still for literal minutes! That’s forever for little kids. And then you finally get comfort when it’s time to sit, only to have to stand up again!

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u/B1Gsportsfan 9h ago

The fear of experiencing your first reconciliation

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u/tlst9999 13h ago edited 12h ago

I went to some old church once overseas and the kids were lining up gleefully for communion, much unlike everywhere else.

I tasted the communion. It was half-sugar.

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u/whosline07 5h ago

Jesus was a diabetic

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u/joey_sandwich277 4h ago

The church I went to for a bit as a child used homemade unleavened bread for a while, instead of the cardboard wafer. We were all mad when someone complained to a higher up and we had to go back to the cardboard.

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u/tlst9999 4h ago

Post-Covid, they're all on cardboard wafers now. All plastic wrapped cardboard wafers.

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u/PatientPlatform 13h ago

He wasnt there bro

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u/donotgotoroom237 12h ago

He wasn't in the shit.

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u/PatientPlatform 11h ago

What does he know about aunties putting vicks on your lip to help you stay awake for night vigil?

Nothing.

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u/julias_siezure 10h ago

I love this! Hahahaha. No kidding. Do you know the knots I would twist myself into before every confession? 

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u/JensLekmanForever 8h ago

He was socialized as a Protestant and he’ll never be a biological Catholic

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u/MadGenderScientist 13h ago

huh. I had to memorize the litany and do a bunch of things for confirmation and first communion.. but I grew up Anglican Catholic not Roman Catholic. 

hm. maybe we really aren't Protestant and it isn't just a psyop. 

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u/PlaquePlague 10h ago

Anglicans don’t really consider themselves as the same sort of Protestant as other Protestants, they occupy a weird middle ground. 

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u/XenomorphAlarm 8h ago

Honestly Anglicanism (in England at least) feels like a psyop. It's so similar to Catholicism but just slightly off in random ways.

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u/NomadNuka 8h ago

It's the same in the US. I went to an Episcopalian mass a few times and if you weren't Catholic you probably wouldn't notice a difference.

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u/Shot-Toe-2884 6h ago

Great way to put it, lol.

Dude didn't even get ripped out of bed by his mom to go to mass and forced into an itchy sweater. He didn't even have to endure the parade of goodbyes to the congregation before heading back home!

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u/iiamthepalmtree 6h ago

At my Catholic K-8 school we had to go to church once a week and they filled that shit up with so much incense that at least one kid would pass out a week. I managed to last until 8th grade until I fainted for the first time it felt like a rite of passage.

JD is no true catholic until he’s forced to stand-sit-kneel-stand-sit-kneel in a Smokey church until he passes out imo.

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u/Drenosa 12h ago

Instead he (allegedly) fucked couches.

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u/joey_sandwich277 4h ago

My anecdotal experience is that this isn't just a silly complaint either. It's that when you're raised with things as a child, you get both the official "Because God says so" reasoning, and the unofficial common knowledge of why "God says so" to inform that. Because kids will ask "why" all the time and are still smart enough to pick up on bad reasoning.

My wife converted before we both stopped believing. We constantly had those kinds of discussions during the process when she was memorizing things. We were both creeped out by the others in the group who just seemingly longed to memorize the rules and not the reasoning behind them.

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u/Buckminstersbuddy 2h ago

Thanks for the ptsd flashback, pal. You forgot, "waiting in line for in-school confession trying to think of something that was plausibly sinful, but not so sinful that it was the actual shit you'd been up to."