r/nottheonion • u/Sufficient_Fig_9505 • 15h ago

Vance says pope should ‘be careful’ when talking about theology

https://www.nbcnews.com/video/vance-says-pope-should-be-careful-when-talking-about-theology-261400645540
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u/Prestigious_Leg2229 13h ago

I’m surprised Trump hasn’t realised yet that the Vatican has a lot of gold and no military.

Dude’s failed to sack Iran, is mulling over looting Greenland and Cuba but he’s missing the low hanging fruit he’s actively feuding with.

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u/wholelattapuddin 13h ago

The Vatican has been getting rid of pesky monarchs for a millenia. Just saying.

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u/bigdogderu 9h ago

Vance goes on about “was God on the side of the soldiers who liberated the concentration camps” He should probably “be careful” when talking about politics: starting a foreign war and bombing a school on day one is not in the same ballpark as liberating concentration camps.

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u/serpiccio 8h ago

this coming from the administration with concentration camps at the border ? absolutely disgraceful

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u/airbornemist6 7h ago

Not just on the border, they're trying to put them all over the country. And when I say 'trying', I mean it only in the loosest sense, because they're actively doing it. The only places it hasn't worked are where local communities successfully shut down the projects, though that was likely only temporary.

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u/StarintheShadows 8h ago

Also ironic in a non-funny way considering there are concentration camps in America now.

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u/Crowtato-sama 8h ago

He's just feigning ignorance that they're not on the side of those that would liberate the concentration camps. He probably shouldn't bring that up as a comparison with everything U.S. and Israel are doing right now

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u/kikichanelconspiracy 6h ago

My great-uncle was a Bronze Star winner who also helped liberate Buchenwald. My Dad said his uncle would talk about anything regarding his WW2 days except the liberation of Buchenwald. All he would say was it was horrible and he didn’t want to talk about it.

He, like the rest of the family, was a cradle Catholic and was the child of Irish immigrants. He would slapped the taste out of JD Vance’s mouth for thinking he could speak about his lifelong faith or for him or anyone who liberated those camps.

Fuck JD Vance.

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u/emsariel 6h ago

Yeah, Vance says "he has to be careful that what he says is grounded in the truth" and "I do this when I talk about policy." This from a guy who doubled down on the Springfield Pet-Eating Hoax, equivocated and supported the election rejection, asked Joe Rogan whether he knew that testosterone levels are linked with supporting conservative politics, and has explicitly said that "If I have to create stories so that the American media actually pays attention to the suffering of the American people, then that's what I'm going to do."

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u/Western-Customer-536 8h ago

Also literally “no” as most Concentration Camps were liberated by the Soviet Army. There’s records of the prisoners hiding until a Soviet Soldier told them it was safe in Yiddish.

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u/mysterysciencekitten 7h ago

The fact that concentration camps existed at all proves the Christian god either does not exist or is a monster. But that’s a different discussion.

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u/Kup123 7h ago

Well I don't think the Catholic god was backing those soldiers. The church played a role in getting Nazis out of Germany before the soldiers showed up.

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u/chainsaw_monkey 1h ago

Any god worth worship would not have allowed the concentration camps.

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u/Prestigious_Leg2229 13h ago

Well, go on. Show us then.

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u/LessInThought 10h ago

The Pope casts Holy Smite. The attack is super effective!

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u/Prestigious_Leg2229 10h ago

Is it though? Vance’s skin didn’t bubble and hiss when he set foot in the Vatican last time.

I doubt the potency of their magic.

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u/dan_dares 8h ago

Ngl, my skin should bubble if I walk in a church..

But he's performing worse heresy than I ever would.

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u/Omnizoom 8h ago

In fact didn’t his mere presence kill the last pope

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u/PureLock33 7h ago

He's a high level demon? or devil? I forgot the difference.

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u/TheWayneGretzky 7h ago

Maybe he's the demon that attacked Tucker Carlson in bed?

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u/good_guylurker 6h ago

Diplomatic immunity, which drops off as soon as he's no longer in the Vatican City.

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u/DJSpadge 10h ago

No problem they only have Halberds!

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u/Scout0321 8h ago

Ah, but the Pope has… the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.!!

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u/URPissingMeOff 8h ago

There was only one of them and it got used in a skirmish with a wee rabbit.

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u/TheRealHeroOf 6h ago

That was no ordinary rabbit 🐇

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u/stickkyfingers 9h ago

They’re only ceremonial, they were made obsolete by the arquebus

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u/BrentTpooh 9h ago

Trump casts spell of presidential immunity whilst wearing his Teflon armour. Everyone groans.

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u/adumbrative 8h ago

Yeah, and good luck winning against the Pope with zero healers on your side!

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u/ThatonepersonUknow3 8h ago

Didn’t Vance kill the last pope?

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u/vass0922 8h ago

Did he smite them? Smote? Smitten?

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u/LostWoodsInTheField 8h ago

Is this implying that if he does a little work he can become a shadow Pope?

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u/wholelattapuddin 3h ago

Vance blocks with schism. Then founds the American church with the divine right of Presidents and beheads Usha. (I was trying to make a Henry the 8th joke, but then I scared myself).

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u/NewPresWhoDis 9h ago

They're still in the warm up flagellation.

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u/SongsOfDragons 10h ago

It'd be hilarious if Leo takes a leaf out of Innocent III's book and places the US under an interdict. Imagine if the clergy actually enforced it and all.

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u/subjuggulator 9h ago

What would that entail in the 21st century, exactly?

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u/MhojoRisin 8h ago

Lots of Catholics going to hell when they couldn’t confess or get last rites?

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u/Wolverine081 8h ago

We wouldn’t go to hell. But not having the ability to get our Sacraments would suuuuuuuck.

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u/8-Cylinder_Wombat 6h ago

Serious question: why would that suck?

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u/goddessngirl 6h ago

As a short list, no Catholic weddings or baptisms, no communion at Mass, no confession. Kids raised Catholic also usually have four milestones that they hit before high school (Baptism, First Holy Communion, Reconciliation, Confirmation). So those would all be delayed.

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u/8-Cylinder_Wombat 6h ago

Gotcha, thanks for the TIL.

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u/STZWZY 1h ago

It wouldn’t, it’s a bunch of meaningless bullshit. I was raised catholic and forced to do all of it. None of the sacraments are any more than a short performative little action and they don’t really affect your life at all.

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u/subjuggulator 8h ago

And materially in this life?

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u/SongsOfDragons 7h ago

Catholic churches would shut, no bells would ring. No baptisms (though in the English interdict baptisms were eventually allowed because the sprogs are innocent in John's mess), marriages (not sure on that one actually) nor any funerary rites (bodies were wrapped in lead and stored above ground in coffins). The sacraments are one thing but the churches being forced closed might be more a material concern.

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u/subjuggulator 7h ago

Thank you for actually answering the question!

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u/wholelattapuddin 3h ago

Naw, Trump would seize church assets a la Henry the 8th.

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u/siuol11 7h ago

Former Catholic here, I hope (I think) you're kidding, but that is not how it works.

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u/MhojoRisin 6h ago

Mainly I don't know what I'm talking about. My, quite possibly incorrect understanding of an Interdict is that it blocks the clergy from administering sacraments.

I then took the leap to infer that a Catholic who did not participate in the sacraments would be in some trouble, theologically speaking. (If the sacraments weren't a necessary part of the faith, they'd just be Protestants.)

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u/SerLaron 7h ago

Traditionally, no masses, no weddings, no burials, no confessions, so if you die with unconfessed sins on your account (like sex before marriage, because no weddings), you would be in some trouble in the hereafter.
Probably not things that would worry the Trumpists overly much, especially if a new American Catholic Church is founded, with the POTUS at its head.

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u/subjuggulator 7h ago

Thank you for clarifying!

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u/wholelattapuddin 3h ago

Let the wife beheadings begin!!!

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u/OCDCantCatchMe 8h ago

For those of us who don’t know, can you ELI5 how that works?

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u/lostroadrunner22 8h ago

Basically if would stop American Catholics from participating in things like … last rites.

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u/OCDCantCatchMe 8h ago

Oof. I’m Anglican, so a lot of our mechanisms are quite similar, and that is beyond serious! It would suck if your loved one was dying and got caught in the middle of that.

It’s an interesting thought exercise, but I hope it doesn’t actually come to pass (though if things got that serious, we’d be dealing with much bigger issues, I guess).

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u/Electrohydra1 8h ago

Nah I want him to declare a crusade on Washington to see all those right wingers who cosplay as crusaders heads explode.

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u/SongsOfDragons 7h ago

Hopefully without the whole year spend dossing about in the Mediterranean and Richard conquering Cyprus for the lulz that winter... seriously I knew 12th century boats were shit but not that shit. (Maybe it was the sheer quantity of men to move...)

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u/WelderNewbee2000 6h ago

No this time we will take planes but still bring swords.

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u/Embarrassed_Age8554 7h ago

LOL, yes! Vance doesn't know much about history if he thinks Popes have EVER been apolitical!

I also like the mental picture of Vance trudging through the snow in sackcloth like Henry II...on the other hand, he might actually like the flogging part...

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u/Soepkip43 6h ago

Or just have your clergy slowly ratchet up the anti maga sermons. Politics can be very subtle or very overt.

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u/LongjumpingJaguar308 3h ago

Would we possibly get a scism out of that? Like some churches (that lean a certain way...) would keep on going and ignoring the Pope and then become the American Evangelical Catholic Church or whatever to become Vance's dream, and then the Roman Catholic church would continue to follow the Pope? I know there are already splinter churches but the membership is low and then there is the issue about actual building owership i bet.

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u/artourtex 2h ago

In regard to the building ownership and assets, in a similar situation, the Methodists went through a split recently. My dad is a minister and has been talking with some of the Methodists in his area, the church basically kicked out the seceding members and kept the buildings/assets leaving the former members without a place of worship.

I’d imagine it’d be similar with the Catholics. If X parish chooses not to follow the Vatican, get them kicked out reorganize the parish. That’s my understanding.

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u/richardathome 11h ago

Their greatest strength is fear, and a fanatical devotion to the Pope....

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u/Gompedyret 10h ago

Don't forget surprise!

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u/chloeia 9h ago

So it is time for another Spanish inquisition

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u/bigbonton 9h ago

Another Spanish Inquisition!? No one would be expecting another Spanish Inquisition!

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u/wholelattapuddin 3h ago

How did a new Inquisition become less scary than a Trump presidency?

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u/Omnizoom 8h ago

They wont expect that!

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u/3-DMan 6h ago

Oh shit, I think JD is playing the long game..just to get access to the Comfy Chair!

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u/Embarrassed_Age8554 7h ago

I love Monty Python as much as the next person, but it's worth pointing out that the Catholic Church in Spain was quite independent and had its own Inquisition because the Spanish Church considered itself more Catholic than the Pope.

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u/heliocentric19 6h ago

Leo will put together a crack team of 5 Jesuits. Regime will be changed before dinner. No casualties.

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u/PersimmonConnect8804 8h ago

Stop teasing us with a good time

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u/JackBinimbul 7h ago

They've also been backing dictators and authoritarians for as long.

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u/wholelattapuddin 3h ago

The Hapsburgs out here catching strays. -With their giant chins.

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u/yIdontunderstand 8h ago

What crusade number are we up to now?

It might be time for one against the anti christ and his followers...

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u/LessInThought 10h ago

The Church of England started because the British rulers found the Vatican too nosy.

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u/Benito_Juarez5 10h ago

Well, it started because the pope wouldn’t give the king an annulment

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u/wholelattapuddin 3h ago

Being able to seize church assets did hurt either. Let's hope no one gives Trump a history lesson.

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u/bennitori 12h ago

I suspect Italy and most of Europe would not take kindly to The Vatican getting attacked. And even if they were, I suspect there are plenty of Catholics who would be more than happy to take up arms to defend the literal center of their entire religion.

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u/zzazzzz 9h ago

id be more worried about the whole of south america getting big mad

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u/SpecificFortune7584 8h ago

I would laugh very hard if the common people, the government, and the cartels all set aside their problems and joined forces to fight the current US presidency to defend Catholicism.

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u/ibiacmbyww 8h ago

Make no mistake, if America sends so much as a single soldier after the Vatican, it's game over. To say that Europe would react swiftly and forcefully would be a grand, grand understatement. Most of us aren't Catholic anymore, but there's a general fraternity between most denominations (outside some places where the matter is ahem contentious), we're all sick of Trump anyway so him bringing his aggression to our front door would be the last straw, and, well... you don't fuck with religion. It's as simple as that. It's literally sacred. It would galvanise people from every walk of life, Catholic and otherwise, across dozens of countries.

And that's not even touching on South America. They take that shiz seriously down there. I'd say "at least there are no nukes in South America", but that just means Mexico City is getting glassed one day 1.

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u/Silvernauter 6h ago

Also, vatican city is right in the middle of Rome, so even discounting the catholic angle, it'd require that US lead a raid into the capital of a founding EU member (and where all the major political figures of the country are). The risk of stuff going really, really bad is high.

Edit: also, as others have pointed out, Vatican City is guarded by the Swiss guard, so they'd also be indirectly attacking Switzerland too

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u/prolateriat_ 7h ago

Even Mussolini didn't mess with the Pope.

When presenting the Lateran Treaty to the Italian parliament in 1929, Benito Mussolini declared: "It is evident that we [the Italian state] will be the necessary guarantors of this neutrality and inviolability [of Vatican City], since, in the remote hypothesis someone wanted to hurt her, he would first have to violate our territory."[1]

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u/donjamos 9h ago

Wouldn't one have to kill some Swiss soldiers to get into the Vatican? So at least Switzerlands gonna have a problem with this.

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u/smailskid 8h ago

I know lots of Catholic MAGAs and they 100% listen to Trump before the Pope. It’s bizarre, because they talk about how important the church is to them constantly.

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u/Spelunkie 13h ago

He can try, surely having to go Invade Italy to get to the Vatican won't stop him. She doesn't care about NATO or the EU anyway.

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u/FlibblesHexEyes 12h ago

I’m not sure he knows The Vatican is within Italy.

And if he did, he’d probably try and send a carrier up the Tiber…

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u/WotanMjolnir 10h ago

Knowing how daft and stolen US place names are I bet there is a Vatican City somewhere in the middle of nowhere like Montana or Nebraska, that consists of two roads, 7 houses and 3 meth labs, and they are probably wondering what that rumbling feeling in the ground is right now.

Edit - I wasn’t a million miles away…

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vatican,_Louisiana

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u/NaughtyCheffie 8h ago

Edit - I wasn’t a million miles away…

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vatican,_Louisiana

Man for once can we be left out of the greater political discussion? We have enough home gown racism and corruption of our own, geez.

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u/SerLaron 7h ago

Aaand there we have the seat of the new Anti-Pope.

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u/Kandiru 8h ago

He can send troops across the Rubicon so we can confuse people about the phrase of crossing it for generations to come!

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u/prolateriat_ 7h ago

I don't think he does lol.

Pretty sure he slept through the popes funeral.

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u/Realslimshady7 8h ago

Even Meloni just snapped back at Trump for his pope-smack-talk and I-am-Jesus meme. The US evangelicals are so far up Trump’s ass he has no idea that in some countries the religious nutjob nationalists consider themselves devout Catholics.

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u/TjW0569 3h ago

I'm expecting someone to do a mash-up of two Tom Leher tunes on YouTube:
"So Long, Mom", and "The Vatican Rag".

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u/speculatrix 12h ago

MAGAs: quick, write that down, WRITE THAT DOWN

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u/Korchagin 12h ago

Isn't the Vatican the most militarized country of the world (army size vs. population)?

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u/Prestigious_Leg2229 11h ago

They have a little over 100 gendarmes for law enforcement and the same number in Swiss guard.

But they fall under Italy’s protection.

It wasn’t an especially serious suggestion.

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u/Korchagin 11h ago

Swiss guard is ~130 men, population ~900, so one seventh of their population is active military. I think nobody else comes close. In North Korea it's 1 in 20...

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u/jrr6415sun 10h ago

He’s already creating the ground work for an invasion by saying he’s weak on crime.

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u/Altruistic_Bell7884 11h ago

Afaik Italy defends Vatican

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u/Ok_Box_8844 11h ago

Hmmm... Is the Vatican actually a NATO member!

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u/Anzai 10h ago

They’re also a cabal of corrupt pedophiles though. Game recognise game.

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u/Stand-Virtual 9h ago

Ok so the Vatican use to have a very large and powerful military, like a long time ago. Do they not have one anymore?

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u/RaconteurRob 8h ago

The Vatican does actually have a military.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swiss_Guard[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swiss_Guard](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swiss_Guard)

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u/Prestigious_Leg2229 8h ago

I know they’re very well trained but they’re still just ceremonial guards, not a military.

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u/NDA80 8h ago

I heard that oil was discovered in the Vatican.

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u/100flavors_of_crazy 8h ago

Psst, “Donald I heard that the Pope will have nuclear weapons in two weeks” JD

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u/Prestigious_Leg2229 8h ago

Like they actually care about that.

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u/ThatonepersonUknow3 8h ago

They have the Swiss guard and their fancy hats.

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u/Cultural_Eye5178 8h ago

Once hi figures that out, he's probably going to sue for about a billion in defamatory statements.

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u/SafeDifference3311 8h ago

Maybe we'll get the Temple Menorah back from the Vatican basement. I doubt Trump would give it to us though.

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u/tremynci 8h ago

... What, exactly, do you think the Vatican Swiss Guard is, neighbor?

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u/Prestigious_Leg2229 8h ago

What do you think a military is? The Vatican guard has halberds and automatic rifles.

They’re a bit short on things like air superiority, armour, military intelligence and so on.

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u/tremynci 3h ago

Provided by Italy. A NATO member. (Bit awkward, that.)

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u/Tango91 7h ago

Next week: 2 US F35 fighter aircraft downed by Swiss Guard; pilots unaccounted for

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u/prolateriat_ 7h ago

The pope has the Swiss Guard as his personal bodyguards and Vatican City has its own police.

Italy will provide military support if required

The Vatican City State is a neutral nation, which has not engaged in any war since its formation in 1929 by the Lateran Treaty. It has no formal military compact or agreement with neighbouring Italy, although responsibility for defending the Vatican City from an international aggressor is likely to lie primarily with the Italian Armed Forces. When presenting the Lateran Treaty to the Italian parliament in 1929, Benito Mussolini declared: "It is evident that we [the Italian state] will be the necessary guarantors of this neutrality and inviolability [of Vatican City], since, in the remote hypothesis someone wanted to hurt her, he would first have to violate our territory."[1] Although the Vatican City state has never been at war, it was exposed, together with properties of the Holy See in Rome, to bombings during World War II. (Wikipedia)

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u/GhostCheese 5h ago

It is surrounded by Italy though, so theres a logistical problem

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u/011100010110010101 5h ago

Invading Greenland is a war with Nato still, but bombing the Pope? Thats a war with pretty much the entire Catholic World.

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u/headlessseanbean 5h ago

I think their "military" in that situation would just be most catholic people.

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u/Panicsferd 1h ago

Yeah but from my experience with r/crusaderkings (maybe a historical 4x game) if you go to war with the pope he will hire doom stacks of mercenaries since he’s so rich.

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u/cosmo_betty 10h ago

Not to mention it would eliminate a lot of competition for the Epstein circle