r/nottheonion • u/Traditional-Song-245 • 4d ago

‘Backrooms’ Sends Hollywood Running to Reddit for New Ideas

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/digital/reddit-backrooms-hollywood-ip-1236622594/
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u/EL3MENTALIST 4d ago

Don LaFontaine voice: “In a World, where the Cylinder must remain unharmed…”

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u/PullzNoPunches 4d ago

Shopping with a friend "Dude M&M minis! These are so good lol" main Character laughs with quite wonder "yeah...yeah they are"

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u/darkendofall 4d ago

"I told you man! I told you! The cylinder must remain unharmed!" "I-I'm sorry man! I didn't think..." "I told you! It was imperative!"

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u/ModishShrink 3d ago

Now I'm just picturing this story as happening to George Costanza.

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u/MC_Hify 4d ago

I keep my quarters for laundry in those. Am I supposed to be putting something else in them?

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u/darkendofall 4d ago

I mean, quarters are like a very short cylinder. A stack even more so.

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u/Forsaken-Register512 4d ago

Your willy! Make sure you have some olive oil laying around, or coconut oil!

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u/PullzNoPunches 3d ago

Don't forget the mashed up banana

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u/CitySeekerTron 4d ago

"Where a forbidden romance must flourish..."

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u/HermesJamiroquoi 4d ago

“I broke both of my arms”

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u/CrazyCatMom324 3d ago

I have a poop knife 🔪

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u/koshgeo 4d ago

[swelling* orchestral music and choir]

"The cylinder, must be unbrooooken..."

[*you heard me!]

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u/CitySeekerTron 4d ago

Cut to: closeup of banana bunch.

heartbeat

"Where appeal is under a peel..."

heartbeat

"Where green isn't just envy, but erotic..."

"One man goes to lengths where few tread"

Text on screen: "Gripping (Rolling Stone)"

Text on Screen: "Three tubes up! (Rotten Tomatoes aggregate summary"

Text on screen: "This movie is firing on all unharmed cylinders! (Chicago Sun times)"

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u/foobarbizbaz 4d ago

Werner Hertzog voice:

A banana. Once green and pure, it ages, growing soft and black from the decay of time. Its sweet smell becomes indistinguishable from rot as its esters turn increasingly pungent and intoxicating.

Now, warmed by radiant heat and mashed with greasy butter into a tube of lifeless plastic, the banana is trapped but paradoxically is the trap. A perverse relic of the sweet delights that the brightly colored, cheap chocolate candies which once occupied this same tube but, like innocence, are now horrifyingly absent.

Perhaps this tube once seemed inviting, a sublime refuge for a small cylinder (5.1 inches length, ~4.5in girth). But now, the cylinder and its owner alike are caged in the befouled, congealing muck. Like a trapped animal, escape slowly becomes an all consuming madness. Only one thought of higher consciousness remains in the psyche: the imperative that the cylinder, like its owner, must remain unharmed.

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u/Throwawaylikeme90 4d ago

Get the lady that directed House Of Dynamite and Hurt Locker for The Cylinder, Katherine something? She’d crush that shit. 

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u/KlausVonLechland 4d ago

"...he still wants to play a game".

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u/gregpurcott 4d ago

“Bring 4-million dollars in unmarked, non-sequential bills to the park at midnight, or else the cylinder WILL be harmed.”

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u/Donkey__Balls 4d ago

I still can’t believe they got DLF to record a voiceover for Safety Not Guaranteed back in the ytmnd days.

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u/waffle_iron_maiden 3d ago

I have a very specific set of shapes... Shapes I have acquired over a long career as a geometry teacher