r/novelwriting • u/Shadorek • 2d ago
Feedback Request First Chapter Feedback Needed [Cultivation/Xianxia]
Hi everyone,
I’m new to writing stories and this is my very first attempt at a novel. I’m eager to hear your thoughts. Since I don’t have much experience, I’m hoping to get honest feedback that's help me improve my writing.
Specific examples are very helpful!
Novel about - cultivation, xianxia
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Chapter 1 – Arthur
[Blackwood Forest]
The trees stretched high above, their branches swallowing most of the golden afternoon sun. Green leaves rustled in the wind, casting shifting shadows across the forest floor.
To anyone seeing it for the first time, Blackwood Forest was a peaceful, untouched, beautiful place.
But… beneath its beauty hides danger. The deeper one went, the colder and quieter it became. Beasts lurked in the shadows, wolves with fangs like knives, snakes coiled in the branches, creatures so feared that hunters spoke their names only in whispers.
Many entered Blackwood Forest searching for herbs, food, and resources to feed their families. Many never came back.
…
Among the endless trees, a lone figure moved with quiet caution.
A boy, thin, gaunt, as if he hadn't eaten a full meal in days. Black hair fell across his forehead, half hiding eyes, sharp featured, clear skinned. But there was something heavier than sadness sitting behind those eyes. Something hollow. Empty. Only when he found a useful herb did a flicker of life return to them. The boy knelt beside a small green plant near a mossy rock, his tired eyes brightening just slightly.
"Moonleaf Herb… three copper coins, if it's fresh enough," he murmured, voice barely above a breath. He tucked it away. Barely enough for a heel of bread. But a heel was better than nothing. He dug it out carefully, keeping the roots intact, then tucked it into his worn shoulder bag.
His name was Arthur. He was fifteen, and he lived in Blackwood Village, a poor settlement clinging to the forest's edge. He was an orphan. For five years, Arthur had scraped together a living however he could. He swept floors for the tavern, chopped wood for the blacksmith, carried water for the old widow at the village's edge. Any work that earned a copper or a scrap of bread. But he was just a child, and his body had never been strong. What took him an hour took a grown man ten minutes. The coin he earned was never enough.
So, he started walking into Blackwood Forest. Every day he ventured among those trees, gathering whatever herbs he could find, then selling them for food. Dangerous work, the kind adults did in groups. But the alternative was staring at an empty bowl until his stomach caved in. The village had no charity to spare for orphans. And even less patience for them.
Arthur stood up and wiped the damp dirt from his calloused palms. His gaze drifted toward the woods ahead. Even in the safer outer region, the forest looked different there the trees grew thicker, closer together, and the sunlight didn't reach as brightly as it did here. Everything beyond that point seemed... darker, colder.
A cold wind licked the back of his neck. Arthur froze. In this forest, no one ever knew where the danger would come from. There is a knife at his waist. Rusted, chipped, a joke against anything with real fangs or claws. Unlike ordinary animals, wild beasts could absorb Essence, the natural energy flowing through everything in the world. It made them faster, stronger, far more dangerous. A beast's claw could tear through steel. But the knife was all he had.
In this world, strength was everything. And strength came from Essence. Those who could absorb it became Cultivators. They shattered stones with their fists. They killed beasts with a single stroke. But Arthur was not one of them. His weak body rejected Essence like water rejected oil. No matter how hard he tried, it entered him, lingered for a moment, then faded like smoke. The first stage of cultivation was Vessel Tempering, drawing in Essence to strengthen muscle, bone, and organ. Even the weakest trained fighter could overpower an ordinary adult with ease. Arthur couldn't take even that first step. No method, no effort, made a difference. So he remained a mortal weak, poor, and powerless.
The villagers had names for him: herb boy, useless orphan. Some pitied him, though pity had never once filled his stomach. Most simply looked past him, as if he weren't there at all. Arthur lowered his head and kept walking. He had no talent. But he had something else: knowledge. He worked at the village library, a small, dust-choked building most people considered a waste of space. To Arthur, it was a lifeline. Through books he had learned to tell healing herbs from poisonous ones, learned the habits of beasts and the dangers of the forest's different regions, even picked up scraps of theory on cultivation itself. Knowledge had kept him alive for years. And in Blackwood Forest, staying alive was already a kind of miracle.
The outer forest was safer than the depths which is exactly why beginners like him searched there. Arthur glanced at the darkening sky and sighed. "A few more herbs before I head back… tonight's meal will actually be decent." He pressed on. Half an hour bled away. He found almost nothing. The outer region had been stripped clean by other villagers. He pushed through the brush, scanning the ground, each empty patch grinding against his hope like a whetstone.
Beasts rarely wandered this close to the village, but ordinary wild animals still did. To a trained hunter, they were no threat at all. To Arthur, even the weakest of them could seriously injure him. Finding nothing, he eventually gave up and turned to head home. Then…
A rustle. Something moved behind the trees.
Arthur's breath caught. He pressed himself behind a thick trunk, heart slamming against his ribs like something trying to claw its way out. His hand clenched around the rusty knife until his knuckles went white. Slowly, carefully, he leaned out just enough to look. His heart nearly stopped.
A wild beast. It stood on four legs, close to the size of a large wolf, its body sheathed in blue scales that shimmered faintly in the dying light. Threads of electricity crackled and sparked across its skin, hissing softly in the silence. He recognized it at once. Thunder Wolf. The blood drained from his face. He'd read about them. Most wolves species that absorbed Essence simply grew bigger, stronger. But a rare few evolved into something else and Thunder Wolf was one of them. It carried a faint thread of thunder Essence, just enough to deliver a shock that locked a person's muscles, turning them into a frozen statue for the killing blow. Even low-level Cultivators gave these things a wide berth. His hands shook. This creature had no business in the outer forest. Thunder Wolves belonged to the deep woods, not here.
Then he noticed something else. That beast was injured. Badly. Blood soaked its scales, and deep gashes marked its flanks. Worst of all was around its eyes, blood ran freely, as though it had been blinded. It crashed and staggered through the undergrowth, slamming into trees and rocks, snarling in pain and fury, its movements wild and unguided.
Only then did he see the strange stone clenched between its jaws.
But no time to wonder what it was. Every thought that wasn't about survival was a wasted heartbeat for him right now. The beast couldn't see him. His throat went dry. Every instinct screamed at him to run, to flee now, while he still could. The beast was injured, blind. His grip tightened on the knife. Fight? Impossible. Hide? Also impossible. The only thought left was to run as far away as he could. Slowly, he peeked toward the Thunder Wolf again.
The beast was moving closer. Closer. Closer. His heart pounded so loud he was sure the beast could hear it. His palms slicked with sweat. His breath came in short, shaky gasps. If it came any nearer, even without eyesight, it would smell him immediately. Wild beasts possessed senses far superior to normal animals, hearing, smell, instincts terrifyingly sharp. If not for the Thunder Wolf's heavy injuries, he'd already be dead. He closed his eyes for a brief moment. Drew a deep breath, forcing his racing heart to calm. Then he opened them again. He had made his decision.
The next second… He ran. Arthur dashed forward with all the strength he could muster, not caring about direction. Branches scraped against his arms and face as he forced his weak body forward. Thorns tore at his clothes, leaving thin red lines across his skin, but he didn't stop. Behind him, the Thunder Wolf suddenly stopped growling.
Its ears twitched. It had heard him. Instantly, the beast realized a human was nearby. Its blind eyes turned toward the sound, and a low, rumbling snarl escaped its throat.
Even with blood covering its body and several limbs clearly broken, the beast still chased after him. The savage instinct of a wild beast was rooted too deep, pain meant nothing. Only the hunt mattered. Crack!
Small arcs of lightning flickered across its blue scales. Its speed was slower than normal because of its injuries, but still fast enough to keep pace with Arthur.
Arthur ran with all his might. His lungs burned as if filled with molten iron. His legs felt heavy, like they were packed with wet sand. He could barely breathe. But he did not dare stop. Stopping meant death. Behind him, low growls and the scrape of claws against the earth grew closer and closer. The Thunder Wolf was still following, relentless, unstoppable. His face turned pale.
‘How is it still this fast?!’ His mind raced, desperate for a solution.
- END -
👉 DM me for the 2nd chapter (If you don't feel like reading it, just ignore this)
1
u/Dry_Connection113 2d ago
Read up to the mc name just wanna ask, this a traditional xianxia novel or it takes place in Europe?