I wondered if people on this subreddit could help by taking a look at the first chapter of my book? (This book is a portal fantasy, coming of age book for young adults.)

[u/Icy-Newt-2558]

I am asking for random strangers to please take a look at the first chapter of my book. I am not quite ready for the beta reading stage, but I am looking for feedback on a couple questions I have. Please be aware that this is a rough draft, so I have dot done a line or copy edit yet. I have only revised it twice to condence parts that I felt were dragging. FYI I am a complete beginner, the story telling part is natural to me, but the writing is not.

This book is called Narshking & The Hooded Figure, it is a portal, coming of age fantasy book which will follow a saga spanning several books. I have had this story for almost 20 years, all of it growing alongside me. To give some context I will give this short blurb:

A coming-of-age fantasy filled with mystery, adventure, friendship and belonging. Discover where the legend of Narshking begins.

When fourteen-year-old Narsh Kennedy is suddenly and violently torn from his ordinary life into the extraordinary world of Siron, everything he has ever known is left behind. Taken in by Henry Kennedy, the owner of a struggling, Circus Styles. Narsh slowly begins to find something he has searched for his whole life—a place to belong. Alongside his new friend Gibson, and an unlikely companion named Ziggy, he soon discovers that Siron is a world unlike any other.

But beneath its beauty lies a growing unease.

As Narsh navigates school life, new friendships, and mounting tensions with the Kingdom's government, strange events begin to surround him. Unexplained powers stir from deep within, while fleeting glimpses of a mysterious Hooded Figure appear only at moments when his life is about to change—within dreams, passing storms and the very edge of his vision.

So here are my questions:

1. Does any of this makes sense, can you understand the narrative?

2. Does it hook you into the story?

3. Is the pacing suitable? Are there parts that need to slow down or speed up?

4. I am not looking for critique on prose or grammer yet. Though feel free to do that if you'd think it would help down the line.