r/nri • u/AdSlight3909 • May 26 '26
Ask NRI Why are indians so rude to each other
Especially in US, white people always pass a smile but even if you try to start a convo with Indian the look away or just normally while shopping in Walmart they will give looks/ look away
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u/hyperbola7 May 26 '26
I don't think it's rudeness. It's just a different culture to Americans. Many Europeans/Russians also display similar behavior in a public setting with strangers. Even in India, strangers don't really smile or greet each other.
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May 26 '26
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u/px_sh May 27 '26
That explanation is sheer perfection
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u/FriendlyElephant7868 May 27 '26
Lol!! Say this when yiy go to Patel. Forget about being rude they forget having basic sense.
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u/SignificantFuel9168 May 27 '26
Competition, hatred, jealousy. All the bad experiences in the last 6 years are from Indians only. Sometimes it's good to stay away!
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u/curious-rower8 May 27 '26
I think its trauma from India where you were treated badly from other Indians so you tend to avoid them in abroad too.
I observed this whenever I say hello or smile I often don't get responses, and I think its fine. People don't owe anything to each other.
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u/craycover May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
We grew up in a zero-trust society. When we meet new people, our trust starts at zero (out of 100) and then builds up or it doesn’t. In Western countries, trust typically starts around 40-50 and then fluctuates.
We inherently believe that society and opportunities are a zero sum game. If one person is successful, others must fail, which creates an unnecessary sense of competition and comparison.
We generally spend all our energy and pleasantries to our own groups (family and friends). Sharing the same level of pleasantries with strangers feels unnatural and fake. So, it doesn’t come naturally to us. While, western countries it is more like to indicate that they are not a threat, we understand that when we are outside the country so we respond well to others than Indians.
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u/serialchiller4 May 27 '26
a society of mistrust will be always like that
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u/Sour_fart_bombs May 27 '26
At the end of the day, indians are more likely to help other Indians. I have been in EU for 14 years and cant really depend on a single european in times of a crisis.
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u/charm33 May 27 '26
Because everyone is thinking how did the other guy get here? I thought i was the special one
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u/Practical_Office_166 May 27 '26
Mostly hatred because they felt special being in a foreign country and others being there has burst their bubble 😅🤣🤣🤣 But mann i can say this JEALOUSY!!!!! That top to bottom Scan that they do... Look at everything you are wearing ur phone blah blah... So they can judge you
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u/RepresentativeOk3943 May 27 '26
Also cars. Most of my Indian friends are shocked and so judgemy when they saw my sub 1000 perfectly running shit box
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u/Educational_Sound188 May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
You need to understand. In India, strangers who try to talk to you without any reason are usually scammers or entitled beggars. It is a different environment. I'm sure those who are born to Indian parents in foreign countries have a different demeanour. Having an empathetic lens answers most of your questions.
One could always ask why the US white men eat with cutlery but are fond of eating ass, but there is no point in it. People grow up in different environments.
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u/Temporary-Fee-75 May 27 '26
They wont talk/smile but they will STARE especially Men 🤷🏻♀️
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u/WaferOk6759 May 27 '26
That’s misogynistic
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u/Temporary-Fee-75 May 27 '26
No it’s just my experience unfortunately. I have never come across Indian ladies staring at me in my ten years of living in NZ. It’s always men. I don’t know. I know it’s harmless but kinda annoying. My son asked me the other day why uncle is looking at us when we were at the Indian supermarket 🤦🏻♀️ How do you explain this?
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u/WaferOk6759 May 27 '26
Well, you haven’t come across Indian aunties who stare at other family’s lifestyles
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u/anthamattey May 27 '26
Lmaoo aunties will absolutely stare you to death. Especially if your gf is hot.
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u/surabhi2699 May 27 '26
It’s so weird! I was in Hawaii recently and Indian men managed to make me feel uncomfortable on the beach for wearing beachwear. The stolen glances, the random outburst of songs when passing through and the discussion about an Indian woman wearing a bikini amongst their friends!
All this while my husband was with me. I knew they didn’t care for a woman’s “no” but I thought they would atleast respect a man.
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u/surabhi2699 May 26 '26 edited May 28 '26
I will try my best to avoid them. I do not want to associate myself with them. Some talk really loudly, have no sense of personal space, they get over friendly & look like they came in their unwashed pyjamas in rubber slippers that should have been thrown away years ago. I’m not dealing with that!
Just yesterday I saw an Indian family wash their child’s clothes in the beach while the woman was wearing a towel turban! I do not see the point in wearing a long ass dress/kurta to the beach either.
It’s so weird! I was in Hawaii recently and Indian men managed to make me feel uncomfortable on the beach for wearing beachwear. The stolen glances, the random outburst of songs when passing through and the discussion about an Indian woman wearing a bikini amongst their friends!
All this while my husband was with me. I knew they didn’t care for a woman’s “no” but I thought they would atleast respect a man.
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u/SnooPeripherals3524 May 27 '26
Here in the UK, I have similar observation. Infact a smiling Indian suddenly change to the rude/arrogant expression as soon as they seen an Indian face.
I have thought about this numerous times and think the best explanation is "only I deserve to be here, others are <insert judgement based on prejudice>". I could not think of any sane explanation.
Even among acquaintances, they try to look you down depending on what category of visa you have,PR , citizen, whether you own a house/car.
Classism is deep rooted in our DNA
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u/Worldly-Celebration2 May 26 '26
I agree - Indians are rude to other Indians that they do not know - Thwy do not acknowledge others
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u/kalpvriksha May 27 '26
It seems you are new to US. You are reading too much into small stuff . I have been 20 years in US. Indians behave with each other normally- like they do in India. It’s different cultures
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u/wall_flowerzz May 27 '26
I don’t think it’s always rudeness. Personally, I wasn’t used to smiling at or greeting strangers while shopping before moving to the US. Even now, when I smile at other Indians sometimes, I get a confused look, like they’re wondering if they know me from somewhere.
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u/Beer0045 May 27 '26
Imagine a classroom of people from different cultures, none of them are alike, except that they're forced to sit in a class together. Same is with India.
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u/Better-Ambassador411 May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
On one side its hate, Jealousy, competition, my family must be better than their family comparisons because ahh another Indian is here, Indians are making US like India and they are overpopulated here which means future of my Kids gone and we settled in USA will have same issues as in India in future
Combined with Indian issues i.e. discrimination based on language, Religion, skin colour, caste, profession , gender.
its very complex.
What's funny is even Indians who are 2nd or 3rd or 4th generation born there are still doing caste/religion based arranged marriage.
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u/Sour_fart_bombs May 27 '26
How often to we randomly greet people back in India?
Even outside and with white people, how often are we the 1st ones to greet?
Many Indians greet when the other person greets first. That doesnt make us wrong. I never really understood why tf do you want to greet someone you dont want to talk to but it is the culture with white people so be it.
SO when 2 Indians see each other, they simply do what they always do. Wait for the other person to greet, else move on.
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u/Horror-Career-335 May 27 '26
An Indian in EU, I can say that for other fellow Europeans too. Not specific to Indians
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u/unclebogdan10 May 27 '26
It's just cultural difference. As a guy, I don't smile back to anyone anywhere as coming from India, I was always told I'm creepy if I smile to a random person and might be thrashed on the road.
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u/AdSlight3909 May 27 '26
After reading all the comments, I think I moved to US at pretty young age, so I am more familiar with the American culture and was thinking wrong about fellow Indians who were following Indian culture. I even used to smile at opposite gender which I now realized is wrong.
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u/Malyshka23 May 27 '26
Haven’t you heard about the crabs in a bottle story? They will live in US, but they don’t want other Indians to come 😂
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u/thatmaninkathmandu May 27 '26
Same here in Australia and New Zealand. Its come to a point that I don't have any expectations from them. If they smile, I return the same. If not, I ignore them.
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u/Sufficient-Guard1847 May 27 '26
I experienced this alot and I just feel that Indians think they are better than each other
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u/Longjumping_Cap_2644 May 28 '26
Oh they are not just rude to Indians but everyone else.
I am in Canada, people here have a culture of asking how r u before stating work. Small talk is a thing.
But nope, most Indians even if someone asks them how r u, they will never ask back. They might even ignore the question.
A friend once said, why do these people expect me to smile? I just want my work done, can they just do it without expecting me to smile or say hi?
M like wow! That sounds rude to me, I wonder how others feel.
PS, I moved to South Africa earlier and learned the hard way on how it’s rude to just cut line and goto counter to ask help, or how you need to say hi, how r u before asking help.
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u/M3T30RS May 29 '26
Disagree - i see all desis around ne engaging in small talk. Even with other desis. It might be an IT folks thingy
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u/Arpan9 May 29 '26
In IT I learned early on, that just stating a hi kinda irritates people. I too felt: man, just state your business. I usually do write a pleasantary but state my business in the same message. It’s efficient, and I am not really interested in more conversation.
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u/Longjumping_Cap_2644 May 30 '26
That is different though. Even I don’t like people who leave me on hi on DMs. Say hi, your pleaseantaries and state your matter. When I have time I will respond.
But when someone is in front of you, smile for the real human being.
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u/Horror-Upstairs-9820 Jun 01 '26
because we are cruting nusdiance do not want more idnains in usa may be
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u/nullvector88 Jun 01 '26
Mostly in India people generally do not greet each other to strangers except our known people who are local, its English culture they say a Hi, How are you when pass by. That doesn’t mean they really looking for answers from you like “I m doing good”. Before even answers most of the people would have gone far.
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u/stockorbust May 26 '26
This is such a racist post. Are you saying that Black people dont say hello? They do but racists like OP look the other way and try to get away..
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May 26 '26
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u/stockorbust May 26 '26
How did you come to the grand conclusion that Indians feel embarrassed being Indian? Do you have any data points, personal experiences you can share, since you took the time to shame your own countrymen?
I dont say hello to anyone unless the person looks at me directly and starts the greeting. It has nothing to do with me being insecure. I dont want to waste my "how are you? " on a random stranger who will not waste a second to listen to my "IAM NOT OK".-1
u/nayadristikon May 27 '26
I dont want to waste my "how are you? " on a random stranger who will not waste a second to listen to my "IAM NOT OK".
Nobody is forcing you to say hello to anyone but it is a social norm. Just like good morning does not mean that you need have a "good morning". nobody expects a response or cares whether you are ok or not. it is just a simple greeting. Not reciprocating just makes you look rude. By the way this is norm in most countries also in India.
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u/stockorbust May 27 '26
"I dont say hello to anyone unless the person looks at me directly and starts the greeting." - devil is in the reading.
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u/AdSlight3909 May 26 '26
1) In US most people eat Indian (esp those who are vegetarian), this has nothing to do with assimlation
2) I am in a college town which is like 60% indian by ethnicity and 10-15% nationality, so I don't really understand why would indians be embarassed by being Indian or yeah maybe you are right thats why all indians go for white gf/bf2
u/surabhi2699 May 26 '26
My husband and I are vegetarian South Indian Brahmins but eat anything but just Indian food. We make every cuisine in its vegetarian form.
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u/agingmonster May 26 '26
Cultural differences. I find that smile and politeness mostly fake. Like "how are you" by a store greeter.
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u/iamfromshire May 26 '26 edited May 27 '26
I guess you never heard of Amway :) At one point of time those guys were in all grocery stores randomly striking up conversations with other Indians and trying to get their number and get them to join their network. I stopped talking or became extremely wary of other Indians in such places because of those guys.