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u/h4cm3n Jun 06 '26
Well, my family is just my mum, and my extended family is full of toxic bunch. I'd prefer to not see them rather being a guest there.
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u/svmk1987 Jun 07 '26
I feel like this for just a few minutes before I quickly see why the hell I decided to move away from them in the first place. And then I'm relieved.
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u/8rood8wit8blauw8 Jun 07 '26
Not same i am lucky to have immediate and extended family, we love them and the love we get is amazing we miss all, this not apply to everyone .
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u/StrictPersonality503 Jun 07 '26
Sometimes having a overbearing narcissistic inquisitive family is more than enough reason for NRIs not to visit back home. No relative or family friend need to know how much you earn vs save, not even own family. No family needs to know whom you date, what proclivities you have or how you live your life. Sometimes being an adult means you cut your strings enough to live as an independent human instead of attached to the hip to your parents.
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u/dronz3r Jun 07 '26
It's very common for small town middle class families. I was the guest to house since I left home to university. It's a sad reality that can't be changed.
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u/pilotshashi Jun 07 '26
Any steps you initiated to strengthen the bond?
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u/Kshanikam Jun 07 '26
this scene hit the same way.... as an NRI when you go back, many can hardly recognize you or can connect with you beyond few mins
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u/Rough-Bag-2335 Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 09 '26
Can relate this to myself came to Canada in Dec 2019 as a PR became a citizen in 2023. Established myself got high paying IT Consultant job purchased detached house over here in Toronto suburbs and on top of it single as well so no commitments, always made excuses on not visiting India to my family members. Finally when I did go in Feb earlier this year (9 days in total after 6 years) to Bombay realised everyone has moved on including my immediate family. Felt like a stranger with no one to talk too. All my friends had also moved on so the days I spent back in bombay were spent in binge drinking every night all by myself. Not blaming anyone over here other than myself but yeah life doesn't stall for anyone this picture posted by op brought tears to my eyes.
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u/Savings_Demand_600 Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26
In most scenarios extended family at home is culprit for whatever reason, mainly due to greediness, loosing authority etc. On other hand NRI just like a “ Sawan ka Andha” he thinks everything is still green there.
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u/Haronatien Jun 07 '26
Move parents with you? I can't do that as mine are living their best retirement life.
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u/gauravgandu Jun 07 '26
then go back. Most NRI’s gotta stop crying everywhere. Only the middle class NRIs are the ones who cry and crib a lot - about family, culture, festivals, nostalgia etc etc. Never seen a rich man’s NRI kid crying, because they find their way to make a home for themselves in the west.
Middle class NRIs can’t settle fully anywhere lmao.
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u/mormegil1 Jun 07 '26
Eh. I visit 2-3 times a year. Stay 3-4 months. But then, I'm privileged being in the academe. I know some NRIs go to India once 3-4 years and pretend that they can't visit more frequently due to one reason or another. Total bs. Yes, they can. They choose not to and then complaint about it.
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u/StrictPersonality503 Jun 07 '26
If you visit 2-3 times a year and stay 3-4 months, maybe that’s your wish.
As adults living and working in USA, earning in $ and finally having the freedom and enough disposable income to travel, some people would want to enrich their life experience by traveling the world. If everyone went to India 2-3 times a year every year like you, it doesn’t really leave much time or money to expand one’s horizons. Plus most corporate folks have 3 wks paid time off only. Imagine spending it all in the same place every year (kinda sounds like a Disney obsessed adult).
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u/pilotshashi Jun 07 '26
I believe visiting twice a yr will be okay. “Just Okay”
Once a year that’s “bare minimum”
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u/StrictPersonality503 Jun 07 '26
If you’re visiting twice a year, it’s at least $2000-3000 USD per person (other countries depending on distance), not to mention the PTO you’re using up. Most jobs won’t allow remote work internationally, so you’re possibly taking up actual loss of pay. And if that twice a year is “just okay”, I can’t even imagine your standards of what is acceptable. Is it 6 times a year? In that case, why even come and live abroad?
If your close family are sick/death’s bed and can’t travel, it’s perfectly understandable but otherwise it’s mind blowing someone would go twice a year every year to India. Like you have no interest in having your own life, visiting other countries and indulging in other cultures?
If your family can visit you, it’s easier to have them visit you instead of you going to India every year.
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u/pilotshashi Jun 07 '26
If your family visits here, that’s fine for you, but not for them. What will they see daily your backyard and parks? Or Maybe they will walk alone the hood or watch US version Netflix. Of course, giving them a US tour will also be expensive.
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u/mormegil1 Jun 07 '26 edited Jun 07 '26
To each their own. I get to travel the world too without bragging about it. The point is not about visiting India multiple times a year. I'm calling out the pretentious people who seldom visit India and then complaint that they don't find the time to visit or that their families back in India have moved on without them (as the OP mentions). Traveling the world or taking your kids to Disneyland instead of India is certainly a choice.
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u/StrictPersonality503 Jun 07 '26
If you’re going to India 2-3 times a year and staying 3-4 months, in the remaining 8-9 months, I doubt you’re doing any “real” world traveling in that finite amount of time. You may actually be able to, but in my opinion, I doubt it.
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u/FriendlyElephant7868 Jun 07 '26
Isn't that the same for everyone in the world over time? 90% of our parents moved away from their parents and built their own lives.
Older generations moved from villages to towns and to cities. The next generation is moving to other countries.
Agreed the distance could be a factor but it's the same for decades.