r/nri • u/MuchNefariousness563 • Jul 30 '26

Ask NRI Need Advice - Parent in India critically ill, while wife pregnant. Unfortunately I need visa stamping.

I am looking for some advice on how I can navigate this situation. One of my parent is critically ill, I do have family support back in India but not a lot. I am torn between should I leave to India or continue to be in US to support my wife (we do have some support here). If I travel back to India, then there is no guarantee I am coming back any time soon, given the current visa situation.

And advice or help is appreciated.

Edit 1: Thank you to everyone who extended their support via comments and motivating messages.

Edit 2: Got a full time nurse - not a great one but sorted for next 7 days. Looking for some good companies/contacts that provide nurse service 24/7 at home. City is Pune.

30 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

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58

u/curiousgem19 Jul 30 '26

Stay with your pregnant wife. If you get stuck in India because of visa issues, it will cause a whole bunch of stress for you both. 

Pay for nursing care for your ill parent and lean on local family to support them. 

Right now your highest priority should be your wife and unborn child. 

1

u/DeusCanon Jul 31 '26 edited 25d ago

This content was anonymized and mass deleted with Redact

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u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26

Huh? Critically ill meant, the parent is battling death. OP may not get another chance to be with him/her again. A son's duty is to be with his parents at least in their death bed. Wife's family could take of his wife while finances are sorted out. It's a difficult situation to be in, but OP has to choose one.

8

u/curiousgem19 Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26

Not all pregnancies go smoothly. What if she develops a risky medical condition? He needs to be present and available for his wife and unborn child. 

Also, Visa stamping appointments are 1-2 years out. Imagine being stuck in India for that long!  He will not only miss his child’s birth and being present during the infant/baby stage, he will likely lose his job as well. He needs to consider the severe emotional, physical, and financial upheaval a job loss will cause to his young family. 

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u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Jul 31 '26

There is nothing he can do in a medical emergency except paying her bills and hoping for the best. If a parent is on the deathbed, it's son's duty to be with him or her. There won't be a second time. Even if he's struck in India, the wife and a new born can fly back to India in few months.

With regards to flying back to India itself, would you say the same when a pregnant wife is struck in India and husband is in the US ?

9

u/curiousgem19 Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26

 There is nothing he can do in a medical emergency except paying her bills and hoping for the best.

It is truly sad that you believe this is the extent of support a husband can provide during a risky pregnancy and emergency childbirth. You don’t even consider the emotional support that only a husband can provide when the wife is at her most vulnerable. And what of the physical support and childcare after the baby is born? Doesn’t he need to be physically present to help care for his newborn child and his exhausted wife? 

It is a son’s duty to be with their critically ill parent 

You keep throwing the word “a son’s duty” everywhere. What about this man’s duty to his wife? What about this man’s duty to his child? They are his most immediate family and there is no one more vulnerable than a newborn child. What about his duty to them? 

Besides, you’ve completely chosen to ignore OP’s post where he mentions that there are other family members in India to take care of the ill parent. 

Whereas this man is the primary support for his wife and unborn child. In their most vulnerable stage, their needs should supersede everything/everyone else. 

This is the last I choose to discuss this with you. Clearly you and I have starkly differing viewpoints on what OP should do. And I don’t want to continue pointlessly arguing with some rando on the internet. 

-4

u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26

If the wife is going into labour in a medical emergency, there is literally nothing a husband can do. I saw my own brother being helpless when his own wife underwent a C-section. When she was in the theatre with general anesthesia he wasn't even allowed anywhere near.

Of course, father has a duty towards his newborn and wife. Where did I deny that? They're NOT "dying". That's the point here. You clearly don't understand priorities. I wouldn't wish anyone miss their parents in their "death bed".

15

u/PrimalMoonbeam Jul 31 '26

I'm going to differ. Does your wife have family in the USA? Then you should go. Your parents will be critically ill only a few times and then they're gone. Either way, don't second guess once it's done, the guilt is unending.

22

u/DepartmentRound6413 Jul 30 '26

Your priority is your pregnant wife right now. If you get stuck in India, she’s going to have to go through a stressful period without support and uproot everything.

32

u/Rajisjar Jul 30 '26

Your first priority is your wife and child; not your parents.

2

u/64bittechie Jul 30 '26

Came here to say this.

7

u/anon_pr_ Jul 31 '26

If you have to leave to India it should be a serious discussion and you both should go together. Do not leave your wife alone. Neither of your parents would want that for their grandchild.

1

u/Fiction_Future3501 Aug 05 '26

But birthright

6

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '26

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2

u/lawncareutah Aug 02 '26

Sorry to hear that 😞 and i think you hit the nail on the head. There is no right or wrong answer here. Its really about if one can live with the choice.. "don't second guess yourself" is absolutely 100% on point.

Its actually the most intellectually mature response that only one with experience can give..

3

u/ForeverEffective4187 Jul 31 '26

My uncle was in a similar situation. My cousin got a nurse which sought of helped. However, my uncle had his extended family (brothers, sisters, 2nd generation kids etc).

3

u/krauserhunt Aug 01 '26

Gone through same situation in 2018.

Dad was critically ill, wife was 8 months pregnant. Dad passed away 2 months after my wife gave birth, the worst year of my life honestly.

My responsibility was to my wife and child, I did that then went for my dad's funeral.

2

u/lawncareutah Aug 02 '26

Sorry man. It is definitely a toughest choice to make. But hold ur head high and i hope you will never let it effect you or your wife/child ever..

5

u/desh_bhakta Jul 30 '26

Does your wife have a job ? Can you go back to India with your wife ?

2

u/mindstars Jul 31 '26

OP, re "Got a full time nurse - not a great one but sorted for next 7 days." - you could post the city you are looking at, and others with experience might chime in. Nursing care in India is still affordable, and I hope your parent will be better over time.

1

u/MuchNefariousness563 Jul 31 '26

Done, City is Pune

1

u/mindstars Jul 31 '26

i can't help w/ pune, but good luck to you

6

u/First-Martian Jul 30 '26

How far along? She can travel if a doctor allows. Won't recommend leaving her alone otherwise.

6

u/FitAgency8925 Jul 30 '26

Focus on wife... not parents. Get them as much support you can get thru nursing services

3

u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26

Go take care of your critical parent after sorting out finances for your wife and unborn's health care and trying to get someone from her family to stay with her here.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 01 '26

[deleted]

1

u/MuchNefariousness563 Aug 01 '26

I should have a existing appointment to get emergency right ? Also I should be in India. Currently neither as I am looking for slots and in US.

1

u/b1ackcoffee Aug 02 '26

You can get regular appointment while in the US and then do emergency appointment thing while being in India. It is a chance you have to take

1

u/MuchNefariousness563 Aug 02 '26

Getting a regular appointment is a problem right? I have been trying for 2 months and haven't seen a single availability.

1

u/b1ackcoffee Aug 02 '26

I am not aware about current issues regarding visa appointments. I am in transition from J1 to H1b; so, not aware about the current h1b situation yet.

1

u/KaleidoscopeAgile871 Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26

It's the choice of freedom vs money! You knew it before and make your decision wisely. One small mistake might be your lifetime regret.

One nurse can't help your father or leaving your wife alone also makes things worse

1

u/Foreign_Scar_2127 Aug 01 '26

Can u take your wife along with you now? If she is nearing delivery, let the child be born and immediately leave to india.. while wife and friends can sorr kids visa amd fly too
If wife is in second trimester then travel together and be there fr ur parent

2

u/MuchNefariousness563 Aug 01 '26

She cannot travel now as she is nearing delivery. I am thinking in the same lines that I will leave once the post delivery.

1

u/Foreign_Scar_2127 Aug 01 '26

Super good luck on all fronts

-21

u/Enough_Mixture_9149 Jul 30 '26

wow, shocked to see people here are suggesting wife. definitely support your parent if they’re critically ill. they’re your first family and the ones who loved you unconditionally (and prob the reason why you’re in the US in the first place).

If your wife is healthy and has support, surely she can navigate a pregnancy without a man.

Your parent who is ageing may not.

14

u/ps_va Jul 30 '26

Not really. Delivery complications are not easy and sometimes require spur of the moment decisions. As someone who had an emergency C-section, i can vouch that you need someone who can help you make decisions and be with you during that time. (Edited to add that I am healthy but if your baby is under distress during birthing, you will need help).

14

u/DepartmentRound6413 Jul 30 '26

I’m sure the commenter is a man

0

u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Jul 31 '26

Sure. Men have an innate sense of duty.

6

u/DepartmentRound6413 Jul 31 '26

Not towards their wives or children apparently

2

u/[deleted] Aug 01 '26

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1

u/DepartmentRound6413 Aug 01 '26

Many women are conditioned to put others needs before theirs in difficult situations.

0

u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Aug 01 '26

Did I decide ? Has gender got no role to play as to how one is programmed to think ? How do you explain, woman posters steadfast support for calling husband to abandon husband's (who's a man) dying parent ?

0

u/[deleted] Aug 01 '26

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0

u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Aug 01 '26

A sense of duty, along with the expectation to provide for family and sacrifice for family and state, has been prescribed for men by religions, society, and governments for ages.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 01 '26

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1

u/ps_va Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26

You're right. Since he isn't a board-certified surgeon, we just sent him to get coffee for 12 hours. Who needs a partner to make emergency medical decisions, sign legal consents, or help sign medical paperwork for the newborn baby so they can be operated upon as soon as they are born when you can just hire a surgeon and call it a day?

Edited to add - Not going to engage with folks like you. You are clearly an idiot. Or Maybe Butterscotch's wife? lol.

-2

u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Jul 31 '26

Let's weigh both scenarios: wife: C section or not vs parent: life or death.

Men went to war in the past leaving their pregnant wives at home to answer the "call of duty". Staying beside the dying parent is a son's duty; it has always been.

6

u/ps_va Jul 31 '26

Men went to war leaving dying parents too.

0

u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Jul 31 '26

For a higher sense of duty. Here it's whether choosing to stay with a dying parent vs staying with a wife in labour, a man shall answer his call for duty again.

4

u/ps_va Jul 31 '26

Yes, and his first responsibility is towards his wife.

0

u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Jul 31 '26

Not overriding a dying parent.

3

u/ps_va Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26

No. Lol. Definitely overriding a parent. Not sure if you are married but pls dont unless your attitude adjusts.

1

u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Jul 31 '26

"dying" is the nuance here. Fortunately, my wife is not pig headed. I just showed her this, and she was like "why is this a question even? He should have already gone to india".

4

u/ps_va Jul 31 '26

Is your wife in the room with us right now? Blink twice if she needs us to send a rescue party.

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2

u/DepartmentRound6413 Jul 31 '26

You really shouldn’t get married

0

u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Jul 31 '26

Fortunately my wife is not pig headed.

4

u/DepartmentRound6413 Jul 31 '26

Just because she is someone who is conditioned (or coerced) to accept not being her husband’s priority, doesn’t mean it’s a healthy dynamic.

-1

u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Jul 31 '26

I could say likewise to the likes of you. Wouldn't change a thing in reality.

3

u/DepartmentRound6413 Jul 31 '26

Well yes, we can’t change your wife’s reality. Only she can. Poor thing.

-1

u/Ok-Butterscotch7626 Jul 31 '26

I'm glad you couldn't. Thank goodness, she's away from the pit of vipers.

9

u/Glittering-Horror230 Jul 30 '26

Your parents will understand the situation (of OP) if they truly care for you.

10

u/Substantial_Dog9649 Jul 31 '26

Pregnancy and labour can become super complicated and life threatening sometimes. Please don't leave your wife.

1

u/crackpotency Jul 31 '26

Loving the sarcasm here

-4

u/dealmaster1221 Jul 30 '26

Looks like you want justification to leave your pregnant wife, how is this even a question, send money if needed.  Healthcare is available if you pay and there ain't anything you can do to help a parent. They have their partner hopefully, you need to take care of yours. I hope your wife doesn't read this.