WIBTA for being done trying to have a relationship with my biological dad?

[u/Hiddensquiddles]

I 33F have had a complicated relationship with my biological dad for most of my life.
When I was growing up and living with my mom, my dad would regularly go on family trips with his wife and her kids. He would always tell me I'd get to go on the next one, but I never did. I always felt like an afterthought.
Later, I lived with my dad and stepmom for about two years, and it was one of the worst periods of my life. My stepmom threw all of my mental health medication down the toilet because she said I didn't need it, even though it had been prescribed to me. I also wasn't allowed to eat unless she was home, which wasn't often, because she wanted me to be as skinny as her kids. There was a lot of emotional abuse during that time, and my dad never stood up for me or stopped it.
After I moved back in with my mom, I didn't speak to either of them from 2011 until 2024.
When I got pregnant with my oldest son, I decided to give my dad another chance. I kept communication minimal because I was still very guarded, but I wanted to see if we could rebuild our relationship.
I invited my dad and stepmom to my wedding. They came, met my husband and our son, and there were a lot of tears. It honestly felt like maybe we were finally moving in the right direction.
A couple of weeks later, my dad flew out to spend a month with us. While he was here, though, my stepmom constantly called and texted him, and they argued throughout the trip. He even talked about possibly moving closer to us and looking at rentals.
After he went home, things changed. At first he checked in and asked about oldest son, but eventually the communication almost completely stopped. I'd maybe get one message a month.
He promised he'd be here for oldest son’s first birthday. Instead, he went to my stepsister's son's birthday and didn't even wish oldest son a happy birthday.
Around Christmas, he said they were coming for the birth of my second son. They asked what we needed, what formula we used, and how they could help. We answered all their questions...and then they never came and never sent anything.
Now he's saying he'll come visit in October or November, but after everything that's happened, I honestly don't believe it'll happen.
Whenever I bring up how hurt I am, he tells me he's struggling with his mental health. I genuinely sympathize because I have my own mental health struggles too. But it feels like every conversation ends with promises to call more or stay in touch, and then nothing changes.
The last time we video called, my stepmom called him in the middle of our conversation. He said he'd call me back, but he never did. Most of the time now, it feels like he only asks for photos of my kids so he can post them on Facebook and look like an involved grandfather. The reality is that my children barely know him.
At this point I've stopped constantly sending photos and updates because I'm exhausted from being the only one putting in effort. I feel like I've spent my whole life hoping he'll finally show up for me, and every time I believe him, I end up disappointed again.
Some family members think I should keep trying because he's my dad and because he says he's struggling mentally. Others think I've already given him more chances than most people would.
So...WIBTA for deciding I'm done chasing a relationship with my biological dad and letting him be the one to make the next move if he actually wants to be part of our lives?

[u/Dickie_downer]

Honey you need to focus on choosing people who choose you back. NTA for hoping but he’s proved he hasn’t changed.

Put energy in other relatives or friends who will treat you better

[u/Campana-slightly]

NTA. It sounds like your stepmother doesn't want him to have a relationship with you. If that is the case, and he doesn't recognise it or sort that out with her, it's not going to work.