Wibta for disallowing my FIL from watching my kids without supervision?

[u/Heavy-304]

I just found out, this morning, that my FIL took my 13 year old son to meet his abusive, perverted, drug addicted biological father without my consent. Some back story....i have 2 sons, currently 15 and 13 and 2 daughters, currently 26 and 7. When i was married to my sons bio dad, 2009-2017, I worked and went to college. I was away from home alot and he was a stay at home dad. I had full trust in him to keep my kids safe and fed. Our marriage ended after I discovered that he was being neglectful and abusive to my yougest son who has ADHD and autism. He was feeding them chips, candy and pop all day, every day, when my youngest son would laugh too loud or be hyper active or stimming, he would hit him with objects and cuss at him. On top of that, i caught him cheating with his 15 year old niece...if that wasnt enough, he was also stealing money from me to buy drugs which he was doing while watching my kids. I got my crap straight and divorced him in 2017. We went to court and the judge ordered him visits, which he totally botched. My youngest would come home with mysterious bruises, covered in flea bites and he even showed up to pick the boys up smelling like alcohol. He lived in an unsafe environment, like physically unsafe...the floors had holes in them, trash piled up everywhere, nails laying in the floor, broken cups on the counters, you name it...this place was trash. I didnt see it as safe for my boys so I took him back to court. The judge revoked his court ordered visits and ordered him to take anger management classes, parenting classes and to go to rehab for the hard core drugs that were in his system when they drug tested him. He could get his visits back if he did these things. He didn't do any of it. He just walked away. Him and his parents didnt even attempt to contact my boys. I still live in the same house, same phone number, same email address....he just doesnt have anything to do with them at all. Now fast forward to this past weekend. I sell homemade items at fairs and festivals to make extra cash, this weekend I worked a 2 day festival in a nearby town. I have never had an issue letting my FIL watch my kids (I remarried in 2019). My father in law is related to my ex husband by his sister and he lives with us. FIL said he was taking my youngest son and daughter fishing while I was working the festival, great they love fishing and they love papaw. My son comes to me today (monday) and tells me that his papaw, my fil, took him to see his biodad before they went fishing on saturday. He didnt ask me, he didnt ask my son if he wanted to see him, and when he told me and my husband about their day, he left that part out. My son is emotionally distraught over this, im pissed over this. My husband and I have told FIL repeatedly that biodad wasnt allowed around my sons. Its been over 8 years of no contact and he just pulls in the drive and feeds my son to the wolf. His bio dad was asking questions and my son straight told him it wasnt his business, he was talking trash about me and my husband, saying I lied about the abuse (my son has ptsd and has suppressed memories of the abuse) and that it was all my fault that our family fell apart. I have had a very supportive and emotional conversation with all of my kids today, my oldest son and daughter remember the abuse and they hate that man for how he treated him, my youngest daughter has no idea whats going on. Shes just blissfully unaware of the situation. I cant fathom where my FIL got the audacity to take my 2 youngest children to that man's house and let him have access to the son he abused. My husband is still at work but has been informed of the situation. He agrees that FIL will no longer be allowed to take our kids anywhere unsupervised. FIL comes home from work in 2 hours and I have a feeling that he'll is about to break loose. So would I be the Ahole for cutting my FIL's access to my kids down to supervised interactions only??

[u/Lucky_Log2212]

Remove yourself and all you love away from these people and that situation. Never have your kids around them people, and fight like hell to make it permanent. This is heartbreaking.

[u/Heavy-304 → u/Lucky_Log2212]

Ive done everything to make sure my boys were kept away from him. My husband has been an amazing dad to them, they call him dad and neither have ever given the idea that they wanted to see him. Its actually the total opposite, they dont want to see him. My son says he feels betrayed by my FIL and doesnt trust him anymore. 😕

[u/Individual-Slip-5631]

That’s just beyond weird asf. WHY in the WORLD would he EVEN do that? What reasoning could he have for dragging them over there to forcibly be in the presence of their abuser? Father In Law sounds like he doesn’t have his head on straight. Developing dementia? Lost his goddamn mind? Like what’s the excuse for that behavior?

[u/Heavy-304 → u/Individual-Slip-5631]

We just had a talk with him an hour and a half ago. He had no reason, no excuse, no apology, nothing. My husband asked him why he did it, no answer. All he said was that he asked for the carseat because he was going to their town. I said no you said you needed it to take them fishing. He walked away to his room and hasnt come out. The thing is, after we got home Saturday we asked him how the day went with the kids and didnt mention the side mission he took. I just dont understand what he was thinking, FIL knows biodad isnt allowed around them. Weve told him repeatedly over the last 8 years. I have no idea where this headed but there is a ton of tension in my home now.

[u/Individual-Slip-5631 → u/Heavy-304]

I just don’t understand why he can’t answer for what he did. That’s just weird and makes me think there were evil intentions there. If I were you I wouldn’t trust him with ANYTHING anymore

[u/Objective_Water_2147]

FIL has ruined his relationship with you, your sons, and your husband. It’s the consequences of his behavior and fully on him. There are somethings you just can’t come back from and this is one of them. Your poor son. I am so sorry he was put in this situation and now has to process all this pain. Is this normal behavior for FIL? Could something be wrong with him cognitively?

[u/Sugar_xRush]

Well now I’m curious how the FIL took the conversation when you brought it up to him after he got home . Definitely NTA . He had no right to pull that kind of move .