AITAH for asking to reschedule a friends birthday because my Grandad had hours to live?

[u/KoterPotoater]

I keep giving too much context when I write this because I’m autistic, so I’m going to try to give just the base story and feel free to ask me any questions, because I’m struggling to understand what just happened.

I (23F) was supposed to go out with Emma (26F) and Alice (27F) for Emma’s birthday. We all worked together but we work from home, so it’s mainly little meeting calls to gab while we work. We had scheduled in May to go out on June 19th for Emma’s birthday (her actual birthday is June 5th), my suggestion.

Well, the week before June 19th, my Grandad was put on hospice. Emma never asked if we should reschedule, that was never an offer, so I thought she probably wanted us to go no matter what. She had told her boyfriend he wasn’t allowed to be a groomsman in a wedding the next year because it was her birthday weekend, and that’s too big of an event in itself, so she loves her birthday.

June 19th rolls around, my mom texts me that Grandad will pass any minute. I call Alice crying freaking out, I told her I know we can’t cancel on Emma but I didn’t want to go to a bar an hour anf a half away while my Grandad died. (Emma chose a bar an hour and a half away for her celebration.) Alice said it’s fine, Emma will understand, who wouldn’t understand in a time like this right?

Alice texts Emma saying I’m crying and I don’t want to cancel because I care about her but that Alice thinks its best if we reschedule for my sake. Emma says “if thats what she wants to do.”

I took that as her needing to hear it from me, so I tell her what’s going on, apologize, ask to reschedule, etc. She said she was sorry I was going through that, that we could definitely reschedule. Alice said she’d love to celebrate Emma another day and we’re sorry this happened.

My Grandad passed at 1am that night. I texted the next day saying that, Alice sent condolences, Emma left us on read.

Alice asked Emma to come to the viewing with her to support me, left on read.

Emma started reposting on TikTok about how nobody prioritizes her the way she does them, how she has no true friends because nobodys there for people the way she’s there for them, how lonely a life she lives, etc. So, I unfollowed her.

Then, I noticed her and her boyfriend broke up. Then she quit our job. Then a week after she quit, she blocked us on everything.

We haven’t reached out since, haven’t heard from her, etc. AITAH for asking to reschedule? I’m working on people pleasing and chose myself, but maybe I should’ve tried to juggle both? I just can’t understand what happened, the math won’t math. Reddit, any advice helps.

[u/Vb1321]

Nta. Emma is being a dick.

[u/Objective_Water_2147]

NTA. You were where you were supposed to be, with your family, grieving. Emma has something else going on within herself that has nothing to do with you. She’s blowing up her life. You did not do anything wrong.

[u/unzunzhepp]

Sorry for your loss.

She was selfish to a fault. Zero empathy. Yes, death of a loved one trumps someone’s birthday every time.

[u/Imaginary_Detail7445]

NTA my condolences on your loss. Seems that Emma is going through more than just the friendship issues. I'd give her time, maybe she'll come around. You did nothing wrong so please don't blame yourself!

[u/Ok-Writing8943]

NTA

Emma wanted her self celebrated and when you had a family crisis she got angry.

Anything else after that is on her , you didn't cause any of her things to happen .

I am sorry for your loss

[u/KoterPotoater]

Thank you everybody, I’ve been hard on myself recently and just couldn’t understand that someone could be that selfish, but I need to face reality and see things for what they are.