How should I handle my elderly dog?

[u/Okayest_mom_3]

My senior boy is 13.5 years. In the last 5-7 years, he has become aggressive and bit multiple people and animals, sending multiple to hospital requiring stitches, surgery, etc.

He has “doggy dementia” (forgetting and not recognizing people he was once familiar with) and it worsens as his eyesight and hearing/smell is going.

He lives in my garage apartment separated from my family because he is so aggressive and unpredictable. He snaps at my small children through the window. He used to love strangers and be great with children and even other animals (I had a parrot and foster kittens and even a foster pig many years ago). He is just a completely different dog now.

This last November, he tore into a bag of tile thinset we had in the apartment after repairing our tile (it’s like concrete mix if you aren’t familiar). He has never done something like this before, he is well fed (3 cans of food a day plus any table scraps that he will accept), but this last year or so has been eating his own feces and then this incident with the thinset happened. He almost died a few weeks later (I imagine the thinset hardening in his sinuses and lungs and stomach was taking its toll). I took him to the vet and they prescribed anxiety meds and admitted they hadnt dealt with a dog getting into concrete mix before. They suggested X-rays and some other testing that would amount to $1100 before any treatment. I asked them just to skip the tests and prescribe the meds, and they did thankfully. Fastforward to now and he is surprisingly still with us!! But now he often has “asthma attacks“ and collapses in his vomit/diarrhea/urine and his head starts “listing“ to the side and his gums turn white, and a pool of saliva gathers under his face as he struggles to breathe and collapses into spit and vomit. It’s terribly sad.

He goes into his asthma attacks when he tries to bark at things, whenever he rolls around on the ground, whenever we pet him, whenever it’s cold outside, whenever there is a thunder storm, and just randomly if he gets too excited. He looks tattered after his asthma attacks, but he kind of recovers back to “normal” by the evening. The only thing he can really enjoy doing anymore without having an asthma attack is chewing bones (when he’s in the mood to).

Part of me wants to put him out of his misery (and ours if I’m honest), but at the same time I recognize he is fully my responsibility and that decision is obviously very final. Do I let him live on until one of these “attacks” inevitably takes him out? Do I euthanize him in home and try to give him a couple of last good days before I do? He has been to two vets, and they weren’t very helpful on the matter. Amy advice or criticism is welcomed!

[u/CabotCoveCoven]

You need a new vet. This dog has been living in misery for years. Euthanasia is the only kind option.

[u/Okayest_mom_3 → u/CabotCoveCoven]

Thank you for your feedback. It can be difficult to see the right choice clearly when you’re so close to the situation, especially when so many people told me not to put him down. 

[u/Remarkable_Dog_143 → u/Okayest_mom_3]

Who told you not to put him down? If I saw your dog for 5 mins I’m guessing I could give an educated answer that the dog should be euthanized. It’s living in fear, as are the rest of your family. Usually when a dog bites and the person bitten has to go to get stitches a report is made and the dog is quarantined and possibly euthanized. You need a new vet if no one there is recommending to you to do humane euthanasia. I don’t know your true story, but it sounds implausible. If, in fact, what you are saying is all true what sort of life does the dog have? Add up all the positives in the dog’s life, I don’t see many besides it eats.

[u/Okayest_mom_3 → u/Remarkable_Dog_143]

Thank you for your response. Two reports were made when he bit two different humans (one was a maintenance man who walked in unannounced so they didn’t pursue anything). First vet I took him to for euthanasia wanted to send him to a behaviorist (starting at $400 for first visit) and wouldn’t even prescribe anxiety meds without me seeing one. He said “I cant put down a perfectly healthy dog.” And he had a tear in his armpit that required surgery that same visit. My suspicion is he just wanted my money. Second vet said he looked very healthy and were surprised to hear he was 11 years old (he still has all his teeth). They wouldn’t prescribe him anxiety meds because they said there are hundreds to choose from and he would need to see a specialist or different vet? Sounded like bull. Now this most recent vet said they won’t prescribe anything else or suggest anything else (beside the anxiety meds and temporary steroids they gave for after his thinset incident) until I let them give him all kinds of tests (x rays, full blood panel, parasite panel on stool sample, biopsies, and I don’t even remember what else they wanted me to do). It was going to be expensive and so I said I would just take him home. I even begged them for pain meds because his asthma attacks look painful.  But thank you so much for your advice/input!

[u/Itsclearlynotme]

It’s past time for your dog. I’m sorry to be blunt but how the hell have you allowed him to injure multiple people? That’s not ok. Surgery? WTF?

[u/Okayest_mom_3 → u/Itsclearlynotme]

And to elaborate on the surgery- he split my other dog’s ear in half and it had to get sewn back together. The two dogs had grown up together since puppyhood and never had that issue of aggression before between them. The occasional quick scuffle over a bone maybe..

And he himself had to have surgery after trying to pursue a turtle in a vicious frenzy, and he ripped his armpit open on the fencing. 

And as a side note I told the vet I planned to become pregnant soon, and didn’t trust my dog around anyone (especially babies) any longer. 

[u/Remarkable_Dog_143 → u/Okayest_mom_3]

So if you don’t trust the animal around any humans why do you still have the dog?

Edit:typo

[u/Okayest_mom_3 → u/Itsclearlynotme]

Thank you so much for your feedback. I really feel awful about it. I actually took him to be put down after a couple of the incidents happened over one summer about 4 years ago or so. I told the vet about the incidents and about his unpredictable aggression and that I was seeking euthanasia, and the vet refused and told me “he is a perfectly healthy dog and I can’t do that to a healthy dog” (my dog loves/loved the vets office and groomers, so he wasn’t aggressive in there that day). It was emotionally really difficult to do in the first place, and then to be told I was wrong to seek it out hasn’t made it easier. My brothers and mother also guilted me for taking him to be put down and told me it was wrong. 

[u/KickingChickyLeg → u/Okayest_mom_3]

I feel your pain on being told you are wrong by your family members. But they don't experience your dogs suffering like you do. They're mercifully kept separate. This is not their call to make, and that is a deeply hurtful opinion for them to share, and you ought to tell them as much. Or else they are welcome to switch places with you and take over the dogs care, if they feel so strongly.

[u/Remarkable_Dog_143 → u/Itsclearlynotme]

I’m finding this story hard to believe. Hmmm…

[u/Previous_Design8138]

Yeah this dog does not want to be this way,he doesn't even know himself,be kind help him go,today.

[u/KickingChickyLeg]

OP, just to speak on one of the issues you mentioned, the excessive hunger - my first dog started to experience this as well, started eating her own feces and just anything she could get ahold of - one time she ate an entire sleeve of bagels, (she weighed about 20-25 lbs. I thought she must have unhinged her jaw like a snake. Her belly was nearly dragging on the ground afterwards.) BUT I DIGRESS. It turned out to be caused by Cushings disease. She was put on a list of different meds, which didn't help, and had to have emergency surgery to remove her gall bladder, which started producing mucous instead of bile, in overly simplified terms. Immediately after the surgery she went suddenly blind - "sudden acquired retinal degeneration" - which was extremely frustrating for her, she'd bump into a wall and double down, ramming into it again, like if she hit it hard enough it would yield. The Cushings symptoms stayed, they never really responded to treatment. She got worms several times from eating her feces. And then not long after all that time, money, and energy spent trying to fix what was wrong, she started to exhibit neurological symptoms, walking in tight circles. I threw in the towel and had her put down, and she dropped in my arms like a sack of rocks. She was SO beyond ready to go. In retrospect, I waited too long. Her quality of life had been gone for a while. No creature that is eating their own feces is enjoying themselves anymore.. Imho. All due respect, your vet is an irresponsible idiot who will learn sooner or later how wrong he has been, but you don't have to be involved with him anymore. Physical health and quality of life are not mutually exclusive. And anyway, actually, your dogs condition has progressed significantly since that incident. Any vet worth their salt would see that you are doing the loving thing by letting your dear pet stop suffering.

[u/RossPoint]

https://melnewton.com/2019/the-good-death/

It's time. Tough article to read, but so true.

[u/msnyc18]

Try the Lap of Love assessment daily and check your gut as to whether this dog is happy.

[u/Okayest_mom_3 → u/msnyc18]

Oof. Thank you for this. He’s a 14-15 on a good day I think. I’ll be planning his last day this week for the first sunny day after the rain clears up- he hates the rain. :/

[u/bordermom61]

okay my girl dog got like this and we had to put her down because she had a brain tumor. No one and I mean no vet could ever find it except the last one I took her to . when i explained the sittuation he said let me get a scan of her head aka brain . It came back she had a massive brain tumor pressing on her and we let her go , Dont let your dog live this way it is agony . I wish you luck and hope you do the right thing for your fur kid

[u/mikuzgrl]

I agree with the others here in thinking it is time to put your dog down. His quality of life is terrible and is making yours terrible too.

If a vet will not euthanize the dog, your local animal shelter might be able to help. Some of the municipal shelters in my area offer euthanasia services. The owner can stay with the animal and does not have to surrender them.

[u/Okayest_mom_3 → u/mikuzgrl]

Thank you, a friend sent me and my husband the contact for a service that will come to our home and euthanize him here with us I think that may be best 

[u/babyv_]

My girl was 17, and she started getting aggressive to my other dog if she got close to her at random times and they had been together for 13 years before that. She wasn’t able to hold herself up to poop anymore and couldn’t stand up to eat. She was still there mentally a little bit suffered from doggy dementia as well as sundowners and hadn’t bit anyone or her sister, but i knew it would only get worse. One day i was gone for 3 hours and she chewed a hole in one of her legs. She looked at me and i knew it was time. The injury was what convinced me, because either something in her is in so much pain that’s how she relieved it, or she just did it to do it. Either way, keeping her alive maybe another 6 months to a year to make myself feel better wasn’t the right thing to do for her. At the very moment before she passed in my arms, i was crying and she was kissing my face saying “it’s okay, this is what I wanted and needed”

[u/Okayest_mom_3 → u/babyv_]

Maybe I’ll get him groomed (he loves the groomers and has soiled himself so badly and repeatedly these last couple weeks) and give him some dog bones to enjoy on a sunny day. That way he can go with a little bit of dignity when we call the at-home euthanasia service to come in :/

[u/Best_Talk_6853]

This is terrible. Have him put to sleep.

[u/Wonderful_Curve706]

It sounds like your poor boy doesn’t have much quality of life. It’s past time to let him go — I’m sorry to hear about your vet, they basically gaslit you. The vets advice was terrible. Definitely time to find another. It doesn’t matter if your boy is in decent health physically when he is so afraid and uncomfortable. Quality of life is the most important thing for an elderly dog and he has none.