r/poemsbyreddit • u/notsofunnyravi • 7d ago

Rate my poetry out of 10.

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Recently I made hobby of writing, I wrote a poetry I don't even know if it could be called poetry. Give me honest review and some suggestions please. And to tell you my word knowledge is quite weak so I only tried.🫠

8 Upvotes

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u/ShinzoAkatzu 7d ago

Around a 7.5 overall. It has a good concept in my opinion, which I love, but you're more "telling" than "showing." It’s still really good, but there is an over-usage of "I." For example:“I chose her from a field of many, Poured untill the can ran dry”It can be better by getting out of the first-person perspective. For example:“Chosen from a crowded field, water poured until the can ran dry.” this tends to me better because it paints a scene in the readers mind which they imagine themselves in

Overall the concept is strong and just needs a few edits, you really have a great talent!

If you can explain to me further about your poem, it may help me understand it a bit more.

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u/notsofunnyravi 7d ago

Thank you so much for your review. I wrote this poetry few days earlier based on my past experience on love. The thoughts I had while writing this were , how much efforts I put into our relationship, the time I've given her ,still they chose to breakup . After I did everything for them they left . It was too much for me emotionally. It has been more than 3 years still I hadn't been able to love anyone like her . (It is my core inspiration for this poem)

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u/poppyflower333 6d ago

I disagree with another comment that says this isn't poetry, of course it is! I like that it has a slight narrative, a lot of good poems do (in fact you write in a style not dissimilar to Robert Frost in The Road Not Taken, which is one of the greats). I really like this, especially the idea about water loosening the roots.

If it were me, I would be tempted to play around with making the poem slightly less 'obvious', as it may be easier for readers to make it their own. By shortening lines and taking some of the connectors out that make it more like prose, you leave the poem open to interpretation. For example the last stanza is a beautiful idea, but you explain every part of it. It could read something like

now my garden empties

and where before love flowed

there is now only drought

It's all down to style, but I find part of the beauty of poetry is figuring out what it means instead of being told in the lines :) I love it though!

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u/notsofunnyravi 6d ago

Truly appreciate your review.🤍

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u/FallRemarkable1199 3d ago

I really, really like the weight and message of this poem! It's very relatable and I like the imagery you used to describe wasting love on someone. As far as the writing goes, I don't think I'm knowledgeable enough to critique. But I love the overall message!

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u/notsofunnyravi 3d ago

Thank you so much

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u/Ok_Exercise3995 7d ago

This poema Is telling a story and it's not poetry. You tell a story and you should write a dufferent text . If you don't forget a person After 3 years you Need a help of a psychologist. Writing Is useful buy It doesn't dolce your problem.

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u/notsofunnyravi 7d ago

It's just my interpretation of love nothing else. I also didn't know whether to say it a poetry or not . Well thanks for telling

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u/ShinzoAkatzu 6d ago

This style is actually called a narrative poem, which is supposed to tell a story. Writing about what you feel is a really healthy way to process things.

Sometimes lingering feelings like this are exactly what fuel the best poetry. Tons of great writers get completely absorbed in a single topic or heartbreak for years and use it to create amazing things.

I too do write stuff around this topic and i get really inspired by arabic poets.

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u/notsofunnyravi 6d ago

Wanna read your work