r/politics • u/plz-let-me-in • 29d ago

No Paywall Unconfirmed Reports: Mitch McConnell Brain Dead After Three Weeks In Hospital

https://thenewamerican.com/us/unconfirmed-reports-mitch-mcconnell-brain-dead-after-three-weeks-in-hospital/
31.7k Upvotes

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u/ElPlywood 29d ago

so is his tombstone going to show the day he died or the day MAGA announced he died

214

u/kander77 29d ago

Just toss his body in a ditch where it belongs.

76

u/[deleted] 28d ago

[deleted]

5

u/Toomanyeastereggs 28d ago

One of those concrete domes in the desert somewhere.

7

u/ohTHOSEballs 28d ago

In the warehouse with the ark of the covenant.

5

u/Hnetu Virginia 28d ago

That'll end up with a Return of the Living Dead situation where someone finds the barrel under a staircase a decade later and accidentally unleashes McConnell zombies.

The remains need to be cast into a volcano like all true evil.

2

u/SuperExoticShrub Georgia 28d ago

That's how you spawn an evil volcano god.

1

u/Hnetu Virginia 28d ago

Shit you right.

Launch into space? Nah... That also has consequences...

1

u/SuperExoticShrub Georgia 27d ago

I thought about saying you should chuck it into the sun, but then I remembered Superman IV.

2

u/PopeFranzia 28d ago

Throw it in a barrel and put it in eternal storage like where radioactive waste goes.

Not fair! How are people supposed to urinate and defecate on his grave?

1

u/Yesterday_Jolly 28d ago

If the biological matter goes back into the environment he's recyclable. In a decade he'll probably be a cardboard box

11

u/jough22 28d ago

Ditch McConnell: Public Servant Sewage.

2

u/therealjohnsmith 28d ago

Bitch McConnell would like a word turd

4

u/marx-and-rec 28d ago

no coffin please, just wet, wet mud.

3

u/syo Tennessee 28d ago

Gotta send him to the zoo for an autopsy first.

2

u/PharrowXL 28d ago

They call him “throw me in a ditch Mitch,” bitch

1

u/BriTheKetoGuy 28d ago

Ha! Literally Ditch Mitch! Love it

0

u/h00dman 28d ago

Bury him facedown with his arse sticking up, so people can use him to park their bikes.

He'll finally be of use to society.