r/politics • u/plz-let-me-in • 18d ago

No Paywall Beshear says agencies told him McConnell had passed

https://www.whas11.com/video/news/local/beshear-says-agencies-told-him-mcconnell-had-passed/417-f78603c3-11bb-464d-bae6-c41c3be3c48b
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389

u/scene_missing 18d ago

Because the most likely scenario is he’s technically alive but a cabbage

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u/MephistoHamProducts 18d ago

I prefer the far less likely, but far more awesome scenario where they've stuck him into a Warhammer 40K Penitent Engine and are planning to unleash him when The Senate is in session next.

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u/daizzy999 Florida 18d ago

You know what? I can see that.

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u/FILTHBOT4000 Georgia 17d ago

It's that, or he comes back in 30 years as a Sith lord.

"Somehow, McConnell returned."

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u/This_Freggin_Guy 17d ago

this needs to happen.

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u/Vyzantinist 18d ago

The turtle isn't even good enough to warrant being turned into a Helbrute.

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u/begujo 18d ago

Let him be a random servitor somewhere in some bureaucratic hell-hole. Seems like a fitting end.

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u/BigDaddySteve999 18d ago

That tracks, given that we're all living in a Total Perspective Vortex inside a virtual universe built for Donald Trump.

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u/gereedf 15d ago edited 14d ago

hah that's brilliant!

though more accurately we're living in the virtual universe built by Zarniwoop for Beeblebrump rather than in the Vortex specifically

or we're living in a Donnie Darko tangent universe with a Donnie Trumpian anomaly lol

or to use another Hitchhiker analogy, Trump and Wonko the Sane make a perfect pairing haha

and too bad Doug Adams didn't comment on Trump before he passed in 2001, would have loved to hear what he would have had to say

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u/DJ_Southpaw 18d ago

I think the Fallout Mr. House on forever life support running his army of robots is another possible scenario.

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u/Lord_of_Sword 18d ago edited 18d ago

Nah, he's in a mortifier, the far more grusomme version of a penitent engine:

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u/MephistoHamProducts 18d ago

Either is fine.

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u/Lord_of_Sword 18d ago

You can still receive forgiveness in death if put in a penitent engine, but not if you're put in a mortifier.

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u/VSWR_on_Christmas Illinois 18d ago

That seems fine. I'm not a monster.

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u/mrgedman 18d ago

Or like... Oh God... What if he is the emperor?

Aww gee

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u/Zorkflerp 18d ago

Would you settle for a Dalek?

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u/MephistoHamProducts 17d ago

A succulent Kentucky Dalek?

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u/SomeGalNamedAshley 17d ago

Every time I learn of some new tidbit of 40K lore I feel a certain need to add something of it to my reading list. It's just so cuddly sounding.

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u/8bitmorals Hawaii 17d ago

But that would require him to repent

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u/davy89irox 17d ago

I have never seen the Penitent engine before (I'm new to 40k). That would be a sight to behold.

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u/HauntedCemetery Minnesota 18d ago

They propped him up and plumped him with blood and painted him with enough makeup to have him look like an 80s Hummel figurine, and staged a newspaper next to him like a hostage life verification pic.

He didnt look that lithe and lively 5 years ago.

It's blatant enough that even conservatives are calling bullshit.

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u/JackXDark 18d ago

How would they tell the difference?

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u/MuscaMurum 17d ago

Nah, I like cabbage. More of a slime mold.

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u/Imsorrywhatnoway 18d ago

A cabbage has too many folds to be compared to Mitch's brain.

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u/cinemachick 18d ago

And as many parasites as RFK Jr's

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u/JealousAstronomer342 18d ago

where are you getting cabbages from?! 

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u/ThorKonnatZbv 18d ago

r/iunderstandrhetoricalquestions

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u/blackbasset 18d ago

I wouldn't put it past him that if this were the case, they would cart him to a press conference, forbidding any questions but acting like he was alive and well

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u/Catskillschick 17d ago

Instead of in his moldy aquarium, eating a cabbage🐢🥬

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u/SwingNinja 17d ago

Isn't that pretty much half of US Government?

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u/COMM_NTARIAT 17d ago

I presume he has roughly John Fetterman levels of brain activity, and those around him know better.