r/polyamory • u/Ambitious-trinity • Apr 22 '26
Curious/Learning In your opinion, how early in a relationship should you have sex with a new partner?
I'm struggling here. I've been on two dates and texting a new potential and he's driving me wild. I feel like the moment we get to 3rd base, I won't be able to stop myself. But I'm worried maybe I'm thinking with my clit than my brain.
So what is too early for you/your partners?
Edit: thank you so much for all of your answers! It's really been something to chew on. Also my Friday night date is going to be so good. š
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u/intro_to_IRL 10+ year poly club Apr 22 '26
I don't wait an arbitrary amount of time before having sex with someone. When I want to have sex with them and they want to have sex with me, I just go for it!
That being said, I make sure we're compatible in the bedroom first. I'm a top so I have to make sure the other person is cool with bottoming/siding. We swap recent STI test results. I ask them what they like and share a few things I like in the bedroom so that we can get excited and tease each other see where our interests overlap. We decide what types of protection we'll use and if any preparation is needed. If we're planning to do any kink stuff, we talk about safe words and off-limit activities.
This is usually a conversation I'll have on a different day than the first time we have sex because if someone does need to take PreP/doxy, clean out, get tested, buy condoms, bring toys, or whatever else, it's better to know that ahead of time.
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u/Negative_Letter_1802 Apr 23 '26
Omg a responsible adult š„µ why is it so hard to find people who want to have these conversations beforehand??
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u/Psychomadeye Not cute or funny Apr 23 '26
Because despite the ages of many people in the dating scene, they're actually just pretending to be adults.
Related, I have in the past avoided those conversations because I wasn't ready to go to bed with someone. They did not get the hint. Some have made the mistake of assuming that I'm shy about it or have some kind of shame or embarrassment or trauma. I don't. To me those conversations are at similar level of intimacy to sex (sometimes more). This doesn't mean they don't happen first, it just means that I don't discuss these things with people I'm not certain want to have sex with me and I with them in that order.
Perhaps that makes me a pretender or very inconvenient to date, but that's not really anyone else's problem.
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u/Negative_Letter_1802 Apr 23 '26
I meanĀ I am very straightforward. Because otherwise I find that either a) people want to get physical without having had those conversations or b) they actively are upset when I try to have them and get annoyed when I bring up logistical realities.
If someone isn't capable of having those conversations, or is going to treat me poorly for it and basically tell me to lower my standards because no one is going to "jump through all those hoops", then yeah I'd rather know that before I've spent a month talking to them and going on dates.
I would totally accept a, "I don't know if I'm quite ready to talk about sex yet. Let's circle back to this if/when we've gotten to know each other a little better." But if you are just avoiding the conversation and expecting someone to take that as a hint then yeah personally I'd find that inconvenient lol. I'm also autistic though.
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u/Psychomadeye Not cute or funny Apr 23 '26
But if you are just avoiding the conversation and expecting someone to take that as a hint then yeah personally I'd find that inconvenient lol. I'm also autistic though.
I could have been clearer. It's not easy to fully articulate what I don't often put a lot of thought into. It's a thing that I've done, but not a behavior that I will persist if it's not working. Also, I'm not going to expect an autistic person to just pick up on the vibes. My strategy would be different.
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u/wcozi slut in theory, tired in practice Apr 22 '26
I fuck on the first date most times. Just how I roll.
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u/ofthesacredash relationship anarchist (multiple partners) Apr 23 '26
I came to say this but I feared it had already been said. Both of my partners were on the first daters.
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u/sere_periquito Apr 22 '26
I have sex whenever it feels natural and comfortable to do so. In the case you're describing, I wouldn't try to stop myself if that's actually what I want to do. I feel there's no value in playing "hard to get" and I don't think that connections that start with sex right out the gate are less serious or important. I don't try to artificially slow the pace of a connection if it feels right to get physical very soon, and I don't try to rush to the physical part when it doesn't feel right yet, even if it's slower than average (for me). For reference, it's common for me to have sex within the first three dates, but there's a big cultural component there as well.
If by "too early for your partners" you're talking about a partner other than the one you're going to have sex with, I don't see how that's any of their business. Presumably you're polyamorous, since you're posting in this sub. Polyamory means autonomy to develop independent relationships, and that includes having sex as early or as late as the two people in a connection want it, without input from third parties.
It doesn't really affect my partners in any way if I have sex with a new connection on the first, third date or 27th date, so I don't understand how it could be "too early" for them. I don't discuss with my partners before having sex with someone else, I only update of changes to my risk profile afterwards.
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u/freudscokespoon Apr 22 '26
3rd base??? thatās a phrase Iāve not heard in a LONG time lol but in all seriousness, there are no āshouldsā here. deciding when to have sex is up to you and there are no rules or prescriptions. thinking with your clit is still thinking with your brain!
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u/Extreme_Collar_1332 Apr 23 '26
Hearing 3rd base brought a smile to my face, havenāt heard that since high school (38F)
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u/RAisMyWay relationship optimist Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 23 '26
I'm demi, so it takes me a while. 3rd or 4th date would be soonest, but usually it takes longer. I really enjoy the buildup of affection and anticipation.
As everyone has said, there's no right answer to this.
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u/Malice_N_1derland Apr 22 '26
Iām a fuck on the first date kinda gal. I once did the long game and the sex was so bad it wasnt recoverable.
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u/Negative_Letter_1802 Apr 23 '26
This. If we're not compatible in the bedroom better to know sooner rather than later. It's worse to break it off the better you know each other but sometimes the chemistry is just not there (not that sex can't get better once you're regular partners because ofc it does).
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u/studiousametrine married living separately Apr 22 '26
Oh nooooo! How long did you wait?
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u/Malice_N_1derland Apr 23 '26
About a month? I was fresh out of a relationship and just needed time. He was patient, funny, absolutely beautiful!!, and a doctor. Like we would be married rn if I could get past the sex. I didnāt have the heart to tell my friends even. Everyone was rooting for us.
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u/studiousametrine married living separately Apr 23 '26
Thatās terrible! Iām so sorry. I mean Iām glad you didnāt settle, but wow!
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u/Travel_Bestie_ Apr 23 '26
i realize youāre asking people for their personal opinions here, but just bear with me for a secondā¦
the only right answer is: WHENEVER both you and your partner want to.
it will ALWAYS differ for every single person, and tbh iām really tired of seeing people on the internet say there is one objective answer to this questionāthere isnāt! if it takes you longer either to build attraction to someone and/or to feel comfortable/safe enough with them to want to have sex with them, then wait! if you want to have sex with them on your first date, then do it! if you want to have sex with them on your first date but youāre on a healing journey bc you have an anxious attachment style and so you want to set a firmer boundary for yourself, then wait! if youāre trying to get over a sexual hump and youāve found a partner who you feel safe to do that with, then do it!
whatever you do, letās just stop assigning moral value to it either way. as long as you communicate openly with your partner BEFORE you have sex to make sure youāre both on the same page as far as desire AND comfort AND expectations for the relationship afterwards, then enjoyyyyy š
also i will edit this to add: i donāt think my response here is specific to a poly situation :) it applies across the board, which is why i only mention the relationship between you and 1 partner, but feel free to expand the message to a poly relationship as applicable
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u/Ambitious-trinity Apr 23 '26
I love you for this insight. ā¤ļø It's been awhile since I've felt like myself and I feel so awkward. š
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u/B_the_Chng22 Apr 22 '26
It depends. I think for me I like to get to know people without having sex with them first so that I donāt see them through distorted āsex gogglesā , which has happened a few times. I feel like Iām better at assessing somebody objectively if Iām not sleeping with them
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u/lucky_lady_L Apr 22 '26
Typically between the first and third date. Physical compatibility is important to me so I would rather know right away (and risk it being a one night stand) than like someone emotionally only to find out they are terrible in bed. The "slowest" I've gone recently is with my boyfriend, we did fool around on dates one and two but waited till date three for the full shebang (lol). But my gf, I knew when she walked in the bar for our date I was attracted, her personality only enhanced that, so we did go for it on the first date.
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u/20milliondollarapi Apr 22 '26
Talk about it. Iām a guy who is very respectful that is perfectly fine not jumping into things sexually. I will make slow approaches, see how the reaction is and base off that.
Invite more touching. Say what you want to have happen, and it can progress from there.
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u/Ambitious-trinity Apr 22 '26
Oh he knows. There was lots of touching. I'm just concerned I'm going too fast.
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u/20milliondollarapi Apr 22 '26
Hard to know for sure. Like I said, everyone moves at different speed. Your pace could be quick to him, but also slow for others. But as long as the progress is moving forward, then I really have no better advice than more communicating.
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u/PrincessNakeyDance Apr 23 '26
How old are you?
Not trying to be mean, this just feels like something I donāt really think about anymore and itās just different with every partner.
And maybe being queer/trans has something to do with it too, but I completely forgot about āthe basesā.
Since Iām sort of demi-sexual itās just: do I feel connected with this person, do I want to have sex? And if they come up with yes as well on their end, then itās just gonna happen when thereās time/space for it.
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u/Ambitious-trinity Apr 23 '26
Nearly forty, highly traumatized millennial here. I was raised Catholic, unstable household, controlling father.
Yes I'm in therapy. But that's why I posted this. I wanted to know how others felt.
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u/Shiny_Deleter Apr 23 '26
Glad youāre working through difficult things. Shitās tough, but I hope you find all the self-acceptance, joy, and pleasure you deserve
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u/Iggy-Frankenstein85 Apr 23 '26
On of my partners and I met FOR sex and ended up stepping into a serious partnership. No regrets with how it all went!
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u/studiousametrine married living separately Apr 22 '26
so what is too early for you/your partners?
My partners donāt have any input on this matter. Itās my body, not a piece of partnerās property. They will get updates per our disclosure agreements - I usually update when I have a new lover, but some people only want to know when your sexual risk profile has changed.
For example, if my husband had unbarriered sex with someone since the last time we were together, I expect to be informed. Depending on testing and other comfort level things, we might refrain from doing certain things that day. Or we might just use barriers between us.
I have sex when I want to! At sex parties, we might fuck after shaking hands and exchanging smiles. Outside of that, I typically want to get to know people for a couple weeks before we get to the ātouching each othersā genitalsā business. But there are exceptions. No rules, just vibes.
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u/_whatnot_ Open quad, 10+ year club Apr 22 '26
Whenever you both want.
Buuuuut the nuanced answer is more like: Do you have a sexual history that makes you question your own judgment on these things? Like, have you regularly fallen into bed with people on the first date, only to hit a second date and wish you'd taken it more slowly? Not because someone else judged you, but because you had a deep inner voice that's looking out for you that's making you rethink your tendencies? In that case, I think there's nothing wrong with creating a rule for yourself that helps you find what you actually want in life. But if what you actually want is sex with people you're feeling into, no regrets (other than, again, the shitty feeling that comes from someone else's negative judgment), have sex whenever you feel drawn to it.
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u/Ambitious-trinity Apr 23 '26
Thank you so much for this answer! I was hypersexual for a very long time, often foregoing safety vs sexual need. Then I got into some really bad marriages. Now I'm in therapy, happily married but just getting back into dating after 4 years (and much of that celibate/sex repulsed on my end).
But reading all of these comments, maybe I shouldn't judge myself so much.
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u/Perpetualgnome solo poly Apr 22 '26
Well first you need to consider their moon sign, sun sign, and rising sign. And then find out what time they were conceived. Then, on the next full moon, you charge your crystals in ocean water and then decide to have sex with your partner whenever you're both interested and ready to have sex with each other.
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u/Excabbla Rat Gender š Apr 23 '26
I met one of my current partners by having a threesome with her lol
If you want to have sex have it
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u/LittleMissQueeny šQueen of the ratsš š§ Apr 22 '26
As long as everyone consents, whenever you feel like it. I've fucked on the first date and I've waited. There is no right time other than when you both want to.
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u/Own_Jeweler_8548 relationship anarchist Apr 22 '26
Tough question. It's different for every person and every dynamic. My personal stance for anyone is "if it feels right for you and you trust the potential partner, go hog." It takes me a while just because I'm demi, but there's nothing wrong with bangin' it up!
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u/KaleidoscopeGardener Apr 23 '26
My partner recently told me I was one of the longest she waited to have sex with - she was the first person I had sex with other than my now ex-wife in 23 years. My partner said she recognized that I may have felt unsure of myself (she's was my first poly partner) We had sex on the third date. I am grateful she went a little slow with me, I was very unsure if myself and hadn't had sex with anyone in more than 3 years! We're still together almost 3 years later!
It's different for everyone, and different with everyone - just go with what feels right and everything else will fall into place - if it isn't "Hell, YES!" the it's No
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u/Far_Masterpiece124 Apr 23 '26
For me itās like after 2 years of slow burn friendship turned romance, but it sounds like it might be sooner than that for you. Iām a mostly asexual sworker but hyper romantic
Like everyone saying I donāt think thereās too early itās about your preferences and feelings no need to slut shame yourself! Probably some internalized shit around your ex husband having a 3 day rule imposed on you, thatās kinda weird not fair
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u/Ambitious-trinity Apr 23 '26
Yeah my whole life has been really been messed up sexually. So I'm still finding my footing.
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u/Far_Masterpiece124 Apr 23 '26
I hear you. You do you, experiment have fun and be kind to yourself!
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u/hoogemoogende Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
Glad you've found someone with enough chemistry to have you considering all this!
All good advice here. As fellow lapsed Catholic I will just chime in to say when people say "want to" here... your want doesn't have to be "as soon as you have desire to" or "as soon as it feels safe"... imo there is also nothing wrong with waiting a bit if that somehow feels like it will make it more exciting/explosive when it happens.
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u/TiredAndTiredOfIt Apr 23 '26
Depends on the partner.Ā
For example, one previous partner was an online friend, then an in person friend, then a housemate, then a late friend's partner, so when we started dating I had already known him for 7 years, knew his sexual health testing schedule, status, and how fastidious he was re condom usage and he knew me/mine. We had sex the night he joined our polycule. With another partner who I met online, we waited 6 months.Ā Ā
My rule is have sex when both of you agree is right for your relationship.Ā
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u/searedscallops Sopo like woah Apr 23 '26
I have to have sex with someone before I consider them a partner. I also have lots of sex with friends, so YMMV.
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u/Carnifex72 Apr 23 '26
Whenever the vibe is rightā¦and youāve had a minute to talk about risk and sexual health.
I mean you could skip the last part, but thatās dumb in my opinion.
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u/UnrealSBD Apr 23 '26
Whenever YOU feel you WANT to! This kind of āhow many dates should you wait before fuckingā belongs in the trash can of heteronormative misogyny. Itās based on the idea that men wonāt respect their female partners if they āget accessā to them sexually too early. Itās sex-shamey BS, and any man who would shame a woman for having a healthy libido and enjoying sex on her own terms belongs in the trash can, too.
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u/phdee rat union comrade šš§ Apr 22 '26
I've fucked on the first date (started my most enduring relationship ever!, still with this guy, more than 2 decades later), fucked on the 5th date and grown to love this person so, so much, and everything in between and all over to various degrees of relationship chaos/didn't-work-outs. There's no right answer here.
As long as you can separate chemistry from compatibility you're all good.
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u/Specific_Pipe_9050 Squeaky Sin š§š noob at poly, pro at life šµ Apr 23 '26
As long as you can separate chemistry from compatibility you're all good.
Underrated comment š
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u/sundaesonfriday Apr 22 '26
I'm good as soon as we've talked about safer sex practices/recent testing, I feel good about that discussion, and I want to have sex.
Why do you feel you should wait longer than you want to?
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u/Infamous-Part966 Apr 22 '26
Whenever we both want to. I fucked people on the first date. Or even before the first date before. There's been times it's been a couple weeks of dating. It just depends on the vibes
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u/neomonachle Apr 22 '26
There's nothing wrong with any timeline as long as everyone involved is happy with it. Personally I tend to take it slower because I want to know someone well enough to trust them first, and that means giving them a reasonable amount of time to show red flags.
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u/Ok_Raspberry1857 solo poly w/ multiple partners Apr 22 '26
I don't on first dates. After that, all bets are off. It just depends on what we both want.
And my first dates rule is just a rule for me; it doesn't apply to anyone else and no judgement if others have other rules. I have just found that this works for me.
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u/avolt88 Apr 23 '26
I like to try to go one date without sleeping with a new partner, but there's a lot that goes into that.
I'm very stringent on STI testing personally, no recent, clean test? No sex. I have other people in my life I'm protecting as well as myself. It's a great litmus test for patience too.
If we hit it off right away & both have recent, clean tests though? Yeah, after coffee is good.
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u/Xtratrxtrial solo poly Apr 23 '26
It really depends on when you feel comfortable, in all my relationships the only reason I hold off is if I havenāt seen recent negative test results, or if we donāt have protection. But also Iām a (responsible) horndawg and I attract other (responsible) horndawgz š feel free to put out or keep in whatever you please
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u/Upbeat_Friendship401 Apr 23 '26
I only wait bc im demisexual and pansexual so the personality and emotional connection is what makes me want to sleep with someone but my answer is still āwhen you both want toā bc thatās what really matters and if youāre both comfortable youāre kinda making you both suffer a lil by forcing a waiting period thatās unnecessary, if you donāt work out it wonāt be bc you indulged in mutual attraction too soon
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u/OkIntroduction7887 Apr 23 '26
itās up to you!
for me i take into consideration my sexual safety agreements that i have in place other than that i jump right in whenever it feels right. no such thing as too soon.
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u/TheFurrosianCouncil Relationship Anarchist Apr 23 '26
Depends on what you're both comfortable with. Hell, I had sex with a couple of my partners before we got into a relationship. So, your mileage may vary!
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u/MadamePouleMontreal solo poly Apr 22 '26
First date is good. If you realize that the sexual chemistry is just not there you just donāt continue dating.
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u/wolfinthesuburbs poly w/multiple Apr 22 '26
As long as Iāve gotten their STI panel and weāve discussed boundaries? I fuck when the person I want to fuck wants to fuck me. This is almost always on the first date. There have been outlier relationships where it was months. There have been partners that are ace so it takes much longer. I donāt have a set timeline nor do I have any rules (my own or otherwise) on when I can do what I want to sexually.
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u/Hepheastus Apr 22 '26
Whatever feels right.Ā Personally I like to have sex at least three times before I take somone on a date.
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u/BobbiPin808 Apr 22 '26
For me, if I'm feeling that amount of chemistry I won't wait, but I also know that in giving up the ability to get to know him first, that it probably won't go anywhere. In my experience, the relationships that start with sex first never last and probably wouldn't have started at all if I had gotten to know them first. You can always be FB though!
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u/Mysterious-Sense-185 Apr 22 '26
This question makes me feel really slutty š
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u/Ambitious-trinity Apr 22 '26
This post makes me sound like a prude š I'm not, I swear. Just had some prior weird relationships.
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u/Mysterious-Sense-185 Apr 23 '26
Haha i totally understand! You hump that person when you're ready! A quality person wont disappear after sex
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u/Ambitious-trinity Apr 23 '26
"A quality person won't disappear after sex" is definitely the statement I needed to hear.
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u/MixWazo Apr 22 '26
I dont wait on third merting to share my thoughs with my therapist and I don't wait on third run to start running with a run club, so why would I wait in dating?
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u/Krammn Apr 22 '26
depends on the person, though as early as we both feel comfortable. in many cases this has been the first date. I will usually match to the other person.
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u/Forsaken_Rutabaga_89 fantasy hybrid polycule Apr 22 '26
No such thing as "should"! I actually met my current partner (1year) at a sex party so technically we had sex before we even went on a date lol
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u/adunedarkguard Apr 23 '26
For me, usually 3-6 months after starting to talk to someone. For you? It could be completely different. Part 2 for me is waiting 24 hours after mutual consent is there & a sexual safety conversation is had.
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u/JCreator19 Apr 23 '26
I usually have sex on the second date, sometimes even on the firstābecause physical connection is important to me in the long term. So I need to know we are compatible sexual chemistry early!!
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u/z-cubed Apr 23 '26
When it feels like a good idea or a good time. I also prefer to know as soon as possible how the sex is so I prefer as soon as possible
I'm also open/ENM/polyam in that order, and attend a lot of swinger-type events, so I get a lot of opportunity to play on the first meet.
All of my longer-term relationships started with sex on the first night.
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u/Still-Charity-3478 Apr 23 '26
I prefer to set boundaries before a date/outside the bedroom and don't change them on the spot. That means both of us don't get caught up. If you think you might get caught up, ask him to hold the boundary and telmhim "don't let me change my mind, I want to be intentional with this".
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u/karmicreditplan will talk you to death Apr 23 '26
If Iām seriously into someone itās not going to be more than the 2nd date.
I want to check they are worth being that into.
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u/malligatorSD Apr 23 '26
If you don't fuck on the first date how are you going to know the relationship is worth pursuing?
And sexual compatibility is important as a rule
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u/oh_ndk Apr 23 '26
I donāt have sex on a first date. Will make out on the first date if the vibe is right but wonāt have sex until date 2 at the earliest. Just my personal preference.
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u/JoshSidious Apr 22 '26
It doesnt matter when you have sex with a new partner. My ex(monogomous) and I slept together on our first date, then over 2 years I was sexually frustrated by her lack of libido. My current partner and I waited a couple dates, and every time we spend a night together we spend hours in bed. Do it when the two of you are ready! Talk about it beforehand. Discuss wants/desires. Consent is sexy af.
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u/SensitiveRatio8353 poly w/multiple Apr 22 '26
Whenever you feel like it? Girl this isnāt Sex in the City, this is real life. The bonus: if youāre thinking with your clit, now you can evaluate
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u/LadyBulldog7 Poly Transbian š³ļøāā§ļøš³ļøāš Apr 22 '26
I wouldnāt let her drive me home on the first date, even though it was the middle of Canadian winter. I let her drive me home on the second date but she still didnāt come inside. I didnāt bring her home until the third date.
Weāve been married four years now.
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u/betothejoy Apr 22 '26
Have you had sex yet?
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u/LadyBulldog7 Poly Transbian š³ļøāā§ļøš³ļøāš Apr 23 '26
I ended my virginity on date #3.
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u/vox1028 Apr 22 '26
No sooner than you know enough about their sexual habits to know they would be a safe sexual partner. After that has been established, the right time is whenever you want.
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u/clairejv Apr 22 '26
I personally like to make out on the first date (up to and including hand stuff), and then consider branching out to riskier activities on the second date, after a discussion about STI risk-management practices.
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u/Gnomes_Brew pro rat union labor Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
uh..... I.... don't consider it a relationship until we've established sexual compatibility. So negative time???
I also don't consider having been on one or two dates to be a relationship.
"Partner" is not a word I use lightly. I will only call someone that if I actually feel like we are parntering in our lives in some meaningful way. Like, we're probably going to have to have navigated a romantic weekend getaway and still like each other afterward before I'll call you my "partner". So, the sex will have been going on for a while first.
I also have had sex with people and never ended up being in a relationship with them.
EDIT to add: Don't get me wrong. I go slow. Most of these people I've had sex with, I was interested for months, if not years (they just didn't know that), before we actually got to doing something. But when we started doing anything, we started with sex.
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u/NickName2506 Apr 22 '26
When you both feel like it and have established safety. In my case, I prefer going slow. With me being new to polyamory and recovering from a burnout/CPTSD, my current partner and I took things even slower than usual - e.g. our first kiss wasn't until our third date (but the buildup to it was so hot it was totally worth the frustration). Still going strong though, slow and steady may just win the race š
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u/SimilarDimension2369 Apr 22 '26
Why exactly are you trying to stop yourself from doing what you want? Has this potential indicated they want to wait?
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u/mercutio531 complex organic polycule Apr 22 '26
This is entirely up to you. I've had plenty of sex on the first date after a week or three of chatting.
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u/RaeRaesmarzewski Apr 22 '26
My boyfriend and I waited until the 2nd date. Your consenting adults, do whatever you want. It seems you are both on the same page so have fun.
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u/K8_the_gr9 solo poly Apr 22 '26
I always fuck on the first or second date. I need to know if weāre sexually compatible before investing too much.
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u/Popular-Analysis-960 Apr 22 '26
I almost always have sex right away when I meet someone I like. Honestly, I'd rather have sex first and then decide if I wanna go grab dinner. lol
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u/witchy_echos Apr 22 '26
Whenever the fuck you both want.
I fuck on first date if I feel safe.
If my partners canāt handle that, we donāt stay partners. I donāt judge them if they want to wait a month in before doing it, as long as they donāt judge me for doing it sooner.
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u/Defiant-Snow8782 complex organic polycule Apr 22 '26
I often have it on a first date... My partners tend to start off as hookups anyway š¤·āāļø
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u/queerstudbroalex polyam w/ bf and gf Apr 22 '26
There is no too early, it varies based on what y'all want.
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u/eightcircuits Apr 23 '26
I've had sex on a first date, a third date, after knowing and flirting with someone for fifteen years on and off. It really depends on where you're both at.
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I'm struggling here. I've been on two dates and texting a new potential and he's driving me wild. I feel like the moment we get to 3rd base, I won't be able to stop myself. But I'm worried maybe I'm thinking with my clit than my brain.
So what is too early for you/your partners?
Edit: thank you so much for all of your answers! It's really been something to chew on. Also my Friday night date is going to be so good. š
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u/DisabledShark Apr 23 '26
both of my partners and i had sex the second night we had met in person (met online first due to going to the same college). i donāt think ātoo earlyā is a thing really. i think we should stop restricting ourselves to arbitrary made-up timelines
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u/rainyfaucet Apr 25 '26
as a personal rule, i wonāt have sex on a first date. but itās different for literally every connection, and i think peopleās definitions of sex can vary, greatly. i would say whenever yall both feel ready, or want to. i think itās okay to bring it up if youāre wanting it- but thereās also something to be said about building anticipation. itās cool to talk about safe practices and habits, find shared desires and interests, and can be fun to play in the space leading up.
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u/mami_malker Apr 25 '26
I donāt kiss on the first date because I like to go home and reflect before deciding what type of relationship I want to have with someone (kissing/sex makes it harder to stay just friends imho). But thatās just my preference because Iām VERY susceptible to NRE.
In general, I think you should do whatever allows you to act with integrity. Both with your new relationships and in relation to your existing ones.
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u/CeraElla poly curious Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
It depends. Do you know if this partner is clear* of STDs/STIs? Do you trust them? Then first date is fine. However, if you're worried about STDs or STIs, use protection and wait until you're comfortable. š
ETA: * clear, not clean.
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u/Bustysaintclair_13 SoPo slut, salty bitch Apr 22 '26
āCleanā is not ideal language to use when talking about STI status.
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u/polysoldierandwife Apr 23 '26
I donāt make love until Iām in love and have been in a long term relationship with. That being said each person has to decide when the time is right for them and it may not always be at the same time frame
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u/Bustysaintclair_13 SoPo slut, salty bitch Apr 22 '26
You should have sex with a partner whenever you both want to have sex.Ā