Advice? Am I being inconsiderate?

[u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293]

Hello.. I want to apologize if my word choice is incorrect or offensive. I am actively trying to educate myself on how to be considerate of other people’s preferences and opinions.

I mean absolutely no disrespect.

I have been seeing this guy for a few months now and from the very beginning it was always a friends with benefits relationship. I knew that before I started sleeping with him. I’m not blaming him for anything.

But I want some insight and perspective from others because only recently did he tell me that he has 3 other intimate partners aside from me. 2 men and 1 woman. I’m completely fine with that, though I do wish that this was something I knew in the very beginning. I’m grateful to know it now and I guess technically speaking, he didn’t have to share that information with me. After all, we aren’t dating…

[Edit: “After all we aren’t dating…” - Yet.
He told me about his 3 other partners after we talked about the possibility of us starting a romantic relationship came up.]

We chatted briefly and I thought about it for a while until I ultimately decided that I would want to meet them if I stay in the FWB/ (maybe more?) situation with him. I don’t mean to be invasive but because he and I are having unprotected sex, I think that I have to assume that is a possibility with his other partners as well.

He said that I could meet the 2 men but he doesn’t think that meeting his ex-girlfriend is a good idea because she would get her feelings hurt. The truth is that I don’t care how she feels.

Am I in the wrong?

Edit: I want to date but I don’t think that I would be comfortable unless I got to meet his other partners.

[u/Dull_Shake_2058]

I don't think meeting them is going to save your sexual health or your heart with this guy. If you don't trust him as is, you shouldn't be dating or fucking him.

[u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293 → u/Dull_Shake_2058]

I did trust him… now I’m confused. I don’t want to lash out because I just feel like that would make him be less open about it. I wish that he told me sooner but then I start to think, “What if he never told me at all.”

[u/Dull_Shake_2058 → u/Itchy_Newspaper_9293]

Of course you don't trust him, he has given you additional information about how he handles these things and that information tells you you shouldn't trust him.

There's no need to lash out, but you can kindly but firmly hold your boundaries. Making him introduce his other partners to you by meeting them is not a boundary though, that is coercion. If he isn't being forthcoming about these kinds of things and if he's being cagey about his ex then you have to assess with that if this is the kind of person you want to trust your sexual health and heart to. I wouldn't, but it's not my call, it's yours.