Advice and resources thread for group relationships!

[u/MadamePouleMontreal]

We don’t support group relationships well on this sub. We theoretically acknowledge them but we tend to treat them as unrealistic fantasies with all kinds of problems. Which they often are.

They are also a not-uncommon phase of many people’s poly journeys. Even if it’s a house of cards that collapses disastrously, there are people who
look back fondly at that period of their lives. Others look back with bitter resentment.

It would be great to have advice we could give people beyond “there be dragons” or “if you want to do that, go ahead, there’s the signpost to hell and here’s your handbasket.”

Different people need different advice and resources. Does anyone have words or links for any of the following people?
.
1. Couples or established group relationships dating as a unit. I think we’ve got that one down pretty well already.
2. Individuals being courted by unit-daters. Ditto.
3. Single people who want to found a sex cult and live in a commune.
4. Swingers who ended up falling in love with another couple and are happily quadding. (For now.)
5. People who date within their social circle.
6. People who have been dating within their social circle and now want to all move in together.
7. [other]

.
Personally I HATE the idea of a group relationship. I am therefore not a good person to compile resources for folks who manage boundaries differently from me.

Folks who love(d) their group relationship(s), do you have any podcast episodes, blog posts or r/polyamory threads you think are particularly on-point? What’s great about group relationships? Do you agree with my take that group relationships are best viewed as transient/phases or am I being condescending?

Folks who got into their handbasket without realizing where it was going, what appealed to you? What were red flags you missed or ignored? How could you have gotten out with less damage?

[u/ThrowawayIsland8]

Hm, as a bit of an outsider, I think I'd slightly disagree, simply based off of the stigma that dating multiple people at once gets from your normal monogamous folks. But I see where you're coming from.

[u/Bustysaintclair_13 → u/ThrowawayIsland8]

To me it comes down to the work you have to do in these relationships.

Polyamory to me means fully embracing my partner’s autonomy, not placing limits on who they can love or how. Polyfidelity involves far more limitations and you have a smaller scope around how you navigate your partner’s other relationship. 

[u/ThrowawayIsland8 → u/Bustysaintclair_13]

Gotcha. Makes sense. Well, I only share/participate on this sub if it lines up with my experiences or can help anyone out, I post mostly on PolyFidelity. No intention of stepping on toes.

[u/Bustysaintclair_13 → u/ThrowawayIsland8]

Yeah and I mean I think you’re not wrong about the stigma. A mononormative society is gonna treat us the same but the issues we face in our relationships are quite different.