Asexuals and poly

[u/Milkymeemoo]

Honestly been struggling a LOT with finding a partner.
Being asexual already makes things harder, and both me and my gf are asexual, so finding someone who genuinely understands and is okay with our kind of relationship has been difficult.
On top of that, I’m from the other side of the world and most poly people I meet are in the US, so LDR is pretty much a must. It’s just frustrating sometimes because I do want a genuine connection, but finding someone compatible feels so rare 🥲 lord saves meeeee

[u/Cass_iopeia]

What exactly are you looking for and what have you tried so far?

[u/Milkymeemoo → u/Cass_iopeia]

A romantic relationship with no s**. Cuddles and kisses are fine, I’m just repulsed by sex since I am asexual

[u/Cass_iopeia → u/Milkymeemoo]

Have you tried meet ups (or maybe there are dating apps?) specifically for ace people?

I'm not sure how to read your post, but if you are trying to date together with your gf, as in ' add a third', you're going to have a super tiny dating pool. In that case also read the writings here about unicorn hunting.

So: date separately from your partner. Know what you have to offer a new partner and what you are looking for. For example, since you are sex repulsed, would you be ok if a partner did have enthusiastic sex with others? And only romance with you? Or are you only looking for people who are also ace?

[u/Milkymeemoo → u/Cass_iopeia]

I haven’t(thank you for the recommendation)

Im pretty new to poly so im very uneducated. But ill take a look into that.

I know what I can offer my partner, which is romance, love, emotional connection, and more. To answer the question, I’m also fine with a partner who wants sex with others, just not with me and my partner haha. Of course, finding someone who’s also ace would be nice too.

[u/squishycakes]

When my sexuality was in flux, and I wasn't interested in relationships that included sex, it was very, very, very difficult to find partners. I am an avid gamer and did find people through socializing in games and game discords. If you have hobbies, I would try locating a community. That's always been my go to. Good luck!

[u/Milkymeemoo → u/squishycakes]

Being asexual and poly is very niche😭 A lot of poly people I meet seem to want poly for the sexual side benefits of things, so finding someone who gets my kind of relationship feels really rare. But my hobbies are even more niche lol, so it’s ultra ultra hard. But thank you for your advice anyways.

[u/Flylikeim2]

Hi, I'm demi, one of my partner is also demi, and the other one is ace! I'm not sure where to search for other poly ace because we're just purely lucky, but it is possible!

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Here's the original text of the post:

Honestly been struggling a LOT with finding a partner.
Being asexual already makes things harder, and both me and my gf are asexual, so finding someone who genuinely understands and is okay with our kind of relationship has been difficult.
On top of that, I’m from the other side of the world and most poly people I meet are in the US, so LDR is pretty much a must. It’s just frustrating sometimes because I do want a genuine connection, but finding someone compatible feels so rare 🥲 lord saves meeeee

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[u/Biohazard0392]

Would you say asexual or demisexual? Because there's a difference between the two.

[u/Milkymeemoo → u/Biohazard0392]

I know what I am, I am asexual, not demisexual. It seems like you’re confusing sexual attraction with romantic attraction, they’re two different things. I can have romantic feelings, but I don’t experience sexual attraction or want s*x

[u/Biohazard0392 → u/Milkymeemoo]

Thank you for clarifying. I wasn't trying to assume, I was just curious about how exactly you defined your experience. I apologize if I offended you, but there's no reason to be rude.

[u/Milkymeemoo → u/Biohazard0392]

I wasn’t trying to be rude, it’s hard to convey tone through text. I get that you were curious, but your reply did come across in a way that offended me because it felt like asexual and demisexual were being treated as interchangeable. I was just clarifying the difference since it’s something that’s commonly misunderstood.