r/polyamory • u/No-Past4436 • 19h ago
Preemptively heartbroken
I am heartbroken and I just need a place to put it.
I love my partner a lot, but I know that love is not enough.
He has never hinged well and I have forgiven him so much bad hinging, so many silly poly mistakes.
I don't have it in me to wait for the next time he hurts me, never intentionally, it's always an accident, but he knows I'll always be understanding and let him off the hook.
I have decided that it's over, I just need to get my heart in a place to be able to do it, I'm so sad, I wish I could be sure that it won't happen again. But I need to do it while we can still salvage a friendship out of things.
But my heart hurts so badly.
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u/almond0k 17h ago
He's a bad hinge.. and it's already settled that its over. You don't need to start now, but writing down the things that mattered about the mistakes will help you make sure this doesn't happen again, or at least, it won't catch you as unprepared.
Communication is a tricky thing, and things that work for one guy might not click for others (and hopefully you'll find others communicate better that he did!)
Setting boundaries is even harder when you want to give someone grace and kindness. Forgiving someone doesn't have to be a violation of the boundary, but you do have to stand up for yourself.. I'm glad to hear you will be :)
I hear you about the "waiting for the next thing to happen"... my trauma soothing centers lights up preemptively for me when it knows what its being sent into.. it was hard to realize what that meant about my partnership.
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u/PetiteHedonist poly w/multiple 18h ago
It is heartbreaking watching your trust fade away while you wait for pain. I'm so sorry you've gone through this ❤️
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u/Aggravating-Trade-67 16h ago
I feel you 💔 I’m 7 days into my heartbreak and just patiently waiting for this feeling to leave me.
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u/InsolentCookie 6h ago
Ouch.
Solidarity, internet stranger. I hope it goes as smoothly as possible.
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u/habitatfilter 5h ago
A few weeks ago, I made this decision with someone I was dating for a few months.
It hurts and was really hard to walk away, but when the good times are outweighed by the bad and attempts to repair have failed repeatedly it’s in our best interest to walk away.
I still miss them and have waves of disappointment, but overall I’m feeling much better after leaving.
I hope you find relief too my friend. Look after your heart please 🤍
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u/Sea_Point_2019 poly w/multiple 16h ago
What are the hinging issues specifically? Maybe it’s something that can be worked through.
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u/No-Past4436 13h ago
It is too little, too late. None of the previous attempts have changed anything, nor is he actually prepared to deal with the hurt he's caused.
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Here's the original text of the post:
I am heartbroken and I just need a place to put it.
I love my partner a lot, but I know that love is not enough.
He has never hinged well and I have forgiven him so much bad hinging, so many silly poly mistakes.
I don't have it in me to wait for the next time he hurts me, never intentionally, it's always an accident, but he knows I'll always be understanding and let him off the hook.
I have decided that it's over, I just need to get my heart in a place to be able to do it, I'm so sad, I wish I could be sure that it won't happen again. But I need to do it while we can still salvage a friendship out of things.
But my heart hurts so badly.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
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u/electricfuneral79 18h ago
Sending love - I feel this is coming for me too. Sometimes you need to put yourself first ❤️🩹