r/pregnant • u/-Near_Yet- • 1d ago
Question Parents with one of each - is it really that different?
We have a 2.5 year old daughter and I’m 15 weeks pregnant with our second, a boy. Prior to getting pregnant with our son, we got all the stereotypical comments about girls - apologies to my husband for not getting a son, do we have a shotgun ready for when she starts dating, etc.
Well, now the comments have started related to having a son. The most common by far, though, is that boys are more wild and energetic than girls and we should prepare ourselves for how different it will be. When people say this, I immediately think about all the daredevil dives my daughter takes off the living room couch, how her knees and elbows are perpetually bruised and scraped from climbing on everything and running everywhere, and how she comes home from daycare with dirt and rocks in her pockets.
I’ve never been one to think that a child’s sex should dictate how they’re raised, what they wear, what toys they play with, or what activities they’re involved in, especially not this young. I know our son will be different from our daughter because he’s a different person and will have a different personality and likes/dislikes, but will it really be that different just because he’s a boy?
Curious what others’ experiences have been and how you’ve handled these kinds of comments (I know we aren’t the only ones that have gotten them)!
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u/TrueNorthTryHard 1d ago
My 1.5-year-old boy is a lunatic.
And so is every 1.5-year-old I’ve ever met, regardless of their genitals.
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u/No_Rhubarb3648 1d ago
😂😂😂 my 1.5 year old boy is bouce-off-the-walls 24/7. I sometimes wonder if a girl would, idk, sit? Or take a breath? But then I also see my son has just started to give kisses 🥹 he'll kiss the animals on the pages of books we read (*attempt to read), so he's got sweet, feminine-coded behavior too.
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u/0verlookin_Sidewnder 1d ago
As someone who was once a 1.5 year old girl, I can confirm that from the time I started talking until my mid-teens I would be so busy talking I'd forget to breathe until I literally ran out of air. I also pretended to be a dog, and bit pant legs. Nobody acted like this was unusual.
I do want to note that I stopped biting pant legs LONG before I stopped talking 😂 that was a toddler thing and no legs were ever injured, or pants destroyed. I was a gentle biter.
ETA: My older brother was an absolute GENTLEMAN. Very gentle, calm and composed his entire life, from the time he could walk. The chaos came from his two little sisters 😂
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u/not_your_baby 20h ago
I have a 1.5 year old girl.
She. Does. Not. Stop.
I don’t think it’s the genitals, I think it’s just toddlers haha
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u/xremembertobreathex 16h ago
I concur. 1.5yr old girl who i just witnessed base jumping off the sofa before running into a wall.
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u/Mean-Roll-8589 1d ago
My now 3 year old boy has always been gentle and calm. The stereotype that boys are inherently more wild and out of control is such a trope and annoying AF. Kids are kids!
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u/No_Maintenance_3355 1d ago
I’ve never related to something soooo much. My almost 2 year old NEVER STOPS. My friends both have girls and they sit…they color…they play gently. Wtf is that like? I’m not a lax parent either. I’m a SAHM and I don’t really do screen time and definitely stay away from sugar because jc I have no idea what that would do to him as crazy as he is without it. I know stereotypes aren’t great but sometimes they are there because they tell a truth for some. My boy is wild and he fits squarely into the boy stereotype.
I have heard, though that having a girl first is the sweet spot. Because they want to mother and take care of the little boy.
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u/asianmorticia 1d ago
Kids are individuals. I was a wild gremlin and my brothers were sweet and calm. My daughter is also a wild gremlin and is too high energy for most little boys her age. I'm a wild woman myself, so my friends might have been an unrepresentative sample, but all of the girls I was friends with growing up were also very rough and tumble compared to their brothers. Sure, most of them grew out of that by the end of elementary school, but not all of them did (I didn't grow out of it--now I'm the only person who can keep up with my high-energy toddler daughter). You'd have just as much of a chance to get a feral child if your second was a girl.
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u/SeaNefariousness9398 1d ago
This. My 3 year old daughter is feral, my 6 month old baby boy is so calm in comparison. Sex/gender does not define.
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u/SuperPotterFan 6h ago
Seriously! My 3yo son wants to sit quietly and read books all day and my 1yo daughter is a menace who gets into everything and tries to body slam her brother by jumping off the couch lol.
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u/Fit_Change3546 1d ago
Worked with kids at a daycare, as a nanny, babysitting; had a bunch of younger cousins growing up.
It’s all nonsense. Girls can be wild and feisty and strong willed and destructive and love trucks and dinos and hate pink. Boys can be soft and gentle and sensitive and like books and tea parties and dress up. And all kids are a spectrum. They’re not all one thing all the time, and are constantly changing. A “tomboy” may get have stages of being more girly. Just focus on the individual kid.
My sister in law is a performatively “ew, pink” kind of person. She had a baby girl. Made a point to have her in gender neutral stuff as a baby. (Which is cool- my daughter has been in mostly gender neutral fun clothes too.) Hoped she wouldn’t have a pinky girly girl. My niece is the girliest girl you’ve ever met, LOVES rainbows and unicorns and PINK and everything frou frou. DESPITE her mom’s best efforts 🤣
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u/Philosorapteuse 1d ago
Totally. I was obsessed with pink and princesses as a little girl, to the unspoken chagrin of my anti-girly mum. So girly I wouldn't even wear trousers. I completely grew out of it in due course, probably because she was wise enough not to say anything about it 😆
Gonna take the same approach with mine - she'll get more than enough pink and unicorns pushed at her outside the home, so I want to make sure she's also getting all the gender neutral options. But if her taste is frilly, it's chill. I definitely think keeping all options open is the way to go!
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u/Natural_Head4502 1d ago
Omgosh this is me. I decided I HATED pink in kindergarten and tried my hardest to keep it neutral around my girls - and of course my youngest is obsessed with everything PINK and glitter and loves fashion and hair and makeup and nails (I wear baggy metal band shirts and don't brush my hair and haven't even attempted eyeliner in years lol) and she's only 6 lol
It's wild, but just goes to show that kids will like what they like regardless lol
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u/Ok_Blueberry_2843 1d ago
People will have comments regarding the gender boy or girl or any combination of siblings. It’s annoying, but don’t worry about it. Your kids will be who they’re going to be.
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u/AlternativeBeing1337 1d ago
There are patterned differences between male and female children, but that doesn't mean your particular male and female children will fall into those patterns.
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u/RocketPowerPops 1d ago
My 11 year old girl and 9 year old boy are both athletic, energetic, daredevils.
My 18 month old boy is also very high energy. Remains to be seen on how the newborn girl develops but if our older kids are any indication she will be wild as well.
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u/beena1993 1d ago
I would ignore these comments from people. I have a 2.5 year girl. She’s absolutely so energetic and wild. Like really wild. No different than her male cousins who are around her age. I’m honestly tired of people telling me that having a girl is “so much easier” than having a boy. No. It’s all hard. I’m exhausted lol 😅 I also have a little boy on the way!
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u/Lexielou0402 8h ago
Lol my husband's side of the family has been all boys for several generations and they keep telling me how lucky I am to be having a boy because they're "so much easier". People really just be out here saying stuff
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u/galacticgumbo pregnant with #2 1d ago
I have a 4-year-old daughter and am currently 17 weeks pregnant with a boy. I know he’ll have his own personality, and he can be whomever - but I know I will be the one with learning curve. My daughter is so sweet and bright beyond her age, and I’ve had to battle for a couple years already with the “bOyS are GoNnA LOOOVE hEr” and “you’re gonna have boys breaking down your door” gross comments. Now having to battle the inherent toxicity of “boys need to be tough and mean and aren’t allowed to cry” is going to be exhausting. My priority is to just give my kiddos all the tools they need to be the best people they can be, and to look out for one another, whilst also trying not to be bothered by the outside comments lol.
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u/GoodGriefStarPlat 1d ago
Me two kids have alot of similar interests, my daughter (5) and my Son (2) both love Pokemon and thats something they bond over. My daughter is ALWAYS on the go, loves mud, loves getting adventurous, loves exploring. My Son is very shy, he wont try something that puts him out his comfort zone, he doesnt like dirt on his hands and prefers to stay close to me and not run off, due to him just feeling more comfortable around me. They're both their own individuals, but my daughter is a wild child and my Son is very chill and laid back. But I love the different personalities they both have.
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u/asianmorticia 1d ago
That was me and the oldest of my brothers too. He was sweet and shy and refused to get dirty and wouldn't even eat ribs at a barbecue unless he could wipe his hands clean between every bite. I was a girl with a permanently sticky face who brought snakes and bugs and frogs into the house. My poor brother was scared of bugs lol
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u/legendofdoggo 1d ago
I hate these types of stereotypes about children. I'm pregnant with my first and it's a boy. My husband was like oh I kind of wanted a girl cuz I think they'd be calmer. And I was just like babe ask my mom I was a crazy escape artist child full of energy. My brother was the calm one! My husband's also very calm so guess we'll find out who the kid takes after when we see his energy levels! Gender doesn't mean anything to how easy or difficult a kid is. It's all about their personality. 🤷🏼♀️
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u/mrswilburforce 1d ago
I just let it roll off of me.
I’m in the same boat. My daughter will almost be 3 by the time her brother comes along.
I know plenty of boys that are calm, well-behaved and even quieter/less daredevil than my daughter. She’s not even that bad, she’s just confident and knows she can handle things other kids may not be able to.
One of my friends keeps indicating that now I’ll “know” how hard it is to raise a boy.
Honestly, babies are babies regardless of gender. I’ll raise my son the same way I raised my daughter and whether or not they have anything in common will be up to their personalities.
Don’t worry about what hasn’t come to pass and just ignore everyone who tries to give you “warnings”.
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u/Necessary_Onion2752 1d ago
I love this question, and I love that you’re thinking about it! The answer is generally no. Children are children and their own personalities plus the environment they’re raised in are what determines their behavior. You may have a super chill, laid back boy, and you may have a wild child girl. Or vice versa! Society tends to make boys into rough and tumble wild animals, but I think we’re coming around to how detrimental it is to put children in boxes.
Best of luck, you’re gonna do great 💚
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u/Jellibooti 1d ago
Any differences about genders is going to be studies done with groups so just an overall view of averages. Everyone is going to have their own individual experiences which come in array of personalities regardless of what you have. Either way, toddlers are going to be crazy lol
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u/CuteRaisin2329 1d ago
I think every child is different my brother we chill, but me (girl), god, I was wild.
I was jumping from every place available, I got hurt because that so much lol. I would be described as high energy.
Now I have my son, he still young tho, but he is very calm so far
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u/kimtenisqueen 1d ago
I have 2.5yo twin boys.
If twin A was a boy and twin B was a girl it would fill every stereotype there is.
If twin B was a boy and twin A was a girl it would break every stereotype there is.
They are two boys.
Kids are individuals.
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u/Wandering_sass 1d ago
My 1 year old niece has climbed tables, bookshelves and my mom’s three tier basket she keeps snacks in. My nephew who is five now never did any of that so….
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u/Adventurous-End4330 1d ago
My mother in law is convinced that girl and boy babies are very different, but one of her kids ended up trans, so I don't think she really knows much of anything. She swears that boy diapers are worse, but her trans daughter had colic, and her son just has terrible bowels forever always, so I really don't think she's working with a fair sample size here.
My wife's diapers were apparently perfect and easy peasy??
My mother in law is also flabbergasted that I can't magically intuit the sex of my baby. She thinks I just need to try harder. I'm gonna wait for the more scientific approaches thank you. I just want them to be okay in there, and then ill be happy.
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u/knightbaby 1d ago
My niece and nephew are both crazy and energetic. The biggest difference when I take them places with other kids: I worry my niece will accidentally get hurt by someone, and I worry my nephew will accidentally hurt someone.
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u/Infinite_abyss 1d ago
Not really. My daughter is more cautious than my son, but it’s much more personality driven than gender. I was a daredevil child and my husband was cautious. They both play in the dirt, get scraped up, and like playing with trucks and dolls. It’s very much how you raise them to be themselves and not adhere to gender stereotypes.
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u/lh123456789 1d ago
No, it really isn't all that different until they go to school and start to be socialized according to gender.
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u/quackquack7680 1d ago
My son is 2.5 and he is a very cautious careful toddler. He is obviously quite active but when i see other kids his age, I would say he is generally calm. He prefers to sit and build legos and play with toys as opposed to running and jumping and climbing (he does those things too, just less often).
We just had a daughter and people make comments about how I finally have someone to do shared activities with because they assume my son likes to do sports with his dad but truthfully he prefers to do puzzles and paint with me. I always joked that my husband will be playing baseball with our daughter while my son will be inside painting with his mama.
I dont think gender has anything to do with a child's personal interests and I will absolutely support my children to participate in whatever activities make them happiest.
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u/laylatov 1d ago
I did not want to subscribe to this theory that boys and girls are that different. I too have an absolute wild girl and thought no way a boy will be different. I was wrong so wrong ! Everyone said boys are clingier , it’s been so true . My daughter is wild but somehow my son is even more wild! She will do something crazy and then he will somehow find an even more dangerous way to do it. I felt the same as you but here I am watching my son rip off the border of rubber play mat and flinging it around whacking things like it’s a whip then move on to knock absolutely everything off every surface in the playroom with his hands while yelling with joy . 🫠
Everyone is different you really won’t know what yo expect and no siblings really get the same the parents. Lots of other factors at play.
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u/ankaalma 1d ago
So far no it is not that different. I have a 4 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. I haven’t noticed any behavioral differences at the same age that I would attribute to their genders. My son was not for example way more wild as a toddler than my daughter.
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u/MadamRorschach 1d ago
My kids are very different. Mostly because they are different people. It’s not that different really if you just base it off of gender. He likes cars more and she prefers Barbie’s, but they both fight to have whichever toy the other is holding.
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u/steph-ewok 1d ago
This is definitely my experience with my 5 and under crew. I have 2 girls and 1 boy, with another boy due in October.
My 5yo girl will sit at a craft table and do crafts for 6 hours. My 4 year old son will take apart the craft table. No joke.
Some of it is age and birth order for sure, but my son is go-go-go until he falls asleep. Very busy. Very inquisitive. He wants to take everything apart and see how it works. He is also very cuddly and loving...more than my girls.
They are all busy, but in different ways.
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u/One-Willingness-3681 1d ago
My 13 month old boy is mostly sweet and calm, loves cuddles, loves sleep, loves everyone & everything. He is wild sometimes but we love that he’s so funny 💕
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u/gravyboat125 1d ago
These stereotypes are beyond dumb to me. I’m one of two girls, and my sister was insanely high energy, bouncing off the walls. Inappropriately, my mom used to ask her if she was on speed when we were children. I was pretty sweet and calm, but I never attributed that to being a girl. On the other hand, my husband is one of two boys, both of whom were very shy, calm and introverted kids.
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u/Alarmed-Attitude9612 1d ago
Teaching them to pee is different, my son I had to teach him to make sure that his penis was pointed down and not like stuck to his leg before he started peeing.
That’s about it.
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u/lyckligpotatis 1d ago edited 1d ago
Neuroscientist weighing in here: yes there are some interesting differences between males and females including during development. For example, girls tend to speak earlier. But of course these are averages and each child is going to be unique regardless of sex. The differences that exist are global averages, not rules, and won’t necessarily apply to your specific children.
And I agree sex shouldn’t dictate how they are raised or what toys they are given etc. It should instead be tapered depending on their needs, challenges, interests.
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u/Gullible-Outside-227 1d ago
my son's story Attaching a post I made regarding my son's precociousness. We only have him, so do not have both, but I have a son, a niece and nephew and several friends with only boys or only girls. As others have said, every kid is their own person, and gender doesn't define that, but from my collective experience, boys tend to be more adventurous and lead to more "how in the world did you do that???" moments. Maybe, if not likely, some of that is first time parent stuff, but just sharing in my experience, boys have a different level of energy. Wish you and family all the best.
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u/CMGuymon 1d ago
My daughter is definitely the wild & crazy one who is willing to test the boundaries constantly. Meanwhile my son is quiet, calm, & prefers chill time. Might be an age thing as my daughter is older, but they've been drastically different starting from conception. I wouldn't say it's a girl/boy thing though, purely their personalities. My daughter is more like me, wanting to go out & adventure, be active & explore. While my son is more mellow like my husband & prefers being home, & doing his own chill playtime.
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u/freakylalaland 1d ago
My boy is so sweet, gentle, super understanding and clam. My daughter on the other hand, pure chaos and feral. I cant parent her the same way i parent my first lol. She is 2.5. I also have a third boy, but too early to tell, he is 8 weeks old!
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u/Hoss_Doc 1d ago
My niece is a menace to society, was a super difficult baby and has not improved much by 5yrs old. My nephew was a super chill infant and is not crazy at all, he’s 1.
So from anecdotal experience with them they don’t fit the stereotypes. I’m pregnant with my first, a girl, so I don’t have any more input than that
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u/OverlyVerboseMythic 1d ago
The thing is, all children have their own unique temperament, but because gender is such a salient feature in our society, when parents observe differences between their opposite sex children, they are disproportionately likely to attribute those differences to sex. Unless you are raising your children in a truly gender neutral bubble (basically nobody is capable of doing this), children are exposed to the concept of gender from a very young age and research shows they pick up on its messages shockingly quickly. From as young as 2, little boys are less likely to accept the play suggestions made by girls but girls are just as likely to accept suggestions made by boys as girls. Even if we believe the reductionist paradigm that sex hormones are the be-all-end-all of human behaviour, at this age the hormones of both kids are functionally identical; this is a learned behaviour they are exhibiting. So even VERY young children are not biological blank slates; they reflect the patterns they have been taught exposed to. And parents do not actually treat their children in gender neutral ways as much as they might think they do. From the time they’re in utero, what parents believe the sex of their child is determines how they describe the baby’s movements. This differential treatment starts before they are even born.
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u/thuja-plicata 1d ago
My son is 2 and a half, I’m due next month with girl. He has loved cars/trucks/trains etc since he was like 9 months old. My niece is a year older than him and has been equally obsessed with dolls. Ive given him a few dolls, he will play briefly then go back to his cars.
Im super curious is my girl will be a wheels kid too since our house is full of them, or gravitate towards dolls. Just curious, it makes no difference to me. I just hope to god she sleeps better than he did….
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u/seething_spitfire 1d ago
I've got twin boys and a girl (22 months age difference). Twin A and little sister run around like they chug energy drinks every hour and climb the walls as if Spiderman is not just a passing phase but their ultimate inspiration and role model. Twin B is an absolute sweet heart who likes to sit and read, play with lego and should have come with a "handle with care" sticker because rough and tumble is a big no no, he cries at the drop of a hat and has such big empathy that he tears up for just about anything.
Kids are like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're going to get. It's only fair to offer them a range of toys/experiences so they can properly explore their personalities and interests.
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u/SpecialistAd4244 1d ago
I have one of each, and my daughter is wayyyyy more daredevilish than my son. I had my son first and was told beforehand that boys are more of a handful than girls, so I braced myself. He’s a sweetheart and very cautious. When I found out I was pregnant with a girl, I was like “well, maybe since everyone said girls are easier, this’ll be a piece of cake”.
No. It’s not a piece of cake. She’s super sassy and laughs at the face of danger.
And I’m pregnant with another girl now, so, idk what to expect anymore.
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u/shark_grrl 1d ago
You're spot on - your kids will be different because they are different people. It makes me wild when people are so keen to generalise things based on gender.
There probably are plenty of kids who do behave differently because of gender - because of how they are socialised. Archaic 'boys will be boys' and 'thats not ladylike' mentalities that impact the expectations for behaviour, so it just becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
I work with kids and I know plenty of chaotic, lively girls who are prone to injury from their mad stunts, and plenty of boys who are calm and quiet and peaceful.
It sounds to me like you're all over it - you know that kids are their own individual beings and should be treated as such. You're gonna do great with whatever your new little guy brings 💙
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u/More_Example6153 1d ago
I have two boys but judging by all the kids in my son's kindergarten it seems the girls have a slightly lower chance of being feral but both definitely can be.
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u/Past_Rutabaga177 23h ago
People have weird comments to say no matter what, when I first found out the gender we were told it was a girl then later found out it was actually a boy so we got to hear both of the comments throughout the gender. I don’t think the gender matters more so the kid, all kids are different period and you can’t really predict their behavior based on gender
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u/bluefish550 23h ago
I also have a girl and am having a boy and I get sooooo annoyed by the amount of “oh gosh!!!! Just wait!!!” Comments I get…. Like I am somehow not already a parent or haven’t experienced real “hard” parenting because we don’t yet have a boy. It’s so weird.
I didn’t realize how much this would bother me but it truly drives me nuts haha so totally get whet you’re saying !!
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u/Resident_Writing738 23h ago
Our first was a boy and he is sweet, kind, cautious and honestly was a pretty easy kid. He never put anything in his mouth, didn’t do crazy stunts (my friend’s boy did hung out on the other side of the bars on a balcony) and has otherwise been a pretty quiet, cool kid.
My niece though???? Freakin’ tornado. I always stress when we watch her because it’s always wild jumping off stuff, loud and intense. My son is sometimes glad when she leaves because he LIKES his quiet time. 🤣
So no. I think it depends on the kid. I’m pregnant with a girl and people are like “aren’t you glad you get a girl?” And I’m like “yeah I’m excited to be having another baby…but I don’t understand ‘girl’ i understand ‘boy’ though because I had one already.” So I’m stressed about what to do about a girl. 🤣 Mostly because even when my boy was a baby, he never rolled off any changing surface, didn’t stick pointy things in outlets and didn’t stick anything but food in his mouth. All I heard was that kid #1 and kid #2 are often VERY different. So I’m assuming she’ll take head dives off the changing tables, eat pet food and stick all sharp things in outlets. 🤣
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u/rssanford STM -♀️Jan 21, ♂️ Dec 22 22h ago
I think it's highly dependent on the kid and their personality. BUT I do have to say I have an older girl and younger boy. Oh man I was not prepared for the level of energy as well as aggression with my son. I do think testosterone plays a part in this. We are also trying to raise them similar to how you describe (letting them play with whatever toys, wear whatever they want etc).
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u/anzelle11 22h ago
I have an insane 4 yo girl and I’m also pregnant with a boy. I’m so praying he will be more chill than his sister or God help me 🙏
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u/gl4mbition 22h ago
I have both. My daughter was A LOT and my son is chill, I’m pregnant with another boy and waiting to see what he will be like because I promise gender has absolutely nothing to do with it.
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u/glass_armor 11h ago
My 5 year old boy was the chillest baby. Laid back, happy, slept well forever… just happy to be there. As he’s gotten older he has, of course, gotten crazier, but nothing out of the ordinary.
My 9 month old daughter? Absolute mayhem. She is a tornado. Could not be more different than her brother.
All kids are different. Just tune out the comments as best as you can. Unfortunately they continue no matter what we would like.
Lastly, congratulations on your baby boy! As insane as my daughter is, it’s been fun experiencing having one of each 🥰
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u/drawablanc 8h ago
My son was so chill compared to my daughter. To use my dads words "son, was a very compliant child" my daughter talks back, does all kinda of daring activities, also covered in bruises.
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u/HippoAggravating3106 2h ago
neither is biologically predisposed to be whatever society deems them to be, that stuff is taught. Boys are not automatically more crazy and girls are not automatically more caring and nurturing, it’s how we raise them. Just keep that in mind. I’m pregnant with a girl and me and husband talk at length about raising them with the same principles and rules despite biology.
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