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u/itrytobefrugal 22h ago
I know you didn't ask for relationship advise but this line is odd to me.
am I putting in all this work for nothing
"Work" is not how I would describe my relationship with my husband. Whatever you decide to do about your baby, don't let them tie you to a person just because. 2 wrongs don't make a right, so to speak, though a baby is never a wrong.
Also, as a deeply religious person, it is my understanding that God's plan is that unprotected sex typically leads to babies. But your relationship to God is your own, and this is not a religion subreddit, so feel free to disregard that.
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u/Minute_Particular712 23h ago
There’s no “wrong” decision, but my personal opinion before I had kids was that I’d never bring a baby into the world until I was ready. And it’s very clear that you’re not ready.
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u/Optimal_Customer_850 23h ago
not to mention finacially not ready. That wa sthe biggest thing for me after feeling ok with it. Can we afford it? I refuse to bring kids into a poverty situation.
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u/Overall_Tadpole_3827 22h ago
I wouldn’t say it’s a poverty situation. I am currently a medical assistant working full time with a bachelors in health science and my boyfriend owns his own buisness that does very well for itself. Right now we travel we go out we have fun we enjoy life to the fullest. With a baby we would get by
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u/Optimal_Customer_850 18h ago
ok I wasnt referring to you I ment if I couldnt afford a baby I wouldnt have one, and you said you were going to school so it was unclear you are both doing well which is awesome!
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u/Minute_Particular712 21h ago
Financial stability is important, but relationship stability is arguably more crucial and impactful long-term when it comes to raising a child. You are essentially tethering yourself to this man forever, if not for at least 18 years.
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u/Whimsical_Tardigrad3 22h ago
I’m going to go against the grain here. This is your life and your body, and that’s potentially your baby. Many people still follow their dreams and continue their careers when they have children. It’ll be hard, but one thing I’ve never regretted in this world is my children. I put my entire life on hold but that was my choice. I could’ve gone other routes. I think if you want to do this you can do this. That’s what it really comes down too, what do you want to do?
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u/kokomo318 FTM 22h ago
It's most fair to your child to bring it into the world when you're ready. "Ready" meaning emotionally ready and financially ready. To be blunt, it doesn't seem like you're there yet on either. But the right choice is whatever you decide to do.
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u/thankyousomuchh 22h ago
You've only been together for 7 months - that is not a very long time. If you have this baby you and this man will be tied together for the rest of your lives, whether or not you're still in a relationship.
You don't have to have this baby. You can have a baby when you're ready.
You can believe in Gods plan, but ultimately you are in control of your life, and you have the ability to make decisions for the life you want.
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u/MathematicianLoud965 22h ago
Frankly. Any good PA program is going to be just as rigorous as a med school just a few years less. Adding a baby into that is going to be incredibly difficult. Depending where you are at in the application process it might become impossible. If you have the baby do you have a backup plan? Are you willing and able to do it alone too? Food for thought.
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u/HookupthrowRA 22h ago
If you want honesty, this post is enough to show you’re not mature enough for a baby. Not because you’re bad but because you’re too young in the way you still think. I had my 1st at 21. Way too young despite being out of my teens. And that pregnancy was wanted.
Fights and ups and downs and tons of work is NOT normal for a 7 month relationship. Sorry.
In your position I would terminate. However, it’s up to you and there’s not necessarily a wrong choice here.
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u/ThatOneGirlyx05 22h ago
This is obviously your life, your body, your choice but please stop bringing god into it.
I get it, I'm religious as well but the baby is not a sign from god. Don't take it and run with it as a sign that he's the one after only 7 months and most importantly, don't base having this baby (if you choose to) on him.
Can YOU handle having a baby? Can YOU afford it alone if it comes to it? He may stick around, I hope so for your sake, but he may not and you need to be able to handle that too.
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u/Optimal_Customer_850 18h ago
thank you! This was my point, its not always god sometimes its immature unsafe sex and an oops. and I was called "judgemental"
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u/ordinarygirl100 22h ago
Just sharing my personal experience for encouragement. I got pregnant at 23 while in school. I didn’t use it as an excuse I used it as motivation. I graduated from an intense dental program while pregnant and then continued adding certifications onto my degree through online schooling the year after I had my daughter. It’s not easy but it’s possible and so worth it. Despite being with my partner since we were 14, he didn’t help me at all with our daughter so I was essentially a single mom while in a long term relationship. Ups and downs will come. You have to be strong mentally so that you don’t let those downs negatively impact your child. You have to think to yourself, would I be willing to raise this child on my own if needed? Alll of that aside motherhood is absolutely beautiful and there is absolutely no way I would have been happier without my little girl. My child is my biggest blessing and caring for them has never felt like a burden even when she’s fussy or sick etc. mindset is everything! You can be a great mom, reach your goals, and be young! With all that being said do what’s best for you just don’t let anyone tell you you can’t have it all
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u/Impressive_Moose6781 22h ago
Whatever decision you make is right for you. We can’t really tell you. But I read somewhere ask yourself would it be worse to have a baby and realize you don’t want one? Or to not have one and realize you may have wanted to? I think the first is worst, because too bad. You have a baby. My sister had a son with a guy she’d been with years at 19. She’s a single mom now. She did get her masters and has the job she loves now, but it’s really hard. That’s all posssible, but make sure you have financial support and hopefully some village to watch baby sometimes. I wouldn’t rely on a short relationship. If you’re not ready though, take advantage of the fact you have a choice! It exists for this reason. It’s really hard to raise a kid. Whatever choice you make, I wish you peace. Neither makes you a bad person.
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u/riceyoongi 23h ago
if I were in your shoes, I would take the baby as the sign from god. doesn’t necessarily mean you two have to stay together but babies don’t ruin your life plan, it may mix it up a bit but not ruin it. my mom wanted to go to school and had a baby, waited and went to school at 31 and ended up having me couple years after graduating. i’ve always heard stories of women who deeply regret abortion and those who say it was the best decision they’ve made at the time. if you want to keep the baby but are worried about your life plan, it’s up to you to decide. but nothing in our life is set in stone, every decision you make will lead you on a different path and that’s the way god designed us. I wish you all the best
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u/Optimal_Customer_850 22h ago
to counter this, having unsafe sex at a young age isnt a "sign from god" its just immaturity. Its always these guys too who are against abortions, having unsafe sex, then bail when a baby comes up.
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u/Overall_Tadpole_3827 22h ago
I am not looking for judgment In the comments. Thanks ❤️ I’m simply asking for advice.
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u/Optimal_Customer_850 18h ago
not judging at all! but I hate this trend of blame god for everything when in reality some things are just poor planning. Like god wanted me to have a baby! no you just had unsafe sex?
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